Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
selfdisciplinedFig2292
415 M Embraced 3
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2020 Member sinceJuly 3, 2016
Bio
Recent forum posts
selfdisciplinedFig2292 profile picture
Does he need a Friend or does he want a Girlfriend?
Relationship Stress / by selfdisciplinedFig2292
Last post
 November 19th, 2018
...See more Im 21 and in college. Almost a year ago this guy that I graduated high school with randomly messaged me on Instagram completely out of nowhere. It was kinda weird because I dont think Ive ever actually talked to him before. I knew who he was, but I kinda thought it was a mistake. All he said was like Hey hows it going? so I just replied with a really short, quick answer. But then he replied again and he continued to drag out the conversation. So then I started to think maybe something was wrong and so I was just upfront and I said really nicely like, Hey I dont mind that youre messaging me, but we dont really know each other so like are you OK? Is anything up? and he seemed really appreciative that I was asking and he admitted that basically my speculation was right and he really has just been feeling lonely. He dropped out of college after his first year and ever since hes gone back home and just been working small jobs and trying to figure out what he wants. And I totally get that. I felt lots of sympathy right away because Ive been there before where I didnt know what I wanted. And also not long before this all happened I had gone through periods of just feeling totally lonely. So I can imagine how hes feeling with all his friends off at school while hes back home. So I started making friendly conversation with him and I decided to invite him to hang out with a couple of my close friends and me over winter break and I think he had fun. But since then he keeps asking if we can hang out together but just the two of us and Im starting to get a feeling of caution now. For the record like Im in a super happy and healthy relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years and I made it clear to him that I have a boyfriend just by mentioning it casually a couple times. I totally want to believe that guys and girls can just be friends, but that mentality and my giving guys the benefit of the doubt has gotten me into accidental dates and bad situations like that. So because of my experience before where my friendliness is taken the wrong way, I cant help but feel a little hesitant and like keeping my guard up just in case. I dont want him getting the wrong idea and I hope I dont seem conceited because Im thinking this way. But at the same time, Im worried because what if he is truly just wanting a friend and Im just awful for avoiding this person who is legitimately lonely and needs help. Do you think he is lonely and I should try to reach out to him in person or should I just kinda distance myself because you think that maybe he does have some kind of ulterior motive? Thank you!
Search more from @selfdisciplinedFig2292
Talk to an expert therapist
So far, I genuinely feel like she is the only person to have understood me....
Reviewed Jul 14, 2026
Talk to Amanda Now
Badges & Awards
11 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Chief Chat Honest Voice First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion Forum Friend Strong Bond I
Report an issue