How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?

206 Answers
Last Updated: 10/30/2019 at 1:57am
How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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I am a nonjudgmental counselor that employs transparency, trust, honesty and integrity in her practice and in the therapeutic relationship.

Top Rated Answers
comfortableRiver97
August 2nd, 2018 10:26am
Relationships are difficult at best and to overthink them can make it more complicated. Do your best to trust in the person you are with and communicate feelings you may have about the relationships. Sometimes overthinking could mean there are some underlying issues.
gentleHoney34
August 3rd, 2018 3:31am
Having open lines of communication in your relationship as well as being totally honest are the biggest things I would suggest. It would make things a lot easier for you.
Anonymous
August 8th, 2018 10:29am
Believe in you and your lover. Listen to others but always put your opinions at the front because you know your lover better than any of your friends, don't you? Plus, if you tend to overthink much, it may be better to talk about it with your lover. Give your lover more trust.
Anonymous
August 8th, 2018 6:37pm
You just have to have faith and trust that things really are good. Trust in yourself and your partner that everything is going to be okay.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2018 2:54am
Focus on things within your reach. Fretting over things beyond our capacity would be detrimental to our progress.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2018 8:47pm
I find it hard not to overthink in relationships. Sometimes its easier to just think about now. Not the "what ifs" of the future, because the what ifs are what cause doubt and cause you to question everything. Be happy together now, and move on together.
NickTm
August 16th, 2018 8:14pm
The best way is to talk it out with your parter, about why you maybe feel like you overthink things. It might help to work on each other's trust a little, but in general its best to work it through with dialogue! It also helps to use steps for combating overthinking in general, and talking to someone (not necessarily your partner) about the issue you have can help to rationalise it, as speaking your thoughts out loud more often than not clears your thoughts or helps to realise the issues with the thoughts. Good luck in your relationship and best wishes!
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2018 10:40pm
Talking to your partner about how you feel you are overthinking can benefit the relationship. If you ask your partner to tell you when they feel like the issues you’re overthinking are something to worry about, then you’ll be able to start finding comfort in knowing they will inform you when something is bothering them. It can be really difficult to stop your own thoughts, writing them down or talking to someone about it can also help you sort out what you’re feeling and find out whether your thoughts are something to bring up to your partner or not. Focusing on what is causing your thoughts by writing them out and sorting them out in your head could benefit you as well. But overall, it’s about focusing on what makes you happy because you know yourself better than anyone.
Ky23
September 8th, 2018 2:33am
I think this takes a lot of time and practice - especially if your personality is more anxious or worrisome! Overthinking leads to a lot of negative feelings, assumptions, and images that have no place in your relationship. I had trouble with overthinking a lot and I realized it was due to trust issues that I still harbored. I've carried a lot of hidden pain, confusion, and anger from past relationships that had occurred when I was in high school. But, I think the important thing here is that I was able to realize why my relationship was being affected in the first place. I think it's important to try to find the source of your anxiety or fear for the relationship.
Anonymous
September 26th, 2018 8:36pm
you have to trust your partner. all relationships are built on trust, without it relationships fall. if you truly have concerns or doubts in your relationship the best thing to do is talk about it, let your partner know how you feel but remember to trust them. it is normal to have doubts in a relationship but when there is too much distrust or you don't have an open, honest relationship that's when problems start. talking to your partner is one of the most important, vital things in all relationships. this is the best way to stop overthinking in a relationship.
tealBubbles
September 29th, 2018 12:59pm
I feel like open communication is the best way to stop overthinking. Being genuine in a relationship can be helpful in that you don't have to think as much and just be more yourself. By being yourself without worrying if they will like you or not, it frees you to be truer to yourself and to the person you are in a relationship with. Being open about your doubts and fears can make you look more human and approachable to the other person and can help with figuring out if they are the right person for you. It is easier to find "the one" if you are comfortable with showing your real earlier in the relationship.
eternalSpring87
October 21st, 2018 3:06am
Believe and trust that your significant other loves you. That they have a choice. That they are choosing to stay in this relationship with you. That they are not being forced to stay or to love you..this is by choice. If the relationship feels right and you are being treated with kindness, love, and respect it is a good place. No need to worry.. it is right. Believe that u are worthy to be loved. Accept that you are loved. Trust that you know what is best for you at this moment in this relationship. Love always..your self first.
radiantShoulder34
December 13th, 2018 10:17pm
Overthinking is a very normal thing to do, especially in a relationship. What I'd suggest is that every time you start to overthink you either confront your partner and straight up ask them whatever is bothering you. Or you overthink your side of the problem and find fixes. It is not always possible to figure out what the other person thinks or feels but if you are confident about what you think and feel overthinking can be easier. It is also important to accept that somethings are out of your control and however much you think about it, they will still be out of your control. So focus on that.
wonderfullywithdrawn
December 23rd, 2018 2:57pm
Over-thinking things can lead to a downwards spiral which only makes things worse regardless of what you're thinking about. A lot of the time it's due to thinking in 'mind-reading' terms where we try to predict why things are happening and the reasons behind it which is risks since we cant read peoples minds or the future. The best ways to stop/reduce overthinking is to notice when you're doing it and replace those thoughts with more reasonable ones. Or if that's too difficult, just acknowledge those thoughts to begin with. Even jotting down what you're thinking helps a lot of people.
Zaracaz
February 1st, 2019 11:40am
I'd say try to establish an open communication, by doing so you'll not only know where each other stand, but there will also create less room for uncertainties. By keeping an open dialouge and direct communication it makes more coherent stories, less room for doubt and you'll feel like you can trust the other person more and vise versa. However there is always the possibility that a person might lie but trying to eliminate as many factors as possible by creating a natural way of being that feels safe and natural for you, the need of overthinking and second guessing should over time go away.
hohwriter726
February 14th, 2019 12:58am
Everyone is different, so different things work for different people. However, I would try taking a step back when you start worrying or obsessing about something in your relationship. Ask yourself, if what you are worrying about is realistic. For instance, "What are the chances this will happen/my significant other will/..."? If the chances are fairly good than ask yourself "Is there something that I can do to fix or change this?" If the answer is no, then try moving on from it. If the answer is yes, then you can focus your energy on coming up with ways to change and/or fix it.
dxphne
March 28th, 2019 9:32am
I feel like the most important thing in a relationship is trust, doesn't matter if it's a romantic relationship or a friendship. Without trust it's hard to be in a happy and healthy relationship. Try to trust your partner or friend as much as you can and try to distract yourself when you feel yourself overthinking again. If that doesn't help, tell your partner or friend how you feel or write your worries down. Also, don't get mad at your partner or friend just because of your thoughts, remind yourself that it's overthinking and that it may not be true.
Hanaa00
April 7th, 2019 7:38am
This question is the summary of the majority of my daily concerns, to be quite honest. I’m asking myself the same thing over and over again every day. And I have started working on my mindset of trying not to overthink things in my relationship, so I might share how it goes. Whenever I think about my relationship (which is probably all the time), I make effort to focus on all the positive aspects of it and things I am grateful for, in order to avoid experiencing any negative thoughts that could lead to unnecessary overthinking. It might sound generic but it’s something I see working (baby steps though) so far.
JaneBrown81
April 26th, 2019 3:38pm
Thank you for the question! The goal of 'stop' overthinking is a bit harsh. It is best if we take it one step at a time. The first step is to get clarity on the source of your overthinking. The best way to do this is to trace events in your past which might have triggered it and to understand that it is alright to overthink. This overthinking is you as well. The second step is to realise the probability of the possibilities you think about. When I overthink, I make a document with a table where I lay out these things: 1. What is the situation? Say: My boyfriend hasn't replied to me for last 3 hours. 2. What could be the reason? Say: A. He is busy at work. B. He is back home, was tired and slept off. C. He is meeting up with friends and forgot to check phone. D. He is meeting up with someone I do not like/I have doubts about. E. He hates me because of event x that happened recently and this means he is going to break up with me. 3. What is the probability of each of this happening? Scenario A: 90% Scenario B: 65% Scenario C: and so on. 4. What will I do in each of these cases? Scenario A: I will request him to inform me that he is busy and provide a tentative time to talk. Scenario B: and so on. This will allow you to be prepared for anything that is going to come. Coming up with responses for Scenario D,E will be very difficult but it will help you to feel prepared. Confront your fears. Be prepared.
Kylesw
June 21st, 2019 4:18pm
Stop, pinch yourself, stand back and evaluate: Is this thought actually relevant, if so is it affecting or likely to affect my relationship? If it is tell yourself to shelf it until the next day. If it’s a valid thought it will return and then you can pay it some mind. Most wont even be remembered the next day! Overthinking things can be destructive and pointless. Often the more we mill over something, it becomes something hugely different to what we began with! In our minds we take it apart, turn it, twist it, examine and re-examine it until in the end we try to put it all back together and it ends up something completely different! Learning to switch off that thought, shelf it in your mind, and trust that if it’s anything that needs to be acknowledged it will return, isn’t easy but a bit of practice with the “on/off” button and you may be surprised!
cheerfulArrow849
July 10th, 2019 4:17am
Relationships can be easy to overthink and jump to conclusions that are not right. I cant give you advice but i can say that i have had this issue in every one of my relationships but now i am in one and have learned to grow trust for the person and i am able to control my emotions and stop thinking about things that are more than likely not going to happen or are not true anyways. Relationships are tough but they definitely get easier once you understand what is happening and realize some things are just not realistic
ingeneousMoment6584
August 8th, 2019 1:45am
Start by being more trusting, of yourself and your partner. Look at things you enjoy together and do more of those. Discuss things that of interest and learn to understand other points of view. Doing these things can help take you away from over thinking and into the 'real world' rather than ruminating in your mind. By allowing more trust you build confidence and resilience into your relationship and reduce the need to find meaning in nuances that are a natural part of having a relationship. Once you build more confidence you will reduce doubts about yourself and your partner.
MarcelineMaria
August 17th, 2019 5:31pm
Say out loud that those are just thoughts and they mean nothing, say it out loud as many times as you need. Concentrate and realize that what your brain tells you is not always true and you are doing this to yourself, the reality is different than what you think. If you need, visualize the situation and see how childish your thoughts are (the negative ones) and find reasons to defend those thoughts. Did the person tell you they will be busy at work today? Well, before overthinking they are tired of you, remember the person already told you they will be busy because they do not want you to worry, so why should you?
Anonymous
August 18th, 2019 2:02am
Overthinking happens when you don't trust yourself or the situation. When I want to stop overthinking about something my partner does or doesn't do, I think about how much I love them and they love me. I think about the first time he said it, and all the times I knew he meant it, and every single action he's taken over the course of our relationship where he continues to prove it. Because when you love someone, you trust them. You put your heart in their hands and take the leap of faith, and that's what overthinking is afraid of most. Making that jump. So make that jump, and trust your partner, friend, or parent. Trust them with all your heart and everything you have, because trust is the special salve that heals and holds. Trust them because you love them, and all the voices will come to quiet around you.
lilpuppy
September 15th, 2019 8:15am
I think the crux of the issue is overthinking and the specific area is "relationships". I'd go deeper into the first part. Whenever we are caught in an endless loop of thinking, in my experience, it has been helpful to do the following different activities: 1. Get pen and paper. Jot down whatever thoughts come to your mind, unfiltered and raw. After that's done, take a look at all these thoughts and let yourself feel each emotion that passes by you as you look at them. Once that's done, dispute those thoughts with opposing arguments. That helps in breaking the constant loop. 2. Sometimes, it's alright to just let the thoughts pass through your mind, without trying to suppress them. It helps one to feel more in control and calmer after a while. Now, I feel that these basic principles can be applied to relationships. However, an additional point would be to create a safe space for you and the concerned person (in both romantic and platonic relationship) to discuss these. Communicating helps in easing discomfort.
brianna67
October 30th, 2019 1:57am
In relationships, I tend to overthink the same things over and over again. I question how my partner is feeling about me or if they dislike some part of me. Sometimes, I find it easier just to be open and honest with my partner. They usually aren't concerned with whatever I think they are concerned about. So it can give you a peace of mind to have the other person give you their perspective. Furthermore, when you find yourself going down these rabbit holes, you can try and remember you might be making assumptions or don't have the full facts about a situation. So things you are thinking might just be thoughts and not truths.