How do I talk to my boyfriend about our relationship?

87 Answers
Last Updated: 07/16/2019 at 4:21pm
How do I talk to my boyfriend about our relationship?
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Lianne Kirby, MA in Counselling Psychology

Counselor

I believe everyone should have the opportunity for their voice to be heard. I use a trauma informed, person centred approach in counselling.

Top Rated Answers
Leah2016
March 6th, 2016 11:27am
You can cook a meal and sit him down and chat to him about the relationship be kind no matter what your talking about it makes both feel better
Anonymous
March 10th, 2016 2:38pm
Ask him to go to your house or some private place, start talking about how was his day, how he's feeling at the moment and then tell him how you feel.
Anonymous
March 12th, 2016 2:20am
You can just be you if it goes well then don't worry keep going if it doesn't ask your boyfriend what might went wrong.
serene63
March 18th, 2016 4:43pm
the only way is to ask him to sit down and listen before he sayd anything back just ask for him to listen
beproudofwhoyouare
March 23rd, 2016 12:51pm
Maybe give him a heads up that something is troubling you and suggest a time when you can both have a long chat
Anonymous
March 24th, 2016 9:51pm
You should feel comfortable to talk to him face to face and discuss what is on your mind. If not you can have someone with you for moral support and/or plan what you want to say in advance
lauren1999x
April 14th, 2016 10:35pm
approach the situation at a time when he isnt feeling agitated or tired, bring the topic up casually, maybe with a 'so, about us' or 'hey ive been thinking'. take it slow and let him know how youre feeling, give him time to respond to you and take in what youre saying. dont be scared, breathe and keep a clear head, focusing on what you want to say. again make sure to give him time to respond and reflect. let him speak and have his side of the conversation, alongside yours. if things get out of hands then try to calmly talk to him, calm him down in the way you know works best. a conversation like this can be heavy and often emotional so dont worry a few wet eyes start appearing! when youre finished with the conversation, offer a cup of tea or suggest a movie to restore the anythnig that was lost during the talks, get comfortable again, just take things easy :) good luck, im sure everything will be fine!!
RosieBlue01
April 15th, 2016 4:07am
You sit him down and ask him if he has a minute to talk to you about either something that is bothering you or just your relationship in general. Refrain from texting it!
FoundMarbles
April 22nd, 2016 2:33am
Ask him questions about how he is feeling, what bothers him and what makes him happy. Listen carefully to what he says and look for things you have in common. Tell him the things you value in him. Those are the easy places to start the conversation. When he hears that you care because you ask about him, then he learns you value him by telling him what you like, he will be less likely to feel threatened if you suggest some things you would like to see changed or that could be improved. Tackle only 1 issue or at most 2 at any one time. If there are too many issues presented all at once he may feel, that on balance, you are telling him he is not good enough. Be open to compromise and avoid ultimatums if at all possible. This is how I dealt with my spouse in our early years.
Anonymous
April 23rd, 2016 2:51am
Suggest going out to a nice dinner together, & Have your serious discussion there, That way if things get heated, You both are at a restaurant and the chances of one of you blowing up in front of other people is rare.
iseeseashells
April 27th, 2016 12:42pm
In my personal experience, the best time to talk depends on the situation. Ideally, you should talk when both of you are calm and emotions aren't soaring - you want to communicate rationally. However, it doesn't always work out that way. Strong relationships are created from communication. If something is troubling you, don't be afraid to communicate it to your partner. You never know, they may have things to discuss as well!
Markimoo
April 27th, 2016 1:22pm
You have to speak openly and honestly. You can not hide anything from them and expect a change to happen. You need to be honest and tell them what you want.
Anonymous
April 28th, 2016 5:00pm
You should bring up the subject but make sure you word it in a way that is not accusatory. This will get an honest discussion going on without anyone feeling defensive.
Amber105
April 29th, 2016 1:13pm
Just sit him down and tell him that you feel like you both need to talk, tell him exactly how you feel and whats on your mind, and be completely honest.
Anonymous
May 1st, 2016 9:46am
well...first of all make sure that he too want that relationship to survive...you straightaway share up your feelings with him and be honest about your feelings
JDM108
May 4th, 2016 1:06am
Be simple, and direct, speak the sweet truth, and keep it to what you know ("I feel X when you do Y"). Don't demand love, as that destroys love. And I would also say keep a time set aside for it, it shouldn't be never ending. Give people space to be themselves, but protect your heart too.
Anonymous
May 6th, 2016 5:28pm
Since I don't have any information about your relationships or what exactly you want to talk to him about. I can only suggest you that you confront him head on. Sit him down and tell him what bothers you, explain to him what the problem is and that you want to work it out. Be patient and reasonable also be prepared to clarify everything. Being truthfull and genuine is usually the best approach. I hope that helps.
tryingtostayhappy2
May 18th, 2016 5:27am
If possible, just simply get him alone one day and tell him that you need to talk to him, and it's important. Usually, the word, "we need to talk" enlist a fear on people. So, if possible, refrain from those words. But, in all, just be blunt. Sometimes, people just need to hear the truth.
nuuuris
May 20th, 2016 8:41am
In relationships you have to be honest and trust your parner. If you feel that something is going in the wrong way or you don't feel the same that you used to, you should talk to him and be honest with him otherwise if you don't feel like telling him because you can't trust him, maybe it's the time to think about your relationship in a deeper way. If you need anything please message me :) Good luck dear!
enchantingSun49
May 22nd, 2016 8:58am
Sit down and explain how you're feeling, respect his opinion as he should respect yours! Try and work things out, it's better to communicate than not at all!
Aprtylittlemess
May 22nd, 2016 2:26pm
Set aside time to talk when you will not be interrupted. Take it in turns to have air time - some people find setting a timer for five minutes, one speaking while the other listens, then reversing the process, can create a space for each to talk without interruption. Tell your partner how you felt, feel or will be feeling about something without blaming them. This can be tricky but it is a very useful way of owning your feelings. Plan to go together somewhere that provides an environment you both find relaxing e.g. a walk in the park, a drink at a pub or a coffee when you're shopping, etc.
Anonymous
August 8th, 2016 7:26am
He is your boyfriend.. and a relationship works.. when both of the people don't hide anything from eachother.. they are like bestfriends. If you want to talk to him.. then calmly ask him and have a conversation with open and cool mind. Always try not to let misunderstandings come in your relationship. Just grab a opportunity and talk with him.. He will understand or you are his girlfriend, you would make him understand.
Anonymous
September 20th, 2016 9:44pm
You need to be relaxed and honest. The honesty is really important. Don't be afraid to tell what you think.
squishycinnamonrolls
February 27th, 2017 12:18am
You need to steer your boyfriend to understand the seriousness of the topic. If there is something you dislike, don't use the words "always" or "never" nor accuse him. Express your needs and leave it open for him to do something about it. Be positive in that sense such as "I'm always happy when you make time with me." That will inspire him to do it more instead of saying "call me more." When it comes down to discussion about the relationship and meeting needs, approach it with positive energy and with love.
BeyondEmpathy
April 24th, 2017 1:04pm
Talking about a relationship is a key and important aspect and something I liken to having a smoke alarm, It requires maintenance and service if its to function properly. How can we ever know what the other is thinking. The answer is that there is no way that we can. The best way is to be honest and ask them what they think, how they feel, what they would like and equally share the same. A relationship is two lives combining to share one together it takes work effort and above all communication..
Therebounder
September 4th, 2017 6:02am
Be truthful to yourself and your boyfriend. If some fact is bothering you, please ask him. Have courage, ask him directly with tried and tested phrase "we need to discuss a few things." It really helps.
Anonymous
July 16th, 2019 4:21pm
Communication is an important part of every healthy relationship. Although it may be challenging when we have something upsetting on our mind, in the end, taking the time to communicate can improve how we feel about our problems. To talk with your boyfriend about your relationship, try to find a time when both of you are free for an extended period. For instance, this could be after work or during a meal. Ask him if "now" is a good time to talk about some things on your mind. Next, it is often helpful to be straightforward and honest in regards to what you want to discuss. He may get frustrated or disagree with what you are saying, but this does not mean that it is impossible to find a solution. Turn the conversation back to what you feel and how you want to proceed in the future. Overall, it may help you to identify any issues and specifically how it impacts your own thoughts and feelings. Look towards the future and brainstorm ways that you can move forward in the relationship in a way that makes both of you happier!