Hi :) my name is jenny and i am an adult and teen listener here im in my 40s have been married for 26 years and have three children who are all adults now I really do enjoy talking to people of all ages who are dealing with a lot of different situations i just ask that you know what you want to talk about and not just message me and then ask me what i want to talk about im fine with casual conversation but you should take the lead it is not a listeners job to try and think of ways to keep you from being bored and you can take all the time you need when it comes to saying whats on your mind im ok with waiting i do not expect quick replies and i also do not expect every question i ask to be answered - you choose both what and when
If im in online mode you can always expect an immediate response and live chat (any listener on green should be responding to you immediately) and if im in offline mode i may or may not be able to have a live chat so just leave a message and i will respond when i can and we can leave eachother messages and if we are both here at the same time we can have live chats what are your expectations? what dont you like? let me know and we can work it out and better understand eachother misunderstandings and hurt feelings happen quickly if your feelings are hurt its not ever my intention and so its a misunderstanding and i will not be upset if you bring it up i will only be glad that you let me know ... I will always be honest and open with you and will let you know right away how i feel and if im uncomfortable with anything and i hope that you do the same
I have many different opinions and interests however above all else i believe in communication and honesty between people I am also very interested in mindfulness and self awareness in paying attention to your thoughts and how your interpreting your life your reality and I absolutely believe that the way to change your reality and take control of your life is to first think about and then question your thoughts the producers of all your emotions and behavior your misery or happiness and ultimately your life I believe that there is nothing more important to your well being than to become aware of and to take control over your thoughts instead of letting your thoughts control and prevent you from having a life and future that you deserve and then making a plan and working on one thing in your life at a time until what you want becomes realityIf your feeling stuck in your life right now I would love to help you to identify and move past the internal and external blocks that keep you from moving forward and having the life you deserve because we can all choose to do something different at any time outside of the established habits and routines that we have created for ourselves you choose when and how but change is definately possible its never too late and you can do it ! so if that is something that you are interested in working on it is definately something that i am interested in helping you with you are your own expert noone knows your life or mind better than you do and because we carry the possibility of change with us everywhere all the time and also the power to make it happen there is nothing more life changing than becoming more aware of your thoughts and actions find free mental health services https://bit.ly/2KpgZKQfree depression workbook https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Depressionstart getting control over your thoughts today http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/abcde.htm overcome your defeatist mindset https://bit.ly/2RQg2Aido you feel like your life is out of control? instead of trying to control food or other things that are harmful to you here are some better things that you can control right now https://bit.ly/2G2N1dB 7cups series on managing thoughts and emotions https://bit.ly/2Bdx00dovercome your panic attacks http://bit.ly/2SQoUXk http://bit.ly/2E3BeZIfree course a life of happiness https://www.coursera.org/learn/happinessIf you are serious about committing suicide i am so glad that you are interested in talking to someone but you need to be aware that 7cups is not a place for crisis counseling but in the US you can text HOME to 741741 to message or call 1-800-273-8255 (in UK call 116 123) to talk free with a trained crisis counselor who can help more than i can also see the free 24/7 online chat sites below that are staffed with trained crisis counselors who you can talk to and if this is an emergency please call 911 or the emergency number for your country as 7cups listeners are not able to directly connect you with any emergency services but if you feel that your situation is not that serious your not in immediate danger and not having an emergency then we can talk and if you are you can come back later when you are no longer in danger 24/7 online chat with trained crisis counselors IMAlive you can chat online with crisis counselors http://www.imalive.org and at Lifeline (give a US zip code to enter chat) http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ (under 18) chat online https://www.childline.ie/ (Veterans or friends and family of veterans) chat online https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/ TrevorChat chat online https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/(UK) call text or walk-in no referral https://www.samaritans.org/branchesInternational and US state suicide hotlines https://www.befrienders.org/domestic abuse resources https://www.thehotline.org/ http://queenbeeing.com/get-help-domestic-violence-emergency-resources/(under 18) https://www.childline.ie/ A lot of great articles and resources on this amazing website Lifehack https://bit.ly/2J75bK2 Using interrogative self talk instead of positive affirmations that you do not believe https://bit.ly/2JmHwIP Overcome your fears and enjoy life https://bit.ly/2hyF02o 3 ways to keep fear from controlling your life and stealing your future https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/236465 Progressive Muscle Relaxation https://youtu.be/f7I2Upk5jqI https://youtu.be/ihO02wUzgkc Interrogative self talk https://bit.ly/2J120rn https://bit.ly/2kBpl40
How to break a habit hack the habit loop https://bit.ly/2AnhrE9
How to deal with negative self talk https://youtu.be/h5iZ6ntDlHk
Systematic Desensitization to get rid of triggers that cause anxiety and panic attacks http://bit.ly/2yUhPbg https://www.psychologynoteshq.com/systematicdesensitization/ The absolutely best website entirely devoted to SD with free resources and a free book and so much informationhttp://web.csulb.edu/~tstevens/Desensit.htm
Activities and distractions to ride out the urge to self harm (or to distract yourself from any intrusive thoughts) https://bit.ly/2QrUusi... and more activities and distractions to deal with the urge to self harm (based on why you self harm so some self awareness is needed here) http://becausewecandothistogetherself harm alternatives * Squeeze ice hard * Bite into a hot pepper or chew a piece of ginger root* Rub liniment under your nose* Slap a tabletop hard* Snap your wrist with a rubber band* Take a cold bath* Stomp your feet on the ground* Focus on how it feels to breathe. Notice the way your chest and stomach move with each breath* Run your hands under freezing cold water* Clap your hands until it stings* Drink freezing cold water* Splash your face with cold water* Put PVA/Elmer’s glue on your hands then peel it off* Massage where you want to hurt yourself* Take a hot shower or bath* Jump up and down to get some sensation in your feet* Write or paint on yourself* Arm wrestle with a member of your family* Bite into a hot pepper or chew a piece of ginger root* Put tiger balm on tingly sensation TIP skills for self harm urges or intense anger https://liberomagazine.com/depression/coping-self-harm-urges/TIP has been proven to be a highly effective method in helping people who self harm in a variety of ways it works by suddenly altering your physical state and this very quickly changes your emotional state using temperature, intense exercize, paced breathing and progressive muscle relaxation T Temperature. Have you heard of the mammalian dive reflex? Try leaning over a sink or surface and then placing cold water, ice or a cold pack over the temples, eyes and upper nose region for ~30 seconds. This divelike stance then triggers a reflex that occurs in nature when mammals submerge in cold water. Think back to the last time you dove into a cold pool at the start of summer – you may recall the sensation of slowly cutting through the water with your arms, and a feeling of slowed time as you drifted up toward the surface. As we dive face first into cold water, our heart rate slows and our breathing regulates as the body prepares to conserve energy for survival. We have engaged our parasympathetic nervous system and experience a calming effect. So next time you feel highly activated, distressed, upset, angry think “T for temperature” and try running cold water on your forearms, taking a hot or cold shower, chewing on ice or just holding an ice cube in your hand. When we briefly change our temperature, we ground ourselves. I Intense exercise brief bursts of exercise can be helpful in the grounding process. Think of this process as ‘using up’ some of the energy that may be fueling high-energy emotions like anger or anxiety. When in a low-energy state (e.g. feeling, down, depressed, lethargic) getting the heart rate up will invigorate the individual. It’s important to note that exercise can be a highly sensitive issue for those who struggle with eating disorders. If you’re at a place in your treatment where you need to limit exercise, it would make more sense to try the T or P and P skills. P Paced breathing allows us to activate our parasympathetic nervous system as we regulate and slow our breath. With paced breathing we breathe deeply into our lungs and diaphragm. As we slow the pace of our in-breaths and out-breaths, we may achieve 5-6 thoughtful breaths per minute. Some people refer to deep breathing as “having a pill in your pocket.” In other words, breathing is a highly accessible skill – available to you at all times no matter where you are – and one that can be very effective to calm and steady you when emotion is riding high. P Progressive Muscle Relaxation is paired with paced breathing. With paced breathing we tense and relax muscle groups throughout the body to promote a relaxing effect. If you are feeling extreme emotion, you may try mindfully tensing all of your muscle groups at once and then dropping your weight back into the ground or into your chair. As you travel from head to toe engaging all of your muscle groups or one area at a time, pay close attention to the sensationshttps://columbuspark.com/2018/04/23/easily-accessible-effective-tip-distress-tolerance-skills/
Techniques and tips that therapists use to help people deal with intrusive thoughts (including memories)Allow the thought to happen Intrusive thoughts become more distressing the more we try to make them stop. The act of trying to stop them actually makes them more readily available in our brains and thus they are likely to return. Allowing the thought to happen allows it to run its course and as distressing as it may be it will come and it will go. Using self-talk to coach your way through the process is key. "Here is the thought I’m not going to focus on it, I’m going to let it pass." This can help that thought carry less weight. Find yourself a mantra This can be a word or a phrase it doesn't matter what it is as long as it resonates with you. When you start to feel/hear that onset of intrusive thoughts repeat it to yourself in your head. The idea is to redirect from those negative thoughts by putting something positive and repetitive on top directing your attention. Remind yourself that they are just thoughts Thoughts themselves don't have any power. By remembering that a thought itself cannot hurt you, you are more likely to let the thought exist without altering your behavior. Intrusive thoughts are distressing because you believe them. Remember, just because you think it, doesn't mean it's true. It's totally natural to have these kinds of thoughts, but remember that these thoughts come from the past and have yet to prove that they represent the truth today we need evidence before we believe what other people tell us and we should do the same with our thoughts. Imagine that the intrusive thought is a thing or person or animal It can be anything a bird or insect (that you can visualize swatting away or spraying!) a grey cloud or maybe a tiny cartoon character (and you can visualize the thought from the cartoon character in a cartoon bubble) Perhaps it's a 5 year old kid in the backseat nagging for your attention or a little green blob or a little Donald Trump having a tantrum you can try different things even if it's silly separating yourself from it can be incredibly powerful. Say thanks Can you imagine how different it might be if you say "Yes brain, that's nice - but I'm not interested in that now" vs "Go away I'm so sick of you!" Pretty different huh? So "talk" to the thoughts: 'I see you thought, you are OK, I love you, but I'm not listening to you." This technique shows both self-love and compassion for the way your brain works. Love and compassion can be critical to mitigating tough feelings of distress. Refocus Perhaps a crossword or something to fidget with or even just something that smells nice! Try to engage mentally in something else intrusive thoughts often come to us when our brains are quiet, or when they are over-taxed and stressed. When there is nothing going on or too much going on the intrusive thoughts are triggered. By finding an activity that fully engulfs our concentration, the thoughts often move to the background. Music, movies, a conversation with someone, a sport, hobby, or activity can engage our brain in something else. Refocusing can be quite calming and even potentially healing.Grounding and mindfulness exercises After acknowledging the thought's presence, spend 5 minutes noticing things in the room. By exploring things around the room like you've never seen them before, describing their color, texture, shadows exc. you are keeping your mind in the present moment and making it more difficult to get carried away by the intrusive thought. Anytime you notice the thought has taken you away, simply return to noticing the room. sight sound taste touch the more senses the better. Be kind to yourself - It does take time forgive yourself for having intrusive thoughts and for not being able to get rid of them. If anything, that fuels fear and anxiety, and makes everything worse. The sooner we can accept that that's how your brain is wired for now, the faster you can work on building more grounded wisdom.7cups discussion on managing negative internal dialogue https://bit.ly/2HOwCLl7cups discussion on dealing with panic attacks https://bit.ly/2MomF978 hour talk down with gentle rain sounds https://youtu.be/4i53B-y_i2oPTSD nightmares why they exist and the best treatments https://www.verywellhealth.com/the-causes-and-treatment-of-ptsd-nightmares-3014688https://youtu.be/ySL3NllIhfAalways on 24/7 youtube livestreams of relaxing sounds the first link is light instrumental music and the second one is calming ambient bineural beat music both have changing water nature scenes for sleep study redirection or meditation https://youtu.be/63GF7qbr34U https://youtu.be/4qtD8RmvWn0< breathe in - breathe out > count up to your favorite number with each breath and then do it again you can also repeat a mantra for breath in and one for breath out focus your mind on breathing counting and repeating free sleep well guidebook you can download and share https://www.dropbox.com/s/bn9h4n0kcqrupma/Sleep-Guide-Verywell.pdf?dl=0 My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind. Albert EinsteinWe must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us. Virginia Satir
The arrogance of believing that today, that at this moment in time, we’re so perfectly correct in our beliefs that we can silence all disagreement, prevent any heretic from calling our gods false, is absurd ... It’s not that people haven’t believed they were finally so enlightened that there couldn’t possibly be any errors in their judgments, anything new to learn, any mistakes to correct. People have always believed that. And they’ve always been wrong. That’s why we still need heretics, not because they’re necessarily right but because they aren’t necessarily wrong. Scott Greenfield When Ira Glasser Ran The ACLU
just a place for me to put 7cups quotes that i really like :D will be adding to this as i come across comments in the forums if its here it does not mean that i take one position or another on any issue but only that i think that these words could also apply to different situations or are universally true making them genuine quotes and the wording i admire as being simple perfect and poetic also if anyone wants me to remove anything here if its your comment but dislike it here or see something you think id like just message me We have a system that devastates some of the people we most wish to support and at the same time barely inconveniences the people we most wish to exclude. RarelyCharlie I'm angry because I'm scared. I'm scared of disappointing you. I'm scared because you always told me that my reputation was the most important thing, and what people think of me is more important than how I feel about myself. I'm angry because when I express that something you do upsets me, you mock me for it, and twist it so I'm the one hurting you. I'm angry because what if I'm actually the problem? If I could just be a better child would you stop? I want to feel like I'm worth more than just how good I am. ohlemone https://bit.ly/2Sdt7msMaybe it's important the conversations happened in public fashion. It is scary and hard. Yes. But all the private avenues weren't working. Our leaders and friends who cared so much were literally being forced out and then ultimately eliminated. At least now we know why. If I hadn't been told, and everyone just was gone, I would have felt even worse then I do now. I would have thought, wow, they abandoned and didn't care after all. KLM3278 https://bit.ly/2NWQwTQThe punishment of people for expressing genuine concerns. The failure to acknowledge why people may ‘bite' at certain comments. There should be understanding, not punishment. There should not be one person at the top beating everyone else with a big stick when all we have to defend ourselves is words and even then those words are often cut or misinterpreted. DeborahUK https://bit.ly/2NWQwTQWords do nothing. Actions do. Things can be discussed until the cows come home, but what matters is what's actually done and most of the time, what's talked about vs. what's actually done are two completely different things, I think people forget that a lot. Torremp https://bit.ly/2NWQwTQI always feel sad and I always remember how things were and how things are now... I just can’t accept that things changed so dramatically in just a few months. Im hurt and confused, I’m not sure who to trust anymore. I don’t know if you all understand how hard it is. I want to give it a chance but it’s so difficult to do so. I’m afraid I’m gonna lose more people and I’m afraid of connecting again... This isn’t just talking to somebody for me, this is having an emotional connection. That’s how it is for me and imagine when you lose the person you are emotionally attached, imagine how that wouldmake you feel. Feel the pain I feel not because I wanna hurt you but I wanna show you how much it hurts. sensitiveShade5337 https://bit.ly/2x1FOFt I know you are all trying to pick up the pieces but I can’t stand by and watch people I love be replaced by new people I don’t know or who have never been apart of this community before. This was a family, it was a safe place for so many people, and now it’s been destroyed and I don’t want to be apart of this new thing ... My heart hurts so bad. I had a safe place, I was healing, I was doing better, and growing up, I had a support network on here of people who knew me, understood me, knew how I functioned and loved me. And it’s all been ripped away from me. And im never ever gonna get that back. I can’t stress just how much that hurts right now. WaterLily16 https://bit.ly/2NzjMTH Everyone is working on putting together the pieces of their own puzzle. Recovery is a journey that takes time. It involves finding out a lot of information about yourself through a process of self discovery. It's important to never compare your recovery journey to someone else's path. No two people ever have the same puzzle design. Some people have a 25 piece puzzle set and some have one of those 10,000 piece sets but each person's story & struggle is valid ... Sometimes you have to step back from the individual pieces and look at the bigger picture of what could be and sometimes you focus on one small piece at a time. This can help you get unstuck. It may feel like forever but every matching puzzle piece makes a big difference over time! summertimeSamness https://bit.ly/2CAM0cFAlthough I’m getting along and all appeared to be going well on the outside, I’m really masking my emotions and feelings masking my own pain about feeling somewhat imprisoned. In fact, when I’m faced with a fearful situation, I try to hide my emotions behind a brave front and to smile while inside I’m really crying... There’s a painful contradiction between what’s in my head my mind and the facade I adopt for the rest of the world M2nc4s https://bit.ly/2Ge0IX9 Maybe the grieving process is tied in with change and acceptance as well... finding what you have control over vs what cannot be changed. I struggle particularly with this part, but I'm trying to tell myself that I have to reach some level of acceptance of the things I cannot change and are beyond my control. Try to bend with the wind. I believe even considering the idea of acceptance is something that must feel natural and good to a person, even if we might still feel sadness with it. NoneTheWiser https://bit.ly/2x1FOFtYou said that you're hoping you'll see your expectations but are getting disappointed - could you share more of what those expectations are so that we can try? Anomalia https://bit.ly/2OiSXk8Im struggling with the word compliment mostly because I don’t feel there’s anything to compliment with respect to me. But because self compassion is a goal I’ll try to give myself credit just for the fact I’m still fighting irregardless of how dark and hopeless things feel right now. I’m holding on to hope as if it’s my only lifeline. ArianaMay https://bit.ly/2OiSXk8Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s unbecoming everything that isn’t you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. resourcefulMagic51 https://bit.ly/2QtYypfThere is a kind of grey area between wanting to live and wanting to die that's very difficult to describe. There are really no words for it. RarelyCharlie https://bit.ly/2Qwicj5If you want to help people, then help people. If nurses punched walls and complained every time they got disrespected or aggressed, hospitals would be empty. Have you had 10 chats, and 6 were bad? Learn to see them coming, cut it short, and focus on the 4 chats that were genuine Blaze https://bit.ly/2CZ30pMSomething just took me here I don't know what this is but like am I supposed to ask for help? cause I don't really talk much/do well with taking advice lol idk why I'm here I'm so tired holy shoot (can I swear here? idk so let's put shoot) liamlemons https://bit.ly/2D6HHD5You're a part of that community and your voice always matters. Never be afraid to offer suggestions or feedback or discuss your concerns ... You'll never know how much impact you're going to make and how much enlightenment you can give once you speak up. Don't belittle that inner fire burning in your belly. Erato https://bit.ly/2S215uYSpeak up. when something happens, speak up, because it's your word against god knows how many who have come to dislike you or have been rallied, and there will be no trial, there will be no evidence, there may not even be any punishment. bunnypants https://bit.ly/2S215uYThere's a stereotype around here somewhere. Curiously, it's a stereotype about curiosity. It is this: As we get older, we become less curious. I think it makes sense. I'm no longer as inquisitive as I was when I was younger, and not everything has to explained - although some things still do! I've been thinking that a potential reason is because of school and exams especially the latter. Exams kind of condition you to believe in one answer, and often you're given no explanation save for 'It just is' ... But it just is what? Imogene https://bit.ly/2WCEUdFI have come to the realization that the biggest gap between two people is misunderstanding. Often focus is on how others may or may not feel and or think about us (which is bizzare really as how do we even truely know we aren't them and can't at all control it) Energy and time is put into trying to influence or prove ourselves and how we are judged. Perhaps instead we need to spend more time ensuring our intentions are actually being expressed in such way as best to clearly portray whats desired. Don't compromise yourself as it is enough for those who are enough for you. tomwillow https://bit.ly/2SFAhRKThe past is done... you don't have to atone for all and every mistake you may have made through out your life. You can't, I mean yeah you could spend your whole life trying to make up for things but it's the original players that set the whole game into motion..so technically, wouldn't you be atoning for their mistakes? Why should you have to be held accountable for the pain and frustration that they caused? Every day is a new start a new chance to be the person you'd like to be, to learn better ways. Of course there will be days that you will fall and mess up. I'm a legend in my own mind when it comes to screw ups. But...The next day is always a new one too so you try again. Thomas Edison said "I haven't failed I just found 10,000 ways that didn't work" So maybe it takes 10,001 or a million. As long as you keep trying. mytwisted&
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