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How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?

252 Answers
Last Updated: 03/20/2021 at 4:53am
How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jannise McKamey-Bruell, LAPC

Counselor

I am a nonjudgmental counselor that employs transparency, trust, honesty and integrity in her practice and in the therapeutic relationship.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
January 23rd, 2016 10:15pm
Trust your partner more. be a more romantic and share everything about what's bothering you and try to seek help
patientMango29
January 28th, 2016 4:59am
"Honesty is the best policy". I learned to be very straightforward and honest with my partner, and in return, she did the same for me. At first it was a little rough because we were afraid we might offend each other, but in the long run, being completely honest with our feelings really help strengthen our trust and our understanding of each other.
happy22icecream
January 28th, 2016 7:14pm
I think the most important thing is to trust yourself. If you don't trust yourself, you may start to overthink stuff. :)
Steelymic
February 1st, 2016 9:43pm
Can you step back and break down why you are over thinking? Try writing these things down. When they are down, sleep on it, then go back to the list and see if you feel the same way. Are these things real or are they a result of your own thoughts? If they are real maybe you should try and speak to your partner about them
Anonymous
February 6th, 2016 2:20am
Communication is the main foundation for a good relationship but it doesn't always come easy. We should learn and cultivate the habit of honest and direct communication.
Capatiller
February 9th, 2016 6:57am
Trust is key in every relationship. but if you are concerned you may overshare or say more than you mean due to overthinking things, try writing everything you are thinking down. get it all out on paper. then you can see what has relevance and what doesn't.
PoeticWhisperer13
February 11th, 2016 3:11am
Take a moment to truly analyze the situation and the people in it. Think realistically and work through it logically.
freshParadise97
February 19th, 2016 8:41am
Be patient with my tips on how to stop overthinking Get an objective perspective from someone you trust Then stop talking about it Distract yourself – a practical way to stop overthinking a relationship Accept the fact that you overthink and it’s bad
ambitiousmisfit
February 19th, 2016 10:03am
Get out in the world and do something that you love doing. Talk to your partner about how you feel as often as possible.
LouisaCT
February 24th, 2016 5:51am
Hi there, I know overthinking can make relationships difficult, so I hope this answer helps you out! Personally what I find helps the most is "instead of thinking - talk." What I mean is that instead of overthinking, sit down with your partner and talk to them about what you are thinking, where your mind goes when you overthink, and why you might be thinking so much about a particular topic. Sometimes the other person knowing how our thoughts process is all the comfort we need, and be enough to help us stop overthinking. If this doesn't work, I would suggest journalling. Sometimes we overthink for no reason, and maybe getting the thoughts out of your head will help. I personally journal on my computer because I can type faster than write - so I can keep up with all those racing-overthinking-thoughts. It doesn't have to be eloquent or "put together", just get your thoughts out. I hope this helps you a little. I know communication can be difficult but I've found it the best approach. I hope if you do try journalling that you find it very therapeutic.
interestingSky49
February 27th, 2016 6:59am
Analysis leads to paralysis, this is a classic quotation that is used when a person thinks to much about how to handle a situation. Some things people need to learn in life, this is something I have learned in my journey of social self improvement, but I would say to not worry about the other person when it comes to specific things. If you have good intentions what you say or do will be fine.
Oz94
February 28th, 2016 12:05am
Sometimes it's like a big puzzle. Thousand of potential pieces which could connect, and show a picture of a "perfect" love. But sometimes, they don't really fit. And we kinda force them to. Even though the picture isn't what it's supposed to be, we don't care. We only see what we want to. We want the puzzle to fit. But we can't really finish it that way. The puzzle will be flawed. We don't fight against gravity. Some things just are. Some pieces fit, but show a picture we don't really like. But nothing ever is truly perfect. We just have to complete the puzzle and take it for what it is. An un-perfect piece of art.
LovingGamer
March 18th, 2016 12:10pm
Understand that you are perfect to them, or they would not be with you. Someone who loves someone else will view them as perfect, no matter what.
CaringPuppy1
April 7th, 2016 12:32pm
Relationships are very complex. Try to stay open minded and have open communication with your partner. If you talk to them about it, they may understand or give you some positive reinforcement.
deerinlightbluesky
May 6th, 2016 4:27am
It's not easy to stop overthinking things in a relationship because it is a very important aspect of your life. In fact, if you are in a serious relationship, it is natural for you to reflect on it because it means a lot to you. However, there is a special type of thinking you should try to avoid: worry about what your partner thinks. You might be worried that your significant other does not love you back. You might be worried that your significant other doesn't find you attractive. You might be worried that your significant other is cheating on you. These are all legitimate concerns; however, it is undeniable that there is nothing you can do to change the way someone else thinks. Worrying about your own feelings and actions is wonderful because you will be a better person as a result. However, worrying about what the other person thinks will not change a thing. I hope you won't spend your precious time and energy on something you cannot change. Focus on yourself instead.
JustBreatheIHW
September 14th, 2016 12:49am
Trust. Trust your partner, trust when they tell you what they are doing, overthinking leads to you seeming insecure and questioning your partner and making them feel interrogated, I have learned from personal experience that the best thing is to just trust them in what they say and what they do.
tranqq
September 14th, 2016 8:27am
Probably just to communicate and be very open and honest about what you want. Communication is the key to any good relationship, platonic or romantic.
Forwantofasong
September 14th, 2016 11:20pm
Personally, the answer to how not to overthink sounds simple, but has been just as difficult to myself as it likely has been for a lot of people wondering. It's a two-dose helping though. It takes both Trust and Communication. In trusting the person you are in a relationship with, it becomes easier to calm yourself should you begin to overthink. The second part, Communication, is just talking out the things you're overthinking about with your relationship partner, So that clarity is achieved and you aren't left wondering what is going on, Leading to the overthinking problem. Of course, this trust and communication has to work both ways to work, But regardless, it has been the most effective means of stopping myself from overthinking.
tastefulhamster
April 21st, 2017 1:19pm
Never forget that your partner is a person just like you! Everything that you have ever felt worried about in your relationship, they have probably felt worried about, too!
insightfulBraveheart33
June 2nd, 2017 9:35am
There is no particular way to stop that. Based on my experience, you only overthink things when you are afraid to lose the person, or for some reason you feel the relationship is restricting you. You can probably talk to the person about what you are thinking...
Cupcakeprincess3
November 24th, 2017 4:27am
Oo this is a tough one. Even I face trouble with overthinking. You just have to accept things fhe way they are and don’t get insecure or suspicious of your partner. What I mean by this is you must trust your partner. Overthinking sometimes is caused by the lack of trust by the partner. So build that trust.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2018 8:47pm
I find it hard not to overthink in relationships. Sometimes its easier to just think about now. Not the "what ifs" of the future, because the what ifs are what cause doubt and cause you to question everything. Be happy together now, and move on together.
warmMelon2334
June 26th, 2019 7:16am
overthinking things in a relationship is not good. it gives you stress, it affects your daily lives and it kills your happiness. you have to stop overthinking things in a relationship by talking and asking your partner about the thing that bothers you especially with the suspicious one. you have to be frank and be honest of what you really feel for him. think about the positive things too so you might not feel abandoned. love yourself. make yourself busy with the things that make you enjoy most. and most importantly, pray to the Lord about guidance, enlightenment and help with your relationship with your partner. :)
Anonymous
August 18th, 2019 2:02am
Overthinking happens when you don't trust yourself or the situation. When I want to stop overthinking about something my partner does or doesn't do, I think about how much I love them and they love me. I think about the first time he said it, and all the times I knew he meant it, and every single action he's taken over the course of our relationship where he continues to prove it. Because when you love someone, you trust them. You put your heart in their hands and take the leap of faith, and that's what overthinking is afraid of most. Making that jump. So make that jump, and trust your partner, friend, or parent. Trust them with all your heart and everything you have, because trust is the special salve that heals and holds. Trust them because you love them, and all the voices will come to quiet around you.
healingForest79
July 2nd, 2020 8:03pm
I find overthinking is our brain's way of trying to find answers we don't have access to. Our brains like to go through all the "what ifs" to cover every scenario. I find the best way to overcome this is to get your hands on those answers. Communication is very important in a relationship, and being open and honest with your partner shows respect. Having a respectful conversation and discussing issues is the best and most direct way to get the answers you need so your brain can stop going through scenarios. Communicating with your partner means sitting down and talking calmly. Keeping calm when things get heated can be difficult sometimes, but it is important. Try not to play the "blame game" when speaking with your partner as they will most likely feel attacked and return fire. It can be helpful to have a list of issues you want to discuss with your partner, in case things get off track.
Sunisshiningandsoareyou
January 24th, 2021 2:54pm
Hi there! I think, it's pretty normal to overthink things, specially in a relationship where a someone else you've met in your journey of life kind of just gets that access to your emotions, they can be responsible for your mood swings and how you're doing, because when in relationship or in love, the people we care about do have that extent of power over us , which can be both good and bad ,I think . However, I believe, a transparent and healthy relationship where both of you are honest to each other about anything and everything, respect each others choices and have a good communication is one way to reduce the uncertainties and henceforth the unnecessary overthinking about the what ifs and the maybes . Communication here is definitely the key to have a healthy and supportive relationship.
LilithPA
January 24th, 2016 7:50pm
If you are overthinking something, the best way to stop is communicating. Just ask the other person for the facts.
alsem
February 17th, 2016 6:15pm
As they say ignorance is bliss. We are who we are. Look deep into whats causing the problem. Is it just nerves. Or maybe it's not you?
Anonymous
February 18th, 2016 2:41pm
By doing better things in a shorter spam of time so I don't return with my mind back to what happened about the "thing".
Anonymous
February 20th, 2016 11:14pm
You have to trust your partner. Overthinking things will always be part of your life. If you have trust and faith in the relationship then you will be able to stop the overthinking.