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I cant stand my father anymore. Sure, I havent been able to for the past 5 years. Thats when it started. Hes been emotionally, verbally, mentally abusive towards me. 

Tonight he made me cancel plans that I made with my boyfriend for his birthday and then he for some reason cant stand to be in the same room as me. I sat down on the other couch and he was all comfortable on the other and he stands up and rudely tells me that *** be upstairs. I didnt do anything towards him. 

If i ever "yell" at him its bc im scared and trying to protect myself. Plus, hes the one abusing me and screaming at me. 

Sometimes I wish he would physically abuse me just so the court thing ckukd move faster. Im getting a lawyer tk represent me in court soon. 

A couple times he almost hit me. But he stopped himself. 

Sometimes I think I deserve it. I mean i already have 53 scars from sh(yes I counted them bc i have ocd and want to know how many) so whats an injury from another person? 

I just cant do this anymore. Im here at my dads this week for 11 fucjing days bc it was supposed to be vacation but now I have a severe injury from swim team(knee injury). 

Hes the main reason I have:

Depression

GAD

I got into a relationship that eventually ended up with me having PTSD bc of SA

A SH history

Attachment issues

Separation anxiety

*** life. I cant do this. But im going to keep going bc ive made promises to myself, my boyfriend and my mommy. My mom is my bsf. I cant imagine life without her.