Hello There and I hope someone will really listen
Hello Everyone,
I don't want to give away too much about myself, because I have never done any sort of on-line chat community before. I always thought they were filled with weirdos and creeps trying to harm you and take advantage of lonely and emotional people like myslef. I am going through a lot right now, and unfortunately don't have any one safe to talk to. My friends. My family. None of them I feel comfortable talking to. Mainly because they know my husband and think he's this great and wonderful guy, and probably wouldn't believe me when I tell them about how he can be kind of a jerk sometimes. Also, they might tell him all the stuff I talked about with them, and that would not end well for me. He would be ***. He has threatened divorce many a time. Pretty much everytime we have a major agrument. Plus, he feels our arguments are pointless and that I'm just making a big deal out of nothing, and that I always have to be right. I just can't take it anymore, and I'm never sure if I'm actually in the wrong or what. I mean, I know I'm not perfect, and I have done and said things that were unfair. But, I hate when he points out past issues with me as if they're happening right now. I don't know. I don't know what to do. It's sad, because I want to love him. But, if I'm honest, it's hard to love him. I often fantisize about being with someone else, and I feel terrible for that. I mean I sometimes feel like I'm being ungrateful or unappreciative. But, then he does something that reminds me of why I fantisize about not being with him. I swear that song from Sarah Baraeiles (I think I spelled her name wrong....sorry.). "King of Anything" sums up my problems with him perfectly. Anyway, I hope someone can help me.
Take care and please help me if you can. I would also like to help others too. I'm a physically disabled house bound person at the moment. I would love to provide support to others who are in a similar situation.
Sincerely,
Lonely and Broken
@sandraweder81
Hey, thank you for reaching out. I am starting to be open to listening long term for any issues. Please feel free to message and I'll be happy to listen and acknowledge what you're doing through. Peace. x
@sandraweder81 Greetings, dear Sandra. I do not know you personally in real life, I do not know the color of your eyes, the color of your hair. I have never seen your face or heard your voice. But I want to be the person with whom you will find peace and comfort. Tell me about your silence, about what you have never told anyone. Show me the parts of your soul that no one has ever seen, the parts of yourself that you hide, the memories that you keep deep inside, the secrets that you are ashamed of, the places that only you know. Tell me about the person who hurt you so badly that you can't breathe, the person who taught you how to live, and the person who taught you how to love. Tell me about your first love, his eyes, his voice, his laugh. Speak to me about your laughter, your tears, your crying, your scars that make you who you are. Speak to me about your favorite song, the one that negates bad memories, the one that motivates you, the one that makes your heart beat faster. Tall to me, tell me everything about yourself, I want to know everything, I want to know you better than anyone, better than myself.
@sandraweder81. I'm sorry you are feeling down. I'm also houebound with a physical disability. This in itself can make you feel vulnerable. I wish you would not feel down about yourself. You beautiful made in God's eyes! I believe in prayer, love yourself and walk away from destructive criticism. Find something to do that lifts others up. I pray for joy and happiness to come into your life.
It sounds like your husband internalized the things you said. Do you know his love language? Maybe the both of you need couple's therapy.
