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How to trust someone again who has consistently lied?

246 Answers
Last Updated: 05/14/2023 at 1:19am
How to trust someone again who has consistently lied?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
tranquilPresence5355
May 22nd, 2020 4:58pm
When I have been faced with a consistent liar, I don't trust them the same way again. I don't cut them off completely, but I don't really believe anything they say.. You need to be able to take everything they say with a pinch of salt. If you don't want to cut them off, don't, but you don't need to trust them again, no matter how much they beg. You need to assess your situation and see if you really need them in your life. If ou do, be wary around them, if you don't there's nothing wrong with not wanting to talk to them.
MulberryMuffin
June 3rd, 2020 5:54pm
It is not easy. It is very very difficult. I also believe that you cannot change the inherent nature of the person. I think the burden is on him or her to go out of their way to convince you that they are worthy of your trust and if they don't do it. Please let them go. It would not be sensible to trust somebody who constantly lies. People are not what they say. People are what they do. Their every lie is a statement and it would be stupid to ignore such statement. Stop questioning yourself. Everything falls into place with time.
starielistener
June 6th, 2020 7:31am
Forgiveness is key. Trusting them again may be difficult, but it's not impossible. Forgiving them for their mistakes, and releasing that they're human too could really help. You do not have to fully trust them with everything, or tell them everything, but moving on from the past and accepting the fact may help you move forwards. Trusting that they have changed is not easy either, and that is a whole other thing in itself. Remember, it does not make them a bad person, in fact everyone makes mistakes, and trusting them again and letting them into your life is very possible.
4Runnning44AspiringJD
June 26th, 2020 1:10am
For me, I see this question slightly different as I was the one that consistently lied, so I read "How to gain someone's trust that you constantly lied to?" And I am still trying to learn the answer to the newly stated question. They have all heard the same story to a redundancy. I have learned that my actions must be what gains their trust because words, specifically my words, are meaningless to them until I can prove otherwise. I have lost all my lifelong friends due to choices that I made. I hold myself accountable and take responsibility for those choices. I cannot blame anyone else anymore as I am the only common link within the chain fence, and I can still blame others but that does not serve me for any reason than to hold shame and shame will lead me to lies and lies will have this process start all over again. So i am lonely and saddened that I allowed my life to get to this point, but I know that I am resilient and can change not for them for me, but changing for me will allow those that I truly care about to come back into my life if they so desire.
Anonymous
July 5th, 2020 7:57pm
You don't have to trust them 100% right away. Build up trust slowly and tell them that if they want your trust again they are going to need to stop lying. I've had an experience with trying to trust a lier too. I told him that if he wanted my trust he would have to stop lying and then over time I could trust him again. It's important to know that it's OK not to trust a lier if they make no efforts to stop lying. It's also OK to not immediately trust a known lier who says they've made a change for good. But over time if they prove themselves, the relationship should strengthen again
Rebekah
July 9th, 2020 2:45pm
It can be very hard for us to put our trust into someone who has lied to us frequently. Maybe you could rebuild that trust by setting clear boundaries with the person as well as perhaps letting them know of your concerns. It's perfectly alright to feel how you do about this - anyone in your shoes would feel the same way. Try to gently place your trust in them as time moves on, maybe seeing whether or not they lie. If ever you realise you cannot trust them again, you may be unable to ever trust them again. It's entirely up to you how you approach this, and how many chances you offer the person is up to you.
caringkoala333
August 6th, 2020 6:39pm
set limits. by setting limits!!! being able to set limits is the best way to protect both yoursel fand hte other person. ultimately if someone keeps betraying trust, then it's better to move on from toxic relatiopnshiops such as these. after all, why bother? It's not healthy to continue letting someone hurt you. It makes no sense and will only continue to hurt me as a person and a human being. I fail to see the point in maintinaing relstiapnships with people whoa re toxic. There are definetely a lot of people like that in this world and it's quite unfortunate.
lovetobhere
September 18th, 2020 11:02pm
You can forgive them but it's unsafe for your mental health to try to mend that bond. You have to make sure you're setting a boundary for yourself to ensure that you aren't getting hurt over and over by the same thing. You are your own person, but don't let someone that continues to lie be in your life if it isn't worth the heart ache. You have the control over the situation and if you don't want to trust them, you're not going to be able to. It is very hard to mend that when you know it's been done more than once. Hope this helped, love.
CJLion87
September 23rd, 2020 6:35pm
It's hard to establish trust when someone has done nothing but show you that they don't deserve it but i have been proven wrong by those same friends. One way that i was able to build that trust back was to talk with them about how I felt and why it was hard to take them at their word. Once that was established it was a slow journey of giving out trust but also planning for the worse. Sometimes this means not trusting them with information that i absolutely dont want getting out or not believing them completely but trying to figure out what part of their story does hold the truth.
Deliah453
September 24th, 2020 3:56pm
The key ingredient in any relationship is trust. While trust is a bond, it is also fragile, easily broken, if one of the partners constantly lies. To regain that broken trust is one of the most challenging things to do as it makes you question what to believe and what not to believe. In fact, it may take months to start believing in your partner again. If this relationship truly matters to you, then talk it out with your partner about his behavior and how has it made you feel. Help them realize that what they did was wrong, and the relationship is strong and precious. Give your partner the opportunity to learn and fix their mistakes. Even though this may take a long time, if it is worth it, your relationship will emerge stronger.
Anonymous
October 8th, 2020 5:09am
Based on my experience I can advise you the following: You don't have to trust again, we are talking about someone who consistently lied, not someone who has lied only once. If trust is important to you, you must understand that it cannot be unilateral, that is, if the other person did not value your trust, you are not obliged to force yourself to trust again. I don't know what your situation is, but if you decide to trust again, you must make it clear to him/her that he/she must earn your trust again through his actions. I hope it is useful for you.
Anonymous
October 8th, 2020 10:59pm
The way you can trust someone again after they have lied consistently, would be to have excellent communication. Be able to be open with one another and have that trust rebuilt. Making a list of pros and cons about the person can sometimes help as well. If you see that there is more cons than pros, unfortunately sometimes it is best to let that person go. Having full trust into someone is extremely important if you are in a relationship or if it is just a friendship. A relationship is based on trust. If you truly love this person, you must be willing to do that. If you have doubts, it may be time to move on.
calmingFriend2210
October 23rd, 2020 7:52pm
That’s a hard one. Well there have to try to earn your trust. YoU can’t just say I trust you since they now have a reputation for lying. They will have to be willing to trust you as well as to stop there habit for lying. Though trust can be very fragile it can be regained. If this person tries to gain your trust and turn their ways of lying you might be more open to trust them. Though if they don’t you can of need to keep an eye on the person saying their lies aren’t going get them anywhere and will lose people’s trust.:)
Anonymous
November 7th, 2020 6:27pm
Trust is a two-way street, but trusting someone that has habitually lied is hard to develop trust in that person. Once they lied it’s a violation, but to continue to do so, then it’s as if now you’re conditioned to never believe a word they say. It would take a very strong person with nothing to lose to forgive a person who habitually lies. Of course the relationship between those people has a lot to do with it. How invested in this person are you? If it’s an offspring, son/daughter, then the parent will be more willing to forgive. If it’s a spouse, well that’s more of how much the infatuation goes. But if it’s a supposed friend, then the tolerance will be so diminished that the friendship will falter. In any case, it is ultimately up to the forgiver to forgive the lies. I believe as humans, we all lie about one thing or another. Would it not be hypocritical to never forgive a lier, if we ourselves desire to be forgiven when we do it? So to trust someone again, would require the ability to forgive.
Anonymous
November 24th, 2020 2:56am
Sometimes it's not possible. You need to decide if the relationship with the person is worth it. If you decide its worth it, then the best way to trust them again is to talk to them about it. Open communication and establish ways for them to earn back your trust. Your trust is a gift that others have to earn. It is not something that should be handed out to everyone. Explain to the person how you feel and make it clear that you are not someone to be walked over. You don't have to feel guilty for not trusting someone who has lied to you. They should feel guilty for lying, and they are the ones who should be fighting to regain your trust.
samiahusain
November 25th, 2020 3:01pm
We all face such circumstances in our daily life where we have to make a choice between the truth or the lie, we all come across situations where we have to trust people based on them. The important thing is that not only the choices but also people's behavior and actions are influenced by this. Our relationships in this world are also based on this to a very large extent. We trust people on the basis of their actions and sayings. This also plays a very important role in marriage. For a marriage to work in the long run, years of commitment, respect, faith, honesty is required by both the parties. In reality trust is lacking behind in the relationships of today. Even spouses are not faithful towards each other, reading articles on social media or hearing stories of people having affairs, infidelity are becoming common with the passing time, which is causing lack of confidence among them, a feeling of shame & a lot of anger. People are not having any information about what their partners are up to as they more engaged in themselves or in the pursuit of their career or money. They are not having enough time for their relationships which may result in lack of truth or trust among people. People gradually start taking the support of lies, which eventually ends in the failure of the relationship. Even the children are affected very badly if their parents are going through something like this, it damages their childhood and their happiness which is really a topic of concern. Broken trust can sometimes take months or a long time to move on from, as these experiences are challenging opportunities. The only way for a healthy relationship is trust and it only gets stronger when truth is the backbone of it. Trusting someone who had constantly lied will only hurt our feelings. Even apologies don't work in such cases. The next step is to cut ourselves away from such people, it may be a difficult process but it is much needed. Someone who constantly lies holds little or no respect of how the other person will feel when he gets to know the truth. The key to a happy life is to maintain a distance with such people and not to trust them blindly. Choose wisely whom to trust. The choice is always ours.
caringRose8788
November 29th, 2020 9:00pm
Best course of action is to not trust them. They have already shown their trustworthiness, which isnt impressive, and they have proven their tendency to be consistent with lying and have a pattern of it. They will likely do it again and again and you will just end up emotionally and psychologically harmed which is no good for anyone. So it is best to proceed with caution and protect yourself. It is best, therefore, to keep them at arms length and distance yourself from such an individual so they are unlikely to hurt you again. Dealing with someone who is a confirmed, consistent Liar is damaging, hurtful, and can be very harmful.
Ines1229
December 2nd, 2020 8:02am
It’s definitely hard to believe what someone who has gotten you used to then lying at all times is saying. Once trust is lost, it can be extremely hard to get back. It is definitely hard for us to distinguish when someone we are used to be lied by is telling a lie or they are truthful and it can make us really confused. However, there are times when you can tell they are being truthful - taking into consideration their gestures & language, speaking pace and style etc. For me, knowing why they lied to me is a must, so I know exactly that would not be the case again. Having a serious discussion with the person can also be essential.
Anonymous
February 17th, 2021 7:50pm
It is important to note, firstly, that you are not required to trust someone again who has consistently lied to you. You do not need to keep this person in your life unless you feel it is important to you or you want to. That being said, if you want to continue having a relationship with that person, it would be difficult to do so without developing the element of trust. Trust is a mutual feeling, which means both of you have to be willing to step forward into progress on this together, meaning that for both of you, it won't help to harp on the past, and it won't help to continue to lie. This requires both of you to step out of the tendencies to engage in blaming, dredging up the past, and lying. In other words, you both have to be willing to be trustworthy, and you both have to be willing to trust--that willingness is the first step of trusting again.
SupportiveMedic
March 19th, 2021 10:07pm
You need to forgive, and to see the good in them. Lying always comes from a place of pain, and getting through to that source will help you begin to trust them again. Everybody does things that aren't morally right, and still being there and helping them is a way to help them heal to help them overcome that. Lying is often a coping mechanism, in my experience, and once they begin to cope better with friendships, relationships and just their life in general the lying decreases or even stops completely. Insecurity fuels lies, and being aware of someone's insecurities is a good way to understand why they lied, and to empathize with them.
MistyMagic
March 21st, 2021 3:47pm
This is a question I ask myself many times when I have been let down. Trust has to be earned and sometimes it is very difficult to trust someone after they have consistently lied, or cheated, or hurt you. But it can be done with time and patience. Although, I would say, do you need to trust them? Many a relationship is fun and can be productive without involving trust. Think about the areas that they need to be involved in and then decide. Sometimes hurting someone and lying means the relationship has broken down and will never be on the same level again. Does it need to be? Do you want to forgive them or do you need to forgive them? Think carefully.
Anonymous
March 25th, 2021 5:20am
I think it is very hard indeed, but I genuinely don’t think it’s possible as much as you try. And again it is not your fault you feel that way either. Gaining trust is a really long process which is not something you can control. If they have constantly lied and they manipulate you it is their fault and you owe them nothing. If you really want to trust them again then see how they treat others, if they treat them the same, maybe you should try to talk to them. If they don’t then they are trying to manipulate you, show them that you are not that person.
ComfortCalm42
May 1st, 2021 10:04am
Regaining trust isn’t easy and it can take time to build it back. It really starts with you and if you are willing to forgive. When someone defiles your trust, depending on the relationship (and how big the lie), there can be acts that may take longer. Sometimes time and space is needed for that healing to occur depending on what’s done. The world is complex with 7 billion souls floating around this pale blue dot. What you may hold important, others might not and that can be complex at times. There are various reasons that people lie as well but, it can be for spotlight, to cast discourse or easier to tell than vulnerable and let people close. Sometimes just putting yourself in their shoes can help a lot with understanding and trying to figure out a even ground with them if you care about them.
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2021 5:41am
Trusting someone who has consistently lied to you previously is a hard thing to do. From previous experiences with an individual as such, it is guaranteed you will always have a thought in the back of your mind as to whether they are or are not being honest with you at that time. Good communication skills are essential in these situations. It is also important in situations that you maintain clear boundaries with the other individual regarding their honesty. If their honesty and integrity has been of questionepreviously, you have the right to not only ask for clarification of their communication/words but you also have the right to ask them if they are being honest. This may cause offence initially, however, at the end of the day, you may investing your time and resources for no legitimate reason at all and this can result in to you harbouring feelings of resentment towards the other individual because they have "wasted" your time. Afterall, should their request not be genuine, you may be investing your precious time and resources that could have been put to use in other more genuine and productive ways.
Anonymous
July 16th, 2021 9:46pm
Trusting someone again after losing hope for your relationship with that person can be challenging. If you are looking to mend things, it could be beneficial to take small steps. Remember you do not have to become "best friends" again immediately, or even forgive them immediately. Often times the best and most stable things in life come over time, maybe look at your relationship with that person in the same light. You could start by asking them to hang out one day, just to talk about things. You could talk to them about how they're feeling, ask them questions, clear the air, etc. Be open with them, ask them to be honest with you if that is what you are looking for.
positiveimpact2022
January 12th, 2022 2:12pm
If I value the relationship with this person and want to trust her/him again, I think the first step is to make sure that we are on the same page and that the person knows how I am feeling and how I am willing to act upon it. I would say explicitly to the person: "I want you to know that I have been hurt by your past lies to me. I value your relationship and trust is a necessary component of any relationship. For this reason, I am willing to trust you again if you are willing to show commitment. I suppose you are aware that building trust again is not an easy task, for this you need to help me in it and show me in action (and not only in words) that I can truly trust you." Then, I anticipate that the next steps will be dependent on the reactions of the person.
Anonymous
January 12th, 2022 5:52pm
You may want to put your trust someone else. I believe one should move on from someone who constantly lie. There’s always going to be better person and people out there for you. Someone that won’t lie. When you put yourself and health first, the better will come. Be free! As we grow, physically, spiritually, and mentally we will see what we truly deserve. I understand it can be different depending on the situation or who the person is to you but no matter what, you come first. I’ve constantly ran into people who lied. Now, I’m a little older than I ever thought I’d be. Met a sweet soul. My partner is the kindest person. It gets better when you break away from low treatment. You deserve better.
Anonymous
January 23rd, 2022 8:02pm
The best way to trust someone again is by forgiving them. Forgiveness is not an easy thing to achieve, so don't worry if you are not able to forgive this person. You could try to talk to this person and tell them your feelings when they lied and how it was bad for both of you, this may make the liar aware of the problems that lying could lead to and how harmful it could be for others, and them they could stop lying. If you want you can try to chat with a 7 cups listener and talk about forgiving this person. Good Luck
Lonecreature
February 16th, 2022 2:22am
It’s hard to put trust in a person after they lie to you. I know how much it hurts to place your trust in somebody and they miss use that trust. It has taken me a long time to understand that people are just that people. We make mistakes, and we do some really dumb things. But I have also learn that people can change, and that there is reasons to give people a second chance. I tried for most of my life to do everything on my own. I have been used, manipulated, lied to, and toss aside. The feeling of being alone or isolated would make me depressed all the time. Turning to methods that wasn’t healthy for me to cope. But as I went through the different trials and situation that life had for me I have had the pleasure of meeting some of the kindness, loving, helpful, people. Yes some have lied to me. Even used me to gain in someway at the cost of me. But if I hadn’t learn that sometimes you have to forgive, and give some one a second chance. And by doing this the same person that had used me, end up saving my life, and I don’t mean figuratively speaking. So I know try to see every situation in all angels. You never know what someone maybe dealing with at any time. I try to understand the situation from their view. This has help me grow and saved many of my friendships
allnaturalSky4753
February 20th, 2022 2:09am
Is the other person that has consistently lied, asking for your trust again? Does this person want to be a part of your life again? Why are you trusting someone again if they are constantly lying? If this person is someone that is a part of your life, like a family member that you cannot get rid of and out of your life, this can cause extreme confusion, mistrust, and emotional pain. I have learned that trust needs to be earned, and you have to start the relationship over. However, if the cause of the problem is never spoken about, this will make things worse. You cannot have a good relationship with talking about the very beginning of where the mistrust happened. The other person has to be sorry or try to fix things or promise that certain things will not happen again, or meet your "musts" that you need for this friendship or relationship or continue. If the person is lying about their words spoken, of their thoughts and actions, and is not behaving in a way that you want them to, they will need to prove that they have changed, and change their behavior of lying. I have found I stay away from people who are lying, and recently just said to people who lied that liars are not welcome in my life and blocked the person in all ways. You need to decide if you are keeping this person in your life or not and why.