How can I convince myself that my friends don't hate me? I have this irrational fear that they actually hate me.
252 Answers
Last Updated: 11/03/2022 at 1:19am
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Lisa Groesz, PhD
Psychologist
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2017 4:31am
I think that this is something a lot have people experienced before at least once--when you know someone likes you, but sometimes we tend to dwell or convince ourselves that they don't. Something that works for me is trying to think of or remember the times I was absolutely certain they enjoyed spending time with me, or they actually told me that they did. Write them down, or repeat them to yourself in your head. It feels kind of silly, but when we have irrational fears, sometimes the best way to get rid of them is to make them go away by reminding ourselves of the truth.
As hard as it is, talking and sharing your concerns with your friends might make you feel better about them
Anonymous
January 4th, 2018 5:29pm
Talk to them in private, especially the more close ones, and maybe explain your situation or at least express some concern without exposing yourself too much.
Once I asked my best friend I had no idea why they would even associate, let alone be friends with someone as terrible as myself.
She told me that she felt the same way.
Ask yourself: Do you hate your friends?
Only when you ask yourself that question can you begin to see how there is no way someone you trust enough to call a "friend" would ever change when you turn your back to them.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2018 6:40pm
One way would be to confront them, since a lot of people experience this fear, they'll understand and convince you of the truth.
I always find that meeting up with people one on one can reinforce friendships and it has helped me realise that people really do like me on many occasions. In these situations there is no space to feel left out of conversations, and you'll soon see that your friends really do care about what you have to say.
Hm well think about this. If they hated you why do they have your back? Why can you count on them for anything? Why do they help you when you need it? Why do they trust you and you trust them?
So since you know that is irrational,whenever you have that thought,question your thought.Ask yourself,"Is this thought ratioal?"And try to repeat phrases like,"I know they don't hate me" "It's just my thoughts making me feel so."Or try talking with them about these feelings.
They don't hate you. Think of it this way. If they hated you, would they still be your friends? Would they still want to spend time with you? Would they still care for you? No right? They do it because they are your friend.
You can't know for sure, but you're supposed to trust friends. That is part of the pleasure of friendship: trusting without absolute evidence and then being rewarded for that trust.
Anonymous
February 9th, 2018 5:23am
If they really hated you, you would know because its obvious. If they hated you, they would ignore you and exclude you from their schedule.
The best way to convince yourself is to confront them about how you are feeling. That is the best way to ease your mind.
This is such a tough feeling to have--I'm sorry that it's coming up for you! One approach might be to sit down and make a couple of lists to test this thought. For example:
1. What evidence do I have that my friends hate me? Have they said or acted in a way that supports this belief?
2. What evidence do I have that my friends don't hate me? Have they reached out, invited me to hang out, or said something nice to me lately?
3. What other reasons do I have for worrying that my friends hate me? Is this triggering feelings related to other people or situations from the past?
4. What concrete actions can I take this week to mitigate this fear (eg. reach out to friends, talk with someone new, etc)
It is perfectly normal to be worried about friendships! Sometimes we have to remember that friends don't have to stick with us, but they do and that reminds us of the love they have for us!
Be a good friend
Anonymous
March 2nd, 2018 12:54pm
Your friends don't hate you. If they did, they wouldn't be your friends. If you're really scared, try asking them yourself.
They are your friends, you should be able to be honest and open with them. Speak to them about this, but I'm sure they will tell you that they definitely love you!
Anonymous
March 9th, 2018 5:33am
you don't have to convince yourself about anything, just don't think anything, don't want anything, don't need anything. don't care about what people think, just do what you should do, and care for your business.
Anonymous
March 16th, 2018 12:39am
Talk to your friends about how you feel and why you feel that way. Sometimes having a support group can be very helpful.
Anonymous
March 30th, 2018 8:12pm
Realize that you are wanted and loved and the belief that you are not is wrong. Once you believe the opposite you will see things differently.
Ask them straight out if they hate you. If you are too scared or too shy then come write down a lists of reasons why they should like you and reasons why they shouldn't. Remember to right now why you think that way. Think of all they things they did for you, all the smiles spent for you. Think of your greatest and happiest moments.
Anonymous
April 12th, 2018 11:07pm
This is a totally common feeling to have, unfortunately, but you just have to remind yourself that your friends choose to hang out with you, and have chosen you to be in their lives. Don’t underestimate your worth!
Anonymous
April 18th, 2018 7:47am
The best way to know the answer is to ask your friends directly and confide in them your fear. At least one of them would have a genuine answer and you would know. Otherwise you can simply ask them how you can improve as a person and a friend.
Anonymous
April 27th, 2018 12:27am
We all have insecurities in our lives, and you surely aren’t alone. What you really need to look at is if you love yourself. If you love yourself more, you will start to see that you’re friends don’t hate you.
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2018 7:47pm
Sounds like you are expierencing anxiety, which is totally ok. You can ask your friends how they feel about you. If you are unconfortable doing this you can try challenging these negative thoughts.
Why would your friends hate you? If they are your friends then of course they don't hate you. Everyone has those types of fears from time to time. If someone hates you then they wouldn't be around you. They wouldn't call you a friend.
You could make yourself more comfortable by asking them if they enjoy being around you or you could focus on positive things about yourself and why your friends would like you instead of why they wouldn't.
Ask them. It sucks, it's hard, but when I asked my girlfriend if she really likes me she assured me and I've never doubted her since. Take a leap of faith and tell them about the problem. You might just hear exactly what you needed to.
You don't need to convince yourself. You just need to talk to them and ask directly about their feelings about you. I think the best way is facing with the fears directly, otherwise the fears will control everything.
Ask yourself what they like about you. Also think about what YOU like about you. Sometimes we project our own insecurities on others when it's not really the case. Most likely they don't hate you at all, but you may have complicated feelings about yourself you are working through
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