When did "wanting to help community" became an issue in a relationship?
I'm no saint, by any means, but in life we all have ups and downs. I've also worked in mental health for years have learned the many struggles some people endure, which can spiral their life.
I just finished nursing school, it was a long and hard journey that triggered a lot of my anxiety, but thankfully I finished my last final exam yesterday.
For years I used to bake for my elderly neighbors and check on them, they are part of the reason of what called me to nursing.
During California fires, the community was thankful to the firefighters and began bringing them food. When I packed a box of sandwiches and took it to the fire department, they had too much and one of them suggested I take my donation to the homeless shelter. When I did, they were so grateful, it inspired me to do it more. Over Christmas I baked a snowman cake, a cookie tree, etc.
I was recently telling the guy I was dating, that I wanted to go on medical mission assignments and that I wanted to also more actively support animal shelters. It's been a dream of mine since I was 6.
He has been a nurse for 2 years, I thought he would understand a bit where I was coming from.
I understand not everyone is going to have the same passions as mine. But he began laughing and mocking me. I was confused and thought perhaps I was misunderstanding his reaction, perhaps he was laughing about something else. But then he said out loud how funny these goals of mine were.
So.... When did wanting to help all of the sudden became an issue?
@GlassHummingbird1100 My first impression - His reaction sounds very paternal as if you were some child with unrealistic dreams. You find fulfillment in giving and that is awesome. It also does not sound like something that a partner should deny you. But my impression may be wrong.
Sadly, at this point, I don't know. I tried talking to him without targeting him. We are no longer together.
@GlassHummingbird1100,
it never did and don't let it withhold you.
Thank you 😊
@GlassHummingbird1100
Helping others is strongly correlated
with positive personal well-being. It is noble of you to spend what time
you have attempting to make the world a better place.
Your
goal appears to be at ends with the individual you were speaking to, or
you would not have been mocked for it. To understand him, you could ask open-ended questions. What about altruism merits ridicule? What sort of goals does he have with his
own life? What would he stand to gain if you were to agree with his viewpoint?
I would like to concur with FlatenedByLife.
In
any case, these are uncomfortable questions. It is an uncomfortable
situation. Left unresolved, it will only get more uncomfortable. You are familiar with resilience judging by the profession you have chosen and the lengths you have gone to in order to care for others. This is something you will be able to solve.
Good luck.
Thank you,
I tried talking to him. We have known each other for years. We briefly dated when he was a nursing student. He says his dream is to marry, have 2 daughters. But he has a hard time opening up. I told him I wanted to get to know him better, so we could understand and better support each other, he shut down.
He seemed a little annoyed when I told him I was feeling anxious during my studies. He wanted me to move to the city he had just moved into. I understood he would feel happier dating someone that lives close to him, I just couldn't do that when I felt judged and unsupported. So we ended things.
All in all, he's a good guy, I wish him well, we just didn't fit together.
@GlassHummingbird1100 I want to start by thanking you for your generous spirit, compassionate soul and dedication to making the world a better place through your own direct efforts. Anyone who would laugh and mock you for those goals sounds insensitive and unsupportive.
Please don’t let anyone diminish your dreams. If this is something you’ve known you wanted to do since you were 6 years old, follow your passion. Make it happen by continuing to take the steps to do it. Don’t let anyone make you question being ambitious in your efforts to help others.The world needs more people like you in it❤️
Thank you for your support and encouraging words. I will continue, and hope someday I'll find someone that supports and understands me, I as I wish to do with him as well
