Down again
I want to do this.
Maybe I want something more, too, and I don’t even know why.
I’m surrounded by great people, especially one person I live for, but then I start thinking about it again. Just when I tell myself that things will be okay after almost four years, something comes up that I end up mulling over for weeks on end, and all my progress is lost. It doesn’t even help me anymore to open up, talk about it, and stuff like that.
Not even to the one I’m here for, and that’s what’s destroying me the most.
@elka1ska Hey💜 Thank you for sharing this with u, and I'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling. It can be so hard to go through the recovery cycle of the progress, step backs and the way the old thoughts suddenly come back after years.
I can imagine if feels confusing to be surrounded by people you can about, especially the one person who means so much to you, and still feel pulled back into these thoughts. It can be exhausting, and it makes sense to be weighing on you. You've been trying so hard for so long, and I hear how painful it is when it feels like all that progress slips away.
You mentioned that opening up doesn't help in the way it used to, even with the person you're hear for, and I can imagine that feels even more isolating. Has anything else helped push the thoughts away in the past?
I'm really glad you reached out here. You're not alone in this.
If you would like to discuss any of your feelings in more depth, please do connect with a listener for a 1:1 chat 💜 Also, I noticed you mentioned that you may want to do something more, I'm not sure what you are referring to but if you need further support or are feeling suicidal please do contact a crisis hotline, you can find further information here - Crisis Resources.
Sending you so many good thoughts💜
Thank you so much, you can't imagine how much it means to me ❤️🩹