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How do you manage to keep a level head when your parents are trying to tell you you're not worth a thing?

21 Answers
Last Updated: 06/01/2020 at 3:47pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Monique Thompson, LPC, LPC-S

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am in my 21st year as a psychotherapist. I have worked with over 3, 000 people over the course of my career.

Top Rated Answers
September 7th, 2015 9:42pm
Maybe try to remember that what they say about you is more about them than it is about you. Your goal can be to gain an independent self-image which relies on your own experiences and not their opinion.
April 8th, 2015 4:56am
Challenge their words in your head. If they tell you you're not worth living, then think about all the reasons why you're worth living, because trust me, you are worth living! if it helps, you can write it on your phone too so whenever you feel discouraged by them or anyone else, just take your phone out and read through it.
January 28th, 2015 6:19pm
Demonstrate in every single way that i'm worth ! Starting to show them what i am capable of,and how good i can handle everything on my own.
April 16th, 2015 2:51pm
It's important to make sure you don't feel the same way, because you're amazing and you are worth the entire world.
April 25th, 2015 8:17am
You just have to stay optimistic and positive. I know that it is a hard thing to do but you have to try. You have to remember that you are a great person who can and will do great things in the world!
May 22nd, 2015 6:27pm
I'll study hard and be the TOP at everything. So they'll change their mind about me. Nothing can stop you if you dont help yourself. Be confident! Nobody can tell you what you can be !
September 7th, 2015 4:22pm
Well, I would remain calm in order to not make the situation any worse. Getting angry only creates more tension and doesn't help to solve the argument. Don't let them know they are getting to you and this will be a motive to continue. Parents like to be right, don't forget that. They just want what is best for you so don't think it's because they're against you. Take deep breaths! Don't forget. Remember: YOU ARE WORTH A THING. Your opinion of yourself, matters more than anyone elses :)
December 8th, 2015 2:36pm
Value comes from within, so comments made from other people are merely a helpful or a wasteful distraction.
April 25th, 2016 3:06pm
The understanding that you have your life in your hands regardless of the end of the day its your choice to be successful and through being successful is where your parents will ne dumbfounded we all know that in the end the tables always turn as we age ¿?
June 7th, 2016 12:35pm
Probably because It's you who define what you're worth in this world, your parents did what they had to do, they brought you to life and raised you, now its up to you to make something out of it, something out of yourself. Plus I frankly think they only tell you're worthless to shake your nerves and get you to go do something about it and progress.
June 7th, 2016 11:30pm
By knowing yourself, that you're more than just worth a thing, you're worth the world, a life, everything.
August 30th, 2016 5:04pm
Remember that other people's view of you doesn't define you. You are worth more than someone else's negative opinion on yourself.
September 20th, 2016 11:17pm
First of all: don't believe them! They're only trying to make you feel bad; I guarantee you are amazing and definitely worth something. In order to maintain a level head, you must pretend to believe them so that they will maybe stop telling you about "how bad you are". You could also reach out to others and let them know your situation. Good friends can help you through anything. Lastly, tell yourself that they're lying. You ARE worth it. You ARE wonderful. You ARE magnificent. Believe in yourself, even when it seems no one else will.
January 9th, 2017 2:00am
During times when I feel worthless, I remove myself from the immediate situation to collect my thoughts. Then I give myself permission to feel each thought by writing the emotions out. Finally, I take extra-good care of myself by remembering to show myself compassion. Often my self-care includes something I enjoy doing or treating myself with kindness, daily.
January 9th, 2017 11:13am
I would allow myself to feel frustrated, express that gently to them and get curious about what is below the tip of the iceberg. Most parents criticise out of true love and fear that their sons or daughters fail in life (from their own perspective). If you tap into their fears and they see your frustration, you might end up having a different frequency
May 22nd, 2017 2:36am
Take a few deep breaths and give yourself some space. Tune in to how you feel when hearing their words. Just acknowledge the fear, anger, sadness, grief or whatever. Notice what you need: love, empathy, acknowledgement, appreciation. Make sure you give this to yourself or ask friends or counsellors you trust to reflect back what they appreciate about you. In this way, you are replacing the negative and critical parent talk with something positive and uplifting.
June 13th, 2017 7:42am
When I face a situation where my parents are telling me that I am not good enough, it would be sad for me. But I would think that there are two ways to evaluate myself. One that all people tell about me and second is my own evaluation. I would ask myself whether I am really not good enough or there are things I might do well in that my peers or parents are unaware of. May be only I know about them just because these things are the ones I am good at or I am interested in learning those skills. I would think about them and try to move towards them. Slowly I would engage other people in when I am good at sharing my perspective with other people. But for the moments, I would silently self evaluate myself from a new angle and this would make me confident.
July 11th, 2017 1:07pm
First of all it is important that we do not allow anyone to determine our worth. We ourselves may determent our self-worth and we also have the power to dicriminate between constructive criticism and unhealthy criticism. Throughout our lives we will constantly be exposed to different opinions coming from different people and some of the opinions may not be pleasant for us. However, everyone is entitled to their opinion and in the same way that we are also entitled to ours. When people express their opinion, regardless of who they are, we need to learn how to filter the information and make sure to absorb what is of relevance. We may ask ourselves: Is it logical? Is it helpful? Is there any evidence of it? If not, we can choose to discard it and we shall automatically keep our cool.
August 12th, 2019 4:15pm
it's hard. i know just how hard it is, and you're very strong for making it so far, as well as being able to seek help here. something that has helped me is telling myself every day, no matter how little i believe it, that i am enough and i am worth it, as well as any other affirmations (generally along the lines of "i am beautiful"). keep reminding yourself of that every single day. also, if you have friends or other trusted people in your life, lean on them for support. they'll be happy to remind you that you're enough, despite what your parents say. you'll be okay
January 21st, 2020 5:12am
To this I would only respond that nobody can evaluate your own self worth but you. People may tell you you are not worth anything, but if you take those words to heart it becomes true. If you don’t, it will forever be false, because only you decide your own worth. So it’s up to you to make your life worth it, but keep in mind that you do not need to live up to anyone’s expectations in order to be considered worthy. Only you can consider yourself worthy through your own actions. If they continue to tell you that you are not worth anything, feel free to tell them that they can’t ascribe a value to you, only you can, because only you can know how valuable you are. What you tell yourself is important, so make sure no one does it for you, and make sure it is something you want to hear and keeps you going. Hope that helps! :)
June 1st, 2020 3:47pm
Hey. So about that. My parents (actually my dad) tells me this sometimes when he gets quite angry at me. I usually manage to keep a level head except when I just can't so I just cry uncontrollably. When I can keep a level head I either ignore it if it's not too bad or I think about what he said and think if I am really useless. Sometimes he might give me a yard job and I give it a half-baked job I think okay yeah I guess I was kind of useless. Sometimes he just says it and I think okay, he's being dumb because I actually did something that he just doesn't get. So I tell myself that i'm not useless and give myself a list of reasons why i'm not worth anything. Ex. You play 10 instruments, I study things like psych, 6 languages, cybersecurity, or writing fiction. All in all, I just do things that are going to be worth it for my future and he just doesn't see it but it's okay because what difference does it make that he gets it or not? That was my short/long answer and I hope it helps!