Separation and marriage is failing
My spouse and I have been separated for 2 months and most conversations we have he feels attacked. So he’s always angry and feels like the entire world is against him. It could be a simple question that he takes out of contex and over thinks and just assumes I’m attacking him or making fun of him. To be quite frank im so sick of it. I’m tired of him acting like he’s a victim. When I’m trying to repair the small bit of hope I have. He yells at me on the phone or refuses to speak because he’s “embarrassed” so alot of communication is over text. I have told him many times nothing positive will come from communication over text… but he doesn’t come by to see me or the kids. He refuses couples therapy.
today he finally stated he’s embarrassed to have sex. Which he then explains it means he doesn’t want to go on dates with me because he’s afraid it will end up with sex and cause disappointment. Because he feels like he isn’t capable of performing. He started testosterone shots roughly 4 months ago. We had sex 2x since the shots. He’s fully capable of having some sort of performance.
our sex over the last 5 years has been mediocre but I have never once complained…. Never…. How on earth do I convince my husband to go on dates with me and to have sex with me??
Should I just move on. Part of me has absolutely no hope while part of me doesn’t want to lose the man I love and loved for over 10 years and the father to our children..
am I wrong for trying to get him to open up about sex?? Iv been begging for YEARS for a date night. I even had a service deliver dates to the door and he doesn’t want to do hem.
@persistentHuman6827
I can relate to all except my partner has never sought treatment to help...
this is HIS issue not yours ... like you explained when i have talks or seek to have rekindling dates with partner he plays the victim card as well....
It is effective if you shut down but i ask for example or clarification and since he does not have any he knows the "victim card" has lost its power. Many may suggest counseling but if he will not open up about his real issues with you or is embarrassed ..... i doubt adding a stranger to the mix will help.
I know my partner would not do anything but nod like a bobble head and would be a waste of money.
i know it is difficult for men to get over any issues with sex and fear of performance etc... but if you state right out that there is no pressure cuddling and snuggling is enough and you want to connect emotionally .... i feel the best times i ever had with my spouse was when we connected emotionally ... had plenty of mediocre when we only were connecting physically.
the biggest turn on is in the mind not the other.
I agree. A simple night of laying in bed holding each other and kissing is a way I feel loved. Meaningless sex is just meaningless.. I just want to feel wanted and loved but feel like he won’t show me love in the ways I need because he’s too embarrassed it may lead to sex . I’m just not ready to give up and I feel like he is..
@persistentHuman6827
The embarrassment for men is a mystery for me ....
it is ok do not know if it is how they were told or media portrayal or what ANY man having issues in that respect are worried about the same thing......
IF she wants more...... what if it does not work or only works a short time ....... I have never found a way to sincerely communicate that i have tried and while he acts as if he gets it after a morning of just cuddling he was just sure i wanted more..... i got mad and spent whole day asking him what do i want to eat?.... do i need to use the restroom? because .....you seem to KNOW how i feel.... needless to say did not go well.
he at least no longer assumes how i feel but i suggest a better approach.
