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How do I get over feeling that everyone is going to leave me?

167 Answers
Last Updated: 11/18/2020 at 5:54am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda Munroe, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), I have worked with individuals of all ages. My work with clients is supportive, interactive and nonjudgmental.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
November 11th, 2018 4:34pm
This is a tough question and one that I think many people struggle with. I think the best advice I can give is to get to the root of this belief and ask yourself when was the first time you felt abandoned? How did that make you feel? What do you want to say to that person that made you feel that way? Let's use "I" statements to craft this message and see what those core feelings are then let's look and let's examine how you grown and what you have learned since this first incident happened. I am sure you will see that you have learned a lot since then-just keep reminding your self of the new and improved person you have become.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2018 11:49pm
As time goes on the feeling will fade. As you begin to trust them the feeling will go away. Time is the only thing that will help you see that not everyone is coming into your life to leave you hanging. The real ones will stay. Regardless of how you act or what you do. I’ve had so many people that I thought would leave but they didn’t. Before you make your mind up on who’s going to leave or stay give them some time to prove their worth and if they chose to leave they’re missing out on someone wonderful.
LoveLife47
December 14th, 2018 12:33am
You have to go with the flow..just keep telling self I'm enjoying this relationship at the moment. I'm not going to ruin this moment with negative thinking. I'm going to enjoy this person like it's our last day on earth. Have fun! Don't overthink...worry if this person might leave me..that cause you to feel insecure than you try pushing that person away..because you think..gonna eventually leave me. Let the relationship play out..be patient. That's the most important thing..give the other person a opportunity to prove their loyalty. In the beginning don't be too tense..serious. Just tell self right now we having fun! Tomorrow can take care of itself.
MadisonJLynch
December 15th, 2018 1:51am
You get over the feeling by not thinking everyone is going to leave you but instead to think that everyone will stay by your side through everything. Even through the worst of times and through your easiest of times as well. You need to take deep breaths, relax, and do something that will help you forget on what your thinking about. You're anxiety is in your head and your anxiety is MAKING you believe that everyone is going to leave you. But in reality, no body will. Your mind can make you believe in tricky things to make you believe in anything such as being gullible.
ExtraSoftBlanket
January 9th, 2019 6:17am
Sometimes, it is best to temporarily ignore thoughts like that, until you are in a good place to focus on them. I think it is best to ask yourself questions about those thoughts. Ask yourself why you have those thoughts. Ask yourself if those thoughts are rational, or if they're doing you more good than harm. It can also be helpful sometimes to just imagine the opposite thought and think about how they are always going to be there for you. This type of thinking can, at the very least, help you in the future to think more positively.
BlankaM
January 9th, 2019 9:41pm
You are only worried about 'people leaving you' if you have not yet overcome certain insecurities within yourself. Self-love and care is so important, and once you accept and begin to love yourself, you will have so much more confidence. You will not mind people leaving you because you know that it is for the best. Everyone is meant to be in your life, but not everyone is meant to stay. You have to stay positive and take the best out of all the experiences you've had and try think of it constructively. Ultimately, you only really have yourself to always rely on 24/7 in your life. So take care of your body, meditate, eat healthy, exercise regularly and try and train your thinking to be positive! It's hard, but small steps everyday will make you achieve that ultimate inner peace that will leave you happy with the world, and won't leave you insecure.
Anonymous
February 22nd, 2019 6:28pm
Me and you both, dear. In a lot of cases people did end up leaving me, and sometimes I acted out of fear and ended up leaving them. I was terrified of being abandoned. Now I am in a place in my life where I am looking at supports and strategies that will help me develop healthy relationships all around. Counseling can sometimes bring resources that we don't realize exist. It's just a matter of finding the resources that are in your area, to help you through challenges that may arise. 7cups can be a great resource but not the only one out there.
LetsWorkItOut
March 24th, 2019 5:13pm
Its true everyone is going to leave you at some point cause thats the way life works. But instead of seeing it as a part of life we think of it as fear, this feeling or fear starts mostly because some important person has left us in the past, what we fail to see is that it was the circumstances that made us apart. We start blaming ourselves that maybe we have some kind of problem and that we are replaceable in everyone's life but thats not true. We just have to start accepting this fact and remind ourselves that some people will leave us but some will stay.
SamandaMagnus
April 25th, 2019 9:28am
though some people will leave you, chances are not everyone will. Just be yourself, stay open and honest. Try focusing your thoughts on something different, like deep breathing, breath slowly and deeply through your nose and out your mouth. Also try reading, coloring, listen to music or take a walk, or a hot bubble bath. Or talk to someone who you really trust and be honest with them on how you are feeling. They may surprise you and put your worries at ease. Also seeing a therapist would also help you with those thoughts.
Breath929
May 3rd, 2019 7:41pm
Talk to people you care about, open up about how you feel. Find things you love about yourself, try and focus on these things. Stay busy, practice self-care, go out and explore a new place on your own. Try making new friends and doing things together. Think about good qualities you have that make you a good friend, try doing these things more. Try and find the root cause of what is making you feel like people are going you leave you. Maybe it's a bad experience or something from your past. Try and confront this and be honest with yourself.
jocchi
June 7th, 2019 3:01am
It's important to put yourself in your peers' shoes. What would you do if you were your loved ones? Would you leave your friends because of the reasons that you think they're going to leave you? If you're not sure, it is always okay to ask. The best of friends are ones that you can have open communication with. If you feel as though something you said or did will make them leave you, talk to them about it! It will be good for both of you to have this open dialogue and see where each other's feelings stand.
Daniella79
June 8th, 2019 9:43pm
These feelings are really common for people who have been hurt and let down in their past, from their childhood or friendships and relationships as adults. I think to talk about these emotions and to understand them is a really positive step forward. Not many people can be free from these kinds of emotions and fear of loneliness, it tends to be at the core of most humans. But with talking and self development these feelings can be more manageable. Neediness in relationships is a consequence of this feeling but it's OK to be needy sometimes, we are all human so self acceptance is also really important.
MissLisa
August 8th, 2019 1:01pm
You need to ask yourself why you feel this way. What happened in your life which made you have these views. This could manifest in the form of a break down in relationship, isolation from bullying, a death of someone close to you or perhaps you or someone close took ill and have a fear of being left on your own. However more often than not we develop abandonment theories due to adverse childhood experiences. This could be a parent not always being there for us whenever we are young. Whether this is a parent always working away or turbulent relationship between our parents which resulted in not seeing one parent for a period of time. Our adult self would be able to process this situation however whenever we are a matter of months of years old we aren't to know if they will return. This can later cause anxiety and fear that everyone is going to leave you and that you will be alone.
ArianaParineetiBanerjee
September 27th, 2019 5:41am
Life can real tough sometimes and honestly we need one another to battle out the tough phases. Having said that, I just like to remind myself one thing, I came alone and I would have to leave alone as well, if someone is joining my path, it is great but if they have to leave something better is in store for me and which is why they are making room...having company is great but learning how to be happy with just yourself is an important life lesson, just trust your instincts and hardwork and one day you shall surpass your own expectations
Yourpersonalhelp
October 6th, 2019 7:07pm
I find that I like to right down the people who care about me. I like to write down the qualities I find positive about myself, and the actual likelihood that these people are going to leave me, since most times, it's slim to none. I also find meditating on these issues helps me a lot, as well as pending time with these people I'm worried about leaving me. Also, talking to these people about your leaving worries can be a big help, especially if these people are fairly mature and understanding, they can usually give you a lot of peace of mind this way.
blindNatural7978
October 13th, 2019 12:27pm
Anxiety is an issue most people experience, and it is a horrible feeling. However, there are a multitude of ways to move forward from our anxieties. I personally understand the feeling that you are going to be left alone, but you sometimes need to trust you gut feeling and listen to it when it tells you that you are loved by these people. Sometimes, the anxiety we will be left alone makes us push away the people we love the most, making ourselves our own worst enemy. It does get better, however you need to put yourself around the right people who give you that gut feeling that you are loved by them.
Anonymous
October 20th, 2019 1:24pm
It sounds like you’re having trouble trusting people. I’ve never spent a day in your shoes so I can’t give advice that would help you specifically. But can I ask you, what would you tell a friend, or someone else close to you, to do if they just told you they felt this way? This can be a really good way to think about things from another perspective. Do you want to talk about what you think is causing you to believe everyone’s going to leave you? Or maybe what helps you feel better when you feel like this?
NigelS
October 26th, 2019 8:20am
I am sorry that you feel this way. It sounds like you are experiencing some anxiety, remember to take a deep breathe and remind yourself that these thoughts mostly exist inside your head. I understand it can be scary and painful if you experienced something like this in the past, learn that this happens and that there is disappointment to find out there was no investment from the other side, but don't let that close your heart; instead of clinging to those who want to leave remind yourself that the people who are still by your side are there because they truly love and appreciate you, be open to meet new people who are willing to join you in friendship. There are alot of great people to connect with, give them a chance to get to know you :)
ashlynherman
November 6th, 2019 1:11am
Sometimes you need to self reflect & ask yourself why you feel as if everyone would leave you , What may have possibly led up to that feeling , Do you suffer from abandonment or gone through a rough breakup recently to where it’s causing you to feel alone or may be anxious. Maybe do some coloring , painting , or any activity that may push that feeling away , as a stress reliever. Happiness & being calm is key & keeping phobias , anxiety’s , & bad feelings away is the goal & in any way if you can side track the feelings , you may or may not feel better if not then check out the 7 cups help guide
TranquilLynx84
November 29th, 2019 2:49pm
When you take small steps to be there for yourself, you will find that not only can you be there for yourself as if you WERE your own best friend, but that other people will begin to be there for you as well. It requires small steps and takes time, sometimes years, to build up the resilience to be there for yourself. As for the feeling that everyone is going to leave, it is important to re-focus that feeling onto yourself, and use self-talk that shows that even if everyone you know left, you, the deepest core of yourself, are still there. You can be your own safe space. Once this realization happens, you feel free to let others leave when they need to.
HolisticOmni2020
December 21st, 2019 8:35pm
Fear of abandonment is super common. I believe it stems from deep rooted issues from our childhood or past relationship experiences where we did not have our essential needs met. I use meditation, self-Hypnotherapy and journaling to work through the anxiety, worrying and projecting onto others what it is I am thinking or feeling. Talking with a trained listener or therapist also helps to gain perspective and to be more and more aware of oneself and get to the root cause of this constant worry of belong left alone. Remember to love yourself- care for yourself and realize we are never really in control. If someone is going to leave then they will. You are ok, you are safe, and you will thrive regardless of what anyone else does. We are our own heroes!
rosewolf1726
December 27th, 2019 6:12pm
This is very common feeling that i use to feel more than a couple times a day! I know that feeling is horrible and i want you to know that yes people do leave and it hurts like crazy when they do but you will never be completely alone. Someone is always there you just got to look and you will find them. Having this feeling is a burden cause you feel you can't let anyone in because you are scared of once you let them in you will only get hurt, and i am here to say that you will get hurt sometimes but you have to learn and grow! You will find people along the way that won't hurt you and leave though!!!!
friendlyRainbows89
February 14th, 2020 3:47pm
Have you thought about why you feel insecure ? Do you lack confidence ? What has happened i the past to make you feel this way ? Did one of your parents leave you ? Do you ever feel secure ? If so , what or who is around you at that time ? We all feel lonley and insecure at times . Get involved in a hobby or something you enjoy , with like minded people . Keep reaching out and finding supportive people . People that are available . Figure out what kind of people are healthy and safe .
blissfulCandy2618
February 29th, 2020 4:50pm
I believe that, whoever talks to you and keep hanging around you and is still present in your life. Want you in their life. Instead of worrying about when will they leave you try to deepen the connection! And to value the time with the right supportive people :D we always meet new people at the least expected areas of our lives. And if we keep worrying about those who will leave and those who are leaving then we will never find new ones because we are only looking at the past or the future while we should live the present!
froggieishereforyou
March 4th, 2020 5:43pm
Figure out why you are feeling this way. Are you feeling this way due to not being about to see them, or are they ignoring you? Speak to your friends and family about how you're feeling. They can help you. The majority of the time the way you're feeling is due to self esteem issues. No one will leave you, i promise. Remember that you are valuable person, and that your value is not determined by appearance, how others treat you, your intelligence, sexuality, or race. If anyone is telling you this, they are toxic and are only trying to hurt you.
theRainbowRiverFlows
March 20th, 2020 5:42am
Personally, I have struggled with this also. It makes sense to fear being left--relationships are uncertain and we cannot tell the future, which can be incredibly stressful. While I cannot always let the feeling go, one thing that has helped significantly is remembering that it is okay to be flawed, and that I am still worthy of loving relationships even with my flaws. In addition, it can help to remember that we can become comfortable with the uncomfortable. In other words, we can radically accept the uncertainty of the future and make the best that we can of living in the present moment. Life is still worth living even though we cannot predict the behavior of another person.
Anonymous
March 21st, 2020 12:23am
Think about the positives and how many many people love you in this world. These people would do anything to protect, love and charish you no matter what happens to you they will always be on your side through thick and thin. Think about these people and how hard it would be for you and for all the other people who love and cherish you if something happend to you all of a sudden. Just talk about it and say something to family and they can help you get over this feeling that you will get left. If they truly love you they will never leave you.
Anonymous
March 21st, 2020 3:46pm
I don't Im still afraid of it every day but I believe one day i will be able to find a way to get over that feeling. This feeling still scares me but I guess I learned to talk with the people I love and let them know how I felt. My parents are worried about this I take pills but I still can't get over my anxiety and depression this is one of those reason I can't shake that feeling so I try to laugh with those people I try to smile and I try to be with them so they know I love them
empathicAlly17
March 25th, 2020 4:03am
It sounds like something early on in your life made you feel like people who you love in life are going to leave you- have you spent time thinking about where you learned this? There is usually a reason our brains come back to the same thought patterns. And if it was a traumatic event, it might be a "survival feature" of your brain, trying to protect you. If you can do some work to figure out where you learned this thought/feeling, you may be able to recognize when current situations are bringing up this feeling from the past and label it as "that old pattern of feeling worried people will leave me again" and be able to distance yourself from it. It will take time and practice to learn to trust people and trust that they want to stay in your life as long as possible. I hope this helps a little bit.
noideaijustwanttohelp
April 10th, 2020 9:54pm
the fear of getting hurt almost always gets you hurt. Why live a life in fear? you might get hurt but you also might live your best life and find someone who is truly amazing. are you sure you want to give up this kind of life only because your mind is playing with you? you risk some happy moments only because you think something bad could happen. it might not even happen at all. so your actions are based on probabilty. if they choose to leave you that means that they werent the right person for you in the first place. and remember that it is always better having no one than having fake people that furt you around you. What you dont change about your lifestyle you choose. do it wisely.