I found drugs in my child's room. What do I do from here?
Last Updated: 05/04/2020 at 3:28am
Lara Gregorio, LCSW
I believe that depression can feel all-consuming. I have a real passion for helping my clients to reclaim their voices and lives from depressive thoughts.
Top Rated Answers
I think personally that the best thing to do in this circumstance is to remain calm and to try not to let your emotions cloud your rational judgement.It might be an idea to have a discussion with your partner or another authority figure in your child's life (maybe a close relative?).Then consider the options before having a calm discussion with your child about this without jumping to assumptions.From there depending of course on the circumstances and the severity of the issue you have a number of options but these are best considered on a individual level.
I understand finding drugs in your child’s room can be quite a shock, but honestly it’s pretty normal for kids to experiment with drugs. Drug use may not be common among the kids in your social environment but a lot of kids will try something some day. I don’t think you should be too worried. However when drug use interferes with other things in his/her life there is a problem. A problem you want to solve before it started. I suggest you just talk with your kid and talk about the ins and outs of drugs and keep an eye out on the frequency of their use. Drug use isn’t necessarily a bad thing, they’re fun and interesting. To prohibit any sort of drugs will only make them use secretly, it’s best to make it a subject you can both talk about.
I would speak with them calmly about the issue. I know from personal experience that those who abuse substances are most likely trying to hide from negative emotions, so reacting with anger would only reinforce the feelings that the child is using drugs to escape from. Instead, trying to find the underlying cause--was it really just peer pressure, or is there something much deeper going on?--and then equipping the child with medical and/or therapeutic resources to deal with the real issue would be much more helpful.
Depending on what drugs they were, take them out of his/her room. Wait a day or two for you to gather your thoughts and feelings. After that confront your child in a very calm, and collected way. Tell the child you found the drugs and that they are now in your possession. Try very hard not to yell at your child or give them a consequence right away. Ask them why they felt the need to turn to drugs, but do not pry or insist upon answers. Keep your child on a very tight leash though. Constantly check their phone at random points. When you check their phone, don't wait for them to "finish a text or game" because they are probably deleting things from their phone. The most important thing is to remain very calm with your child and do not hand out an arbitrary punishment.
I think that you should write down a few things about your child that you have noticed a change in. Perhaps note if they've made a recent transition (ie middle to high school, joined a new crowd of friends, struggling in classes, etc.) along with any other stressors that you have noticed. After you create a collaborative list of things that could be leading your child to this behavior, I think that you should chat with them casually in a comfortable environment and let them know that you have spent a lot of time thinking about them and that you have been trying to put yourself in their shoes by considering recent experiences and possible causes to this behavior. This should create a comfortable environment in which your child is most likely to open up to you about the recent finding.
have a chat and get it out in the open with them It will be easier once they know you know,but be gentle with them and let them progress at their speed, dont get angry although you may feel like that, then help them like you would as a mum or dad and seek professional advice
First thing, don't freak out. Drugs are a cry for help. I know it can be very scary, but empathy and sincere desire to help will do the most good.
No panick, no judgament. Calm yourself first, if needed talk to someone before you talk to your child. be protective, show your child right way out. solving problem together
The first thing would be to confront your child, and ask why they are doing them. Usually there is a stress or peer pressure behind drugs. Motivating them to become open and truthful with you is always the best option. If you are not able, as a parent, to help them either change the stresses or stop, then try to talk them into talking to and getting professional help.
Punishing right away is never the way to go. While of course you'd be just trying to keep your child safe, punishments and strict parenting can be the worst way to go when dealing with this type of thing. Remember that when somebody is using drugs, they know they're not supposed to be doing that, and it might make them feel defiant and cool. Instead, it's good to talk to them in a manner of concern. Do not raise your voice or threaten (taking away privileges, friends, etc.), just express your worry for them and try to fully hear both sides of the story.
Try to remain as calm as possible. I would remove them and try and find out exactly what they are before you sit down and have a calm, rational discussion with your child
I would suggest that you confront your child directly, in a safe and calm manner. gauge their reaction and then see what the best step is, depending on the drug found you can look at educating them to the risks. Perhaps there is a reason why they have drugs in their room and you wish to find out why before you can move forward. There are many options available for you and your child to deal with this, Its a common issue that many parents will or have faced with many online and governmental resources.
Talk to you child about this but be gentle while talking. Assure that he/she is not in trouble and just need to talk. Tell about the problems of using drugs and how problematic it will become if it goes beyond control.
You need to sit and talk with your child immediately . I know it can be hard but do not leave the subject however difficult it gets. Please seek more professional help from the national drug helpline too
maybe you should try having a conversation with your child about drugs and addictions generally about the consequences , and maybe they will change their minds about using drugs.
You can keep it with you and don't jump to any conclusions. Then talking to your child is necessary as they are allowed to justify themselves and explain the real situation.
DO not overreact or yell and shout. Yes this is terrib;e but first have an open discussion before implementing punishment. Usually this is an outcry for something deeper. Dont allow the actual drug to seem like the problem
You should discuss with your child the consequences of drugs, however don't directly mention you finding the drugs. If it continues, it is recommended you get professional help.
I’m not an expert at this, but I hope my answer does help some. Well first of all, don’t yell or scold them. Pull them aside and ask about it in a neutral, respectful tone. Be patient and try not to snap at them. They might lash out, might not, I don’t know, but try to be honest with them and very very patient and understanding. It can be hard but you might not know the whole story, it could be peer pressure or they are struggling with something— I don’t know. But I don’t know the whole story so go with what you feels right. I’m just speaking from how I’d want my parents to react if we found ourselves in that situation :)
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