Predatory Listeners
We all come here hurting, and it's never easy to know the exact cause of the pain let alone open up about it to a total stranger. I've been here for few days now and my short experience with listeners is making things worse. To my long list of worrisome problems, I am adding the way the dismissiveness, rudeness, self serving nature, and ruthlessness of most listeners I've encountered so far, has made me feel. 90% of the listeners I contacted on this platform had made me double check if I wasn't on a dating app. Many were faking kindness, one even told me a sob story about his own broken heart, and twice the roles were reversed and I became the listener before being asked for a review. Once an empathetic glowing review given, they showed their true colours! I wish there was a way of editing those reviews to give a better informed one, instead. The only female listener I had was dismissive, didn't ask any questions to try and understand my situation, instead told me to try not to worry too much as there are many jobs around. These people/listeners seem to have transferred their Facebook hunger for "likes" and "shares" onto 7of cups, only this time they are leaving a trail of disheartened victims behind in their stampede towards a higher level of Fame. So I've decided: 1- No more hasty first impression based glorifying reviews, and I beg of every user not to give in to any prompts to do such until they are fully satisfied that their feed back is well and truly earned. 2- I'd do a much better job wholeheartedly listening, truly empathising and genuinely caring about others than those vapid, predatory, ego driven listeners I had. So I will be exploring the possibility of becoming one.
P.S. some might think me judgemental calling one of the listener's problem as a sob story. I can't go into details of what the story was, but their behaviour didn't much how someone deeply in love would act (and they asked for my phone number instead of rushing to contact the "love of their life" who was in a situation of great need for their support as per listener's story! )
@diligentCamp4154 I'm sorry you've been having such a bad experience, and I wish I could say it's not always like that but...I feel like I have seen a general decrease in listener quality in the past while. It's not insensitive of you, you're not supposed to be put in the listener role ever as a member, so it's never appropriate for a listener to put their problems on you, unless you specifically ask them to share their story, but even then it's not supposed to ever be in a way where you have to then console them. I know this site can be really good, and really helpful, but the sheer amount of poor listeners, or people who are using the site for the wrong reasons, really messes that up sometimes. I wish the requirements were so much more strict for becoming a listener (and, for keeping your account), even though I think that may have deterred me from signing up initially, it would probably make for a much better experience for everyone if it was that way. Like Charlie mentioned, it's best to still try to report those listeners, such as through blocking even if you've already given a false positive review; I agree, I never give a review for a listener until I'm fully done with the chat. I think that auto-pop up review box messes with a lot of new members and they think either the listener requested it to show up (when I think it just comes up automatically after a certain number of chats have been sent) or feel like they have to fill it out right then, even though I feel it's usually sent way too early to make a good review. Honestly, searching for a listener is probably the most effective way to avoid this problem, but I know it's always easier to just go in the queue to wait, and it's what I always end up doing, so I really wish even the queue gave a good quality experience since I think a lot of people are most comfortable with that method! Anyways...I guess I don't have much "solution" to offer, but rather I just understand your frustrations and also wish things were better :(
Thank you Taran, that's all I can say to your thoughtful input, with gratitude.
@diligentCamp4154 Unfortunately, allowing random listeners to contact you has always been risky at 7 Cups—even though 7 Cups makes new members think that's the normal way to do things.
It's always better to choose an experienced listener from the Browse Listeners page. To chat immediately, make sure the listener you choose has a Chat Now button, otherwise you might wait a long time for a reply.
It's also important to report any listener who behaves badly, so that the listener can get help from a mentor.
If you do become a listener yourself (at Listener Signup), then you'll see how weak the training and support for listeners is.
I am not aware of any plans to improve listener training, and I am not aware of any effective measures to improve listener quality after training, other than hoping members report the unhelpful ones. (There are said to be measures, but I am not aware of their effectiveness.) @EvelyneRose is 7 Cups' Quality Specialist and might know more than I do.
If you'd like to chat to me, then you're welcome to message me. I'll always reply as soon as I can, but I'm not here all that much.
Charlie
Why was my reply removed?????
The other day, a member that I listen to periodically told me that she is traumatised because of some other listener low key sexually harassing her ,Idk I'm afraid of the future of this site
@randomhappyness24 I've been in this site for about two months, and in this time I've
@inthequeue I've encountered two listereners who have been inappropriate. It really made me disturbed.
@inthequeue & all !
Maybe you already did this, but I am just adding it here in case anyone comes across this in a similar situation so they too, know how to do this: Please report any inappropriate interactions, situations, or listeners! It all depends on us to keep this site and make this site successful! I love it here, but it takes a village! We all play apart! There are always a few bad apples anywhere and everywhere, unfortunately :( The amount of kindness, love, and support that is also here with many members and many listeners here is amazing. These are people who volunteer their time, and are kind, understanding, and trying to be there and support shouldn't be minimized by a few bad apples! Don't get me wrong, it's good that this thread is here, started, and you are sharing your experiences about the bad experiences, too. We need to expose the bad apples and kick them out!
How to report/This is what I would: Take a screenshot of your interaction just in case/so you have it. Block the user - when you hit block it also gives you a chance to select why and enter a comment. https://help.7cups.com/hc/en-us/articles/360026238653-My-Listener-is-inappropriate-what-do-I-do-
Hi. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I have both Listener and Member accounts, though I have mostly been on as a Listener until today. There are some great Listeners on here, but I agree with Charlie...the best bet there is specifically searching for someone and looking at their profile first rather than taking a random Listener chat. You are so right....I had some pretty bad experiences when I tried to connect with Listeners when I first joined several years ago and then again today....I wanted really wanted to speak with someone about the things on my mind and wanted to do so immediately rather than message a preferred listener and wait for a reply. With four listeners I was unable to connect at all. The other two actually ghosted me in the middle of a conversation. I make mistakes as a Listener, of that I have no doubt. However, I cannot find any reason why it is ever okay to ghost a member. It really should not be that difficult to connect with a Listener right away who is not taking 4 other calls at the same time, is inappropriate or rude, or just outright ghosts you. I will say, though, on the other hand, when I was not able to find a Listener today, I had success connecting in some of the group support communities. I know that is not always the case there either, but the Sharing Circle was great. I hope you do become a Listener.....you will be aware of what not to do! Best of luck to you :)