The listener role seems too limited to help, much
I recently tried setting up a listener account, but I quickly realized it wouldn't be something I would want to do as there were far too many restrictions. I have been most helpful with people when I'm able to give solutions. I can't seem to do that as a listener from what I read. Is there a way for me to be more involved in helping the people I talk to? I understand the need for such limitations considering that it's a volunteer position meaning anyone can do it, but perhaps there could be a way for people who know how to be more helpful to have that restriction removed. I know there's therapists on the site, but the requirements for becoming one are rather extreme and it isn't a resource everyone is willing to use because it costs money.
@Donoya
hi Donoya! We can't give advice as we don't know the whole situation and advice can be harmful, but we can offer suggestions. "You should do" vs "what do you think of?" or "have you considered"? We want to guide them towards an answer on their own.
@EvelyneRose
"what do you think of?" or "have you considered" is the exact same thing as giving advices.
It's more appropriate to say:
"I'm wondering what solutions you've came up with."
"I'm curious if you've ever been in this situation before" and followed up with "I wonder how you came up with that"
or if you really 'need' to become "directive but non-directive" (to which I highly object) you can try... "I've heard that people in your position typically does ..., I'm not sure if it works, im curious if you think these would work."
Notice that in all of my examples I never asked the client any questions. I always used an "I" statement.
As for OP, the reason why you shouldn't give advices is because what works for you might not work for others. You also want to give your client a sense of autonomy. Your role as a listener is to support the client simply by listening to them.
and if you're competent enough -- to give them the tools and resources that they need to cope with their situation. -- I would strongly suggest not to do this (yet). While it seems like a wellmeaning intention but 'listeners' need to know their limitation and understand what they don't know yet. What I am alluding to with this limitation is the fact that a vast majority of listeners are not trained professionals. Most training that they recieved is probably the 10-20 minute basic micro-skill training that this website offers, which i have to admit is generally 'okay enough' if you're just talking to a friend.
@ZM
Yeah I was just going off the top of my head and didn't sit down to really write something out, you're 100% right they are very similar. I guess for me in my head, they sound different. Like "I'm curious if you've ever been in this situation before I wonder how you came up with that" would push me away and I'd probably talk to someone else, but "How do you feel about things like X?" probably wouldn't. That doesn't make you wrong at all, yours is probably better in terms of being more professional absolutely and less advice-like, I can tell you are well trained! Just every person is different and needs to find their right fit. Like @Rarelycharlie said, a lot of tips here are sort of cushioning advice into other phrases, but I like your idea and might adapt it! Even if member self wouldn't like it, listener self might try it!
@EvelyneRose
Well, asking a person "What solutions you've come up with" is a Solution Focused Therapy (SFT) technique, and is generally on the slightly advanced level of a therapeutic intervention. SFT is generally used when the client is there for a short term consultation. This is generally why it's ill advised to try and give 'advices' or 'suggestions' because for one, your job here as a listener is to support them by simply listening.
Which also makes sense because by observing what 7cups is teaching it's listeners, it's typically revolving around 'active listening' which is a basic micro-skill.
Sadly enough, most people have a misconception that helping is giving advices or solutions, believe it or not many people who studies counselling thinks this way and quickly finds themsleves being corrected or burning out due to mismatching expectations.
"every person is different and needs to find their right fit." hmm... no, when it comes to 'active listening' and specifically in this context, that's definitely a no as active listening is definitely not to try and give solutions or 'suggestions'. Your job is there to strictly listen which a lot of people misunderstands.
It's understandable though given the fact that people who come in here generally have not had the opportunity to practice active listening so a lot of their personal biases and values easily seeps in to their sessions.
Professionals on the other hand have had years of training and experience to really understand their role as 'an active listener', and goes through the training of progressing beyond micro-skills, and can employ SFT, NT, CBT, etc. etc. so what to take from this is, try and stick to active listening and avoid giving advices or solutions.
If professionals don't give/suggest advices and solutions, neither should people.
I know it sounds a bit elitist to say it that way but given the fact that i've seen so many people in here 'try and solve' problems and 'try and "suggest" solutions', i think it's sort of warranted. but I would agree that I could have delivered it in a more gentle manner, but theres the "every person is different". and I for one can come off a bit deliberate when trying to share/teach someone something that I highly value and quite knowledgable of.
@ZM
Hold on we might be having two different convos. I think you think I was trying to say some should give advice and some shouldn't. The site definitely says don't give advice. What I'm saying in terms of fit is that some people prefer some methods over others. Some people respond better to more relaxed, some people respond better to more professional, etc. I wouldn't respond well to "I" statements. I think they come off psychoanalyzing. That doesn't make them bad, I just think it sounds like the listener is trying to make me do all the work and I'm just talking to a wall that bounces ideas back to me. I want a more interactive style when I am a member. However, again, that doesn't mean it's wrong, it just means it wouldn't work for me.
I don't think you sound elitist, I think you are passionate about the subject and want people to understand we shouldn't give advice.
@EvelyneRose
I think there was a misunderstanding or I didnt clarify my self well enough.
When I said that specifically in this context, we shouldnt give advices.
The purpose of 7 cups is to give active listening. However, trained practitioners have the knowledge and skillset to offer SFT (which most people here are not, even if they are that is not the purpose of 7 cups)
So when I made a comment on "every person is different and needs to find their right fit"
I was alluding to the fact that in this context, advices should not be given in any circumstances, especially with the fact that most people here would not have any notion of idea on how to deliver SFT techniques.
"Some people respond better to more relaxed, some people respond better to more professional"
Id agree that some people react/receive things differently but the "I" statements are actually used to ensure that the therapist (listener in this case) would not be leading the listenee.
"That doesn't make them bad, I just think it sounds like the listener is trying to make me do all the work and I'm just talking to a wall that bounces ideas back to me."
It literally is your job as a listener though… to make the client do the work so they can come up with their own solutions that fits for them.
Your role as a listener is to facilate that support thats why there's a heavy emphasis on training active listening here.
I guess this goes back to my other comments (not sure if I said it here) that people dont know exactly what their roles are and therefore they can easily fail into the "giving advices" and "suggestions" role.
But again, its understandable that not everyone here is a professional therefore it shouldnt be expected of them to conduct in a professional manner but if they really want to improve their level of "active listening" and "listening skills" then, theres the path to take.
To know and understand your role as a listener, not as a chatting partner.
@ZM
right i agree, it is definitely their job to find solutions on their own. We are here to listen. But what im saying is as a member, I wouldnt want someone to make me do all the work, I want someone to be my soundboard, not a static presence. Im giving my personal preference of what Id want, Im not disagreeing that your method is wrong. Im saying it wont work for everyone so that people know that theres more than one method. Some people might not like I statements, and thats ok. Theres probably other techniques too to do active listening without advice.
Out of curiosity because you seem well trained, what types of things besides im curious if youve had this situation before would you say?
@ZM I agree. Those ways of showing curiosity do not introduce any of the listener's own ideas for solving some problem. They support the member's autonomy.
But I think many listeners at 7 Cups do try to solve problems by introducing their own ideas in various ways. So I would not want to discourage @Donoya from becoming a listener merely for wanting to adopt the same approach as many experienced listeners.
Charlie
@RarelyCharlie
"But I think many listeners at 7 Cups do try to solve problems by introducing their own ideas in various ways. So I would not want to discourage @Donoya from becoming a listener merely for wanting to adopt the same approach as many experienced listeners"
From what I had observed, it's usually because there is a lack of understanding about what their role is.
I have noticed that the very first training that people get in here when the first begin is "Active Listening" which i think is wrong. The focus should be their intentionallity.
Even in counselling schools, a lot of people study counselling because they have a great misconception about their role as a therapist. they think they are there to give 'excellent advices' and great solutions but their misconceptions are quickly corrected. They either struggle or give up studying counselling because they refuse to adjust to what is actually expected of them.
A lot of them even try to justify their actions with "i have years of life experience", while we won't deny and discredit that, but it's also important to emphasise that it is not what counselling is.
"wanting to adopt the same approach as many experienced listeners""
Is another big issue that I have with listeners in here.
A lot of people have been branded the title of "Forum helper" or "Mentor" which does scare me quite a lot given the fact that a lot these Mentors are actually practicing in a not so ideal manner, and therefore they pass on their 'bad habits' on to newbies. So I think that it is extremely important to be deliberate and call things out as it is to somewhat slow down or stop the cycle.
I look at 'listener' profiles and look at their reviews and it sort of scares me how the reviews dwelves into "gives great advices" cause I wonder whats gunna happen in the next few weeks or months when that advice they've given them no longer works. They'll probably come back here and look for more advices instead of them being able to come up with their own solutions.
People often don't know their own limitations, thats why they think they're here to give advices which i really hope would be cleared out.
@ZM I sort of agree with you. It would be much better if listeners at 7 Cups really did not give any advice.
But that is not the 7 Cups we have now. What we have now is that the official mock chats and most of the mentors (I imagine) encourage listeners to give advice disguised as suggestions.
When you say there is a lack of understanding about what the role is, I disagree. The advice-giving role is taught by the official mock chats and the official mentors. Giving advice is officially the role. Some statements in the active listening module contradict it, but those statements are usually ignored. The advice-giving role is well understood.
It is not ideal at all, but it is what we have.
Charlie
@RarelyCharlie
"When you say there is a lack of understanding about what the role is, I disagree."
I strongly disagree.
People who end up in this role (Helping role) have typically had their own experiences of their issues as well therefore they are more likely ot be intrested in this position. This is not exclusive to "Listeners" on this website. It also happens in professoinal counselling. People study counselling under a misconpcetion and misunderstanding that they are there to give advices.
If that can happen on a professional level, what more on an unregulated 'listener' role? and given the fact that it is a common issue of complaint around here that people keeps giving advices, i htink it's a much bigger issue than it is.
People giving advices stems from a lack of understanding of what their roles are, thats why when people study counselling, they spend their first term studying aspects of introspection and understanding their role. We barely touch micro-skills until we have a strong understanding of what our roles are. It is not uncommon for people at this stage to drop out once their misconpcetions have been cleared -- it's because they think that their role is to give advices.
@ZM what about asking 'do you think it'll work to do X?' and if they say no, asking them 'what makes you say that?' so you can understand the situation better? I feel like that approach is pretty safe, but you might know whether that would be a good idea better than I would.
@Donoya
"@ZM what about asking 'do you think it'll work to do X?' and if they say no, asking them 'what makes you say that?' so you can understand the situation better? I feel like that approach is pretty safe, but you might know whether that would be a good idea better than I would."
Good try but i'd avoid asking questions because it does lead the 'listenee' to a different frame of thought. Your aim is to be the sounding board that the other person could use.
but if you're really wanting to go down that path, the way you can ask the question is... "I'm curious if you've had a similar situation like this before... and what helped you in that situation?"
So when you ask this question, what you're doing is, you're getting the client/listenee to assess their own resources and see what worked for them. That way you're not suggesting or giving any advices, you're actually helping them come up with their own answers (which is the aim of active listening). If they said "I don't know", then you go back to active listening help them dig up their own resources.
So if you try to ask "do you think x will work" etc, etc. what you're doing is "trying to solve the problem" and you are no longer using 'active listening'.
so then it's going to sound like an interrogation.
"Have you done this?" - no
"ok tried this?" - no.
if that cycle keeps happening, your client/listenee will get tired and feel even more defeated and unheard. As for you, you will also get tired. Let your client/listenee do the work. Your job is to become a sounding board.
If you're not active listening, and you've begun to give advices, then you've forgotten your role as a listsener.
@ZM
Note: When I said "avoid asking questions", I didn't explain myself well enough.
We tell new counsellors or training counsellors not to ask questions (in their early stages) so that they can focus on paraphrasing and reflecting emotions for now as people are typically used to asking questions.
Asking questions can easily lead/direct clients into a train of thought that they don't really want or need to be in so if you can, try to paraphrase and reflect contents of thoughts and feelings.
Young/inexperienced counsellors have a tendency to focus on thoughts or feelings alone, but over time they begin to learn how to reflect key themes instead. It's very important to know which one you are more likely to focus on (thoughts or feelings) so that you can be aware of your own blindspots.
@ZM I understand active listening is what the listener role is for, but the problem is that you aren't really helping them with their problem unless their problem is to do with lack of independence. But even then, getting someone to be more independent can actually be harmful in the long run, as our society works on interdependence and making someone completely independent ultimately hinders their progress as it's basically trying to get them not to ask for help because it's not needed anymore, even though it's still beneficial to ask for help. Our world is pretty strongly built on the give and recieve dynamic, so becoming independent just hinders the the person's progress.
@Donoya
" I understand active listening is what the listener role is for, but the problem is that you aren't really helping them with their problem unless their problem is to do with lack of independence. But even then, getting someone to be more independent can actually be harmful in the long run, as our society works on interdependence and making someone completely independent ultimately hinders their progress as it's basically trying to get them not to ask for help because it's not needed anymore, even though it's still beneficial to ask for help. Our world is pretty strongly built on the give and recieve dynamic, so becoming independent just hinders the the person's progress."
I don't think you understand exactly what the role is. If your concern is still around 'fixing' their problem for them, then you truly don't understand what it means to be a "listener".
and the more I think about it, I don't actually have anything invested on this website. I wanted to help people learn about how to become an effective listener so they can help people who come seeking for support, but then again that's not my responsiblity. There are people who come here with an intention of becoming an actual listener, but there are people who come here to become a 'listener' under the pretense of solving peoples problems and I can't do anything about that but just let them run into the problems that they will face due to that belief.
I just hope that they won't cause as much damage to people seeking help and cause further stigma.
@ZM Can there be a problem solver role that's separate? I do know the listener role isn't built for problem solving, which is why I suggested in my original post to have it so that the rules can be different for those that are able to do this (I realize that's probably massive paraphrasing, but I'm replying on mobile, so checking exactly what was said so I can quote it correctly would be a pain)
@ZM
"what do you think of?" or "have you considered" is definately not giving advice its asking the person questions
@jennysunrise8
this is literally the problem that i was talking about before.
people that doesn't even realise the effect of their words/sentences.
Yes it is considered giving an advice.
"Have you thought about doing... x"
> "oh I never thought of that before, i guess i'll give it a go!"
effect? other person took your 'suggestion'
lets go for a deliberate one.
"You should do x"
> "ok, i guess i'll do that."
or "effect? other person is going to do what you suggested.
Your role as an active listener is literally to actively listen, not solve the other persons problem. the moment you start venturing into "have you thought about xyz" and "i'm only suggesting" then you're no longer actively listening.
@ZM whats inappropriate is directing it at yourself your feelings and what you want your curious you want more information thats the conversation isnt about the listeners feelings or what you want
@jennysunrise8
Whats inappropriate is people not knowing their role and begin to blend in their own ideas instead of allowing their listenee to come up with a solution to their own issues.
As I keep saying before, people ought to know their role and give their listenee autonomy to come up with their own solutions to their issues.
@ZM. right and asking questions directed at the persons feelings and thoughts not your own feelings and thoughts is apart of t theythe questions shouldnt be directed at you and what you want them to do for you
@jennysunrise8
ah, well you seem very skilled and educated. I wonder what license practicioners can learn from you.
I wonder what people with years of experience in the professional field of counselling and psychotherapy can learn from all of your skills.
My supervisor could pick up a skill or two from you, maybe my uni lecturers too. I guess my line manager can also learn a thing or two from you along with my colleagues with years of experience.
@ZM this isnt psychotherapy or any type of counseling its just active listening and active listening is focused on reflecting what that person says not telling the person you want them to do something for you and answer questions to satisfy your curiosity theyre under no obligation to do that and thats not what they came here to do
@jennysunrise8
@ZM this isnt psychotherapy or any type of counseling its just active listening and active listening is focused on reflecting what that person says not telling the person you want them to do something for you and answer questions to satisfy your curiosity theyre under no obligation to do that and thats not what they came here to do
Oh yeah?
hence why 7 cups claims to be a therapeuetic website?
why 7 cups teaches people like you to utilise basic microskills?
"what that person says not telling the person you want them to do something for you"
Where exactly did you get this idea from? because I used "I'm curious question" which is an extremely common advanced micro-skill?
so with your logic then people shouldnt use active listening at all cause that's considered a "Therapy" skill.
The thing is, Jenny. There are people who actually studies these things so they can practice effectively so when they see people who needs help learning these skills that we take for granted, we're more than happy to share them which is what i have demonstrated here.
There are also people who feel that they know better than someone who have spent the last 5 years of their life dedicated to this practice, who regularly deals with client and are seeking regular supervision.
I'm hoping you see where im getting at but if not, i'll be more deliberate. There are things that you don't know and don't understand so humble yourself so you can learn a thing or two from someone who does this for a living instead of constantly deflecting.
and yes, it does annoy me when people who doesnt know what they're talking about acts as if they know every intricate details of areas that they know very little of aside from their basic active listening skills.
@jennysunrise8
and again, i understand that you have no formal training in regards to these matters other than the 20-30 minute 'active listening' skill in here (in which i'm sure you did great).
With that being said, i think it's very important to emphasise what's happening with "I'm curious" questions and "I wonder" questions.
This is a technique in Narrative Therapy (employed by licensed practicioiners) to externalise and enrich the plot. Its effect is to be directive but non-directive which avoids leading the client to another frame of thought. It hones in on certain topics/conversation that the practicioner needs to address. This is also considered an "advanced micro-skill".
So when a practicioner uses these skills, it's actually them 'facilitating' change and applying therapeutic interventions.
if you don't have the skill/tools and resources to move on to applying interventions (which most people in here are) then you need to stick to your basic micro-skills which is active listening.
You dont offer suggestions or any advices. Solution Focused Therapy and CBT/REBT are utilised for that which generally requires more training.
Most people on this website only recieves 20-30 minute of basic micro-skills as opposed to the 2-3 years (5 years on MA level) of counselling. Let alone recieve supervision so i don't think it's ethical of me or anyone at all of that matter to dwelve into suggestion/advice giving, let alone 'listeners' without proper skill/training.
stick to your basic active listening.
@ZM narrative therapy or any other type of therapy isnt apart of active listening there are therapists here that would do that but its not the role of an active listener to do what your talking about thats used in therapy
@jennysunrise8
So you're assuming that i emplored the full modality instead of using one or two skill with it? that's like saying "you can't use anything outside of what they taught you on this website."
This website teaches you basic micro-skills and active listening.
If you're equipped to utilise advanced micro-skills that goes beyond your average user to support your 'listenee' then, why not?
I'm still practicing with their autonomy in mind. I am acting with non-maleficence, and promotes client growth.
Know what makes me qualified to utilise skills beyond micro-skills?
Cause I have specific training for it, i receive supervision to utilise it, i am constantly honing my skills to use it.
and thats the difference between someone who just learned the 20-30 minute active listening training here vs. someone who does this professionally.
to add:
The mere fact that you've ignored every point that i've made about the utilisation of those sklls is more than enough to suggest that you're not really interested in developing your 'listening skills.'
If you actually read what I wrote, you'll learn that the "i'm curious" questions were utilised to assist the 'listenee' into drawing from their own strengths, reflection and experiences but nah, you're too limited to basic entry level active listening and even refuse to look beyond it.
@ZM sorry i just disagree with the theory that this technique is effective i understand you think it is and you can do that if you want to active listening is limited is what im saying and it should be limited listeners taking a 30 min active listening training then getting training in some theory by some anonymous person online and moving beyond active listening isnt exactly a great idea
@jennysunrise8
" sorry i just disagree with the theory that this technique is effective i understand you think it is and you can do that if you want to active listening is limited is what im saying and it should be limited listeners taking a 30 min active listening training then getting training in some theory by some anonymous person online and moving beyond active listening isnt exactly a great idea "
You can disagree as much as you'd like but it doesn't change the fact that it's a legitimate skill used in counselling modality. You can also disagree for various reasons, in which in my educated opinion is a lack of understanding of how and whyt it is used.
And if you think that 30 minutes is enough of learning a basic micro-skill, then i guess thats on you, all im saying is, there's a much bigger world out there, and if you're afraid to learn more than what you already know, then again, not my area to call but don't limit others who are wanting and willing to learn from others who are more experienced and more qualified just because you yourself is afraid of knowledge.
@ZM yes some counselors agree with that technique and use it and others disagree with it and dont use it theres no reason to get angry attack me and accuse me of trying to hold people back from learning because i dont want to learn just because i disagree with it how am i holding anyone back from learning anything just because im disagreeing with you ? everyone can decide for themselves if they want you to train them to become a listener-therapist anyone can do that i have no intention to stop anyone disagreeing isnt stopping anyone
@jennysunrise8
"@ZM yes some counselors agree with that technique and use it and others disagree with it and dont use it theres no reason to get angry attack me and accuse me of trying to hold people back from learning because i dont want to learn just because i disagree with it how am i holding anyone back from learning anything just because im disagreeing with you ? everyone can decide for themselves if they want you to train them to become a listener-therapist anyone can do that i have no intention to stop anyone disagreeing isnt stopping anyone "
You are not being attacked, i'm simply pointing out what you're missing out on. If you feel that you're being attacked then i'm sorry you feel that way.
and like i said, you can disagree with me as much as you'd like but that doesn't change the fact that there are different modalities and that none of em are 'better than the other'. They are actually utilised for different situations and they are preferred by therapists that specialises in those areas.
What I was doing before was sharing insights with people, especially when i am correcting their belief that their idea was a 'suggestion' and failed to see that it was an advice. This is also why i corrected you because you did not understand the concept behind it and the intentionality behind those words.
Like i said before, a lot of people doesnt understand their role and intentionality, let alone the underpinning knowledge behind certain modalities and why "active listening" is an extremely basic skill, and if they want to move on to advanced micro-skills then it's avaiable for them if they're willing to seek it.
Disclaimer - I haven't had time to read this whole thread, but I have to say from the first few messages that I agree with OP that particularly in the online setting, the listener's role is rarely helpful from my perspective and just feels like I'm wasting my time since they don't give any real feedback on what I'm saying or contribute at all really.
I looked into becoming a listener as well, mostly to try to help out as the lack of good mods means the chatrooms frequently devolve, sometimes becoming a truly toxic space with no filter, which is worse than small pieces of advice that are at least made with good intentions.. But considering how useless the restrictions made it (in addition to all the time that you are supposed to put in for such a simple gesture that basically keeps the site going..) it really seemed like a waste of time.
I understand you can't train people to a level to give advice so it isn't always a good idea, but some kind of conversation technique that doesn't feel like you're talking to a wall would definitely make the interaction hugely better. Surely there's some way you can have listeners engage with the person they're talking to! I mean even having CBT techniques you can point to would be more helpful as you can try to genuinely help by referring to them (as long as they were in a self-directed format).
I'm not saying I know the best solution, but listeners at the moment are just not helpful. It's not the same as speaking in person so it feels like they're not even reading what you write. People realise this and turn to the chats which are almost completely uncontrolled as a result of a lack of good moderation (and probably also the long process preventing enough mods).
Repeating what you've already written with parts in bold doesn't really help us as we are left with the same essential problem, which is that the restrictions put on listeners make them only useful as a prompt to get your thoughts on paper, sometimes leaving you feeling more stuck and unheard, as they otherwise serve no real purpose.
@musoperson2
Just to add to what I put there, I'm probably a little too tired to be debating this right now and rereading this whole thread it seems to have gotten a little full on here so I probably should have pulled my head in. xD
My main point is just that most of the listeners on here seem reluctant to say ANYTHING except really basic "i'm sorry's" etc which is a little frustrating. I hope that the listener training might be improved to reflect these problems we're discussing so people feel more empowered to help each other better which is I guess why we're all here.
@musoperson2 At one time I hoped that the listener training could be improved to address these kinds of problems, and around three years ago there was an official project intended to lead to improvements. But, just like in this thread, the kind of listening we wanted to end up with could not be agreed on. The project failed to make any difference.
If it's of any interest, here's a summary of the discussions from back then: New Listener Training: Summary of Discussions
The training has been updated since then, but I don't think any major changes were made.
Charlie
Elitist?NO.....Way.
@Donoya Your perception of the listener role is only partly true. The real situation is complicated.
It's true that the Active Listening training tells us:
Active Listening is not:
- Trying to solve the persons [sic] problems
- Giving solutions or advice
- Changing the subject
- Sharing your own opinions
But many listeners ignore all that and try to solve people's problems anyway. They give solutions and advice, they change the subject to what the listener prefers to talk about, and they share their opinions. In fact, these techniques are all illustrated in the Practice Chat and other mock chats available to listeners to learn from.
Some listeners who give advice like to disguise it so that it doesn't seem so advicey. For example, instead of saying:
"You should meditate."
A listener might disguise the advice as an option:
"One possibility that you might consider is meditation."
Or disguise the advice as a leading question:
"Have you ever wondered whether meditation might help?"
But some listeners who give advice simply give direct advice.
If you're someone who likes to give people solutions, instead of empowering them to discover their own solutions, then I think you'll fit in to our listener community well.
Charlie
@Donoya the problem with giving solutions to someone you dont know is that their life is unique everyones life is completely unique and the solutions and advice you would give can only be based on your own experiences you can talk about your own experiences but let the person your talking to decide what to do you dont know them well enough to direct them to do anything but you can ask questions directed at them or the problem they want to talk about asking questions is apart of active listening it helps them discover their own solutions
@Donoya
That's totally understandable. Those urges to give advice are always there, but we must learn to avoid those.
Well I must say this page has answered a lot of un asked questions about becoming a Listener. I'm glad I decided to read it. The information has been very helpful.
I think listeners help people to feel connected and not alone. Patient listeners are hard to find for people who are anxious or who feel different. I think just listening, just connecting, can be priceless.