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PiquantDuck13
100 M Embraced 1
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 23, 2023
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Personality Disorders Support / by PiquantDuck13
Last post
 April 13th, 2023
...See more I need help and I don’t know where to begin. I struggle to maintain ANY sort of relationship. I ruin all my friendships, I don’t get along with my parents, I’m bullied at work, and I’ve never had a romantic relationship ever. I always feel apart from everyone. With friends I read too much into subtext, I convince myself they are wrong and I get so wrapped up in it that it inevitably ruins any relationship; I think everyone hates me. As soon as anyone gets too close to me I lash out, I refuse to engage, and I cut myself off from them entirely. Some twisted part of me feels vindicated that I proved them I was right - they do hate me. I so badly wish to be seen and validated, to be told that some part of me is good. But I never know what to say in social situations, I always assume that everyone hates me and doesn’t want to be near me, so I hold myself apart from everyone. I’m 27, and I’ve never even so much as had my hand held. I don’t understand how to hug someone, or why you would hug someone. And yet when I lose a friend it hurts me more than anything. I don’t know if I’ve ever truly loved anyone, or been loved in return. I don’t want to be like this, I want to understand why I’m like this, and how I can fix it. I’ve never been diagnosed, and their is no mental health centre or therapy where I live. How do I begin to understand and undo this part of me
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