April 9, 2014
My story starts on April 9th, 2013: the day that my dad passed away. Losing someone or something is hard, and I knew that before my dad passed, but I had no idea that it felt like this, that it felt so horrible at times. I never had experienced a major loss in my life and this was and still is very new to me. I have gone through a lot during the past year; I have had days where I just cannot help but cry the whole day and others were I can easily make it through and feel content – not to mention everything in between. One of the largest things that I have realized during this process is just how much of a process it really is.
The process of grieving is something that is not the same for any two people – even if you are also experiencing the loss of your father, our processes are very different from each other. Remembering this when going through this journey is rather important. Yes, there are the “5 Stages of Grief”. What is important to note is that not one person will go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance in the same way. Some people may not even go through one or more of these. You need to feel how you actually feel and not how others are telling you that you feel. If you are in the bargaining stage for a whole year and that is how you really feel, there is no problem with that. Trying to conform yourself to any standard in grief is not going to help you but, rather, hurt you.
If you have experienced a loss people in your life, unfortunately, many try to get you to stick to a standard. They have seen or experienced loss and have established a norm about how loss should affect a person. You need to remember that even if someone says it’s time to move on or that you should feel better by now that you do not have to move on. You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to mourn. You are allowed to feel how you need to feel; don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. I have learned this the hard way and would not wish that upon anyone.
You are not alone. As you grieve and time moves on, people will start to disappear. That person that was checking on you every day for the first few months will stop. It is hard to think about and I know that. Someone told me this and I didn’t believe it because so many people had reached out to me right after my father passed. Because of this, you can’t be afraid to ask for help. These people who leave want to help you, but they may have forgotten something that you will never forget. It is okay to ask for help. You are not alone.
7 Cups of Tea is a great resource to reach out for help in addition to someone in your life. We will be here to listen to what you have to say without judgment. I know that I have used 7 Cups and it has helped me so very much. We are here to support you.
7 Cups of Tea Listener: Jake