How can I stop being rude?
Last Updated: 11/23/2020 at 6:15pm
Amanda Wiginton, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Now is the time to make a change! Professional, empathic, and compassionate therapist waiting to help you make healthy life changes.
Top Rated Answers
Well honestly you have to get to the core reason of why you are being rude. Are you trying to push people away? Are you scared what people may think? is expressing yourself emotionally hard or embarassing for you? Perhaps you grew up in a home where having emotions or crying wasn't accepting. and more than anything, maybe you are hurting inside and being rude is the only way you know how to communicate anymore.
If you find yourself being mean to other people, you are likely dealing with your own emotional problems. Addressing the source of your negative emotions and making yourself happier in general can help you have a kinder personality. Additionally, learning to communicate with and understand others can help you reduce situations in which you are accidentally mean. You can change your thoughts, feelings, and actions to make yourself a nicer person.
Try wanting to be not rude, because rudeness often is a choice. Making a rational decision to be not rude is a great start.
I have a problem with being standoffish, which can also been seen as rude. When people ask me questions, I often reply with one word answers and then continue to ignore. I never engage in conversations and I never care to ask people about themselves. I decided that this is not the person that I really want to be. I started by taking small steps... Every day I try to say at least one nice thing or ask one nice question. even something as small as "That is a pretty shade of blue you're wearing" or "What is your cat's name?". Also, smile when you talk. it makes a huge difference.
I am wondering if you could tell me a little bit more about what you mean by being rude? I have heard the word rude being used in different ways so it would be good if you could explain what you mean
I lived my whole life trying not to be, and this only ended in me not defending myself and letting other people walk over. There is a time to be nice, and there is also a time to be rude. BALANCE IS THE KEY.
when you start to be rude,think how do you makes people feel ? try to see their feelings.you want someone to makes you feel this way.or how would you react to someone rude.
I'm not rude. Other people are. All I do is try to help people but when I ask for help nothing happens and everyone ignores me and ostracizes me, I mean, how the hell is that supposed to make me feel???
Imagine what you would feel if what you said was said to you. Why bring darkness in the world when you could bring light with kind words instead of snide comments
I think the best way to address this is to consider whether or not you are being rude intentionally. Social conventions mean that sometimes we cannot say what we think or feel transparently and can appear rude if we do so. Becoming aware of the ways in which others react in similar situations and having a trusted friend or family member to guide you can help a great deal with this. Being rude on purpose is a different matter with a whole set of motivations, you need to become aware of what your one is for example common ones might include, anger, a desire to be noticed, or a need to push social boundaries. Once you know what your motivation is it might help to try and find alternative ways to address it, for example a desire for attention could be satisfied by building up social relationships, or anger could be dissipated by or practicing healthy coping mechanisms such as letting it out though music or sports such as boxing.
By pausing to think the outcome of being rude. What does this do for you and how does it affect your interpersonal relationships. For the first time, it will be difficult to pull back from your habitual reaction- But, each time you act differently than being rude, you're resetting your brain to think before acting rudely the next time.
To stop being rude, it'd be wise to stop and think about your choice of words and tone before speaking to someone. I find it more helpful to think before. It would also be kind to smile while talking, or using the appropiate facial expressions when it is appropriate. Facial expressions are important to show your empathy.
Maybe reflect before speaking. If you don't have anything positive to say, don't say anything at all.
If I catch myself being rude, I normally try to be funny instead. Being funny does two things. It dissolves some of the tension and also lets the person you were talking to know that it wasn't anything personal (maybe what you said before was a joke gone wrong rather than a slur). If that doesn't work or isn't appropriate, apologising normally snaps me out of it.
Try to take a few seconds before you say or do anything to think it through. Would you want someone to do or say the thing you are about to say/do to you? If the answer is "no", or "I don't give a $***!" then don't do it. Don't do anything in anger. It clouds judgement.
by cutting toxic people from your life. It is hard for us to be nice when we are in the bad environment. But being nice, by thinking positive can avoid rudeness and thinking negative. By thinking positive, you will speak positive things and have a positive life bt thinking negative, you will speak negative things and might succeed like this way.
Think of 1 compliment to say to 1 person you know very well. Make a goal for that 1 day to say it and with no hesitation, even if it may seem like a random timing, just say it. Then up your goal for the next day to 2 compliments maybe to 1 person or 2 people at 1 compliment for each person. Keep increasing your goal until your full of compliments. After a while, you won't need to set your goal and they will come naturally when something happens or you see something/someone you would like to compliment. This is a great way to eliminate rudeness within yourself, including other people who are rude back. Someone is rude to you, give them an honest compliment and they will not expect it. Example: Rude person: "At least I can afford something better to wear then what you are wearing." You: "And it looks absolutely stunning! It really looks good on you. Where did you get it?" Rude person: "I got it at..." You may notice yourself becoming more pleasant, and even a change in the other person.
Compassion is key. Sometimes people are very rude just because sometimes they don't think about how their words may affect others. On the flipside, sometimes people are resilient to rude words so they treat others rudely, not knowing it hurts them. Sometimes being rude comes from internal distress, so sometimes keeping feelings in check and making sure the way you're acting isn't because you're lashing out at others helps.
Find the reason behind your attitude and you'll be able to find a solution. One method you can try is to think more positively and see the good in people. Compliment people, start your day with a positive quote and most of all love yourself. If you feel good, you're more likely to make others feel good too.
Although it's tempting to be rude and snide to mean people, I have to remember that the people around me have feelings too. I shouldn't hurt them out of spite. In fact, there is no reason to hurt anyone's feelings at all!
Acknowledging it is your first step! for awhile you will have to have a constant internal monologue with yourself and think ahead of time about your actions, responses and words in real time. Constantly thinking about how to remain polite will help and itll eventually become second nature.
Put yourself in other's shoes. How would you like to be treated? Imagine someone being really nice to you...wouldn't that make you feel great? Sometimes it can be hard to not be rude because we are influenced by our own thoughts, feelings and experiences but it's better learn from it and grow than give in to it
Try to think about how what you're going to say will make people feel. Would you feel bad if you were in their shoes? if yes, then don't say it. Use your brain before your tongue.
Understanding, that you are not the only one to feel. Compassion to see the joy you sometimes feel can be spread like honey over your life
Simply consider how what you say might affect someone else. If something sounds a bit direct, try softening it, as some people believe that bluntness is rude. Respect other people's opinions, whatever they might be.
You could stop and think before you make a statement or respond to someone. You could take a moment to think about how your words and actions will be percieved, You could try and place yourself in the shoes of others and learn to empathise with people in order to evaluate the effect your deeds have on others. This will help inform your own actions and interactions with other people.
try putting yourself in other's shoes and understand where they are coming from. show empathy and compassion. be at peace with your mind so you don't exert negative energy on people
Begin by doing little things to make others feel good, then, step by step, improve your kindness towards others and help the as much as you can.
That's a tough question! First, try to question what you're saying and ask yourself if it could be said in a nicer manner. If so, try to change what you're about to say to something nicer or with a warmer tone. Being rude doesn't necessarily make you a bad person - especially if it only occurs when you're having a difficult day. From now on, try to take an extra second or two before sending that text or speaking to someone and make sure it's a positive/nice comment.
Being rude is probably a mechanism of defense or way of fighting against someone else. Or, it is a component of your personality. Do you feel that you're generally a disagreeable person? Let me use an example. In a trading game between other players, are you mostly out to get what you want or still please other people and give them partly what they want? And if the answer really is you'd be inclined to get what you want, then you probably are disagreeable. Even if you are disagreeable, you must also try to balance that out and try and be agreeable(wanting to please others, and help them)
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