Forgiveness Friday (Cupsgiving Day 5)
Happy fifth day of Cupsgiving. If you're unsure of what Cupsgiving is, click HERE for more information.
Today's Cupsgiving post will be focused on Forgiveness.
When someone wrongs you somehow, you might feel certain you'll never be able to get over it. Even if that feeling of anger passes, you may continue to dwell on the betrayal instead of letting it fade. It is normal to feel this way, but not being able to forgive can have a huge impact on us the most.
Forgiveness can be defined as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you. Forgiveness can benefit you most of all.
Why it helps to forgive:
- Forgiveness helps you to heal
- Forgiveness can improve other relationships
- Forgiveness can help you reconcile
Discussion questions:
1. Is there something or someone you are finding hard to forgive?
2. Why do you think forgiveness is important?
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I sometimes find it hard to forgive myself and some family members, who in my retrospection have caused me harm, emotionally speaking. I understand forgiveness is important because it will unburden me and help move on from whatever that transpired. However, it's easier said than done.
I find it hard to forgive myself at times. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in the past, and some of them have come back to haunt me.
Forgiveness is important because it will allow me to move on and focus on other prospects. I can’t change the past after all. 🤍
I find it quite hard to forgive people who have hurt me badly in the past, as well as I find it difficult for me to forgive myself. But I've been working on it!
@CheeryMango
There was someone to whom i had forgiven. i forgave them to release me emotionally and mentally.. I chose peace. And i felt so FREE.
I'm finding it hard to forgive my mother for not being the mother I needed and being unable to even now. I'm also finding it hard to forgive myself for my part in my failed former marriage and also hurting others from my sorrow. The shame and guilt is still here with me. Forgiveness is important because it means freedom from the sentence of shame. It means choosing yourself.
@CheeryMango
1. Yes, I may find a few very certain people impossible to forgive, despite how understanding I can be.
2. Though forgiveness may be an abstract concept to someone like me, if you can't get something close to it, it will poison your mindset and well being.
Should we always forgive?
I think not.
If someone is fully aware of what hurt and damage or her actions/behavior might cause, and yet continues then I'd say you are fully entitled to not forgive.
If you would forgive such a person because "you should always forgive", it actually might do you more damage than good.
That doesn't mean that you will hold a grudge towards that person, or stay angry. It means that you move on without forgiving that person.
So, in my honest opinion, forgiveness is not good per se. It seems to be some sort of hype that you should always forgive.
Another thing that people seems to forget is that forgiving is a process. It does not happen overnight. You might even go through a process of forgiveness only to find out that you simply cannot forgive. And there is nothing wrong with that.
The process of forgiving can go up down, and can take, well, even a lifetime.
I myself have been in a dark place. Doing harm to my true self and everyone close to me.
Including my wife.
She says she has worked hard to forgive ne, and has forgiven me.
Yet there is still anger, which comes out now and then, severe anger. Does that mean she has forgiven me? No. Does that mean that she is still in the process of forgiving? Maybe, maybe not. Does that mean she wants to forgive but simply can't? Maybe, maybe not.
What helps me in trying to forgive is to try to understand the one who hurt you. Step in her or her shoes. Major point for me is whether you were hurt intentionally. Whether the one who hurt you was aware of hurting you yet chose to continue to do so. At that point trying to understand is a waste of time. Just move on, and forget about that person.
1. Is there something or someone you are finding hard to forgive? The hardest ones to forgive or let go of are those closest to me. They seem to be able to irritate me the most maybe because I am with them more.
Forgiving does not mean what they did is right, but by letting go and not obsessing about it, I am less stressed and our relationships are less damaged. They seem to be able to irritate me the most maybe because I am with them more. Those that oppose me are also challenging.
2. Why do you think forgiveness is important? when I let go of a grudge or a traumatic situation, I have a clarity that allows me to see life more clearly and reenergizes me to communicate with people more empathically.
@CheeryMango
I've been going through a lot of difficult life changes, and therefore have been finding it very difficult to forgive myself for the pain I have caused to the people around me that I love. My hope is to heal and find that forgiveness.
I’m finding out slowly that I haven’t actually forgiven my partner for ghosting me. I thought i was okay. I thought I’d forgiven him. But I haven’t because it’s still happening. I think in order for myself to progress, I need this. It’s important to forgive because it moves us forward. It brings peace to the mind and heart. To hold grudges...it ages our mind, body and soul.
