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How do you deal with trying to stay clean and sober when your life partner is not?

12 Answers
Last Updated: 07/09/2018 at 8:18am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Andrea Tuck, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I tackle and discuss a multitude of social and emotional health issues. I have a belief that through empowerment and non-judgmental support clients' can thrive.

Top Rated Answers
Estherrrr
February 4th, 2015 6:28pm
The truth is, you may not be able to. You may not be able to stay clean because staying clean in that situation would require a tremendous amount of willpower. It can be hard enough to stay clean even with all the right influences on your life but when you are trying to stay clean with a partner who isn't, that can be detrimental to your sobriety and the relationship.
astral358
February 8th, 2016 3:53pm
It is actually much more on influence. You can actually use the power of influence to help your partner.
Skybringslight
April 3rd, 2015 4:29am
You tell them how you feel, and put on your own air mask before putting one on them. Just like airplanes.
Athena86
July 28th, 2015 6:24pm
It's really important to have a strong support network when getting sober. If it can't be your partner, then it should be someone else you trust. Making sure you have people who can support you when you feel a craving is critical. You can't make your partner hit rock bottom, you can only save yourself. You are allowed to protect your sobriety and your journey. If being around them when they drink threatens that, you have the right to leave the situation.
peaser0712
March 21st, 2015 5:36pm
That is a tough situation and there is no one size fits all answer. How far along are you in your sobriety? The further along you are typically the easier it is. Is your partner supportive of your new way of life? How much does your partner use? You can't change someone else's behavior only yours, so speaking from experience focus on yourself and staying on the straight and narrow that is hard enough to alone.
nxvyaa
May 1st, 2015 8:24am
Staying sober is hard. And when you're around people who aren't sober, it's even harder, because usually, the company around you, makes you who you are. I guess, it just requires a really strong mindset. If you have that sort of willpower, than you can get through it, but for normal people, it's going to be quite difficult. Just make sure your goal is strong I guess.
bountifulMemory59
November 9th, 2015 9:00pm
Can you talk to them? Say how them drinking impacts on you ? I'm sure they would want to support you It may be unrealistic for them to be tea total but perhaps you both could work something out? Eg them only having a drink at times you feel strong enough not to relapse Maybe it could help to have distractions or things to do when people are drinking Or support groups may be able to provide you with some help on staying sober in my experience sometimes it can help a lot to talk to people who are in a similar position and understand how difficult things can be Good luck 😊 and I'm sure you will have many more sober days
ughhitshaley
January 19th, 2016 8:53pm
i try to stay clean by distracting myself and doing other things that entertain me and that is somthing positive you to do and is productive with life.
kindSunshine20
August 22nd, 2016 7:19pm
Understand that you and your life partner are two separate individuals and it's completely alright with not having same mentality or approach towards life. Set your own principles and practice self-decipline. Adhere to what you feel is right and also accept that you're not supposed to force your thinking on your life partner at the same time not letting them curb your individuality as well.
Kaysha
October 11th, 2016 7:14pm
You can't let your choices revolve around others, although their lack of willpower will be very distracting, you have to remember that it's your health that matters and you need to stay clean and sober in order to remain healthy.
BeautifulOutlaw
December 19th, 2016 1:54pm
Best thing to do, is to ask them to quit. Explain that it's difficult for you to stay clean, when they're doing it. If they're not willing to at least respect your discussion, than you might be better off.
Caringoranges00
July 9th, 2018 8:18am
To focus on my goals and my priorities. The reason why I started to in the first place and why I want to get better