I hate myself and my social anxiety

So this Friday I went out with my coworkers, and got drunk. After we went to the restaurant we left to go somewhere else. In the beginning I left like I wouldn’t have a good time at all, but I said to myself maybe I just need some liquor. It didn’t work at all. I felt like crap, like an outsider. So I went in the bathroom, and cried. One of the employees were nice enough to help me. It was a horrible day, and I knew I should have just stayed home. It’s so hard for me to express myself, and I’m always the quiet one. I thought liquor would help me, but it doesn’t. It didn’t make me confident, it didn’t make feel freely to express myself like I wanted to. I try sometimes to express myself but it never works out for me. No one ever listens to me. I’m always worried about the wrong things. I obsessed over every single little thing. It’s tiring, and I hate it so much. I’m so jealous of people who can freely be themselves and talk. Thank you to whoever reads this, or can relate❤️