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Like flowers, we all bloom at our own pace. You are a garden of strength, tend to yourself with kindness🌷💚
Number of ratings104 Number of reviews94 Listens toTeens & Over 18 LanguagesEnglish Listener sinceAug 4, 2022 Last activein last week GenderFemale PathStep 125 People helped207 Chats1,019 Group support chats2,082 Forum posts4,055 Forum upvotes5,839
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Article: Caught In A Fight With Your Partner? Here's How To Reframe It To Find A Resolution
Relationship Stress / by innateJoy9602
Last post
 May 16th, 2023
...See more "The case for empathizing before responding If you've ever found yourself getting defensive with a partner, this might sound all too familiar: Your partner has a problem with something you did, and before you consider how they're feeling, your first knee-jerk reaction is to defend yourself. But according to licensed couples' counselor Jessa Zimmerman, M.A., CST, while we all have a certain capacity and drive to defend ourselves, this kind of reaction can wind up spelling more trouble for your relationship. Instead of jumping to your own defense, "Listen to what they're saying, and make sure that you understand it, from their perspective," adding not to stop "until you can get in their shoes and see it from their worldview." And the key, of course, is to do this before you start constructing your response, she explains, with a goal to truly understand why they're upset. "That doesn't mean you agree with them, but you can see the situation through their eyes. Then you can proceed to communicate how you see it," she adds. Why it matters While this slight adjustment in conflict resolution might seem small, it's actually creating a united front between you and your partner where the priority is teamwork, mutual understanding, and care—as opposed to playing on opposing sides. As couples therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT previously told mindbodygreen, "There are very few scenarios in which we truly need to defend our point of view. Rather, we are mostly driven to do so by the desire to be right. In these moments, she explains, we are coming from an ego-driven place, which further acts as a barrier to authentic communication and connection. “Getting caught up in explaining why one person's perspective is right and the other person is wrong," according to Earnshaw, "is one of the most unhealthy communication dynamics that people can enter into in relationships." Not to mention, according to psychologist and leading relationship researcher, John Gottman, Ph.D., defensiveness is one of four communication habits (AKA the “four horsemen”) tied to an increased likelihood of divorce." Read the full article on Mind Body Green [https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/expert-hack-to-communicate-better-during-conflict] ✨Takeaway: When we face conflict in a romantic relationship, our ability to empathize with our partner can be easily compromised. Explaining why one person's perspective is right and the other person is wrong is an unhealthy communication dynamic. Practicing empathy can help prevent conflicts from spiraling into blaming, shaming, or defensiveness, and can instead promote compassion and understanding. ✨Reflection: Have you ever struggled to want to defend yourself immediately after a conflict with your partner? #Relationships #Conflict #Reframe #Empathy ------------------------- If you liked this article, you may also enjoy: "Help for Couples Where One Partner Does All the Talking" [https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipStress_66/CopingToolsResourcesforRelationships_1161/ArticleHelpforCouplesWhereOnePartnerDoesAlltheTalking_304411/]
Article: What Feeling Stuck Does to Your Body
Motivation & Accountability / by innateJoy9602
Last post
 November 24th, 2023
...See more "In Western medicine, we don’t tend to connect our physical issues to our mental or emotional states. We’re trained to look at isolated organs or focus on mechanical issues such as diet and posture, instead of asking, “What do you think you’re holding in your gut?” or “What else in your life isn’t working?” We can also easily find ourselves stuck psychologically, often due to trauma. Our brain feels as though it’s in a loop sometimes because it actually is—we’ve found a well-trodden neural pathway and dug in deep. We seem to have a deep unconscious knowing that life is supposed to move. This is what makes it so obvious when things are not moving—even if we don’t yet know what to do about it. All life needs to move. Though our bodies perform autonomic movement processes, it’s important for us to move consciously, as well. A longitudinal study on physical activity and longevity found that even ten minutes of brisk walking daily is associated with a longer life expectancy. Any doctor will tell you that exercise is essential for moving through stress and depression because it signals the brain to release feel-good hormones and that it has profound benefits for physical health in both the long and short term. This is backed by research from around the world indicating that some of the longest life spans are found in cultures where people’s lifestyle forces them to walk every day. Exercise helps not only the body but also the mind. It has remarkable positive effects on mood, as well as cognition. It’s essential that we integrate movement into our lives. There are many factors at play here, but to a large extent, much of what the science suggests is simply logical. Stillness promotes tension. And when we hold tension in our body, we restrict our circulation, digestion, and nervous system, making it harder for our body to get nourishment." Read the full article on Time [https://time.com/6275972/feeling-stuck-does-to-body/] ✨Takeaway: Feeling stuck in life can manifest physically and emotionally. Our physical and emotional health are interconnected. The body responds to emotional states, and this can affect physical health. ✨Reflection: Have you ever felt stuck in life? If so, have you ever tried taking care of your physical health to get unstuck? #Health #Exercise #Wellness #Movement #MentalHealth ------------------------- If you liked this article, you may also enjoy: "Health Benefits of Walks with Your Dog" [https://www.7cups.com/forum/HealthyLiving_141/ExerciseandActivity_825/HealthBenefitsofWalkswithYourDog_301547/]
Article: How to Talk To Relatives That Don't 'Get' Your Mental Health Needs
Family & Caregivers / by innateJoy9602
Last post
 May 11th, 2023
...See more "Therapy may be a normal part of life for millennials, but it’s still somewhat of a taboo subject for older generations” says Ray Sadoun, a London-based mental health and addiction recovery specialist. “Parents may believe going to therapy is a sign that you aren’t strong enough to handle problems on your own, as they may have been taught to repress their emotions and ‘soldier on’.” Seeing mental illness as highly stigmatized is another part of it, says Dr. Gail Saltz MD, Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry The New York Presbyterian Hospital and host of the “How Can I Help?” podcast from iHeartRadio.“Parents of Millennials think their child should be able to just ‘right themselves’ and think therapy is either not needed or a sign of weakness. They may also see their child going to therapy, their child as a narcissistic extension of themselves, as embarrassing.” Understand the relationship you have with your parents You know your parents best. According to Dr. Saltz, sharing your therapy experience really depends on the relationship between you and your parents as well as your parents’ view of mental health and therapy. “Plenty of parents would be happy and relieved to have their child get help that helps them to feel and function better in their lives. In this case a child may be happy to share and get support,” she says. “But if it’s predictable that a parent will not be supportive then really it’s probably best to have this be a choice the child does not discuss with the parent. Adult children do not have to share all aspects of their life with their parents. Therapy can be a private choice and matter.” Decide what you want to tell them So what if your parents aren’t happy with you seeking therapy? “It’s important to communicate to your parents that you have already decided to go to therapy and their criticism won’t change that,” says Sadoun. “Set boundaries based on your level of comfort with the subject. Remember your autonomy Having a parent shame you for getting treatment is an unhealthy dynamic. Dr. Saltz says you should separate your parents’ opinion from what you know you need to do for yourself. “It’s important to be able to say, ‘my parents have their own unhealthy reasons for viewing therapy for me so negatively, and I shouldn’t let this unhealthy dynamic prevent me from getting the care I need.’” If your parents continue to dismiss your mental health needs, then it’s time to disengage from the conversation and implement a boundary." Read the full article on Yahoo [https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/talk-relatives-don-t-mental-163651625.html] ✨Takeaway: Many older generations find it challenging to discuss mental health needs, including seeking therapy. Those who want to talk about their mental health with their parents may not feel supported enough to do so. Boundaries around mental health are essential, and communication with parents should be based on one's level of comfort. ✨Reflection: Have you ever had trouble discussing your mental health with any of your parents/relatives? #Family #Stress #MentalHealth #Relatives #Boundaries ------------------------- If you liked this article, you may also enjoy: "How to Set Boundaries With a Difficult Family Member" [https://www.7cups.com/forum/FamilyCaregivers_191/SupportforFamilyRelationships_1722/ArticleHowtoSetBoundariesWithaDifficultFamilyMember_304327/]
Article: How to Meditate When You Have Racing Thoughts
Motivation & Accountability / by innateJoy9602
Last post
 November 27th, 2023
...See more "Reframe meditation First, take the pressure off. Yes, meditating can be a transformative experience, as the research and first-person experiences attest to. But putting that expectation on it right out of the gate can make it intimidating and frustrating. Instead, look at meditation simply as a break or an excuse to slow down for a few minutes. Think of it as a little bit of time that you set aside to breathe. You can also look at it as training for your brain to become calmer and feel more positive emotions. Putting in a little bit of time each day is like training for a race or practicing your favorite sport or hobby — your brain and physical body learn a calmer way to focus and operate. Meditative practices that don’t require you to sit still Meditating doesn’t always have to be done sitting or lying in a quiet place. Some people have an easier job slowing down their mind when their body is moving. Here are some meditative practices that many people find more accessible than traditional meditation. You can still reap the benefits of getting your brain into a meditative state, without fighting the internal battle of sitting still with your thoughts. 3 moving meditations Walking meditation: As you walk, count your steps. Stepping five steps as you inhale and then five steps as you exhale. Count your steps while doing this breath work. Yes, focusing on each step is a form of meditation. You're doing it! Nature meditation: While you’re outside walking or sitting on a park bench, under a tree, or on a picnic blanket, focus on something in nature that catches your eye. Maybe it’s a bird, a tree or flowers. Laser focus your mind to hone in on the details. What color is the flower, how many leaves are on it, can you smell it? Ask yourself questions like this to center your mind. Gratitude meditation while doing chores: While you’re cleaning dishes or doing laundry, use each item you’re holding to prompt you to give gratitude for something in your life. As you wash a bowl, you could think, “I am grateful for my hands allowing me to do this chore!” or as you fold a pair of pants you could think, “I am grateful for my legs that allow me to walk!" Read the full article on Today [https://www.today.com/health/diet-fitness/moving-meditations-yoga-breathing-racing-thoughts-rcna82304] ✨Takeaway: Meditating doesn't have to be an internal battle of sitting still with your thoughts. Don't put too much pressure on meditation. Instead, think of it as a way to slow down and take a mental break. ✨Reflection: Have you tried incorporating movement and breathwork into your stress relief routine? If so, what have you found to be most effective? #Health #Wellness #Meditation #Mindfulness ------------------------- If you liked this article, you may also enjoy: "5-minute Breathing Exercises Can Improve Your Mood and Reduce Anxiety" [https://www.7cups.com/forum/MindfulnessCenter_106/General_2458/5minuteBreathingExercisesCanImproveYourMoodandReduceAnxiety_300795/]
Article: The Best Way to End Your Workday
Work & Career / by innateJoy9602
Last post
 May 5th, 2023
...See more "While burnout has always been a thing, experts believe the rise of remote work, mobile email, and other technologies that keeps us tethered to our jobs has made it increasingly difficult to disconnect at the end of the day. Boundaries matter to our brains, and we keep tearing down the walls that once stood between our occupations and our private lives. According to a 2018 study in the journal Research in Organizational Behavior, psychologically “detaching” from work is one of the best ways to reduce after-hours stress and all its harms, including burnout. “[This] implies not only refraining from performing job-related tasks, but also mentally disconnecting from the job during nonwork time,” the author of that study wrote. “All of these loose ends have the potential to distract us during leisure time,” says Smit, PhD, who is an assistant professor of organizational behavior at Bentley University in Massachusetts. The thing you need to understand about your brain, Smit says, is that it struggles to let go of unfinished business. “Incomplete tasks have a unique ability to continue capturing attention,” he explains. In his study, he found that taking a few minutes at the very end of the day to map out how you’ll tackle any ongoing tasks or commitments is a great way to facilitate detachment. “[Making] a plan for where, when, and how the task will be completed seems to reduce the urgency in our brains that naturally presses for completing goals,” he says. “In a sense, a plan is a reasonable substitute for actually completing the goal.” His research also suggests that knocking out simple, completable tasks at the end of the workday — and avoiding complicated ones — is another good way to psychologically disconnect. “In terms of detachment, checking email is really a no-win scenario,” Smit says. “If there is nothing to attend to in your inbox, checking email was a small waste of time. If there is something urgent, a new task has now been activated in your mind, which will press for completion.” Read the full article on Medium [https://elemental.medium.com/the-best-way-to-end-your-workday-c91caf4677d5] ✨Takeaway: Psychologically “detaching” from work is one of the best ways to reduce after-hours stress and burnout. Tasks at the end of the day play an outsize role in helping you unplug from work. Mapping out how you will tackle ongoing tasks or commitments at the end of the day is a great way to facilitate detachment. ✨Reflection: Have you ever felt you were unable to detach from work after work hours? #Workday #Work #Career #Burnout #MentalHealth #Stress ------------------------- If you liked this article, you may also enjoy: "6 Hidden Ways Anxiety Could Be Holding You Back At Work" [https://www.7cups.com/forum/WorkCareer_218/WorkStress_2510/6HiddenWaysAnxietyCouldBeHoldingYouBackAtWork_303920/]
Article: ‘Is This It?’ When Success Isn’t Satisfying
Work & Career / by innateJoy9602
Last post
 May 19th, 2023
...See more "Sometimes, getting the thing is just as delicious as we imagine. Other times, we climb and climb, only to be underwhelmed by what we find at the top: more work, political wrangling, the feeling of being a fraud. Or the success high wears off fast, replaced by that old panic we hoped the accomplishment would finally cure. Then we wonder: Where’s the next win? We’re all sprinting on what psychologists call a hedonic treadmill. That is, we might get a hit of joy when we achieve something, but we eventually return to our baseline level of happiness (or unhappiness). Whatever heights we reach, we’re still, well, us. Studying the antecedents of happiness among hundreds of participants in the Harvard Study of Adult Development, Dr. Waldinger found people acclimate to the trappings of achievement—including plump paychecks—swiftly. “The corner office just becomes the place you go and do your work after a while,” he says. “The shine wears off.” Lasting happiness results from wins that foster deep relationships and are imbued with meaning—some bigger payoff beyond your salary. Think work that affects clients’ lives or bonds your team together. When asked to share what they were most proud of, many of the octogenarians in the Harvard study talked about being a good leader or a helpful mentor, Dr. Waldinger says. “Just because it’s unfamiliar doesn’t mean that you’re a fraud,” she says. Try to reframe the discomfort as positive, a cue that you’ve entered a new stage in your career. Collect thank-you notes and records of your wins along the way, so you can pull them out when you’re feeling shaky." Read the full article on The Wall Street Journal [https://www.wsj.com/articles/is-this-it-when-success-isnt-satisfying-6fbd62f1] ✨Takeaway: Success does not guarantee happiness or fulfillment. People who are successful can still feel empty or dissatisfied. Finding meaning in one's work or personal life can lead to greater satisfaction. ✨Reflection: How do you embrace and celebrate your successes? #Work #Life #Career #Success #Fulfillment #Goals ------------------------- If you liked this article, you may also enjoy: "6 Hidden Ways Anxiety Could Be Holding You Back At Work" [https://www.7cups.com/forum/WorkCareer_218/WorkStress_2510/6HiddenWaysAnxietyCouldBeHoldingYouBackAtWork_303920/]
Article: Help for Couples Where One Partner Does All the Talking
Relationship Stress / by innateJoy9602
Last post
 May 10th, 2023
...See more "In many relationships, one person speaks less. For some couples, this works out fine. Quiet types are often attracted to chatty partners specifically because they do all the conversational heavy lifting. And some talkative folks are perfectly happy listening to their own voice. But tensions can sometimes flare when a couple settles into a speaker-listener dynamic. Talkers can become exhausted from doing all the work of informing, entertaining and connecting in the relationship. Quiet partners can get frustrated when they feel misunderstood or can’t get a word in edgewise. And both may end up bored—and resentful. The good news is that both psychologists and linguists say it’s possible for couples with unbalanced talking styles to recalibrate. But it will take a little work, especially in one key area: the conversational pause. Here are some tips from the experts. * Talk about your differences. You want to get rid of the blame, Dr. Tannen says. “No one’s style is right,” she says. And a mismatched conversational pace doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. But you do need to understand each other’s perspective. * If you’re the quiet one, learn to interrupt. The talker may not realize you are waiting for a pause, so Dr. Tannen recommends you push yourself to start speaking before you feel comfortable. “Talkers are not always eager to do all the talking,” she says. “And you might be amazed when they stop.” * If you’re quiet, narrate your silence. It’s important to show your partner that you’re listening and engaged, says Marissa Nelson, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Washington, D.C., who helps couples cope with communication problems. A simple “I hear you” will do. It will also help to explain that you need more time to process your thoughts, she says. This will help remind your partner to slow down. And be reassuring. * If you’re the talker, lengthen your pauses. What feels like a long-enough break in your thoughts to you may be too short for your quieter partner. If you find it difficult to slow down, try counting to seven, Dr. Tannen suggests. You can also simply ask: “Do you have something you’d like to say, or should I keep going?” Read the full article on The Wall Street Journal [https://www.wsj.com/articles/help-for-couples-where-one-partner-does-all-the-talking-46ebaf7] ✨Takeaway: Talking about differences and being open to communication can help balance out conversation styles and create a healthier relationship. It's essential to understand each other's perspective without assigning blame or assuming that one style is better than the other. ✨Reflection: What are the conversation dynamics like between you and your partner? #Relationships #Communication #Conversations #Couples ------------------------- If you liked this article, you may also enjoy: "It Can Be Way Harder To Process a Breakup When No One Did Anything Wrong—Here’s Why" [https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipStress_66/CopingToolsResourcesforRelationships_1161/ItCanBeWayHarderToProcessaBreakupWhenNoOneDidAnythingWrongHeresWhy_303978/]
Article: How to Set Boundaries With a Difficult Family Member
Family & Caregivers / by innateJoy9602
Last post
 May 9th, 2023
...See more "In Ms. Tawwab’s (a licensed clinical social worker focusing on relationships) newest book, “Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships,” she offers practical strategies for dealing with toxic family dynamics — and ways to successfully disconnect from a person when you decide to do so. Decide what a “successful” relationship would look like to you. To begin, identify the issues that are affecting your dynamic with this family member, she said. Then decide what type of relationship you can realistically have, and want to have, with that person, taking those dynamics into account. Ask yourself: What can I control? “When the solution to the problem is ‘they need to change,’ the problem will never go away,” she writes. “You can only control your side of the street.” Ms. Tawwab recommends asking yourself: If this person did not change a single thing, what — if anything — could I do to make the relationship different? Write it all down in a list, she said: “These are the issues in this relationship. These are the parts of those issues that I can change, and these are the parts that are not my stuff.” Increase your tolerance for difficult conversations. Start with a pep talk. Remind yourself that being assertive about your needs and your boundaries is not rude, she said. Then, when it’s time to address your family member, keep your script simple, Ms. Tawwab said. People often put off difficult conversations because they are searching for the “right” words. It’s OK to say something like “I don’t want you yelling at me anymore,” she offered as an example, adding, “There’s not a more ‘beautiful’ or perfect way to say that.” Know that the family member will likely take it personally. Your call for change might be met with disapproval (“You’re wrong for changing; everything was going well until you intervened”), shame (“You’re a terrible person”), or resentment (“I’m upset because you want something different”), she writes. You could also encounter general pushback, which might involve your family member continuing to behave as though you said nothing or pressuring you to change your mind. Anticipating those responses can help you steel yourself so you are not hurt by your family member’s reaction. Find a healthy distance. Distancing yourself from a family member is not the same as ignoring that person, she writes. Distancing might mean putting time and space between you and your relative (for example, declining invitations or staying in a hotel during family holidays). Distancing could also mean engaging less with the person on an emotional level (for example, steering the conversation away from topics you’re not comfortable with or simply excluding that person from certain areas of your life)." Read the full article on The New York Times [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/08/well/family/boundaries-family-nedra-glover-tawwab.html] ✨Takeaway: You cannot change your family members, but you can control your behavior and reactions to them. You may decide what a successful relationship would look like for you and what type of relationship you can realistically have with a difficult family member. ✨Reflection: Have you ever had to set boundaries with family members? #Boundaries #Family #Self-Care #Relationships ------------------------- If you liked this article, you may also enjoy: "3 Ways to Repair a Family Rift" [https://www.7cups.com/forum/FamilyCaregivers_191/SupportforFamilyRelationships_1722/3WaystoRepairaFamilyRift_300104/]
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