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How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?

284 Answers
Last Updated: 04/27/2022 at 1:30pm
How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Kelly Brast, MA, LPC-S, LSOTP, CART

Licensed Professional Counselor

Life can be overwhelming sometimes. I specialize in helping people organize their thoughts, getting rid of the things holding them back, and finding a path to a better future.

Top Rated Answers
Charlotte996
June 25th, 2020 11:31pm
Overthinking is often based in insecurity. So, if you're overthinking in the relationship, it can mean many things, but most likely there's something that you're uncertain about and haven't spoken to your partner about. Of course, this doesn't always have to be something within your relationship, like a problem or so, but it could be something that you're bringing in from outside the relationship. Insecurities that you may have from the experiences you've had in life. It may be worth sitting down and having an honest conversation with yourself to determine what it may be. All that said, your partner may also have a role to play in this. If you aren't receiving the support you need in the relationship, it can lead to overthinking. So sit down with your panter, thoroughly communicate your expectations and needs and decide together how you'll approach it.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2020 5:47am
Just like taking a break from your job search is important, so is having the right mindset. It is hard to be a job seeker, applying for many jobs and possibly not hearing back from employers. Work to focus on the progress you are making with each application—honing your search tactics, getting efficient with your application process, and understanding what keywords to use for an ATS are all important tools to use as you go through your search. Each time you apply for a job, you are improving your process, and that’s great progress to landing a job. nice
Anonymous
June 11th, 2020 6:23pm
A relationship is based on trust.If you trust your partner, you don't need to overthink at all.Trust them and let them trust you.Stop thinking that whatever is going wrong in your relationship is just your mistaken some cases it can be but in many cases on partner takes all the blame and wonders where they went wrong.Go a little easy on yourself, your life is more important than a relationship which makes you overthink at every moment and affects your mental health.Stop thinking if things are going good,dont try to complicate them or change them.Live ,and let live.
Anonymous
June 11th, 2020 6:08am
I would think about the happy things. Once you start thinking about the happy things, it’ll make you happier and make you live in the moment. If you are overthinking just think about all the memories you’ve had with that person and all the fun times you’ve hungout with them. Once you start thinking about that it’ll remind you of how happy you are with him/her. At the same time, not all relationships work out. If you think that the relationship is having a negative impact on you I wouldn’t go forward with it. Just try to remember the good times and it’ll make you happy.
Dujour2000
June 6th, 2020 5:10pm
Connecting with the hurts and injuries sustained in a relationship can be difficult to dismiss. The choices and actions that injure cannot be erased, so dealing with the with the relationship with a fair and somewhat detached outlook has great benefits. For example, reframing the offending and persistent thoughts and memories by placing yourself with another person can be an effective technique. Also, there's little that's true today that wasn't true yesterday. Things don't change in relationships quickly, so very likely "overthinking" things won't result in any real change, but rather, speaks to the person who's "overthinking". Simply enjoying the moment: be it prayer, a walk/swim/bike ride, cooking, showering...just smelling the coffee offers temperal benefits to our moments of crisis.
Anonymous
May 23rd, 2020 12:57pm
Oh man. Definitely been there done that. What helps is to build that trust between you and your partner. Honesty is the number one key. Also gotta focus on the moments you spend together rather than on the ones that you don't. You gotta find that balance between you and us. Meaning there will be times where you spend the whole day together and then there will be times where you only send a few texts to each other that day. What helps is to use that time for yourself. Focus on your hobbies and stuff like that. There are things that you will be doing together as a couple and then there will be things that you will be doing separately for yourself.
Morgantfaria
May 20th, 2020 2:11pm
This is one thing a lot of people do, you're not alone. First you need trust without trust you won't quit overthinking because you're worried or scared something bad is going to happen. Establish trust, then talk to your partner about how you've been feeling. What is really bothering you. Then you just have to let it go. You have to be the one to say "ok I am done overthinking what is meant to be will be." After that you will feel much better with yourself and your relationship. Things are going to happen in relationship but you have to be the one to accept it and know that whatever is going on will all work out in the end.
SidoneyRlistens
May 15th, 2020 12:17am
Overthinking is so hard to deal with because you will think one day does "he/she still love me" , does "he/she will still want me around." To stop overthinking in a relationship is to make sure you feel comfortable with someone because you don't want to feel like your partner is feeling "off" today. That's when you are overthinking. You can establish assurance in a relationship to make sure each partner in the relationship feels comfortable and cause less stress overthinking. In a relationship focus more on getting to know each other and keep postive energy when with each other.
Anonymous
April 29th, 2020 3:07pm
Often in relationship we tend to engage in overthinking. Thinking about the other partner is great, but overthinking or obsession over a particular thing or person can be exhausting. However you have the capacity to differentiate between rational thoughts from the irrational ones. Rational thoughts are the ones which have ground in reality, you can try to find link between present and your thoughts by seeing it in a timeframe, are these facts or assumption, pre conceived notions etc, by doing so you'll be able to eradicate unnecessary, bothering thoughts and will help you stop overthinking. Some grounding techniques like touching different types of textures, repeating the things you like. Doing so allow space for you to reconsider and puts a break in the endless cycle of overthinking.
Anonymous
April 16th, 2020 8:22pm
I don’t have much relationship experience personally but I do know that you should always put your needs first. You can’t provide effectively in a relationship if you don’t take care of yourself. It’s just like they say on airplanes, if they drop down the oxygen masks put on your mask first. If you don’t then you’ll suffocate and you won’t be able to help others. Also, communication is key. If there is something bothering you, then talk. It’s the most effective way to solve a problem. But when you talk don’t lash out and get angry. Use a calm tone and understand each other. It may be harder for others but it isn’t impossible.
rupturingdawn0831
April 10th, 2020 1:59pm
In a relationship, as it involves two people, communication is the most important thing. While it's hard to accept that the other person might not feel the same way you do about a certain matter, not relaying your feelings, and not being sure of the other person's feelings can lead to you feeling anxious. With a lack of communication, you're letting many questions go unanswered. We generate the answers ourselves, multiple answers for each question. In a way it's a form of torture, unhealthy, and very easily avoidable. When you enter a relationship, it is important to be aware of what you want from the person. Once, you understand what you prioritize, you must understand their priorities as well. Once entering a relationship, you form a commitment with the other person, and every commitment relies on trust. Once you trust that person, you will stop doubting their words, actions and motives. The need to overthink will be gone itself. However, not every one communicates clearly, and when it comes to that, it's very important to prioritize yourself. You are allowed to prompt the other person to share or confide in you, however if they still are unable to or choose not to do so, then it is a bridge they must overcome themselves on their own terms. The most you can do is be patient, and it is very important that you tell yourself repeatedly that you are the most important thing for yourself, and that is why you need to stop damaging yourself by overthinking.
CalmCourage
February 22nd, 2020 3:32am
Hey, in my experience I think it's so important to focus on things that you enjoy to do or a mission for the day. That way you are more thinking in those lines rather than worrying about things. Also meditating has helped me reduce the amount of things going on in my head! If you can work in some physical activity like running or cycling or gym, this can also be great for reducing your thoughts in my experience anyway! Give these a try and see how you feel, are you still worries as much or has it subsided more? Thank you :)
Anaiviv01
February 9th, 2020 6:41pm
Overthinking and ruminations are habits that our mind uses to trick us. The good news is that we can also trick our mind by involving it in a more rewarding behavior and a different, healthier pattern. Instead of being slave to your own emotions, try to listen to them and to the messages they’re trying to convey. Sometimes we run away from our feelings and this alone can trigger even more overthinking. It’s not rare to see overthinking link with anxiety to control your life. It’s a process that requires time and healing cannot happen overnight. Try to get in touch with a therapist or a verified listener!
Angell
January 30th, 2020 4:02pm
When overthinking ask yourself why would you do so? and to stop overthinking in a relationship it is better to do the communication externally than that which goes in your head. overthinking is mostly about thoughts that keep reoccurring and which leads to different scenarios and ideas, so it is better to question it, look for any evidence in reality and try to talk things out with the other person. Communication is a very important tool to help and reduce overthinking, it helps in understanding and clarifying things at time. I know it can be hard at times but a small initiative is always better than going on over in your head which isn't positive.
faithlove1111
January 17th, 2020 3:10am
Stop Thinking. Sit down in a quiet spot, take out a piece of paper and a pen then write down the things that are running around in your head. Read what you have written down. Then separate and list down the worries and and the good stuff in your relationship. Look through your list and jot down how you can solve your worries, maybe make necessary changes or just accept some of your worries as worries which might dissolve itself over time. Also do not forget to appreciate and be thankful for the good things in your relationship. Overthinking can be tiring and zap up your energy so make sure you have ample sleep and have proper meals too.
brianna67
October 30th, 2019 1:57am
In relationships, I tend to overthink the same things over and over again. I question how my partner is feeling about me or if they dislike some part of me. Sometimes, I find it easier just to be open and honest with my partner. They usually aren't concerned with whatever I think they are concerned about. So it can give you a peace of mind to have the other person give you their perspective. Furthermore, when you find yourself going down these rabbit holes, you can try and remember you might be making assumptions or don't have the full facts about a situation. So things you are thinking might just be thoughts and not truths.
lilpuppy
September 15th, 2019 8:15am
I think the crux of the issue is overthinking and the specific area is "relationships". I'd go deeper into the first part. Whenever we are caught in an endless loop of thinking, in my experience, it has been helpful to do the following different activities: 1. Get pen and paper. Jot down whatever thoughts come to your mind, unfiltered and raw. After that's done, take a look at all these thoughts and let yourself feel each emotion that passes by you as you look at them. Once that's done, dispute those thoughts with opposing arguments. That helps in breaking the constant loop. 2. Sometimes, it's alright to just let the thoughts pass through your mind, without trying to suppress them. It helps one to feel more in control and calmer after a while. Now, I feel that these basic principles can be applied to relationships. However, an additional point would be to create a safe space for you and the concerned person (in both romantic and platonic relationship) to discuss these. Communicating helps in easing discomfort.
ingeneousMoment6584
August 8th, 2019 1:45am
Start by being more trusting, of yourself and your partner. Look at things you enjoy together and do more of those. Discuss things that of interest and learn to understand other points of view. Doing these things can help take you away from over thinking and into the 'real world' rather than ruminating in your mind. By allowing more trust you build confidence and resilience into your relationship and reduce the need to find meaning in nuances that are a natural part of having a relationship. Once you build more confidence you will reduce doubts about yourself and your partner.
cheerfulArrow849
July 10th, 2019 4:17am
Relationships can be easy to overthink and jump to conclusions that are not right. I cant give you advice but i can say that i have had this issue in every one of my relationships but now i am in one and have learned to grow trust for the person and i am able to control my emotions and stop thinking about things that are more than likely not going to happen or are not true anyways. Relationships are tough but they definitely get easier once you understand what is happening and realize some things are just not realistic
wonderfulStrawberry19
July 8th, 2018 7:32am
I usually try to relax and do yoga. I also listen to music or I write my concerns. Meditation and mindfulness is highly recommended with talking too
Anonymous
August 8th, 2018 10:29am
Believe in you and your lover. Listen to others but always put your opinions at the front because you know your lover better than any of your friends, don't you? Plus, if you tend to overthink much, it may be better to talk about it with your lover. Give your lover more trust.
gentleHoney34
August 3rd, 2018 3:31am
Having open lines of communication in your relationship as well as being totally honest are the biggest things I would suggest. It would make things a lot easier for you.
comfortableRiver97
August 2nd, 2018 10:26am
Relationships are difficult at best and to overthink them can make it more complicated. Do your best to trust in the person you are with and communicate feelings you may have about the relationships. Sometimes overthinking could mean there are some underlying issues.
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2018 1:43am
Surely, in a relationship, you should find someone sharing common grounds and life with yourself indeed and you should always trust your partner since thatis the base of a healthy relationship.
Anonymous
July 29th, 2018 1:19am
Talk about those things with your partner, it will both put your mind at ease and communicating with your partner is very important for a healthy relationship.
Crystalline2Heavens
July 28th, 2018 7:11pm
They key is to calm your mind anytime you feel you are over thinking. I myself use meditation. The key is to find something to help you calm your mind. It could be a hobby, meditation, etc. It should be something healthy not destructive that helps you. This will allow you to grow into healthier thinking patterns.
Anonymous
July 26th, 2018 11:07pm
I understand this one very much. Just talk to your partner about your problems and try to get their help or opinions on it. Once you have noticed you overreact you are on the right track!
gentleBubbles83
June 8th, 2018 1:39am
In my own experience, it is best to address the overthinking with your partner. Simply address the conversation by stating that you have issues with overthinking and that you'd like to discuss it.
graceffa16
June 15th, 2018 5:52pm
focus on what’s right right for you, if you think your significant other is cheating and you’re on edge then maybe it isn’t right to be in a relationship like that
Anonymous
June 20th, 2018 9:17am
Conversation is key in a relationship. If you are worried, talk to your partner about it and figure out a way to get those worries away together