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...See more There is great societal denial of the fact that men get sexually assaulted. Chances are– except for the occasional bad prison joke–most of us dont ever hear about the topic of male sexual assault. The need to deny the existence of male sexual assault is partly rooted in the mistaken belief that men are immune to being victimized, that they should be able to fight off any attacker if they are truly a real man. A closely related belief is that men cant be forced into sex– either they want it or they dont. These mistaken beliefs allow lots of men to feel safe and invulnerable, and to think of sexual assault as something that only happens to women. Unfortunately, these beliefs can also increase the pain that is felt by a male survivor of sexual assault. These beliefs leave the male survivor feeling isolated, ashamed, and less of a man. No wonder so few men actually get help after being sexually assaulted. The fact is that only 5 to 20% of all victims of sexual assault actually report the crime– the percentage for male victims is even lower. Feelings of shame, confusion and self-blame leave many men suffering in silence after being sexually assaulted. Sharing this useful article to understand it more better. https://counselingcenter.utk.edu/self-help-materials/for-male-survivors-of-sexual-assault/ Counseling Center [https://counselingcenter.utk.edu/] For Male Survivors of Sexual Assault The University has a adopted an interim policy that addresses sexual assault, dating violence, domestic violence, and stalking. A copy of that policy can be found at http://titleix.utk.edu The interim policy describes prohibited conduct for students, faculty, and staff; explains multiple options for reporting sexual assault, dating violence, domestic violence, and stalking; sets forth the procedures the University will follow for promptly, thoroughly, and equitably investigating and resolving reports of sexual assault, dating violence, domestic violence, and stalking in order to eliminate the misconduct, prevent its recurrence, and address its effects on a complainant or the University community; identifies resources for complainants [http://titleix.utk.edu/get-help-now/]; and describes the Universitys prevention and awareness programs relating to sexual assault, dating violence, domestic violence, and stalking. – I Never Thought This Could Happen to Me – Myth Vs. Reality Lets take a look at some mistaken beliefs about male sexual assault and uncover the realities behind the myths… Myth: Men cant be sexually assaulted. Reality: Men are sexually assaulted. Any man can be sexually assaulted regardless of size, strength, appearance or sexual orientation. Myth: Only gay men are sexually assaulted. Reality: Heterosexual, gay and bisexual men are equally likely to be sexually assaulted. Being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with your current or future sexual orientation. Your sexuality has no more to do with being raped than being robbed. Myth: Only gay men sexually assault other men. Reality: Most men who sexually assault other men identify themselves as heterosexual. This fact helps to highlight another reality — that sexual assault is about violence, anger, and control over another person, not lust or sexual attraction. Myth: Men cannot be sexually assaulted by women. Reality: Although the majority of perpetrators are male, men can also be sexually assaulted by women. Myth: Erection or ejaculation during a sexual assault means you really wanted it or consented to it. Reality: Erection and ejaculation are physiological responses that may result from mere physical contact or even extreme stress. These responses do not imply that you wanted or enjoyed the assault and do not indicate anything about your sexual orientation. Some rapists are aware how erection and ejaculation can confuse a victim of sexual assault — this motivates them to manipulate their victims to the point of erection or ejaculation to increase their feelings of control and to discourage reporting of the crime. What Is Sexual Assault? In legal terms, sexual assault is any sexual contact that is against a persons will or without consent. This includes situations where force, violence, or weapons are used as well as situations where the victim is too intoxicated or scared to give consent. Sexual assault happens to men as well as women. In fact, by most estimations, 5% to 10% of sexual assaults committed in the United States involve male victims. Some experts say that as many as 1 in 10 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. These numbers may sound startling because the problem of sexual assault against men isnt talked about very much. Sexual assault against men happens in lots of different ways. Some men are assaulted by a stranger, or a group of strangers, while others may be assaulted by someone they know. Men are sometimes sexually assaulted by women but most often they are sexually assaulted by other men. Some attackers use weapons, physical force, or the threat of force to gain the upper hand. Others may use blackmail or a position of authority to threaten someone into submission. Still others use alcohol, drugs, or a combination of both, to prevent victims from fighting back. No matter how it occurs, it is a violation of a mans body and his free will and it can have lasting emotional consequences. The purpose of this brochure is to provide information about sexual assault and recovery for the male survivor. What To Do If Youve Just Been Sexually Assaulted Get to a safe place. Call someone who can help you: a friend, the police (911), or other campus and community agencies (check out the Resource List at the end of the page). Dont shower, drink, eat or change your clothes. These activities can destroy physical evidence that could be useful if you decide to prosecute. Get medical attention. Go to UT Hospital or contact the Sexual Assault Center of East Tennessee at 865-522-7273 (24/7). Even if you feel embarrassed about your injuries, it is very important to receive medical assistance. Hospital staffs are accustomed to dealing with injuries to the penis or anus and they are trained to do so as professionally as they would treat a broken arm or a heart attack. Even if you dont seem to be seriously hurt, you may have hidden, internal injuries that can become infected or get worse with time. Furthermore, symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases can lie dormant for a long time, but early medical attention may prevent future outbreaks. If you are concerned about HIV infection, talk to a staff member at Student Health Services or an area hospital about the possibility of exposure and the need for testing. Write down everything that you remember happening, with as much detail as possible. This can help you to cope with the situation but may also be helpful in any legal action you might decide to take. Remember…You Are Not to Blame… Even If: Your attacker was an acquaintance, date, friend or partner. You have been sexually intimate with that person or with others before. You were drinking or using drugs. You froze and did not or could not say no, or were unable to fight back physically. The Rape Drug By now, many college students have heard of the drug, Rohypnol, otherwise known as the rape drug. Street terms for this drug include roofies and ropes. Although this drug is often associated with sexual assaults on females, it is being used increasingly on males, especially around college campuses. Many perpetrators use this drug because it dissolves easily in drinks and creates a drunk-like effect that makes people more susceptible to control by others even if they remain conscious. Survivors of this type of assault often report no memories, or only very sketchy memories, of their assaults. If you think this kind of sexual assault may have happened to you, get some medical attention. Its very important to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and to check for hidden injuries that may have occurred during the assault. You also have the same legal rights as any other crime victim. You might want to call the University of Tennessee Police Department 865-974-3111 or the District Attorneys Victim Services 865-215-2515 to talk over your legal options. The Aftermath of Sexual Assault: Am I Supposed to Feel This Way? Whether youre a man or a woman, sexual assault is a trauma. The trauma of sexual assault involves losing control of your own body and possibly fearing death or injury. There are certain ways that human beings react to trauma that are the same for men and women. Rape trauma syndrome is a term that mental health professionals use to describe the common reactions that occur for both men and women after sexual assault. Rape trauma syndrome is not an illness or abnormal reaction — it is a normal reaction to an abnormal, traumatic event. Below is a checklist of common reactions to sexual assault. Though each person and situation is unique, this checklist will help you to know the range of reactions that are normal to expect. Of course, there are also ways that men are affected differently than women by sexual assault. Following the list of universal reactions to sexual assault, well delve into some of the reactions to sexual assault that are more unique to men. Checklist of Universal Reactions to Sexual Assault Emotional Shock: I feel numb. How can I be so calm? Why cant I cry? Disbelief and/or Denial: Did it really happen? Why me? Maybe I just imagined it. It wasnt really rape. Embarrassment: What will people think? I cant tell my family or friends. Shame: I feel completely filthy, like theres something wrong with me. I cant get clean. Guilt: I feel as if its my fault, or I shouldve been able to stop it. If only I had… Depression: How am I gonna get through the semester? Im so tired! I feel so hopeless. Maybe Id be better off dead Powerlessness: Will I ever feel in control again? Disorientation: I dont even know what day it is, or what class Im supposed to be in. I keep forgetting things. Flashbacks: Im still re-living the assault! I keep seeing that face and feeling like its happening all over again. Fear: Im scared of everything. What if I have herpes or AIDS? I cant sleep because Ill have nightmares. Im afraid to go out. Im afraid to be alone. Anxiety: Im having panic attacks. I cant breathe! I cant stop shaking. I feel overwhelmed. Anger: I feel like killing the person who attacked me! Physical Stress: My stomach (or head or back) aches all the time. I feel jittery and dont feel like eating. Unique Issues Faced By Male Survivors There is great societal denial of the fact that men get sexually assaulted. Chances are– except for the occasional bad prison joke–most of us dont ever hear about the topic of male sexual assault. The need to deny the existence of male sexual assault is partly rooted in the mistaken belief that men are immune to being victimized, that they should be able to fight off any attacker if they are truly a real man. A closely related belief is that men cant be forced into sex– either they want it or they dont. These mistaken beliefs allow lots of men to feel safe and invulnerable, and to think of sexual assault as something that only happens to women. Unfortunately, these beliefs can also increase the pain that is felt by a male survivor of sexual assault. These beliefs leave the male survivor feeling isolated, ashamed, and less of a man. No wonder so few men actually get help after being sexually assaulted. The fact is that only 5 to 20% of all victims of sexual assault actually report the crime– the percentage for male victims is even lower. Feelings of shame, confusion and self-blame leave many men suffering in silence after being sexually assaulted. Below are some of the unique problems and concerns that male survivors may experience: For most men the idea of being a victim is very hard to handle. Were raised to believe that a man should be able to defend himself against all odds, or that he should be willing to risk his life or severe injury to protect his pride and self-respect. How many movies or TV shows have you seen in which the manly hero is prepared to fight a group of huge guys over an insult or name-calling? Surely, youre supposed to fight to the death over something like unwanted sexual advances…right? These beliefs about manliness and masculinity are deeply ingrained in most of us and can lead to intense feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy for the male survivor of sexual assault. Many male survivors may even question whether they deserved or somehow wanted to be sexually assaulted because, in their minds, they failed to defend themselves. Male survivors frequently see their assault as a loss of manhood and get disgusted with themselves for not fighting back. These feelings are normal but the thoughts attached to them arent necessarily true. Remind yourself that you did what seemed best at the time to survive– theres nothing unmasculine about that. As a result of their guilt, shame and anger some men punish themselves by getting into self-destructive behavior after being sexually assaulted. For lots of men, this means increased alcohol or drug use. For others, it means increased aggressiveness, like arguing with friends or co-workers or even picking fights with strangers. Many men pull back from relationships and wind up feeling more and more isolated. Its easy to see why male survivors of sexual assault are at increased risk for getting depressed, getting into trouble at work, getting physically hurt, or developing alcohol and drug problems. Many male survivors also develop sexual difficulties after being sexually assaulted. It may be difficult to resume sexual relationships or start new ones because sexual contact may trigger flashbacks, memories of the assault, or just plain bad feelings. It can take time to get back to normal so dont pressure yourself to be sexual before youre ready. For heterosexual men, sexual assault almost always causes some confusion or questioning about their sexuality. Since many people believe that only gay men are sexually assaulted, a heterosexual survivor may begin to believe that he must be gay or that he will become gay. Furthermore, perpetrators often accuse their victims of enjoying the sexual assault, leading some survivors to question their own experiences. In fact, being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with sexual orientation, past, present or future. People do not become gay as a result of being sexually assaulted. For gay men, sexual assault can lead to feelings of self-blame and self-loathing attached to their sexuality. There is already enough homophobic sentiment in society to make many gay men suffer from internal conflicts about their sexuality. Being sexually assaulted may lead a gay man to believe he somehow deserved it, that he was paying the price for his sexual orientation. Unfortunately, this self-blame can be reinforced by the ignorance or intolerance of others who blame the victim by suggesting that a gay victim somehow provoked the assault or was less harmed by it because he was gay. Gay men may also hesitate to report a sexual assault due to fears of blame, disbelief or intolerance by police or medical personnel. As a result gay men may be deprived of legal protections and necessary medical care following an assault. Some sexual assaults of men are actually forms of gay-bashing, motivated by fear and hatred of homosexuality. In these cases, perpetrators may verbally abuse their victims and imply that the victim deserved to be sexually assaulted. Its important to remember that sexual assault is an act of violence, power and control and that no one deserves it. Getting Back On Track It is important for you to know that your reactions are normal and temporary reactions to an abnormal event. The fear and confusion will lessen with time, but the trauma may disrupt your life for awhile. You may experience any or all of the reactions on the last few pages. Some reactions may be triggered by people, places or things connected to the assault, while other reactions may seem to come from out of the blue. Remember that no matter how much difficulty youre having dealing with the assault, it does not mean youre going crazy or becoming mentally ill. Talking about the assault will help you feel better, but may also be really hard to do. In fact, its common to want to avoid conversations and situations that may remind you of the assault. You may have a sense of wanting to get on with life and let the past be the past. This is a normal part of the recovery process and may last for weeks or months. Eventually you will need to deal with your feelings in order to heal and regain a sense of control over your life. Talking with someone who can listen and understand — whether its a friend, family member, hotline counselor or therapist — is a key part of this process. Its important to understand that you may not be able to function at 100% capacity for a while following a major trauma like sexual assault. You may have problems concentrating or remembering things and may feel tired or edgy. You may also take longer to recover from everyday stresses, kinda like when you go back to work or school too early after having the flu. Dont be too hard on yourself — you need time to recover emotionally and that may detract from your energy for awhile. Ways To Take Care of Yourself Get support from friends and family– try to identify people you trust to validate your feelings. Spend time with people who know your strengths and positive qualities. Try not to isolate yourself. Talk about the assault and express feelings — you can choose when, where, and with whom. You can also decide how much or how little to talk about. Use stress reduction techniques — hard exercise like walking, jogging, biking, swimming, weight-lifting; relaxation techniques like yoga, massage, music, prayer and/or meditation. Maintain a balanced diet and sleep cycle and avoid overusing caffeine, sugar, nicotine, alcohol or other drugs. Take time outs. Give yourself permission to take quiet moments to reflect, relax and rejuvenate — especially during times you feel stressed or unsafe. Try reading. Reading can be a relaxing, healing activity. Try to find short periods of uninterrupted leisure reading time. Consider writing or journaling as a way of expressing thoughts and feelings. Release some of the hurt and anger in a healthy way: Write a letter about how you feel about what happened to you. Be as specific as you can. You also can draw pictures about the anger or hurt you feel as a way of releasing the emotional pain. Remember you are safe, even if you dont feel it. The assault is over. It may take longer than youd like, but you will feel better. Get into counseling. The UT Counseling Center is here for you. You may call the UT Counseling Center any time during the day at 865-974-2196. Anytime we are closed, please call 865-974-HELP. If you want to report the incident to the police you may also call UT Police Department at 865-974-3111. If the assault occurs off campus, call Central Dispatch at 911. How Family & Friends Can Help Things you can do to help: Listen, dont judge. Try to simply understand his feelings. Offer shelter. If possible, stay with him at his place or let him stay at yours. Be there and give comfort. He may need to talk a lot or at odd hours at the beginning. Be there as much as you can and encourage him to talk to others. Encourage him to seek professional help (See List of Resources at the end of the page). Be patient. Dont try to rush the healing process or quickly make it better. Accept his choice of what to do about the sexual assault — dont be overly protective. Ask him what he needs, help him list his options, then encourage him to make his own decisions. Even if you disagree. It is very important that he make his own decisions and have them respected. Put aside your feelings and get support for yourself. It may be too overwhelming for him to deal with your angry feelings on top of his own. If you have strong angry feelings or feelings of blame toward the survivor, talk to a friend or call a hotline.

...See more Helpful artilcles for those survivors suffering from Guilt and shame for feeling sexual Sensations or stimulation during Sexual Assuault/rape/CSA Many sexual abuse survivors have trouble dealing with the fact that their body was sexually stimulated and felt aroused during the abuse. They may feel guilty and ashamed that they responded to the stimulation, and confused about why they did. Here is one articles I am sharing to deal with that false guilt and shame and put the blame where is belongs to. Its not victim's fault ever to feel this way. Please copy below link to your browser. http://kalimunro.com/wp/articles-info/sexual-emotional-abuse/sexual-feelings-during-abuse Many sexual abuse survivors have trouble dealing with the fact that their body was sexually stimulated and felt aroused during the abuse. They may feel guilty and ashamed that they responded to the stimulation, and confused about why they did. Feeling aroused during abuse is not an issue for every survivor. Some survivors never felt any kind of sexual arousal during the abuse. Others felt some sexual arousal, but readily accept that it didnt mean anything more than an automatic reflex response to touch. Still others experienced some pleasurable feelings in their bodies during the abuse, but because those feelings were overshadowed by the pain of the abuse, it isnt an issue for them either. However, there are many survivors who are deeply affected by their bodies natural responses. Some agonize over how their bodies responded to the stimulation; they experienced the sexual arousal as a humiliation, and believe it reflects negatively on them that their body responded at all. They perceive their bodys response as a betrayal, with the abuser winning, and they hate their bodies for it. This is compounded by the fact some abusers deliberately try to force a victim to have an orgasm so that the survivor will mistakenly believe that they wanted or enjoyed the abuse. Any one can be forced to have an orgasm. To be forced to have an orgasm does not imply consent nor pleasure. Other survivors enjoyed some of the bodily sensations that came from the stimulation, but feel guilty, ashamed, and/or secretive about that fact because they believe – or fear – that it means there is something wrong with them because theyre not supposed to feel that way in the context of abuse. These survivors often keep their experience a secret for fear that no one will understand how they could have liked some parts of it. But what they liked was their bodys own natural responses; not the abuse. Some gay survivors remark that it was only during sexual abuse that they became aware of the possibility of same-sex sexual activity, and while they know that what they experienced was abuse, they learned something about their sexuality, and may have liked some of the stimulation. It is very concerning that some gay youth only learn about same-sex sex in the context of abuse! In all cases, if a survivor found some of the stimulation during the abuse pleasurable, it does not mean that it was not abuse, that they werent hurt by it, that it wasnt serious, or that it had less impact. Abuse is abuse, regardless of how the victims body responded. For boys, achieving an erection does not necessarily mean that they were even aroused; boys can have erections when they are afraid. WHY IS THIS ISSUE RARELY ADDRESSED? The impact of having been sexually stimulated or aroused during abuse is rarely addressed, and when it is it is given minimal attention. One reason why this is such a neglected subject is that we live in a culture that is uncomfortable with the thought that children can have sexual feelings at all, let alone during abuse. Many people like to think that children are asexual, and believe that those who suggest otherwise are sexual perverts. To further suggest that children who are sexually abused might experience some sexual arousal is to risk being viewed as promoting sexual abuse, or at very least minimizing it. But how are we to help survivors deal with this issue unless we are prepared to talk about it while not minimizing the abuse? Just as it is shocking for many people to think that sexual abuse could lead a child to feel aroused or to feel pleasure in their body, it is equally, or perhaps more shocking, to survivors themselves to acknowledge this. Many survivors suffer about this issue in silence, wondering if their bodys feelings and reactions meant that they liked, wanted, caused, or encouraged the abuse, or worse, made them as bad as the abuser. I understand not wanting to talk about this issue for fear that it will fuel the argument that sexual abuse isnt so bad because some kids like it – a false argument which is used to minimize the impact of abuse. But by acknowledging that some children feel aroused reduces the emotional charge, or stigma, associated with it, and helps survivors to heal. Feeling sexual arousal in the context of abuse does not mean that the abuse was okay, nor that the abuse did not negatively effect the victim. A parallel argument can be made that if the love of your life suddenly dies, and you receive tens of thousands of dollars from life insurance, money that you desperately need, this doesnt mean that you like the fact that your partner died or that youre not suffering from that loss. Liking that you have money to support you, or needing that money, does not change the basic fact of what happened, or how devastated you feel at the loss of your lover. CHILDREN CAN FEEL SEXUAL FEELINGS Given that children can feeling sexual feelings and can be sexual stimulated during abuse, its understandable that some children like the feelings of sexual arousal that can happen during abuse, however, that does not mean that they enjoy the abuse nor want to be abused or stimulated in that manner; they enjoyed their bodys natural reactions and sensations, and perhaps some aspects of how the perpetrator treated them. If the abuser gave them attention or was kind to them, that may have felt enjoyable too. Its also understandable if that child, later as an adult, feels upset if someone tells them that they couldnt have enjoyed any part of it because it was abuse. How does the adult survivor reconcile the reality that her/his body did feel sexual when they werent supposed to? They feeling guilty and ashamed. On the other hand, its also understandable if that adult survivor feels upset about her/his body having felt aroused since it occurred in the context of abuse. HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE If you are a survivor and your body responded to the sexual stimulation during the abuse, its important to find positive ways to reconcile that reality within yourself without concluding that you are sick or bad, or that your body is. The first step is to acknowledge to yourself how your body felt, and later to a supportive and understanding person. Try to do this without judgement, but if you cant, simply telling yourself and someone else (who is non-judgemental) how you felt will help reduce some of the guilt, shame, isolation, and secrecy. If you feel judgmental about yourself, remember that feelings are simply feelings, nothing more. They are not facts or statements; they do not say anything about you or anyone else, other than you are a fully feeling human being. Its normal to experience a range of feelings during abuse, and one of those feelings may be sexual. It might help to remember the other feelings you felt during or after the abuse, because you did not simply feel sexual feelings, but you also probably felt betrayal, sadness, fear, confusion, and hurt, even if you didnt realize that until you were much older. There are different ways of thinking about this issue, and survivors have come up with different ways of dealing with it. Some survivors conclude that the arousal they experienced was a physiological reaction that had nothing to do with the perpetrator, and everything to do with their own bodys natural responses. That is true. Others conclude that while there was some element of arousal that arose from the physical stimulation, the relationship with the perpetrator was important, and contributed to how they felt – for instance, they liked/loved the perpetrator, had a friendly relationship with her/him, felt taken care of during the abuse, and this led to feeling pleasure. They let go of their guilt or confusion by acknowledging that they felt a draw to the relationship out of their emotional needs, vulnerability, and/or neglect, and by recognizing that it was okay that they felt and responded that way. Some survivors take the position that regardless of how they learned what they learned about their body and their sexuality (what they enjoy sexually, how to have an orgasm, that they are attracted to the same sex, etc.), they like what they know about their body and intend to enjoy it without guilt, because this knowledge is about them and their body, not the perpetrator. Even if they learned some of those things from what the perpetrator did, that doesnt mean that the perpetrator owns those things. They are the only ones who can own their bodys responses and sexuality. Some survivors find that they are able to accept their feelings of physical arousal, without judgement when they feel compassion for themselves, and other survivors include feeling compassion for their abusers. Their compassion helps them to let go of judgement, and to see themselves as the innocent children they were. Some survivors find that feeling shame about having sexual feelings prevents them from fully processing their memories. As soon as they remember and feel sexual feelings, they distance themselves from the memory and cant go any further with it. Theyre stuck there, unable to release their emotions or fully process the memory. When they released some shame and could think about the whole incident(s) by writing the memory out or telling someone their story, they were able to step back and see the situation with a new perspective and understanding. That process helped them to accept what happened and feel at peace with themselves. How you feel about having sexual feelings during the abuse (as well as when you remember the abuse and/or read about sexual abuse) has a direct impact on how you view the abuse and yourself, and what you think about the abuse affects how you feel, which is why its important to work on releasing feelings and critiquing what you think. Some survivors need to think a lot about it first, and others need to feel their feelings first. If youre stuck in one mode, try the other mode. For example if youre stuck in the thinking mode, let yourself feel what you felt – then and now – without judgement. Your feelings will pass, in time, and that alone will help you to think about yourself with more objectivity and less judgement. Some survivors are terrified to tell any one including their therapist that when they remember and talk about sexual abuse they feel sexual feelings in their body just as they feel other feelings and body sensations. They are afraid of being viewed as sexually inappropriate, attracted to the therapist or friend, or turned on by sexual abuse i.e. a perpetrator. Many survivors will also feel sexual feelings in their body when they see children or read books about sexual abuse because there is a learned association between these things. This does not mean the survivor is attracted to children nor their therapists. It means that they are having body memories and the feelings need to be seen as such in order to be processed and released. Telling your therapist, or acknowledging to yourself, that you are having sexual feelings while remembering or talking about the abuse will help to release those feelings. Sharing this information in a context of support and understanding is healing. THE ABUSER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ABUSE – REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU FELT No matter how you felt during the abuse or feel now, you are not responsible for the abuse. Even if you felt some pleasure or enjoyment; or you wanted some aspects to continue; or you were sexually attracted to the abuser; or you sought the abuser out, the abuser is always responsible for the abuse and not the child. Think about it this way: if a child sought you out for sexual stimulation, would you do it? You are not to blame for what the abuser did, and you and your body are completely separate from the abuser. Even if it doesnt feel that way, its still true. It doesnt matter what your body did or didnt do; you and your body were simply coping as best you could given the circumstances (which might have included a larger context of neglect and/or other forms of abuse and dysfunction too). It helps to heal by acknowledging how you truly felt and how your body responded, to think about positive ways of interpreting those responses, to not judge yourself, to place the responsibility for the abuse on the abuser, and to view your body separately from the abuse and the abuse. Other things you can do to feel more comfortable with your body and sex include: being gentle with your body; holding and massaging emotionally charged areas with your hand and having a partner hold and massage the area as well (this will help the area to let go of some of the emotional charge – the feelings associated with the abuse); gently stroking any area of your body that defends, tightens, numbs, or otherwise reacts to sexual touch; taking sex slowly and stopping when you need to; breathing; laughing; and having fun with sex, touch, and holding. You are meant to – and can – enjoy your body and all of its beautiful sensations during sex. ITS POSSIBLE TO HEAL Experiencing sexual feelings during abuse or while remembering or talking about sexual abuse is not something anyone should have to feel guilty about. Children feel what they feel during abuse, including sexual feelings, and there is nothing wrong with that. For some survivors the fact that they felt sexually aroused in an abuse context is embarrassing or shameful to admit but the more survivors – in fact, all of us – talk about this issue, the easier and less shameful it becomes. When we talk openly about something, we take away its power or emotional charge. Survivors reduce the emotional charge, connected to this issue, by talking/writing/drawing about it; not listening to anyone who tells them how they should feel; acknowledging and accepting how they felt and feel; recognizing that none of their feelings make them crazy or bad, or like the abuser; and by fostering compassion and understanding for themselves and their body. Its possible to feel better about this issue – one tiny step at a time.

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