How can I affectively help people? I try and then i feel like i have failed so what do i have to do? it just raises my anxiety and i can't handle it sometimes.
Last Updated: 10/07/2019 at 12:21am
Christie Belle, Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy
I am a U.S. Air Force veteran and a ex-Army spouse. I am a divorced mother of two teenage boys, my youngest son has a diagnosis of autism, which I am very passionate about.
Top Rated Answers
Maybe those people that you were trying to help don't need your advice or anything. Maybe they just need you to listen to them. Sometimes words can't help people that much. There's too much bullshit in this world hahah. Sometimes, what people need is just a support and ears to listen. And as for you, you don't need to feel like you have failed. I'm pretty sure they know that you're trying to help them. The one who can tell that and feel the impact is them. So you shouldn't judge yourself that you've failed to help. People who get mad when things are wrong, people who have big problems tend to ignore of what people said to them even though what they said or what you said might be true. So don't say that you've failed because you don't.
Affectively helping people can be done in several ways. First of course, is simply listen to what they have to say without judgment, and with a positive, caring attitude. Let people know that you understand they are feeling stressed, and try to ask them questions pertinent to their conversation. Be engaged, make them feel you care, and I guarantee they will feel a positive vibe from you and feel somewhat better after their talk. You have the ability to help people- but knowing you'll help before you even talk to them will give you the confidence you need to make a difference. Just be you.
Sometimes the way to help people is to just listen. Although sometimes you get people you can't entirely help, and you do feel like you've failed- you probably did help them a lot, and you're just being hard on yourself.
Best thing you can do to help people effectively is to simply just listen and be there for them. Become a moral support and encouragement. Offer suggestions but never advices. Ultimately, becoming a listening ear when the time comes.
You have probably helped them more than you know. I like to ask people what I can do to help them so that I can getter a better grasp on what they need.
Helping others can seem like a major thing to do, however simply listening to another persons worries is helping them.. Even if you haven't helped physically by listening you've mentally helped them and helped yourself in the process.
First thing to do is try your best. Be empathetic. Try to put yourself in their shoes and imagine what words can lift you back up. Second, remember that you cannot help everyone. We can support them and lift them up, but only they can help themselves. Blaming yourself for too long over a failure to change someone will destroy you. I know this by experience.
Before you can help people you have to be able to help yourself first! So many the feeling of failure could be because you don't feel content within yourself.
Sometimes all someone needs is someone to listen to them. If they don't feel comfortable opening up, it always is a good thing to tell them that you are there and that you care. If it's a specific issue, sometimes doing research can help you know how to help them in a practical manner.
You appear to be a very caring person but remember its your choice to help people you are under no obligation but it shows alot about the person you are
I understand how you feel. It's easy to feel like your failing. But think positive and everything will be ok. Just be compassionate and try to see how they're feeling. Imagine if what they're going throufh, happened to you and how it would feel. It's easier to relate if you put yourself in their shoes. Just show them you care and are there for them.
From what I can tell it seems like you are afraid of letting people down. It's a great thing that you want to help people, and you definitely should keep on doing that. However, if it raises your anxiety and makes you stressed in any way, remember to take good care of yourself first. You can't help people if you don't prioritize your own well-being first.
Simply, you canʻt help someone who doesnʻt want to be helped. Yes, they may ask for help, but sometimes their demons might drown out so much of them that no matter what you suggest, they keep thinking the worst of it. They canʻt be helped if they arenʻt willing to make any positive changes. You have NOT failed. You tried to make an impact and thatʻs what matters most. What you can do is encourage them to seek things from a better perspective; encourage them to seek proffesional help if itʻs needed. But in the end, the main person who can help someone is themselves. You are not at fault if they continue to struggle.
If you want to help others while struggling yourself is by each day giving yourself a maximum amount of people you would like to lend a hand to so it won't seem overwhelming to handle all at once and if you didn't do you're best you can ask feedbacks from the person you helped to see where they think you can improve.
This is just my own personal experience. it is always best to just relax and be yourself. Sometimes in my mind, I feel fully capable of handling any issues thrown at me. Yes, while many times what is on our mind does not always match what we speak. I come to realize that, I am not relaxed nor in my own personal comfort zone. I have to assure myself to first fully listen or read what your trying to take on. I have put myself in many bad situations all because, I jumped the gun. I come to realize that every experience with any one is very different some are simple to help while others are indeed more complicated it may be that the person who we are trying to help leaves out certain important details. so our responses don't always match what others are wanting to know. I do make plenty of mistakes but the key is keep yourself calm and reflect on the experience. We will become better at helping others. Believe in yourself.
The only way to help people is help them to find their own solution for their own problem. Sometimes people are just not ready to make even small changes, and if they are not willing to make some changes there is no way for you to help them. As long as your do your best, respecting boundaries, trying genuinely to help them, you did what you could. It is very important for you to be able to deal with your anxiety and not ending feeling overwhelmed. Mindful exercises, a good walk in the nature or a chat with someone who can listen to you, most of the time do help
Sometimes in order to help others you need to be in a good place yourself first. This means emotionally, financially, and physically. I have problems with giving and giving until there's nothing left. At that point you might start to resent people, or wonder why there's no one there to help you like you helped others, and you might become depressed. So remember to set healthy boundaries for yourself, and that it's ok to say no. Perfectionism can really hurt you in the long run, so please never feel like a failure for not being a superhero. You are not alone!
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