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How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?

252 Answers
Last Updated: 03/20/2021 at 4:53am
How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jannise McKamey-Bruell, LAPC

Counselor

I am a nonjudgmental counselor that employs transparency, trust, honesty and integrity in her practice and in the therapeutic relationship.

Top Rated Answers
YesICan199
April 21st, 2016 5:18pm
Tell your partner how you feel. Talking to them can stop those things you are overthinking. A good partner will support you and will have nothing against you.
AngeliCaly
April 28th, 2016 6:41pm
Instead of internalizing your doubts, talk them over with your S.O. They will appreciate it much more than a later outburst that they did not know you were struggling with. Or they will admit that something is up and you can jump on the path to fixing things. xx
flybird22
April 30th, 2016 1:36pm
First of all why overthinking it can lead you to think negative thoughts , try to adapt positive things and be happy and simply divert your mind .
Anonymous
May 1st, 2016 5:13am
you need to calm down and understand that you are perfect just the way you are. you dont have to be perfect for you significant other :)
gabbyyyy
May 4th, 2016 9:55am
Distract yourself doing something you like to do. Convince yourself that you are worthy and amazing regardless of whether they stick around or not. Try focusing on staying happy, that will help you AND the relationship. :) ❤
forestmist
May 6th, 2016 2:25am
The best way to go about this is to try to give yourself some space from it by having separate activities or friends. If it is a serious matter though, please bring it up with your partner and discuss it.
wisepanda
September 6th, 2016 4:46am
Communication. For me that is the best way to stop overthinking things. If you have doubts, don't assume, ask. And make sure you trust your partner.
Anonymous
September 16th, 2016 6:00am
There's no way that I've found, but you need to have a lot of trust in your partner. They love and care about you, and if they didn't, they most likely wouldn't be in a relationship.
Anonymous
September 18th, 2016 2:26pm
Try to think the positives inside of the negatives. Have fun when chatting with your BF/Gf, because you will realize that it was fun spending time with your romantic interest.
Anonymous
September 30th, 2016 2:21pm
Try to keep calm. The relationship will either last or it won't. It won't be the end of the world if it doesn't.
2cupsofteaa
September 30th, 2016 9:52pm
Be aware of your thoughts, that they are irrationally inclined. Question the validity of your thoughts and find proof that they hold true. If they don't, your understanding that you're overthinking should break your thought cycle.
ThePosea
October 6th, 2016 1:54am
Well, i think a lot of the over thinking in relationships is related to trust, so if you trust your partner enough that shouldn't be a problem. Of course it's easier said than done, specially if you have any kind of prior trusting issues, in that case I'd suggest you visit a psychologist if you can.
kindUnicorns31
October 10th, 2016 10:44pm
Put yourself in your partner's shoes, and ask yourself how you would like to be treated when when we take a less obvious reaction.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2016 1:03am
clarify all the thoughts coming up in your mind with your partner only when you feel that there's a point behind asking such question that's it:)
NeptunePH
October 28th, 2016 6:57am
I have had this problem in my earlier relationships. Let me tell you right now, it's useless. It wont help a single thing. Whatever you're thinking about, usually it isn't necessary. Try to relax, talk to your partner about it. Just dont think too much about stuff.
fancyGrace43
November 3rd, 2016 5:55am
Talking with your loved one in relationship is the best key. If you have doubts, you can always reach to him and start a conversation.
ArcticArabella
November 4th, 2016 9:44pm
Have faith in your relationship and the person you are involved with. Also, try talking to your partner about this, and try talking about your thoughts and expressing what you feel.
philofelist07
December 8th, 2016 3:34pm
Relationships are such a gift to each one of us and can really bring out the best in us, enabling us to grow and reach our full potential. Having said that, while being in an exclusive relationship with someone, there are times when there are disagreements or conflicts because two people cannot always be on the same page and sometimes things seem to get out of hand. From my personal experience, I think the relationship should be built on a strong foundation after evaluating and agreeing upon certain non-negotiable things. If these are clearly agreed upon willingly, then rest of the situations can be managed or tackled with some effort. Below are some steps that have helped me - 1) Looking at the situation from different perspectives 2) Not getting too sentimental or letting your feelings take over the situation 3) Being solution oriented rather than magnifying the problem unnecessarily 4) Taking a break to calm down so as to avoid being impulsive 5) Having a dialogue with your significant other I don't believe in going with the flow which might mean compromising on things that I really hold dear or my values and principles. If any relationship is damaging my self-esteem, not allowing me to be myself, is verbally/physically/mentally abusive or causing harm slowly and steadily, I wouldn't think much before walking out of it. Everyone deserves to be treated well, with respect and dignity. Love follows. Love is to put the other's need before yours, but that doesn't mean letting a person walk all over you. So, if there's any conflict, try following some of the steps mentioned and always remember, a relationship should help you bloom, make you happy and bring you joy!
friendlylittlefox
December 22nd, 2016 11:59pm
I am bad for this. My past has lead me to very seldom take things at face value, and always read in to every situation. I've found that, personally, the best remedy for this is to communicate with my partner. If I feel that the gears in my mind are kicking in to overdrive, I tell him! I let him know that I've been preoccupied by a thought, and we talk it through with compassion and openness - something that people like ourselves (over-thinkers) unforgivingly require in a relationship. It's only through communication that you can heal this habit, and learn to trust things for how they seem. :-)
Anonymous
January 8th, 2017 8:55am
Ooh, this is a tough one. When we're serious about someone, we tend to overthink and come up with worst case scenarios that are not necessarily true/rational. I admit that I myself tend to overthink more often than is probably considered normal, but I have found that it helps to just communicate with your partner about any concerns that you have. If you both agree to engage in honest and transparent conversations with each other, and build your relationship upon a strong foundation of trust (which will take some time to do as you get to know each other better), then you find that you may not have much to worry about in the first place.
Anonymous
February 2nd, 2017 8:40am
Communication is key in any relationship. If you have concerns always discuss them with the other person. If you feel your concerns are unjustified etc ask yourself what may be causing you to think these thoughts? Is it a previous experienced trauma etc etc then take apropriate steps to work through the emotions afiliated with these
wallabei
February 16th, 2017 12:54am
When I'm overthinking things in a relationship, I find that it's best to ask questions. Be gentle, you don't want to stir up an argument. Making accusations and rash decisions will hurt your partner.
bubblegumTree13
February 25th, 2017 5:18pm
Learning to let go and let be is a tough act to follow because none of us would like a relationship to sour. Perhaps cultivating interests external to the relationship, learning to empower yourself outside of the relationship might help. If it does not, then at the last resort consider what will happen to you should the relationship sours and work out the steps you will take to recover. This will give you some control and perhaps with this confidence
LittleMissJoy
March 4th, 2017 5:46pm
in my experience I have learnt that the best way to avoid overthinking is to take some time for yourself. When we aren't making the time to do the things we enjoy, or relaxing and keeping ourselves busy then we leave the room for overthinking to occur. What's also a really good thing to do is to talk to your partner about it. By expressing how you feel it gives you a chance to get it off your chest and your partner is able to reassure you
shaquilleoatmeal
March 10th, 2017 4:54pm
Consider keeping a diary and looking back on what it was that you were overthinking about then think about whether or not it matters. Or speak to your significant other about how you are feeling
avanef
March 15th, 2017 2:31pm
Overthinking isn't a bad thing, we don't overthink things because we are selfish and we like it. We do it because we are worried and care. There's nothing wrong with wanting things to go smoothly, and here's something, when you overthink talk to someone about it. It'll help you so much, don't hold your feelings back and don't be quiet. It doesn't matter what it is, if you don't say it now, you will be sorry you didn't later down the road.
ingeniousPeace79
March 19th, 2017 7:19pm
How to stop overthinking. Relationship is just a circumstance. Focus is key. You have to divert attention. To channel it into current moment, in the now. Focus on breathing helps a lot. Focusing on something, like a spot on the wall, works too. Attention is like water for plants. Practice focus exercises. Thats the healthiest way in my view. Relationship will benefit also, of course.
thoughtfulLove65
April 4th, 2017 11:41pm
you need to learn to be confident and accept yourself before you enter into any relationship. Your mental health comes first
Anonymous
April 8th, 2017 7:53pm
Know your worth, and what you deserve! Also, think about what's best for you in the long run. No one has to tell you what's best for you, or what decisions to make. Be yourself, and know what choices are most appropriate for yourself!
Anonymous
April 9th, 2017 7:52am
Trusting your partner is the most important things so don't keep anything to yourself and ask him/her anything. If you trust each other it would be so much easier to overcome any problem