Listeners: When you stop responding to a chat
Note - this applies to real time chats, by this I mean ones that you pick up from the general request queue, a personal request when your status was set to online at the beginning of it, or there has been communication which indicates it's going to be a real time chat.
When you stop respondiong to a chat, I see it as the equivalent to having a phone call and you just stop speaking, as if you have set the phone down (and not hung up, so the connection still appears to be there) but the person trying to speak to you isn't being heard by anyone, isn't getting responses. Or if there was someone speaking to you face to face and you just walked away, mid conversation (although at least in that case the person knows you left).
It's rude.
If you're nodding off, need to go make a meal soon, are driving, know you need to leave where you are, know you will be busy with something else soon, etc. Don't take a chat where the member will have a reasonable expectation for it to be live. Instead, set your status to busy or offline and you can respond to messages that were sent to you while you weren't free, pop into a group chat for a few minutes, respond to a forum post.
If someone does come up, at least let the person you are chatting with know, especially if the "emergency" is something like you got hungry and need to go make lunch. I see no excuse for not giving someone a head's up that you are stepping away.
If you're in a situation like at work where you can chat until a customer steps in, really consider if you can place your focus on the member before taking that chat. If interruptions are likely to be few and short and you decide to go ahead at the very least let the member know that there's the possibility you may have to step away, especially if you don't have time to let them know that when the customer does step in.
I suspect, as many listeners do use their phones when chatting 1-1 that they have similar etiquette expecations as they would if texting a friend where it's normal to have long lapses in response when one goes to start preparing dinner, without saying hey, I need to go start dinner, will be back in a hour. It's not the same thing though. When I am putting out a general request, or browsing listeners who are online or ask if a listener has some time to chat and they say yes, I expect to be able to have a real time back and forth conversation. Rather than it being similar to etiquette of texting with a friend, it's more like setting up a time to have a chat over some tea, or I phone them up upset about something, find out that yes, they have time to chat and then if they don't respond like mentioned, it's as if they just got up in the middle of me stating what's going on and they walked away without saying anything, or set that phone down.
Sure, emergencies do come up, internet cuts out, there are technical glitches. When I'm chattting to a friend face to face, they might faint. Those are different than just deliberating leaving the chat.
If you do know you are having internet issues think whether taking a real time chat is the best option, maybe planning offline messages is better. I think again, it's also nice if you can let the member know if you do decide to take a real time chat. As a member at least this way if I haven't heard anything for a few minutes I can check to see if you're there, rather than continuing my story and just sending those words out to digital space, where they don't connect to a person, where I won't get a response.
@AffyAvo Thank you for this! It's a great detailed explanation as to why listeners need to have a quick response time when they have indicated that they are online/are going to be online.
@AffyAvo I completely agree. It's rude and inconsiderate and happens far too often. It often leaves you feeling worse then you did when you first came in. Some listeners can take 10-20 minutes to reply and as a member, I've often walked away after the 10 minute mark, assuming that they left the chat, only to return later and find that they finally replied half an hour later. No one ever apologizes either. I think too many listeners take too many chats at a time and they don't give the member their full attention.
If, as a listener, you're not sure what to say to someone about something they wrote, I would rather they admit it then go silent on me. At least then I know they haven't abandoned the chat. Of all the guides they have here for listeners, they should probably have one that covers manners because many people could stand to learn a few.
@AffyAvo Good point about expectations in relation to texting or using a mobile phone, I think. In some environments there's a cultural norm that your phone is always on and you reply to everyone whenever you can, given that you're doing other things at the same time.
I've noticed this with some members who don't reply for long periods, but they don't seem to feel like the continuity of the chat has been broken by that. Other members seem to want a quick response to every message, even when I'm not online, haven't been online for many hours, and it's the middle of the night here in England.
Even the concept of "offline" isn't universally understood. Sometimes I explain, "I wasn't logged in", and I get the feeling some members are perplexed by that, and they're thinking, "What kind of person ever logs out of anything?"
In a fantasy alternative universe where we had tech support, I suppose the platform would continuously reinforce expectations about live chats and offline chats, and the need for listeners to manage the transitions between chatting live, chatting offline, and not chatting at all.
Charlie
@RarelyCharlie Yes, it would be great if the expectations were clearer on both sides. With listener training though being necessary before talking a chat, stopping responses without saying anything first seems to be a fairly simple concept of what not to do to members.
The expectation some have of always getting a response seems surprising. Maybe they think when accounts are inactive that's what logging out does? Agreed though, laying out better expecations for offline accounts would help! It could also explain that members don't control their status beyond being logged out/in. I'm one of those people with lots of tabs open on a browser and I rarely log out when I step away.
@AffyAvo
I think you should be less demanding and show more gratitude. This site has thousands of listeners who are donating their precious time. I kindly suggest you get a paid therapist if you need your interlocutor bound by a contract. That's exactly what paid counseling is for. Putting out negative energy (even if well intentioned) isn't going to be received well by faithful volunteers and is going to be completely ignored by the ones who actually ghost you in chat. Good luck!