A lot has happened tbh
Yesterday I whent to this convention with my boyfriend and it was really fun. I did end up having a panic attack in the bathroom. I wanted to tell my boyfriend that I was on the verge of one before I whent to tbe bathroom. I was scared though. Ive never had a panic attack out in public. Never before. So after I cleaned myself up I told him and he said he was hurt that I didnt tell him. I explained to him that I didnt know what to do and all of that and he said it was fine. I know it wasnt but I let it go. I didnt want to push him.
The rest of yesterday I felt like something was off with him but he wouldnt tell me. And this morning its the same too. He says hes fine, and that nothing is wrong so I belive him bc he hasnt given me any other reason to not believe him.
I have a friend coming over in a couple mins and my bf called me amd I told him that I could call for just a lil bit amd he got upset or sad or sum and said its fine and I told him that I could still call just not for hours and then he said its fine and hung up. I threw my phone and cried. I literally cried. I didn't do anything wrong. And then I texted him and he told me the same thing.
I just hate being so anxious all the fucjing dam time and overthinking every fucjing tiny thing.
hey @brenbird, thank you for reaching out i can hear how hard the last day has been for you!
Panic attacks in public can be absolutely terrifying, especially if it is the first time it has ever happened. In those moments, our brain goes into survival mode and it makes complete sense that you didn't know what to say or how to tell your boyfriend before you went into the bathroom. You were trying to cope with something intense and unexpected.
I can hear how much his reaction has been weighing on you. When someone you care about seems off, especially when you're already anxious, your mind fills in the gaps with the worse-case scenario. It also seems you recognise that he hasn't given you a reason not to believe him, which is a good reflection. Sometimes people need a little time to process things, even if they say they're fine. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong at all.
The phone call today sounds like it hit a really sensitive spot for you. When you’re anxious, even small changes in tone or behaviour can feel huge. You didn’t do anything wrong by having a friend coming over or by saying you could only talk for a little bit. That’s a completely normal boundary. His reaction might have come from his own feelings, not from anything you did.
Anxiety has a way of making every tiny moment feel like a disaster, and I can hear how exhausted you are from constantly overthinking and second‑guessing yourself. None of this makes you a bad partner. None of this means you’re failing. It means you’re dealing with anxiety that’s louder than usual, and you’re trying your best in the middle of it.
Is there anything that has helped with your anxiety before?
You are more than welcome to keep talking here if you want to unpack things a bit more, and if you ever feel like chatting privately you can request a chat with an online listener for a 1:1 conversation.
You're not alone in this, sending hugs 💜
Emma