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Family & Caregivers Community Taglist
by Sher217
Last post
 December 20th, 2022
...See more The Family & Caregivers Taglist has been moved!  Just wanted to let everyone know that our taglist has a new 'home' beginning in 2022. This thread controls an auto-updating taglist. To see the current list, go to Family & Caregivers Community Taglist [https://rarelycharlie.github.io/taglist?5e3f5e73a75214ab42c6ab21499775c0]. To add yourself to this taglist, press the Post to Thread button above and write the exact words: Please add me To remove yourself from this taglist, press the Post to Thread button above and write the exact words: Please remove me Please Note: the previous Taglist of active members is being moved into it's new location. current taglist updated 20Dec 2022 @addyor7 @adventurousPeach7700 @agreeableBlueberry7426 @AlexVincent @almarben2021 @amiableRaspberries644 @Avaray @benkimoo @bestRaspberries1517 @blue0moon @breeuniqemsns @CallunaDee @caringEyes817 @caringPink6587 @CautiousKitten4644 @ClearingBaggage22 @competentParadise6344 @Crankenstein @cyanVase4996 @Daemon85 @dancingIvory @diligentPlace1585 @discreetThinker5846 @DistortionHeart @dtanushree @dynamicPond275 @easyMango9861 @easyZebra1721 @EvelyneRose @fairmindedWisteria3450 @FluffyHamster666 @forcefulFriend4768 @freshOasis7877 @friendlySkies6250 @FrozenRob0t @gentleLove4111 @giraffe2011 @GloriaD @Goddessenergy8 @GoldenNest2727 @goodPapaya8943 @greenDrum7364 @hardworkingKite6195 @hardworkingStrawberries4640 @HempHealer @independentPrune479 @inventiveTurtle5247 @katerina214 @Kickan75 @kindCloud141 @Kjalen97 @lavenderBranch7351 @lilrezvert @Limegreen642 @LISTENER1610 @littleteddy06 @LovetoGod @lovingFlower72 @LovinHope @loyalShade3261 @Lu5566 @Margiewm @marvelloustree1111 @melloohi @miraculousPresence1609 @MissEG1988 @MoonChild1206 @Moonlemon48 @MrMarino @MsVee2021 @munchiegoosie @MusicalMelodyxX @mxmes @MySty2 @neonNest6685 @npetler24 @Onlyonefollower @peacefulPlum1025 @powerfulEast1407 @pramsay57 @quietChestnut6900 @Ramiluz1 @scarletPear1945 @selfconfidentWalker138 @sevtopaloglu @Sher217 @SherryTong @ShyCat1678201 @shymap84001 @Smokescrunch @SoarLikeAnEagle @softMusic9759 @spencer1234567 @Sraphoenix @strangermj12 @StressedTFOut0914 @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @tallFriend9158 @Taylorz27 @Tinylemon1 @toughCurrent7546 @TraumaOne @TruckKnitter @turkeybby @unassumingDog4740 @versatileSky19 @VioletPerson1783 @warmheartedSailboat2021 @WillGood @Wisesupports @WorriedNana @yellowSquare6431 @YourNeighbourhoodsuperhero ~ Sher
Should my family therapist and personal therapist work together
by AverageJoe718
Last post
 Monday
...See more I currently see a 1 on 1 therapist but may soon be seeing a family therapist with a family member. I already spoke to my therapist and he encourages it. But should both of the therapists be in communication in regards to me? Or should I leave them separate? Anyone have experience with this?
Attachment issues
by alysasof
Last post
 Monday
...See more my parents have always been around but they never really cared or listened to any of my problems. So know that I’m older and suffer with health issues I attach myself to older men because I feel like they listen to me. But the problem is that I get attached to any older guy that gives me some kind of attention and I go into depression as soon as the guy I’m with doesn’t act the same.
Family
by MysteriouslyFound1893
Last post
 Friday
...See more Hi! Growing up with a controlling father, I've had a resentment built up over the years. But I love my father to the bits. After so much work, I've finally started calling him out on how he's been mistreating me. The point is, I feel guilty for doing so, I feel I'm hurting him. Even though I speak to him very respectfully. I feel bad about telling him how he's wrong. P.S. there's no question here, just wanted to put it out there. Thank you for reading!
I feel trapped
by tpwk1626
Last post
 Friday
...See more Hi all I dont really know what to do... im 20 so still live at home but I hate it I wish I could move out because I just feel so trapped and alone in my own house and I've had enough and no one understands and thinks I'm just being moody or *** but I'm just struggling so much and anytime I try to express that I just get told to get over it in so many words.... im just fed up 😕
Sole earner for wife with chronic illness
by B26354
Last post
 April 11th
...See more Well, the loneliness and running out of friends has sent me here. Short version: for over a decade I have been the sole earner for a wife who has a chronic illness (ME). Despite a half-decent income, her lack of income and benefits means we just keep our heads above water but with no money to holiday, do nice things, go out, and make significant home improvements. In fact, over time the house will fall into disrepair and I will have to work until I die because my wife will receive no pension.  I could cope with that if we had enough time to relax and enjoy each other's company but because of her illness, I actually just spend my days getting up, caring for her, working and cleaning/fixing the house before collapsing again. I feel these are first-world problems and I shouldn't moan or complain. The tears, anger, non-existent self worth, and exhaustion however are getting too much. I need to share regularly and could do with a shoulder / ear / pair of eyes to chat or communicate with to give me the odd arm around the shoulder as well as the kick up the backside. Yeah - that's the short version!  Is anyone else in the same boat? Or even on the same sea? Or maybe you're not and you just want me to listen to you and be caring and empathetic as a distraction to my own problems?
Moving and pet problem
by convivialWatermelon3441
Last post
 April 9th
...See more I made a post a few days regarding some issues with my mother, whom I live with. It's my husband, myself and our 2 children that all live with my mom. We moved in after my dad passed a fee years ago. Living here has been somewhat of a nightmare from my mom not wanting to help to problems with the house to natural disasters, etc. My husband and I have been offered a house in our budget that's more spacious for us and the kids. My father-in-law is renting us the house and does not want any pets at all and we've had our cat for 7 years now. Normally, I would not be quick to take the offer, but we really need our own space. Big downside is he doesn't want pets and we've had our cat for 7 years. The kids love her, she's clean, quiet, declawed...buy no matter bow much we have tried, no pets... I'm torn because we love her and we want to do the right thing, but this is such a good opportunity for us to finally have a place of our own...I'd hate to pass it up... I feel irresponsible almost because like we chose to have her...idk. Any advice? Words of encouragement...
Caregiver for Mom and brother
by inventiveNectarine4087
Last post
 April 9th
...See more I just wanted to share my story. I'm 20 and my mom has been living with multiple sclerosis for 12 years. It's been deteriorating gradually and she needs me here as a full time caregiver. It's random, some days she's fine others she can't get out of bed without help. My dad is very authoritarian and has all but mandated me to be her caregiver. We have looked at assisted living options and we cannot afford them near here. The state one is hundreds of miles away. Plus she doesn't always need it yet. So I feel like I have to assume this role.  As if that wasn't enough, my brother has severe autism and needs his own type of care and supervision which my mom and I share.  I just feel alone and stressed out a lot. My dad works away from home most of week. So each week is this cycle of worrying about him coming home, making sure there's nothing he's going to go off on me about, acting perfect when he's here, and relaxing as soon as he leaves. I've been making progress on not self harming or skipping meals. But I just struggle with managing emotions.  That's all I just wanted to get it off my chest. Thank you 
Family
by lightEast7528
Last post
 April 8th
...See more I miss family feeling. 
What Can I Say?
by plumDrum6386
Last post
 April 3rd
...See more Hi everyone. Quick background: I went no contact with my parents and brother in January, after about a year of low contact, and 30 years of emotional abuse and manipulation. Since January, I have only "heard" from my parents once in the form of an invitation to my sister in laws baby shower. This invite triggered a complete breakdown. I cried, threw the invite away, and moved on with my life. Anyway, the reason I'm posting now is because in about a month, I'll be attending my cousin's wedding. It's a long flight away, and since my brother and his wife are expecting a baby soon, they won't be attending (which is great for me). My mother also won't be attending (woohoo!) because of the impending grandchild, however, another cousin whom I'm very close with said my father is planning to go. My father is an enabler who allowed my mother to treat me like crap all my life. He can and has admitted to me that I was treated differently from my older brother since the very beginning, but ultimately expected me to just accept it. He's basically terrified of my narcisstic mother and would never say anything negative or even remotely critical to her. I've basically decided that I'll just ignore him at the wedding. My main concern is everyone else... I grew up pretty close to my cousins and a lot of them will be attending this wedding as well. Since it's basically a destination wedding, there will be numerous opportunities for down-time, and they are all well-aware of the rift between me and my parents, though they don't know all the details. I worry that since I wasn't at my own SIL's baby shower, for my brother's first child no less, their questions will be fresh on their minds. What can I say to them?? I definitely don't want to talk about my abusive parents, but I also don't want to come across as super defensive when I know they dont understand... I'm ready to move past it - that's what going no contact is all about. I don't want every encounter with my extended family to be a reminder of abuse. Any advice would be appreciated. I'd love to hear from anyone who can relate or even someone who is maybe not I'm position at all. What could I say to you if you were my family? I want to show them I'm doing better than ever without having to explain why or making everyone uncomfortable.
Issues with Mom as an adult
by convivialWatermelon3441
Last post
 April 2nd
...See more I have no idea what to do here... Part of me feels bad, then another part doesn't. Backstory: I'm 30, my husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and have 2 children. My parents have never been a fan of my husband and were controlling when we first got together (I was 22, paying for things on my own and carrying my weight around the house with my parents). I eventually moved out due to the controlling behaviors. My husband had never done anything to either of themand I had known him for several years.. Jump ahead a few years, after we were married and our first was born. In July of 2020 my dad passed from a massive heart attack. It was very unexpected. My parents, myself and husband had all planned on getting a house together before he passed, but we're waiting until our lease was up in our apartment, which was in August. So, my husband and I decided to move in with my mother to be there and help both support and financially. We moved in August and September we were hit with a severe hurricane. Had 2 trees on our roof with damage, without power for a few days, etc. My husband and I forked out $2500 to remove trees until insurance money came to have it fixed. By this point, my mom has filed bankruptcy for herself as she felt she couldn't pay off debts her and my dad had accumulated. She had said she would give us back the money after everything was fixed as we would have plenty left over...well we've never seen that money. Since then we've forked out more money for the house (which only has her name on it) because we've needed AC work done and hot water heater, pipelines, etc. We're up to close to $9000 total in the last 4 years, some of which has gone on credit cards that we've worked hard to pay off now.... whew. This isn't even the main problem. We've bought more groceries, my mom barely helps around the house. And she is healthy and capable... spends a ton of money on beer and cigarettes, curses around the kids (I now have 2 children). When my daughter was born, she had been seeing a man. He is nice and is great with the kids, but she had just met him when my daughter was born and decided 2 weeks after she was born that her and her boyfriend were going to go on a cruise out of the country. She knew this man a month...her exact words to me when I confronted her about how I was feeling were, "I can't put my life on hold for you." That stung because I had just spent the last 2 years making sure she was good. When my dad passed, she never once looked at me and said how are you? I don't necessarily fault her for that because I haven't lost a spouse, but it stings a bit. When we moved in she said, "if yall will drive me to the bar sometimes, I will keep my grandson so yall can go on a date night sometimes." Well we reciprocated our end of that deal, but she didn't. Everytime, we have asked her and gave her at least a weeks notice, she's said no. Alright, cool, your not obligated to watch him, he's my kid, but I told her she could drive herself to the bar and be responsible. I've gotten to where I just don't ask her for anything... I don't even like her offering anymore. She leaves dirty dishes out or puts them in the sink instead of washing them. We have no dishwasher... I wash up my dishes... and was doing hers for a while but I'm just tired of it. I cook, clean up afterwards, watch my kids, don't ask her for a single thing. My husband andni work opposite shifts so he helps as he can but he's not always here... This is not my time to raise a 60 year old capable woman. It's my time to raise and spend time with my children.... and I'm just tired of feeling like a slave or a maid. She has terrible hygiene and I'm OCD and suffer from anxiety so I'm suffocating here. My father in law has offered us a way out. Offered to buy any house we wanted and he would rent it out to us for $700/month. There's nothing that cheap in out city that's good and safe. House would be ours when he passes. But my mom can't afford to live here by herself and will immediately say, "yall just going to let me be homeless" or something to that nature. She is also the type that will make herself the victim in any situation so I will immediately be the bad guy here... but I can't take it. I love her, but I feel like we would have such a better relationship with distance, with separate house holds.... There's so much more tiny bits of info I could throw in. Things she's said, done, trauma, hurt... etc. I'm not perfect....but she's the parent I strive not to be. She was great as a child, growing up she was there...but as an adult building my own way, not at all... not at all... Any advice, criticism, similar experiences welcome!
Going No Contact with My Parents
by plumDrum6386
Last post
 March 28th
...See more Hi everyone. Despite the title implying some pretty heavy decisions, I am happier than I have been in FIFTEEN YEARS. I am 31 yo and have had some crazy familial drama in the past 3 years that opened up a ton of old wounds regarding emotional and physical abuse as a child. One year ago, I told my parents I needed time away from them, but in hindsight, I realize this was time I was allowing them to reflect on the situation. Come late October, they reached out to me and asked to speak and I naively thought "maybe this is their apology." I was wrong. Instead, they wanted to know what was wrong, as though I hadn't explained it a million times before. The conversation ended poorly and I told them "I want an apology or I want you out of my life." The next week, my mom called and cheerfully asked me to come to Thanksgiving. This is her thing: she acts like nothing is wrong (like I'll just get over 30 years of abuse) and then acts all offended when I tell her no... I'm not spending Thanksgiving with you. Then my dad texts me asking me to watch their dog while they go on vacation. I almost just gave in because the dog is the only empathetic creature in their home, but I said no. He reached out to me two more times to ask me to watch the dog, telling me if I don't do it, they'll have to cancel their trip and they can't get their money back... like it's my fault. (They love to guilt me into things) I stood my ground. NO. I asked for an apology explicitly and they not only blatantly ignored it, they had the audacity to ask me to do them a favor!! Then my dad starts sending me photos of him and I when I was a child, smiling as I sat in his lap. He took a picture of a card I gave him where I had written "I'll always love you." Clear and obvious manipulation. I've been in the habit of googling these situations and found that this isn't so rare. One person explained that manipulators do this because they are reminded of a time when I couldn't fight back and that made a lot of sense to me. At 31, I'm done fighting back. They don't deserve it. I'm learning to love myself for the first time ever. I'm done worrying about what they think of me. I'm done trying to make them change when they are incapable of understanding. I feel freer and happier than I have since I was a teenager. I'm only writing this because I hope it helps anyone else who might be in a similar situation. Know that letting go is the first step to being a happier, more whole YOU.
What is the healthiest family you have known/seen?
by Hope
Last post
 March 26th
...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are well. Let's take a break from talking about our own family and focus our attention outwards.  Think of all the people you have interacted with, be it friends, extended family, colleagues etc think of all the families you came across and reflect on a family that seems the healthiest/happiest/most connected. What do they do that seems to matter the most in achieving this result?  If you can't think of any real life examples, you can think of TV/Movie families and answer the same question. 

Family & Caregivers

Welcome to Family & Caregivers! This is a supportive space to share your thoughts and experiences.

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other,”  Richard Bach.


What are the different forum topics for Family & Caregivers?

Community Space: A place for introductions, icebreakers, games, community check-ins and discussions.

Family Relationships: A place for you to discuss all things relating to family relationships.

Support for Caregivers: Are you a caregiver? Get support and guidance here!


How can I help?

You can help us by simply responding to threads and sharing your story (if you're comfortable). Check-in with us, join a discussion, or start one! Alternatively, you can join us as a Forum Leader. Check out this thread for more information.


Helpful Threads

Taglist: Do you want to stay up to date with our community? Then join our tag list to be notified whenever there is a new discussion or update within the community!


Family & Caregivers FAQ

Q: Are there any sub-community-specific guidelines that we need to adhere to?

A: You can find Sub-community-specific guidelines below, which you should follow in addition to the general forum guidelines.


Help! I still have a question! 

If you need help, feel free to contact a community leader or post here, and someone will contact you!


Community Guidelines

Guidelines specific to Family Support Community

1) Be polite, and non-judgmental - Everyone has a different idea of what a "family".  No two families are alike, so please be open-minded and supportive to everyone who shares here. 

2) Please use appropriate language for all ages - This community supports both teens and adults.  Curse/cuss words will be removed from posts.  

3) Some topics may be triggering - If you find a topic here triggering please step away and take a moment of self-care. We try to be inclusive and discuss a wide variety of topics so there will be something for everyone.

4) The GOLDEN RULE - We are Family! We will be polite, friendly, caring, compassionate and offer support to everyone to the best of our abilities. You will be polite too!

Read the 7 Cups Guidelines
Community Resources

Family Stress https://www.7cups.com/family-stress/  

Domestic Assault https://www.7cups.com/domestic-assault-survivor/  

Questions & Answers https://www.7cups.com/qa-family-stress-23/    

Financial Stress https://www.7cups.com/qa-financial-stress-26/  

Sleeping Well https://www.7cups.com/sleeping-well/   

Group Support Chatrooms Group Support chatrooms 

Family Forums https://www.7cups.com/forum/FamilySupport_191/