How do I come to terms with decisions i've made?
Last Updated: 05/05/2020 at 4:50am
Lisa Groesz, PhD
With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.
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We can begin to come to terms with our decisions the more we understand the reasons that we make them. Take time to write about the event in as much detail as possible so that you may better understand your decision-making process. You may begin to realize that your decisions may come from a place that you truly do or do not believe in. If you do truly believe that you made the best decision, it can help you move forward. If not, you may wish to begin to pay attention to yourself and your decisions, almost as though you are watching somebody else, so that you may begin to align your decisions with your highest possible aim. Guilt can be a natural consequence of any decision, regardless of its intent. By knowing why you are choosing to make decisions, for what purpose, we can begin to understand and survive their consequences. We cannot change the decisions that we have made. But we can learn from them if we pay attention.
The thing we always consider first while facing a decision is "Is this the right thing?". Yet there are some difficulties thinking about making a decision by trying to imagine the consequences. We can only to a certain degree say which impact our actions have in our lives, our future and for our environment. Therefore while facing a decision please don't worry too much about what is means in your whole life. No one can tell whether this is going to be important in ten years. So of course there occurs this mean "what if?". You think of why you couldn't see the consequences the decision ACTUALLY had and therefore why you haven't chosen differently. To point it out: No one can tell apart "right" from "wrong". Most of the times we only get to know whether something was right when we notice what happens afterwards. So maybe you can try to ask yourself "What is important for me now?", "Why did I make this decision (You didn't just throw a coin, did you?)" There ARE reasons you chose these paths, there was a person (maybe another person than you have become), believes and values that defined the way you chose to go. So maybe rather than signs of how good a fortune-teller we are decisions could be a way to get to know yourself, to listen to what is important for you in life, to get closer to what makes you feel happy, a chance to learn, to grow, to try. Don't create new regrets spending the time you have now by regretting the things that have gone by. You cannot control everything and that's just fine. You are just fine!
At some point we all struggle with decisions that we have made in the past. We may feel a sense of regret or guilt or we may wish that things might somehow be different. I find it helps to remember that we make decisions with the resources we have available at the time – time, knowledge, strength, clarity of mind and so on – and that we really only have a limited capacity to understand the situation in which the decision was made. I find it also helps to remember that while we can never really undo a decision, we can always make new decisions in each and every moment.
Realize that you couldn't have known what to do otherwise. You chose that decision for a reason, even if you don't consciously know it yet. Everyone makes decisions that they later disagree with, and because we're all human, you're able to do the same.
Accept that you've made this decision and there is nothing else you can do about it. You can't go back in time and change it, so thinking about what you'd change won't help. That'll only make things worse. Accept that you've done that at that certain point in time, because there's nothing you can do about it now.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is yet to come. We have only this moment, and, we choose what we will make of it. Live in your moment and choose to see the beauty, the hope, the promise.
Realise that you felt like it was the right decision to make at the time you made it. Also realise that there is always time to change things and turn things around if we are not happy with the way things are going in our life.
Understand at that time & moment that that was the best decision you could have made with the knowledge & resources given to you at the time. Yes you probably would have made a different decision now but because of what you know now from gaining more knowledge later on.
Understanding we've done the best we could in the moment the decision was made, is sometimes the only thing we can do. If we plan to do better in the future, then we've learned a lesson. Hurray for us! Now move forward.
You have to realize and accept that it can't be changed anymore. Also that you had your reasons to decide this.
I have reflected on a variety of choices and the consequences on making those specific decisions that are in line and consistent with my values.
Stick to it. Plan again depending on its progress. Decisions are better if they are concrete BUT somehow flexible.
You learn to love yourself and how you solve problems! If you are creative, be creative in solving problems and OWN it. The more comfortable you are and love yourself, the more confident you will be and the less likeliness that you will ever regret your decisions.
The past is in the past. We tend to stay in it but regardless of whatever you do or think, life goes on. What could help you is keeping in mind that life is a journey you create as you go. There is no set end goal and there are no walls, paths, or checkpoints. Our lives are built by the choices we make, and while it can be unpleasant sometimes, we have to make them. And that is how you deal with the consequences of things you've done. By living. Because you are living the consequences.
Accept that what is done is done and there is nothing that can change it. You can only move forward.
Radical acceptance is a great place to start. Basically, that means to understand that there's no use fretting over the things you can change because that energy is better spent changing them, and there's no use fretting over the things you cannot change because that energy is only being used to make yourself miserable.
Many women automatically believe that an ex ignoring them means it is because of something bad when that isn’t always the case. It may be surprising to you but your ex may be ignoring you because he actually still cares for you and has feelings for you. Breaking up with someone is a highly emotional roller coaster full of confusing emotions as you know yourself as you’re going through it yourself. Everyone reacts to breakups differently though and him ignoring you may be a way for him to heal from the breakup. let hi know how you feel and how you go/
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