Help pls! Really confused about my same gender romantic fantasies that I do not desire in real life- am I biromantic or bisexual because of fantasies?
Hey ya'll,
Im so confused right now. I am a woman in her mid 20's and identify as hetro-romantic as I am not really that sexually interested in men but can form romantic attractions to men.
A few times I have had active (meaning I was awake) romantic fantasies of being with celebrity women (actress and an athlete) and imagined being in a dating relationship (living together, kissing etc) and yet as soon as the fantasy was done I couldnt help but laugh at it because I have no attraction towards these women but I have been watching lesbian movies and maybe it got me curious at to what it would be like.
I was turned on by the romantic fantasy but for whatever reason it doesnt crossover to any real life desire.
So my question is do these romantic fantasies that I have no desire to make real mean that I am now bisexual or biromantic? Also is it normal to fantasize about people you are not attracted to in real life? I am not attracted to these celebrity women at all so what explains me fantazing about them and being turned on? If anyone can help answer these two questions you would really be helping me out as I feel very confused and alone :( and feel like I am suffering from an identity crisis :(
I've read online that romantic fantasies can indicate one's sexual orientation, is this true? And what about if I don't actually want to act out those fantasies does it still change my sexual orientation?
Ohh and I am also a virgin as like I said I am not that interested in sexual acts but can form romantic attraction to men hence why I identify with hetroromantic as a way of dientifying myself and my feelings.
@sunnyApple1829
"Is it normal to fantasize about people you are not attracted to in real life?"
Yes! Fantasys sometimes have no bearing on our actual attraction. A fantasy is different than an intention, and attraction is about want and intent. Who you want to be sexual/romantically involved with is what defines your orientation. While fantasys can indicate a persons orientation, they are not a sure sign. A fantasy with no real intent is just a fantasy.
@UntilThen
Thank you so much for your reply, it has really helped me start to make sense of the deep confusion I have been feeling and made me feel less alone.
Sorry to be a pain but can I ask does having those romantic fantasies and a bit sexual fantasies of those two celebrity women mean that I am attracted to them? I havent fantasized about the two celebrity women apart from those few times 1-3 times that was in the past and outside of these fanatsies I never desired them when I saw them in movies and in sports and I still do not desire them but the fantasies have offset so much confusion to the point where I have this doubt in my head telling me " if you fantasized about them romantically and dating them you must like them" but then I look at them on social media and on tv and feel nothing-no crush feelings, no "aww I'd like to be with her".
This is the only other question I have and sorry if you feel you already addressed it, its just I have learning difficulties so sometimes when I read stuff I dont always grasp it all very well though I got what you wrote very well and understand what you wrote so thanks.
@sunnyApple1829
No need to feel bad about asking further questions - thats what we are here for!
Fantasizing doesnt necessarily mean you are attracted to someone. A common myth about fantasys is that they reflect the actual wants of the person. Most, if not all people, have things they enjoy fantasizing about sexually/romantically that they would never actually want to carry through with. If you would not actually want to follow through then I would consider it nothing more than a fantasy.
Also - you can be attracted to someone in more ways than sexual and romantic. There is also aesthetic attraction where you think they are very attractive and good looking but do not have any kind of sexual or romantic inclination. It is common for people to have aesthetic attraction accomidated by sexual/romantic fantasies without actually experiencing sexual/romantic attraction.
@UntilThen
Thank you so much for clarifying that for me. So to conclude am i correct in understanding that fantasies that one has no desire to make real have no impact on ones sexual orientation and that your orientation is defined by you real life feelings around real life people?
