Looking for a Long Term Listener...

Hello everyone, not sure if this is the right place to post this. 

I feel that I really need help with managing my emotions and someone to talk to occasionally for long-term support

TW: Abuse, breakups, stress, anxiety.

I know it might be too much to ask for, but I just had my first-ever break-up a few days ago... I need help with understanding and evaluating the relationship in an unbiased way. I try to do it myself, but I can't think bad about them, or I'll start blaming them for not being pure with me(?). I feel like a jerk when I do this. Everything seems unclear to me, and it's mainly my fault for not communicating effectively. I was just scared that I might say something wrong and they would leave. My heart is pretty much shattered. We ended on a good note, and still love each other, but had to part ways because of circumstances. Meanwhile, I'm having to cope with academic stress, abuse at home, anxiety and a couple of other things. 

I don't think I can cope with these emotions alone... my heart isn't strong enough anymore... I am also scared of being judged over the things I will share... 

If someone would like to help me... I would be really grateful. I promise I will try my best to not be annoying or impossible to deal with. 

Thank you so much for reading till the end. You are really special and loved :)