GaiaGoddess
on February 4th, 2015

42 years old, never married, no kids, no job, hardly any friends, living with mom

That's pretty much my life in a nutshell. Other people my age have at least been married, if they're not still. And i've only had one boyfriend and that was like 16 years ago (you lose track after so long). He's the only guy I ever had sex with too, and I didnt even enjoy it. I didn't even love him, he was just the first guy who asked me out (and I was 26 at the time). I tend to attract gay men somehow, a few of them I fell in love with or had a crush on long before I knew they were gay, so I had to go through that weird rejection twice. Most guys just want to use me for sex, which is why I haven't had a boyfriend since my ex. The last guy I was in love with I THOUGHT was my boyfriend but turns out he was just trying to get into my pants too even though he would buy me gifts, tell people he was with me, and we would fall asleep in each others arms. But then after almost 2 years of that, I realized I meant nothing to him, after he quit the job we worked at, he never talked to me again. Apparently I am not meant to be with anyone.

I have no job now because I have a sleep disorder that prevents me from being awake in the daytime, it's called Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder... to put it simply, my sleep/wake cycles don't match the daytime/nighttime so I naturally wake up at night and naturally need to sleep during the day. I got fired from my last job because of this. I have always had a hard time finding work, especially work I can do without aggravating my social anxiety/phone phobia. The first time I was unemployed it took me a year to find something again, and I bounced around to a few jobs that either required me to work during the day or required me to deal with customers and/or talk on the phone so I had panic attacks, didn't get enough sleep, whatever the case was, so I had to keep quitting those jobs. I also can't lift more than 30 pounds so that eliminates manual labor jobs. I am all out of options now and don't know what to do for a job anymore.

I have been living with my mom for 5 years now and I get more and more depressed about it every day. I don;t know how much longer I can stand living here, my mom treats me like a child, taking care of me, smothering me with too much love and attention, when all I want is to be left alone. I am an introvert and need to be alone especially where I live but she's retired so she's here all the time babying me and I can't stand it. My dad does the same thing but they're divorced so he lives down the street and he's always calling my mom to ask where I am, what i'm doing, etc. I feel like a child and I can't even escape!

I have one good friend who i've had for about 25 years, thank God, but the rest are too busy getting married, working, having a life. And that only makes me feel worse. Even my good friend has a partner and a house and a job so I feel like crap when I go there too, but it's all I have for a social life.

So yeah thats my life, just thought i'd share. I joined this site because I was looking for free online therapy and of course there is none so I figured this would be the next best thing. Thanks for reading, if you got this far.

msragged1
on February 4th, 2015

I'm no psycologist, but as someone who has lived a little while, No matter how old you are, you will always be their little girl. I'm 50 and to my mother, I'm her 50 year old baby. As for marrage, been there done that and never again. I always wanted to have my own family that has never happened and I'm actually happy about it. I don't have to share my toys. I'm sure you've heard this before, be patient love will come to you when you aren't looking. Til then, love yourself. 

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msragged1
on February 4th, 2015

I forgot to ask, Have you thought about disability on the sleep disorder? Most night jobs do require lifting, unless you can get a dispatcher or call center position.

GaiaGoddess
on February 5th, 2015

I am on a waiting list to see if I can get approved for disability, but I doubt i'll get it because I AM able to work, just odd hours. There are nighttime jobs, so i'm sure they'll tell me just to work at night. That's what i've been doing so far, so they probably will say well why do I need any help NOW. But it does get harder as you get older (to get a job, I mean) and most nighttime jobs are minimum wage/part time (gas station, grocery store clerk, etc.) I dont know, we'll see what happens. I still have 4 more months to wait though.

politeCup86
on February 4th, 2015

Thanks for sharing your story dear, i'm 28 almost 29 and live with mom and dad and they treat me like a 10 years old child so somehow i relate to what you feel, i got so fed up from them but they are also retired and attention get worse. i'm very sorry for the other issues you have, you are very brave to share your story , all the love from me heart and i really wish you will find relief here in 7 cups as i always find 

giggleHoney76
on February 4th, 2015

Your story is touching and I think you express yourself very well. Thank you for sharing your story here.

While you will find many people here at 7ACupsOfTea who are eager to lend an ear, there's only so much help we can provide. Some of the symptoms and conditions you have may be treatable, but only if you seek professional assistance.

Sleep disorders can deprive a person of much more than a job and a vibrant social life. They can also lead to other physical and psychological conditions, which make matters worse.

Treatment need not necessarily be expensive, lengthy or exhausting. But, whatever it entails, you have to make the first move. You already know the potential benefits.

You might try talking to the folks at this site for help obtainable near where you live: http://www.sleepny.com/

 

GaiaGoddess
on February 5th, 2015

I have already tried all the "treatments" there are for this sleep disorder, it isn't something that can be cured, and most people say the treatments don't work for them either. As for the anxiety/phone phobia, I really think those are related to me being an introvert. I just don't like being around people that much, plain and simple. I've always been this way and it will never change. The anxiety only comes up when I am forced to deal with people more than I can handle. Up to that point, I am fine. I just need to live alone, that will solve most of my problems. But I am signing up for online counseling though, I found one who does emails, so i'll be working with her regarding my issues. :-)

GaiaGoddess
on February 6th, 2015

I have already tried all the "treatments" there are for this sleep disorder, it isn't something that can be cured, and most people say the treatments don't work for them either. As for the anxiety/phone phobia, I really think those are related to me being an introvert. I just don't like being around people that much, plain and simple. I've always been this way and it will never change. The anxiety only comes up when I am forced to deal with people more than I can handle. Up to that point, I am fine. I just need to live alone, that will solve most of my problems. But I am signing up for online counseling though, I found one who does emails, so i'll be working with her regarding my issues. :-)

generousPlum9245
on February 13th, 2015

Your lucky you have one good friend, not many people have them, I bet your "other mates" although they are probably happy, they probably dont have any friends like your's.

 

I'm guessing your a male, I do kinda feel the same, everyone I ever new have just used me, I have a couple of friends but they don't take the time to message me, theres one other person who I know but have never met.

Known people for over 7 years and finding out there ****

 

If you need someone to talk to in real life, or if you have a gaming console can do it better from there,

[Edited by Forum Mentor to remove crude language]

GaiaGoddess
on February 15th, 2015

No, i'm female. And I know I should feel grateful I have one friend, but I feel worse sometimes when i'm hanging out with him. The friendship is unfullfilling to me because he doesn't validate anything I say or anything I like. For example, anytime we both have something to talk about or to share or show the other, he shows no interest in what I have to say (unless he agrees with me) and falls asleep when we're watching a movie I picked or makes no comments when listening to music I picked to listen to, or if I just randomly say something on my mind and he doesn't even answer, stuff like that. I feel like I only exist for his benefit, so he has someone to show off all his discoveries and interests with, but doesn't ever care about mine.

politeCup86
on February 15th, 2015

hi there, how have you been? maybe you can try to tell him that, i had a friend who were the same, and i told her frankly that you don't listen to me or comment on what i say and you don't show any interest in the music i tell you about and so and so and so, and i told her that you only expect from me to appreciate everything u say or draw or. anyway she was understanding as i was talking in a calm way, and she said i will try my best to change and if i forget sometimes please remind me again, it took me several years to tell her that and i regret i didn't say that earlier :)

GaiaGoddess
on February 16th, 2015

That's the thing, we HAVE had this discussion many times over the years (we've been friends for about 25 years) and every time I bring it up, he denies it. He says he gives my stuff a chance but it's obvious he doesn't. I have given up now, it's been an ongoing subject and still nothing has changed.

wittyBeach1147
on February 8th, 2016

Thank you for sharing your story. To tell you the truth, marriage isn't what it's all cracked up to be.  I have been married and it sucked. I left him and I am still happy about it.  Regarding friends, please do no feel bad.  I can count the number of "real" friends I have on one hand! (If that!) anyway, friends tend to come and go for me.  I would truly value a 25-year friendship.  Although I am engaged, I still live with my mom. She is also retired.  Living with her can be annoying at times - but I love my mom.  She is all I have in this life - since my ex-husband could not have kids and I have no kids since.  I feel really lonely sometimes - but I workout everyday and try to make the most of life.  I am looking for a job also.  I think we should stay positive and be happy we are alive. After all, we could have cancer or have no limbs.  We are still blessed.  Instead of blaming God (which I frequently want to do), I think we should thank God for what we have. Let's focus on what we have.

Mittens16
on February 8th, 2016

I was married it was for 13yrs it's not what it's all cracked up to be I've been split up for a year now and I like it but still feel low some days I took myself off my tablets and my doctor said I shouldn't of as am not ready yet I just need to take a day at a time a long steep hill to climb but hopefully I will make it 

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