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Why do we turn to the things that destroy us to make ourselves feel better?

13 Answers
Last Updated: 03/30/2020 at 3:29pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
January 13th, 2015 8:36am
We turn to things that destroy us because we have not learned the correct coping skills. We are relying on old, bad habits to comfort us when that is what brought us misery in the first place.
September 8th, 2015 12:01pm
Actually we need to know how our minds works. Whenever we are in a bad mental state the minds cheats us and tells us that these bad activities will make us happy... during depressed times our body has the lowest power to defend ourselves against such traps. Sleeplessness and poor diet also leads us to such situations always avoid artificial foods and take organic natural foods as much as possible to have strong mind and mental state. So according to my limited knowledge if you any single constructive activity which you enjoy passionately will give you strength to avoid bad habits.
April 23rd, 2018 4:48pm
We turn to things that destroy us to make ourselves feel better because often times it is what we know. Self esteem often controls what we assume we deserve, so we go towards what we believe that we deserve, which in most cases is something negative. We don't realize we deserve so much MORE, then we give ourselves. So we get stuck in a habit of staying with a habit which is lesser then we should get. Example: Feeling low, instead of accepting help we let ourselves loath in the pain, instead of realizing we deserve help and actively seek help. So we suffer in silence because we view ourselves as "not worth the better".
July 11th, 2015 6:20am
Sometimes its escapism. We do not see a different way out and we act on the spur of the moment without thinking things through. But always remember the next morning in the cold light of day your still going to have to deal with the reality that was there before you decided to take something. It is best to think, take time out and deal with the actual problem rather than trying to mask it.
February 8th, 2016 4:29am
Hurting ourselves is a lot easier than finding solutions. When we can't find healthy coping skills we fall back to self-destruction. We express our negative emotions this way.
July 19th, 2016 1:11pm
People often value themselves less than they should so they accept negative treatment because they think it's the best that they deserve. I can personally relate because when I was in a difficult place, I talked to my ex and he was helpful and loving so I believed we would be able to get back together but he was doing the same thing with multiple girls.
December 13th, 2016 6:35am
I don't think that's it, really– I think it's that most of the things that help us feel instantly better, if even for a moment, are some of the things worst for our long-term wellbeing. And when you're not feeling well, you're almost certainly more focused on temporary relief than on long-term care.
December 4th, 2017 3:41pm
A lot of people do this because they think that all they deserve is pain and hurt. Sometimes this is all people know in their lives before they learn to treat themselves with the love and respect they truly deserve
January 16th, 2018 11:24am
we always try to be in command. and we believe we can change the things in our own way. and we know the hard lesson very late that apart from us we cannot change much outside.
February 21st, 2015 8:29am
They're more familiar - and produce more familiar outcomes than aiming for newer, scarier but possibly more positive outcomes.
May 25th, 2015 1:31am
Often we turn to the things that destroy us to make ourselves feel better because they are the short-term fixes that can be easily rationalized without the input of anyone else...or, perhaps, the patience to digest the input of someone who's trying to help you. A couple of examples that come to mind are people involved with self-medication or co-dependency.
January 26th, 2016 2:40pm
It feels proactive to lash out against what we perceive as the root of our/loved one's sufferings.
March 30th, 2020 3:29pm
I do not know the specific details of your situation, however, I know that from my own experience, sometimes it is the very thing that destroys us that makes us feel better. I know that in my past I would do exactly what I knew I shouldn't do simply because the act of doing it felt like a release or escape from what I was going through outside of the experience. I understand that this back and forth may be hard to navigate, but that is why I am here, to help you through it. Could you tell me more about what it is that has you feeling this way? It sounds like you are feeling very torn and I would like to provide some support.