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How to forget my one-sided love?

154 Answers
Last Updated: 12/27/2020 at 4:03pm
How to forget my one-sided love?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
Ladipsutes
January 20th, 2019 7:23pm
Focus on yourself, invest in your self. Go do things you like with friends, with family and alone. Understand that you don not need another person to live your life to the fullest. You do not need another person to have fun. Have fun on your own, get in touch with new people. Go see the world and learn about new cultures. Spend all the love that you would have spend on the other person now on yourself. Love yourself! Buy nice things for yourself and give yourself compliments. Know that you are enough and you only need yourself.
Mary0000
February 15th, 2019 12:00am
Sometimes we are attracted to people, because their presence in our lives speaks to a deep unconscious need. We are often attracted to the people that we are attracted to, because of the emotions they illicit within us. Awareness is a battle half won... so what I do ask you the next time you meet her, is to ask yourself 'what am I really getting out of these feelings which are being aroused in me?' For a moment, look away from the person, but more on the process that occurs inside of you towards her. It could be 'the need to chase', 'the need to prove myself', 'the need to attain the unattainable'... check what is driving you to keep being attracted to someone who is not reciprocating your energy, and perhaps once you have figured it out, the next time you see her, well... it could be different.
OceanRest
April 14th, 2019 3:02pm
I don't know if forgetting is the best option. I think grieving might be a more appropriate process. It's almost impossible to "forget" intense emotions. They have a way of coming up again and again until we deal with them. I wonder how you would feel if you rather treat it as if you've lost this person in a way. Because in a way you did. You had fantasies about what things could be like and now you realise that it can't be manifested in real life. Grieving is a process when we allow ourselves to be sad about what we've lost. Maybe you'll feel like crying about it or screaming or giving yourself time to just feel bad. There are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They don't necessarily happen in that order. They can overlap and you can go back and forth between them, but sometimes it helps to know what you are feeling is part of a normal process. You can maybe think what you would have done if the person really died and try some of those things. Ideas you could try are things like writing a goodbye letter or creating something artistic or a collage about both the good and the bad. We also have a subcommunity for Grief and Loss here on 7 Cups where you will be able to find more ideas on how to cope with the process. Or you can try the self-help guide on Grief. You can find the self-help guides under My Path in the blue bar at the top. I am sorry for your loss. I hope you will remember to take good care of yourself while dealing with this process.
bouncyEndfoftherainbow
May 24th, 2019 4:02am
Keep yourself busy. Start doing things that you've been wanting to do for a while like, starting that TV show, finish that video game or going to the gym. Surround yourself with people that can support you. Be open with what you need like a hug, going on a walk with someone or you want to spend the night at their place because you don't want to be by yourself. Understand that you're not alone. There are people out there that have experience what you are going through. There are many online forums that you can reach out for support. Time will heal you.
Nirvanaalas
July 6th, 2019 4:42am
To forget my one sided love, I had to learn to love myself. I know that is very cliche, but its what I had to do. As a woman I had to learn that I needed and deserved to be respected by my significant other. That was not happening. It was crucial for me to get myself to a better place and so I sought out the support of my closest friends and they helped me. At times I just cried and cried and I felt so alone. So so alone, but as it really taught me a life lesson. That lesson being that I needed to come first for once.
Anonymous
July 27th, 2019 12:54pm
No matter how romantic the books,movies and tv show try to label the one-sided love, often our feelings are not reciprocated or simply the person you love is unattainable due to some reason. When the person you love falls under any of the above stated categories, to feel better you need to forget about them. Once a person has denied any interest in you romantically you should accept that and not keep trying again and again in a hope that they will change their previous decision. Some things that you might try are: 1. Explain to them how you feel. 2. Distance yourself from them for some time. 3. Use that time to process your emotions. 4. Meet new people. 5. Don't try to find the qualities they had in every new person 6. Try a new hobby.
ColdWarmth
August 28th, 2019 2:52am
While it’s easier said than done, find a hobby or get busy. Distract yourself with fun things and go on dates with other people. Before you can grab something new, you need to let go of what was in your hand previously right? Allow yourself to be ready, willing and open to potentially meeting someone else that makes you feel the same way the initial person made you feel. There are billions of people on this planet with all sorts of quirks. You will definitely find one you like if you allow it to happen. Go out there and have fun!
22CookieRandomnesss22
September 1st, 2019 11:54pm
Work on yourself! Try re-arranging your room, transform your life and focus on you. You could pick up a new hobby, start watching the sunset, exercise, in other words, get your life together! You can get where you want to be through hard work, you're the only person you can control, so go live your life to it's fullest! Delete old messages if you have to, avoid saying negative things about the person you once loved and keep the hope that one day you'll meet the person meant for you, if not that's ok, society pressures us into relationships when really, though they are wonderful, they're not necessaary to be happy or fulfilled.
Golden89retriever
September 19th, 2019 10:04am
In my life too,my first love was one-sided but i crazily and madly loved her so much but it was just nothing from her side,she was everything to me,my whole world,we were never even talked much,it was a strict one-sided affair,i feel wrong that i fell for her and that had changed me alot too..so much so that i was no longer a trustable and not even a trusting person and that keeps me out for searching for a potential soulmate for next 9 years and in all those years. So not possible to forget because it becomes a memory which can't be erased at all but that person too is not worthy of your love too.The person has missed someone very precious in their life which is someone who love them and you were capable of loving so that was awesome too.
Yaddayaddaaaaa
November 10th, 2019 12:06pm
One-sided love is psychologically damaging. It hits you in ways that you would feel less about yourself or to such extent, hate yourself. It is quite a process and a battle to be fought for each day. And this is how I fought for it. This is how I fought for life. I spent time thinking, realizing that we only have a short life. People and some research would say that the life span of the people today would be about 70+ years old. It makes me realize how much I should value my life. How much should I make use of it in a more meaningful way. I've had an epiphany that I should spend my time that should be nurturing for my soul and supports my personal growth. I should attach myself on activities, relationships and thoughts that are good for my mental health. In this way when the time comes that I knew my life would end or could end tomorrow-I knew I've lived a life worth living.
FrostWire
January 8th, 2020 11:39pm
Hello; I'm frostwire and I'm unsure what your question is asking. But, I will answer it with the best hopes that your question is answered; because Love can be strange rite? I've heard that some that find it usually grow to be very old an gain access to elderly ways that can provide for those that are in their younger an flowering years. If you are still with me; is this love you feel for the person a ride to exstacy? If pleasure is what keeps a person craving for the individual thing that keeps them in a loop, then; should we replace them with something that can create a new and better us? I mean: if the love is one-sided; what makes it one-sided? Sometimes we have to choose what is better for us even when we are or find ourselves in a comfortable position rite? Getting our bodies in line to chase our destiny can be the most difficult thing to do. But how can we do this? Is this thing that we call our destiny accomplishable? How and where do we begin? If you could hang up a dart board an throw darts at the number you wished you never called, would it make you feel better that you darted it? The one thing we should not do is give up on ourselves. We deserve to be happy; because happiness is necessary.
Beachydreams5
January 17th, 2020 3:56am
Getting over someone starts with the love you have for yourself, the more you focus on your own personal self-love journey the less you will focus on the person who rejected you, an unrequited love or just an ignored crush. There's a difference between acting like you're focusing on yourself to look good in other peoples (your ex or anyone else') eyes, and following your own path, the feeling is unexplainable however you almost forget about them but appreciate the memories and how they have shaped who you are! And you won't even realise it happens, its almost like how you don't realise when you fall asleep!
Egeking
January 19th, 2020 4:12pm
Give Yourself Permission To Grieve When you are faced with an unreciprocated love, it can really hurt. You can have a hard time coming to terms with it and may be unsure of how to handle it. Firstly, it is ok to grieve. In simple terms, you have lost something. You’ve lost the idea of being in a relationship with someone and you’ve lost the possibility that your feelings would be returned. Be aware of your emotions and let yourself be sad, angry or disappointed. All of the feelings you have are valid and you need to give yourself permission to feel these emotions. Give yourself time, and know that emotions and feelings don’t disappear overnight.
FlourishingFortunate
February 19th, 2020 10:15am
I am not an expert in one sided love but I believe the first step is in acknowledging that the love is one sided and choosing to deliberately love you and work on your own personal growth. Know your why and pursue it, in the process you will be too busy focused on other things to worry about the one sided love. Go forth and pursue your goals. There is love all around you even here at 7 cups, one sided love will just take your peace of mind. Stay focused and on course. True love will find you when you least expect it.
Anonymous
March 13th, 2020 8:11pm
It takes a lot more time than people realize. The first big step is realizing that it is not your fault they do not love you. This may take a lot more time that you might think, especially in the days that follow finding out it is a one-sided love. It's totally okay to take some time and really process those emotions for what they are. As hard as it is, you may need a clean and clear break with them. Trying to stay friends with your former flame at this time isn't a good idea. Instead, stregthen other friendships, do old or new hobbies, and take some quality time for yourself. It gets easier. :)
MonicaQu
April 11th, 2020 9:11pm
One-sided love is like when you allow someone into your life and where you show them a vulnerable side of you. There are times when you are with someone and you love him or her like someone should be loved but from a distance it could be a crush, or in a relationship too. I guess when you leave a relationship and think about one-sided things to forget you could dream up things like as when you dream you have control. As for feelings it hurts when you realize someone who meant everything to you, you meant nothing to them that hurts. Only that they lost something and never knew what they had.
lovelyDancer19
April 11th, 2020 9:26pm
If your relationship is a one sided love, your s/o does not deserve you. If you are giving the other person all your love and support, but receive nothing in return, this is toxic and unhealthy. You deserve someone who will give you all the love and more that you give to them. People who use you for your love don’t deserve you or your love you give them. Find somebody you treats you like the queen or king you are and gives you all the love in the world. Don’t forget to communicate how you feel to them so they know for the future.
dancingWaterfall1627
April 15th, 2020 10:07pm
remember that it's one sided thats the first thing, come to grips with that and once you understand that things will get way easier! Remember everything that has happened between your love and reburse the negative things rather than the positive and it will remind you that they aren't the best person to be around or to be in love with and once you see that forgetting them will actually come naturally. i'm so sorry that you're going through this because it must be really difficult, coming to get help is the best thing to do right now! Holly
Anonymous
April 16th, 2020 5:30pm
Speaking from personal experience, I have found it most beneficial to avoid moments of boredom or inactivity. Times like that can make is very easy to think about the person and develop negative emotions. I have found it helpful to get outside, pick up hobbies, and talk to people whenever possible. The more you continue to distract yourself from that person, the easier it will get. While it is very difficult to complete forget it in a heartbeat, it can be worked on over time. Instead, use your energy to focus on yourself and seek out better for yourself.
Iampandagenie
May 2nd, 2020 7:31am
I'm sorry to know that you've had to deal with this. But it is a part of life. Isn't it? It's better to have some experience than having nothing at all. So... To forget your one sided love, first of all don't rush your journey of moving on. Take as much time as you need. And remember moving on is never a straight graph..it's zig zag. So if you find yourself back at zero, don't stress over it. Start doing things which you like. What I do first is to delete every memory related to them. It's hard and heart wrenching.. but you need to do it to give yourself space from memories and thoughts. Take your time don't rush. And then do things which you like. Explore yourself. And if you find yourself overthinking about them(first recognize if you're overthinking about a stuff which won't create any difference or won't help you at all), tell yourself to stop or just focus on some other thing. And if you find yourself thinking about them don't torture yourself by saying you shouldn't be thinking at all. I mean they used to be a part of your life and part of your thoughts. It's ok to think about them. Accept your thoughts. Give yourself time. and trust me....it'll be better eventually. It's a journey to move on. And the results are always satisfying. So if you wanna more you can text me I can be a support in your journey.. all the best!
urstrong
May 13th, 2020 11:03am
The basic thing about one sided love is you have focused a lot more on the other person than anything else and now it is driving you crazy. Then just think about it if you have shifted your focus on something else then you might have been crazy of that other thing. So what we know now that it is just you with all your heart out focussing on things then try to make your priorities and focus on those. That will deffinitely turn your life upside down and you will achieve whatever you want in youe life .
CalmCourage
June 17th, 2020 1:19am
It's a hard one isn't it, when you love someone and do things for them yet they don't return it. However know that there are people that will worship the ground you walk on. You may not know it now but there is someone that will give to you, love you, make you feel amazing and you will realise that the first love you had wasn't right. Find out what you really want, what values, what beliefs about the world, how you expect someone to be in certain situations... and find the person that fits those. The things that are most important to you. I am very lucky enough to have found someone who is incredible and gives all the time so if I could do it you can too.
vanessart
June 17th, 2020 8:20pm
As much as we might wish we could just erase our memories of an unrequited love, forgetting altogether is really only possible with time. Instead of trying to will those feelings away, which can often just make them feel even more intense, it's good to recognize the feelings you have and simply sit with them until they pass. Something that often helps me is to think about the ways an experience like that is helping me to grow and reflect on it. It can also be helpful to journal your feelings or share them with a friend (or 7 Cups listener!). Doing this can help make the feelings less painful, even if you can't forget altogether.
SunshineRayyy
July 17th, 2020 4:53pm
Tell yourself that you can't control everything. You can only control yourself and your reactions. Congratulate yourself for making it this far and be proud of everything you've been through because everything is a lesson. You will just become a better person because this experience has made you stronger. You will get through this and learn to move on in life. Your feelings and emotions are valid, but you have to forgive yourself and let yourself get past this relationship. You are a strong, independent person and will find someone who deserves you! Don't give up on relationships because you are a great person.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2020 8:43am
I forget my one-sided love by reminding myself that I deserve someone that will reciprocate the love I have for them. I am worthy of someone that feels the same. It is a waste of time to dwell on someone that does not feel the same, therefore, I try not to give them too much of my time or energy. First, I acknowledge and accept how I feel. It is normal to experience this. Then, I focus on my hobbies, passions, and spend time with my loved ones- the people that actually love me back. It might be helpful to start talking to other potential partners (when you think it is time, but don't dwell on the one-sided love too much). Throughout this time, I am kind to myself because it feels horrible to not have someone reciprocate the love you have for them, but it is normal. I remind myself that I am worthy of someone that will value and love me.
safeshoulder2CryOn
July 26th, 2020 2:21pm
Many of us are unwittingly lulled into unrequited or one-sided Love. Often this happens when we are needy and desperate. However, if one party are unwilling to reciprocate, it leads to an unhealthy, emotionally absent partner. It is hurtful with the one you love is emotionally unavailable to you. Therefore it is best to go in separate ways since there is no commonality towards building the relationship. If you are on different paths, it indicates a disparity in attitude which would be difficult to rectify in the long term. Adopt an objectivity and optimism in such a flawed relationship. Let go of one-sided love and be positive in seeking the right one. Second best just wont do. Seek your soulmate not temporary mates as lovers. Trust your inner feelings. If something doesnt feel right, it probably isnt meant to be.Let it go.
Rabbit033
July 29th, 2020 1:23am
This is a hard thing to do for many people. Love is one of the strongest emotions we'll ever get to experience. Letting go to one-sided love can be especially difficult. In my experience, the two things that helped me most were time and rationalization. Remind yourself that the feelings weren't mutual. Remind yourself that the other person didn't care like you did. You need to accept this. It's not worth being with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Also keep in mind that time heals all. I have an ex who I was madly in love with. It's been several years since we were together. I can still kind of picture her in my mind and I can remember our past together but there is no longer emotion associated with her.
thoughtfulSoul2221
November 14th, 2020 8:11pm
Forgetting the feelings we have toward a special someone it's not easy. In fact, it's a process that will take some time, but with some effort and some patience we can get over it. I would suggest to do things that will make you not think about that person, with things I meant activities or hobbies of your preference that will keep your mind away from thinking about that person.There are only many things that one could do, it could be from a walk in the beach, to working out; to volunteer at any place that needs help, or to hang out with friends. Do anything that keeps you happy and stop you from thinking about your crush. Most important, talk aloud your feelings, speak with a friend about your situation or use a journal and write down what's on your mind. Hope this helps!
openEar107
November 23rd, 2020 3:18pm
Don't forget - learn from that experience - use you past to make your stronger and wiser . I believe we can use life experience to show us what works for us and what doesn't . Life is a great teacher. One sided love hurts and love shouldn't hurt like that - Love should make you feel good - Love builds you up - It makes life sunnier - You deserve more . Everyone deserves to love and be loved in return . No one should have to be with someone who does not really love them.
stevenm5775
December 9th, 2020 8:45pm
Showing yourself love and respect is a skill that many of us are still learning. It can be a lifelong challenge but in the end, you have to love yourself most of all. Because if you can't love yourself, it makes it difficult to love someone else. That is why you must take time to be alone and learn who you are. You must explore yourself and be grateful for the things that make you you. Be proud of your quirky music tastes. Be proud of your life story no matter how dark it may be. Be proud of the good person you are.