search of an adventurous listener for a long-term personal discovery project. (bear with me)
The Project
I experience a constant internal monologue, mostly in the form of a stream of random yet connected reflections or scenarios. It is my intention to become more analytically attentive to this monologue and my emotional reactions in general than I have previously been. I want to be able to produce a detailed overview of my minds most important patterns, which I will do separately outside of our discussion. (And possibly develop an initial plan of how to ensure my life will be a fulfilled one, in accordance with those conclusions.)
So far, these are the broad areas of investigation I can think of:
- Communication
- Personality & identity
- Tastes & why
- Habits & reactions
- Fears/insecurities
- Relationships
- Lifestyle
Since I do not come to 7 Cups looking to alleviate any specific problem, I do not expect that to be the centre of our conversation. However, while discussing these areas we might dig up under-analysed problems, which I will want to dwell on a bit longer than other things.
The Listener
I am looking for a partner in this exploration, whose role would be to:
- Encourage me to open-up completely (and maintain that commitment throughout our dialogue) through your communication style
- Direct the conversation on one topic at a time and avoid getting lost on endless tangents, give the investigation some structure
- Ask enough questions to ensure we cover everything we discuss in as much detail as possible
- Help me analyse be providing a second perspective
You would have to be willing to:
- Experience some awkwardness as a side effect of the depth of the conversation
- Be exposed to an unusual amount of honesty and detail about myself, both good and bad (whatever that actually means), and be endlessly patient/open-minded about all of it
- Occasionally be show vulnerability too by sharing your own experiences to help me put my own thoughts and experiences
- Negotiate how (format/language) and when we will communicate
- Take on someone long-term: I expect the project to last anywhere from several months to 3 years (though you have no obligation to be my partner during all of it, just as long as possible)
So, the final question: would any of you listeners who have made to this (congratulations XD) be interested in being my partner in this project?
P.S. If any willing listener also happens to like Alain deBottons attitude towards people and relationships we will likely get along perfectly… ^^
This sounds like you would profit a lot from a therapist who is professionalized in talking to people. I think it could be a bit hard for a listener (oftentimes just regulär people who just want to help others out) to maintain those standards.
Good look with your search anyways.
@Lena96 That is probably true but there are a few problems with getting a therapist to help me with this project:
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I know that I (at least as I am today) would be unable to share all the relevant information with a person I would have to face again and who would know my identity. This is why I believe that anonymous writing is ideal. And if I can't share all the information I imagine it becomes pointless in a way to involve another person. The things I struggle the most to investigate/understand are precisely the things I find most difficult to vocalise. So I would be stuck with a person who can't help with precisely what I need the most help with.
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A therapist (even online) costs an amount of money that I, as an 18 year old who doesn't have time for a job, can't afford.
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I know I could theoretically ask my parents to finance it, it isn't an unreasonable project after all. However, I would have to explain to them what the project is (which I worry will be used against me in arguments later on).
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My mother is opposed to online therapy by principle. Perhaps I could convince a therapist to do this with me per text and with me giving a fake name, though I doubt that. Even then I would explain why I can't do it with my current therapist. They are extremely difficult to convince and I doubt that they will take the first reason I cited.
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@Lena96 I understand that they are just regular people who will more than likely fail to uphold my high standards at some point in the discussion, as a therapist would too just by virtue of being human. I am definitely prepared to forgive them their mistakes and shortcomings though. And I think we can learn to adapt our communication style to avoid disappointment for both of us by frankly discussing what the problem is and negotiating how to fix it. Also, I kind of like the idea of doing this a regular person and working as partners and equals rather than feel intimidated by the superior knowledge of a therapist... :)
@Lena96 I appreciate you taking the time to reply and make a suggestion to help though^^. Please don't take my long disagreement as a sign of the contrary, I am merely attempting to explain my thinking.
And sorry about the enormous font, I am using the app on my phone and I don't know how to make it smaller.
@ConfusedColours
Message me. I think that'd we be able to get along quite nicely. :)
@KatRebane Thank you very much for the offer 😊 However, from your profile, I don't think we would get along that well: this project will touch on quite few of the issues you said you do not take, also I don't react well at all to the "suck it up" attitude that you mentioned (it makes me immediately distrustful and causes me to shut down). It's also worth mentioning that I actually already found someone to be my partner in this. So I would only really try with another partner in parallel if they seemed to fit me exceptionally well. Thanks again for your willingness to help though. 😊