How do I stop stressing out about what people think about me? The more insecure I am, the harder it is...
Last Updated: 10/26/2020 at 11:24pm
Cynthia Stocker, LCSW,
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
My approach is direct, kind, honest & collaborative. My clients appreciate that I help them in a way that cuts through the jargon and gives clear explanations.
Top Rated Answers
Why does it matter what 'people' think about you? What matters more is how you feel about yourself. You won't please everyone all of the time, but if you act with integrity and you are guided by your own values and judgement, then you won't fail. Insecurity affects most people from time to time, but it serves no useful purpose. It comes from a place of fear, not love. So acknowledge it, then ignore it ("feel the fear and then do it anyway"). Be mindful of the 'spotlight effect' whereby we magnify our own actions and perceive that others are noticing our flaws more than they probably are. With practice, you can train yourself to be more confident, and you will realise that those nagging insecurities are becoming quieter and quieter, and soon you can bat them away without too much bother. Learn to be your own best friend, and the next time you catch yourself worrying about what people are thinking of you, ask yourself whether they really matter.
No matter how old you are, your race, gender, age, body type, people are always going to judge you. It's just what people do. It's how you look at it that is going to help. Every time someone says something about you, think of one great thing about you to counter it. Yes there is going to be parts that you don't like but that's just being human. You were given a perfect body built just for you! How amazing is that! You just have to change your mind set. If you love yourself and who you are, then you have nothing to worry about. It's your body! Not theirs! Love yourself and you will see how it changes your mind set on how you view yourself.
Realize that a lot of people are just as insecure as you, and that people tend to spend more time worrying about themselves (and, how they're acting) than judging others. Also, ask people lots of questions about themselves. I know this sounds REALLY weird, but it has helped someone I know with social anxiety a great deal. It can help re-direct the attention away from you, build a strong relationship (without judgements), and hopefully the person will open up to you in exchange.
This is a natural response. It's actually healthy to at least consider what others think of you as it is vital to improving communication skills and can save you some ridicule. Now if it hinders your ability to live comfortably or if it stresses you out there are some things you can do, 1. Value yourself: You know what makes you amazing. Don't let what other people think make you question your worth. Only you know who you truly are, everyone else can only guess. 2. How do you know that they are thinking something negative?: They may not be. A person staring at you could be think you have a nice face or just simply be daydreaming (I've done both). 3. You may never know: And that's okay. For a passing stranger, at most you can take up around 10 seconds of thought and first impressions can be overwritten if the person is worth knowing. Honestly, if they don't like you, its likely some personal problem with themselves. 3.Befriend someone who doesn't give a-: It'll rub off on you. Promise. 4.Be aware of what you feel: "They are laughing at me. How do I feel right now?" Anxious, embarrassed, terrified? Understand what you feel and why you feel that way. Try to calm yourself down. 5.Use this site: Something happened today? Come tell me about. We are listeners and we are here for you. Our goal is to make you feel better. “You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.” — David Foster Wallace Most importantly, GET OUT THERE !!! and have fun~
I have this problem too. I worry about how I'll be judged on the simplest things from what I wear to what I eat to what I say even. Just know that everyone out there as this filter impeded in them as well and they might being having the same problem you are facing with it. Think of the good and not the bad, self doubt just makes it worse always compliment yourself on each thing you think people are thinking about you and it will soon clear up easily and cause you a lot less stress.
We have to realize that not everyone will have positive thoughts about us, and that's fine. Just surround yourself around people who motivate and love you. Eventually, the negative will be ignored.
Stressing out over what people think about you is very common, but a very hard thing to deal with. What I do suggest is that you try to hang out with people that make you feel good about yourself and you feel connected with.
It's almost impossible to stop thinking about what everyone thinks completly it's so much in our nature. What i've done though is trying to care about other people opinion as little as possible and focousing on me, what do I think, what have I done, where am I going. Work with your self and anyone elses opinion fades away.
Stressing about what other people think of you. Sounds like a familiar path. Also, if you're going through those phases where you just know that it affects the way you communicate with them, as well as the way you carry yourself around them, just think about yourself for a moment. Remember you're unique. Remember you just have to be yourself. Whenever you start stressing about what other people think of you, remember that you do things to express yourself, your thoughts, your decisions, your actions; not impress others. It is up to them to accept you the way YOU are. Remember at the end of the day, you would have something amazing to take away with you: that feeling of knowing that, atleast you've put yourself out there; that assurance of knowing that you've showed them who YOU really are and not what THEY want to see in you. So each time you feel insecure about what other people think of you, don't be afraid to be yourself and express yourself, knowing that you've done your part in this.
Realize that most people are probably ignoring you as you walk down the street. Most people will have positive or neutral thoughts about you unless you walk around murdering people. Also, realize that you are you, and you shouldn't wish to be anyone else.
The trick is understanding yourself and what you like and don't like. Be confident in who you are. If you don't like yourself... then who can ever give you enough confidence to make you not feel insecure?
I think the only way to really stop stressing about what people think about you is to put yourself in situations that you would otherwise avoid. Á lot. Try to pick the situations that cause you anxiety but where you know the people won’t criticise you terribly. I think that when you endure a lot of that kind of situations your perceptions of people’s judgement change. You might realise that most humans do not want to make you feel like shit. ‘The ones who are hurting and do not understand how to feel their own pain choose to inflict it on others’-Emery Allen Or they are just stupid… It’s not Always/most of the time about you. I think only trying to change your thoughts won’t help to rewire your brain. You have to choose the environments where you want to be, because they make you feel loved. Of course it’s as well important to be conciousness of your thoughts. That sometimes a thought that enters your brain does not have to speak the truth. That you’re allowed to not listen to your brain. You can try therapy as well, if that seems helpful to you! Or read selfhelp books/sites/articles. I hope you will be able to believe you can do it
People think whatever they wish to by making their own judgments and opinions. They will think something or the other about you no matter what. You'll go crazy if you'll think about it. Someone said this to me, "It's the job of people to think something or the other about you. Now, if you start doing their job. Who'll do yours.?" Relax and concentrate on yourself and your goals. You are the best and you know it. :)
Really their thoughts are just a figment of their imagination, and does not reflect reality. It's nearly an opinion that is affected by mood. If they are having a bad day, they might have more poor opinions about things compared to a good day.
Try writing a journal about your insecurities and go over it with someone close to you whom you trust.
It's is a natural thing for one to feel uncomfortable around people who they do not know or in large crowds. The best way to overcome this fear is to love oneself from the core of one's being. To be proud of oneself and being confident. At times, just having a thought in mind that" the other people are my friends and they love me " can help a lot. A cheerful smile can also help one calm down.
It can be hard to deal with the stress of what people are thinking about you, because it's something that you cannot control. Learning this, is the first step...as hard as it may be! But I know you can do it.
You are feeling insecure and this causes you to stress out about how others see you. It sounds as though this is a problem for you at the moment.
It's hard to accept yourself sometimes, but you just need to remind yourself that you're BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL and deserve a happy life
In my personal life,I have found that once I loved and accepted myself. The only opinion about me that mattered was how I thought of myself. What I discovered, is once I loved and valued me I became secure in who I am. I now no longer stress over other people's opinion of me.
Hey, you shouldnt be insicure about yourself or how you are or how you look. Everyone is different but differently unique and beautifull in their own way. If someone does not like the way you are its their loss. Never change yourself for anyone. Be proud of who and what you are !
the way I handle myself when I'm dealing with stress of how others feel about me I don't it took me a long time to finally come to realize that people really are going to criticize you no matter what unfortunately in this world you do have your people that do support you and you have those that don't you have those that do care about you you have those that don't the thing is most importantly is who do you care about them or yourself so in my own opinion or my personal experience I have learned to take care of myself love myself because nobody else is going to do it
People's opinions change over time and it would not be long before they have a new opinion on you even though you haven't done anything new. Being opinionated is human nature. They are biased and judge quickly. We cant control what people think about us but we can definitely control how we feel about it. Believe in yourself and never get swayed away by others opinions but also be open to improvements. Know yourself better than anyone else and don't take things personally. After all, they haven't walked in your shoes. Be confident in who you are. Accept yourself. Stop pleasing people and be compassionate.
honestly many people will say the same answer as me but this is really powerful to know. If you are happy with yourself and how you look, other peoples opinions won't matter, because you are happy with yourself and you are proud of everything you have accomplished, even if you changed up your whole appearance people are still going to have an opinion on you, you could be the most prettiest person in the world and people would still have something to say, but most cast people actually don't think of you as you think of yourself with all these doubts and comments, its all in your head, forgive yourself you deserve a break.
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