How to trust someone again who has consistently lied?
246 Answers
Last Updated: 05/14/2023 at 1:19am
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Polly Letsch, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
May 29th, 2018 11:32pm
Imagine if you were them, tell them what you would tell yourself. (Like if you were lying you would tell yourself to stop by telling yourself to stop doing things that you would have to lie about.)
Firstly I would suggest analysing if this is something that you actually want to do. If someone is not willing to be truthful with you then they do not deserve your trust. That said, If they are working on their behavour then absolutely give them another chance. The key to trust is actually in understanding that you trust your ability to cope if they hurt you. This is empowering because you hold the power to choose how you react and what you tell yourself about the situation. You need to decide if the change is genuine and they are not just pretending to change until you forget about the issue. Are you strong enough to forgive them and deal with another betrayl of trust? Always put yourself first.
First of all, accept that it will be hard. Let them know that you're trying to trust them again, and that anything they do to prove their trustworthiness is noticed and appreciated. Tell them that your relationship is in a fragile place, so anything they do to breach your trust will send you back to the beginning of the journey. Sometimes, you're subconscious won't actually trust the person still. Your brain automatically gets defensive after being lied to so many times. But if you believe they are changing for the better, you have to make a conscious leap of faith to trust them. The longer you make the leap the more natural it will feel.
I think the answer is you can't, or perhaps shouldn't. If this person must be in your life, then I think you need to explore ways in which you can live with them while not trusting them completely. If they don't need to be in your life, it might be worth giving them some space or moving on from them. But if you feel that you should try to trust them simply because you need to keep them around, I'm not convinced it's something you should or even could do. If they've consistently proven that they are not trustworthy, unfortunately I think that's something you need to come to terms with and work around as much as possible/is necessary.
I think its natural and normal to not be able to trust someone who has broken our trust and understandably so. Because our brain has a way of protecting itself from disappointments and pain, so it wont trust something or someone which has given it a sense of lack of ability to be trusted so that we don't suffer from disappointments.
Naturally, I don't think I could do much to trust such a person, other than maybe seeing them in a different light to project a different self they have and to give that more importance than the person whom I think they are when lying. The easiest way though would be for them to change if possible.
I hope you find a way
Express this concern to them and let them know that you will not completely trust them for the time being. Allow them to reflect on their mistakes and have them explain the circumstances behind their lies. Help them understand that they will have to work hard to earn back your trust and, in doing so, your bond together will become stronger if done sincerely. Tell them that you can see through their lies and that lying now will cause irreparable damage between the two of you. Although you are kind and forgiving, there is a limit to your compassion so one more misstep and you will never be able to trust that person again.
Sounds like you and hurt and scared for being lied to. Sounds like you would like someone to talk to about betrayal. I have had some relationships that it was hard to trust again and its scary and uncomfortable. May i ask you about this relationship? Is it a family member, friend/s or romantic relationship? Life can sure let us down sometimes. Have you ever experienced this type of situation before? If so how was the outcome? Sounds like you really care about this person. You sound like a caring person. Have you a close friend?
Once the trust is broken, it is difficult to regain that trust. So it is okay if it takes a lot of time for you to trust someone. Take baby steps and keep high expectations if you can. It is okay if you do not trust anyone at all. Even though trust is the base of a relationship, mending a broken trust is like repairing a broken mirror. It might not always be possible to bring the mirror back, or even if you do, you will see many cracks.If we talk of lying, I will not justify the constant lying, however, everyone does lie at least once in their life. It is just a human tendency.
Anonymous
August 6th, 2021 6:02pm
You don't. Although past behavior doesn't dictate future behavior, it's often a good indicator. Since they've consistently lied in the past, what's stopping them from lying again? Or perhaps even finding new ways to do so in the future once you've managed to trust them again? Until they've proven to you that they've changed for good, which often requires some life-altering event, it's safe to say take everything they say with a grain of salt. This is not to say, people don't lie to cover their own insecurities. So working with the person to gain their trust could also be feasible depending on the scenario.
You don't its not worth the time but if its is important to you you just deal with it
Trust goes both ways
It takes awhile to build trust with someone. Once the trust is broken it takes an even longer time to repair it. Lying is something I'm sure that everyone has done at some point or another whether it be a small or big lie. Lying isn't right period. It's always within your best interest to be honest. You will learn how to trust a person who has consistently lied to you when your heart and mind tells you that it's time. How to trust them? You will have to be willing to forgive that person and give that person another chance and an opportunity to come forward with the truth.
trusting someone is hard. let alone having been lied to time and time again. building trust is not easy. but in doing so, it can make relationships stronger. in other times, it can also make the relationship worse. second chances are sometimes needed but third chances are not.
Anonymous
August 30th, 2015 10:48am
Itz a very difficult task to do.. Coz trust is like a paper.. If itz crushed it can never be flatten.. Eventhough we try to do it.. It wnt be as it already was!!!
I think you have to believe that they have changed. Also keep your guard up, don't trust them straight away. Sometimes people can put on an act.
It depends on who the person is.If you really care about him/her try to talk and work with the problem
It'll be a hard journey to trust someone like that. But if you truly believe it's possible, it'll get easier and easier.
Trusting someone who has lied isnt an easy thing to do. Honestly you just have to trust in yourself to know that theyve changed.
Trusting someone who lied to you could be hard, its important that this person want to gain your trust back and is willing to take baby steps with you. You don't have to go from 0 to 100 in a second you have to build the relationship again step by step and when you realise that person will have your trust again, its important that this person never abuses your trust again.
Anonymous
September 16th, 2015 9:36pm
It takes time to trust someone who lied again. Try to trust them with small things at first then bigger things over time.
Anonymous
September 18th, 2015 11:06am
You can't. Unless that person changes. The best predicter of future behavior is past behavior. when nothing changes, nothing changes.
Trusting yourself is the most primary thing to do. Only when we trust in ourselves can we have the power to trust others. Distrust and being skeptical of a person arises due to fear that we are not strong enough. We are scared that the person may lie again and hurt us. Imagine, if we never had any strings attached to a person, if we didn't depend on them, would it really matter what tale the person was telling us or others?
Anonymous
September 23rd, 2015 8:25am
Its hard but you need to have them regain trust. If they constantly lie then it's hard rebuild trust but it could be possible.
Its tough to trust those who have lied. My advice would be for you to always ask for proof in what they say. For example, if they say they have tickets to a ball game ask to see them in person. Otherwise assume that they are not being truthful.
It's hard but loving someone the best thing to do is day by day and babe steps you will get there really
It is a very hard thing to do. I have dealt with a similar issue and the best action to take on is to restart from the very beginning to make everything right an okay.
Anonymous
November 4th, 2015 1:30pm
investigate and see if they're lying then if they're not trust them..if they're telling the truth then maybe they have changed their ways
chat with anoymous but even think more update never get in life update never do life man the life o
Once they have lied several times, Its hard to trust someone again. Confidence and effort would be the answer and spending more time with the person will build the relationship and hopes to trust again.
Having them prove to you that they can be again. Example: if you tell them something no one else knows and they keep it to themselves and with you. That is one step closer to earning your trust back.
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