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How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?

271 Answers
Last Updated: 01/19/2022 at 8:12pm
How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?
1 Tip to Feel Better
Romania
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Marriage & Family Therapist

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Top Rated Answers
freshHoliday2552
November 5th, 2020 2:15pm
As an overthinker myself, I like to keep in mind that not everyone thinks the way I do. People are unique, that is probably one of the reasons you are in a relationship with this person. Remember that you love this person and they are with you for a reason. However, if there has been any suspicious acts from your partner and your instincts tell you something is wrong, your love for them should definitely not blind you! Your instincts may be wrong but they are there to protect you. You can always ask your partner about the matter you find suspicious or are overthinking about, however, do not do this too much. You do not want to smother them, give them their own space to be themselves. If you feel they are still being dishonest with you, try to understand why. What are things that could cause your partner to act different? Try to connect with them, understand them, show them that you are there for them and listen. Connection and communication are the keys to any and all relationships.
Anonymous
November 12th, 2020 3:32am
Oh, I have definitely been here. And I still am at times. But I think what has helped me a lot is being more self-aware and figuring out what it is about the relationship I'm overthinking about and why. For example, it may be because I have a gut feeling that something's not quite right, or maybe because it's something more personal and not really anything to do with the other person. I think in this case, it's really good to see the reason behind the overthinking and try to resolve it from there and approach it with kindness and self compassion.
Empwru2
November 14th, 2020 3:59am
A relationship often requires trust and understanding. Take things one day at a time and enjoy the journey, that way you'll develop a deeper and more meaningful relationship with your partner. Understand the reality that like any relationship there will be times when things go up and down. This is where you can grow more trust and understanding. Think about love as an action word, it's not just affection that counts, you will reap benefits by being giving and affectionate through this journey. Becoming a better listener to your partner without interrupting will allow your partner to feel safe being open and vulnerable with you
DarkPiT23
November 27th, 2020 2:41pm
Stop looking for hidden meanings. Sometimes “K” really just means “K.” Searching through every response looking for what it really means could be the root of your problem. ... Talk to your partner. If insecurities are causing you to overthink your relationship, talk it out. ... It's not always about you. ... Find a distraction. Overthinking can make you assume negative consequences and jump to false conclusions. This can obviously lead to arguments with your partner who might feel upset for being misunderstood almost every time. Obsessing over little things and situations can impact your mood and dent your self-esteem Awareness is the beginning of change. ... Don't think of what can go wrong, but what can go right. ... Distract yourself into happiness. ... Put things into perspective. ... Stop waiting for perfection. ... Change your view of fear. ... Put a timer to work.
Pitokk
November 28th, 2020 12:45am
Overthinking in romantic relationships is the brain’s response to various causes, such as low self-esteem, lack of control in your dating life, or your inability to process other people’s faults. It’s not good advice and strategy to simply force yourself to be in the present moment and reject all the little things your brain is trying to tell you about your relationship. This is because overthinking is a habit you’ll have a lot of hard time eliminating without first addressing its root motivations. The motivations are usually your point of interest in shaping how things turn out and your fear of not being able to attain any arbitrary goal (standard) you may have unconsciously set at the beginning of your relationship. And so you become this obsessive thinker who uses her free time to pointlessly pay attention to insignificant actions or signs, e.g., words the guy uses, texts your boyfriend or girlfriend sends, body language, etc. and considers them important things to think about.

Research articles have determined that overthinking can be related to self-esteem or other challenges, and it may take a few weeks or months overcoming overthinking habits. However, you can determine what triggers or stresses you to overthink the most and can plan how to alternatively respond. You can ask your best friend or other supportive family members to help you.

Overthinking ends when you realize it isn’t the solution to a happy relationship; in fact, it has destroyed many couples in the past. You must fully understand that all these stories you made up about your partner is just that: made up. Like any other fantasies, they lead you further from reality and to behave irrationally. Be aware that being in a relationship is all about happiness, trust, and spontaneity, not standard, control, and order; and you’ll do just fine.
Anonymous
December 16th, 2020 7:50pm
I used to have a problem with overthinking things in my relationship, and sometimes I catch myself still doing it. I used to question whether my boyfriend actually cared about me or whether he was settling because I was someone easy and comfortable to be with. We have to remember that relationships need to be filled with trust. To help me to remember to trust him and the relationship, I would think about how I would respond if the situation was reversed. How would I feel if he were to over think how the relationship is going or question whether I cared about him the way I worried he didn't care about me? I realized that I wouldn't like that and would want him to believe the words that I say and my actions rather than convince himself that there was something else at play. Every time I overthink something, I try to catch myself and remind myself of that.
OnlyWhenitRains
December 18th, 2020 6:29am
The most important thing is to talk to your partner about it. I often get worried my boyfriend will get bored of me or stop talking to me and he always reassured me that he loves me and will never do that. You just have to be honest with all of your relationship worries and talk to your partner about them and if they are the one, they will listen to you and help you feel much better! I know confrontation may be hard, but I promise the overthinking won’t be so bad once having a little talk is done!
Anonymous
December 31st, 2020 1:00am
I think the first take it easy. if it is meant to be then your heart will know and tell you. let things process and see how things work out. I believe that communication is the most important aspect of a relationship. Communication is also important in overthinking a relationship because both side has to communicate for a relationship to work properly and this is the same for everyone. It is critical to acknowledge what is important and what is not important in a relationship. The reason for this is that you cannot think about items that are not important.
Anonymous
January 7th, 2021 11:07am
A relationship is between 2 people. You should not feel alone in your thoughts and be worrying about things. Rather than thinking about everything, why not spend some time talking with each other. Talk about the way you feel about certain things. Spending quality time with someone is important and can help you build a stronger connection and hopefully put some of the worries to bed. The best way to stop overthinking is to talk through the issues, talking is great for so many things and is a great release for your mental health. Bottling things inside is counterproductive. It’s give and take so talk and listen.
Anonymous
January 28th, 2021 10:00am
A good way to help prevent overthinking in a relationship is to be open and honest with your partner. If you have a problem then speak to your partner and this can stop it from snowballing. When you have this open line of communication and full understanding of your partner then it is much more difficult to overthink as you will be able to find the answer to your questions and problems easily rather than just ruminating on them. This open line of communication will also mean your partner understands you and can tell when you begin to overthink and therefore can work to reassure you before you even outwardly show that that is what you need.
Classyelephant
February 28th, 2021 10:50am
insecurity is the main cause for overthinking,So better talk out and clear misunderstandings and enjoy the current phase of relationship. Instead of always thinking about what the future holds and the end goal of the relationship, take time to enjoy whatever phase you’re in currently. If worrying about the future has become a deeply engrained habit, it might take some time to adjust. But keep correcting yourself and soon you'll be more focused on what's going on around you instead of what may or may not happen down the road. so better stop overthinking about it and start enjoying current phase of relationship.
TracyBeeee
March 20th, 2021 4:53am
In a relationship, especially a romantic one, communication is the most important thing. If you are unhappy in a relationship it is important to communicate this to your partner. Overthinking may stem from a source of untrust in the relationship, especially if something has occurred in the relationship causing you to trust them less. But if you're overthinking their actions it is always best to talk to them about it. Tell them how you're feeling. A partner who really cares about you has your best interests at heart and will want to hear you out and help. After communicating with them, ask for their perspective and listen to what they have to say; communication involves voicing your own opinions but it also involves actively listening to theirs as well.
Anonymous
April 9th, 2021 5:27am
Overthinking is a problem and can lead to trusting problems. It is hard to just stop it and often won’t help talking about it, but it is the best option. Being honest and open with your partner release stress and will most likely hep later. Everyone overthinks sometimes and specifically in a relationship. It is caused by different things like bad history, stress etc. so telling exactly how to cope with the overthinking is hard since everyone is different. Think about what makes you feel safe and focus on that and be open with your partner because they can talk you trough it
KaiHunter
April 18th, 2021 5:24pm
Communication is key. Whenever you're feeling like you are working things up to much in your head, it can help to just bring those up to your partner. By doing this, you can create an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. Try using phrases that use "I" language instead of "you" language. For example, "I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now" vs "You are making me feel overwhelmed right now". I know it's not easy, but it will make your relationship stronger in the end. And, if your partner does not respond favorably you know that it may be time to have a deeper talk about these things. Best of luck!
Anonymous
May 6th, 2021 6:22pm
You can stop overthinking by having trust in your partner. If you don't have trust, you dont have anything. If you feel that you and your partner are expiereiceing problems, def talk to them about it. They should respect you and what you have to say if they truly care about you. If it is on your side, and you are overthinking them being unfaithful or something, thats another thing you should talk to them about it. Communicatino is exteremely important in a healthy relationship, on both sides. You can do this! If you are scared you are overthinking for no reason, talk to your partner!
comfortingPeace2317
May 10th, 2021 8:53am
I think the best way to stop overthinking would be to stop and analyse the practicality of your negative thoughts. We often go down in a spiral and just keep on thinking about things that may never even happen. Its that thought and not the anticipation of it actually happening that makes us overthink even more. Just stop and think "How likely is it for ______ (insert your situation) to happen" and what would be the worst case scenario if it were to happen. You can then move on to list the best case scenario as well as the most probable scenario. Another common thing is to be over sensitive to texts from our loved ones. we often detect a change in their tone and begin to think that it is because of something we did or in some cases "they have lost interest in me". Again stop and think back, consider other possible causes behind a changed behaviour.
whimsicalWriting9073
June 3rd, 2021 4:39am
Know there is only so much you can do. You don't have control over everything. Sometimes it's good to let go of a relationship if the person is not reciprocating. Sometimes what you think is a big deal, isn't. Worries go into cycles of anxiety and depression. You got to give yourself some credit. I used to and sometimes still do have control issues over things that I have no control over. How someone reacts to me, what someone does. And you have to have self confidence if someone is not reacting to you, it could have nothing to do with you. You are in control of how you react to people.
Anonymous
June 6th, 2021 3:12am
In my opinion, the best way to stop overthinking things in a relationship is to be open and transparent in your actions and communication with your partner. As a fellow overthinker, the worst thing that happens to me is I get stuck in a loop - where I keep asking the same questions or making certain assumptions, and never make any progress because it's all just happening in my own head. And, I have to break that loop! I break the loop by asking my partner whatever question I have (it's much better than making assumptions), and it's just as important to not be dodgy or vague when I want or need something myself. Being honest, direct, and clear help to avoid misunderstandings. Avoiding misunderstandings helps me not overthink. Take care!
mamtasha22
June 20th, 2021 7:35am
I am sorry you are going through that. It is definitely hard to have to go through and can definitely take a toll on someone and on a relationship. One of the ways I like is to challenge and question your thoughts. Questioning your thoughts using questions like "Is what I am thinking relevant to what's happening", "Are my thoughts based on facts" etc. Questions can help in overthinking. But of course, different things work for different people. So it might and might not work for you. I hope you find whats works for you. Wishing you the best. Good luck.
Anonymous
June 20th, 2021 3:52pm
Relationships can not always run without friction between partners. Small incidents and happenings can take place over time and they are natural. I would like to ask you to understand your partner and the situation well to stop overthinking . You can best do it by putting yourself in the situatuon again and trying to understand where things went wrong and how they can be rectified. Transparency with partner and upfront decisions can make relationships stronger and more frictionless. You can at best dicuss your problems with a trained listener at 7cups if you cannot manage things alone. We are always here to help
happyfrog55
June 20th, 2021 5:21pm
It is good to hang out with friends and talk about your emotions with friends. Try to distract yourself with healthy coping activities like going to the gym or taking a walk. Spend time with family member and talk with them about your relationship issues . try and meditate and think through your feeling maybe it was not the best match for you. evaluate your relationship and talk to ypur partner about things that are bothering you and see if your partner and help you get through those issues so you do not overthink your relationship. your partener should be able to help you
AMomentInTime1830
July 9th, 2021 1:01pm
Communication!!!! What is it you are over thinking and why? Is this something you can talk to your partner about? If not, why? Communication is key in a relationship, to feel support and trust that you are working together. It’s important that both people are aware of the others needs, and if one is feeling insecure it’s important to express that. We can never assume others know how or what we’re thinking, and if we don’t communicate to each other, we’re not giving ourselves or our partners a fair chance in resolving any issues that we maybe having or struggling with
GlisteningSoul
July 11th, 2021 11:21am
Develop healthy and rational communication with your partner telling them exactly how you feel and the things that are bothering you. Getting reassured by your partner is the best medicine to curb overthinking. Overthinking is not necessarily a bad thing and wanting reassurances in a relationship is valid. A conversation about things that are bothering you should not be kept to yourself as they result in inciting negative emotions in a person. One should not be afraid of creating a healthy sort of communication with their partner. In addition to that, talking to a relationship expert about all your apprehensions is definitely a great option and helps develop a positive outlook on the relationship.
PutC
August 7th, 2021 8:21am
I believe that the key to stopping overthinking things in a relationship is to just talk it out. Sometimes the best way to ease your stress is to communicate with your partner, talk through the difficulties with them and try to shine a light on the dark areas in the relationship. This has helped me a lot since I was able to communicate what I thought could be fixed between us, and I listened to my partner's thoughts as well. In the end, we came to a conclusion and flattened out all the bumps in our relationship. So, the key point here is COMMUNICATION.
SaraSparkle
September 2nd, 2021 1:54am
Overthinking things in a relationship is quite common and not a strange thing to do. Human themself tend to overthink a lot by nature. We’re scared for the unknown and prefer to be aware of everything. Especially with the person we love, we want to be careful to prevent anything unpleasant from happening. And that’s when we start overthinking about possible scenarios. There’s a gigantic chance none of those scenarios will ever occur, though. But we’re pessimistic and filled with fear around the people we love most, our significant other. Trying to have a more optimistic view can help to stop overthinking. You can trust your partner and they can trust you. The odds of things going wrong are little. Just take it easy, which is easier said than done of course. Try to distract yourself if the overthinking is getting too overwhelming to handle.
Anonymous
September 18th, 2021 7:52pm
Trust is hard to build, but trust is also key. It's important to any relationship. If you feel there is something going on, try communicating with the other person. Talking through why you are feeling this way can help a lot. Try to live in the moment because worrying about things in the past or the future can put so much unneeded stress into you and the other persons life. If you want, try getting a journal to write your thoughts and feeling in there. I am not an expert though, this is just what has worked best for me!!
lovelySoul2345
October 6th, 2021 11:38am
Overthinking could be as a result of anxious thoughts about the relationship. I'm curious as to what feelings are behind the thoughts? Relationships can be quite difficult and can bring up uncomfortable emotions and feelings that we weren't expecting. They may not show up straight away but could surface after months of dating. Are you afraid of being hurt? Rejected? Cheated on? Have you been hurt in the past? The overthinking can be a way to try and protect you from getting hurt, however overthinking alone can't really solve anything, it could make you feel worse. I would encourage you to talk things through with a listener on here or a therapist. This could help give you clarity and validate the feelings behind the thoughts :)
admirableHero1968
October 10th, 2021 3:46pm
In my experience, I manage to stop overthinking things in my relationship when I decide to go inward. In other words, I start connecting with my breath. I observe it and see where it is right now. The simple act of moving my attention to my breath brings away the focus from the mind (thinking) to a space in between the mind a body. I eventually experience myself in the middle of a bridge. I can see the thinking mind on one side that I have left behind. I can see the shaking body on the other side that also I have left behind. As I realize that I can deepen in the breath, I can make it deeper and slower, till I find myself grounded right there in the center of the bridge. Suddenly I realize that the bridge (the breath) is just an extension of the mind and the body. In reality, these are just one. When I found overthinking things in a relationship, I start to feel (e.g. see) that we are an extension of each other and, I let my breath sink in harmony, trusting that by the law of synergy, the combined value and performance of two partners will be greater than the sum of the separate individual parts. Breath-work is often a driving force behind a merger, and my breath can walk the talk.
jalani22
October 16th, 2021 4:45am
Do something you enjoy doing! Doing something that will take your mind off of anything bothering you, is a great way to relieve stress. I know how it feels to overthink in a relationship, so doing things I enjoy really helps me cope with my stress and overthinking. Doing something that replenishes your health is important. Putting your phone down or putting it on do not disturb also really helps with reducing the amount of overthinking you do. Another way you could stop overthinking is watching movies, videos, or shows so that your brain is preoccupied. Self care in relationships are just as important as your relationship. Health is wealth.
fluffycloud13
December 5th, 2021 3:02pm
Take a breath. Recognize that part of the fun in having a relationship is the development over time. The understandings will come with time, don't waste the journey being stuck in your thoughts. If you do you might miss out on something. Being fixated on a thought, issue, or potential problem will only lead to the sideline of the relationship as a whole. You will find yourself not being present with your partner and unhappy in your relationship. Slow down. Take everything as it comes. Not everything has to be figured out or improved upon. Just breathe and you got this!