The Facebook "Seen" message gives me a lot of anxiety! When I see that the person has "seen" the message, but does not reply, I start thinking about all the possible reasons why they would 'ignore' me... Does anyone else feel this? If so, how do you cope?

225 Answers
Last Updated: 02/28/2020 at 5:52am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lisa Groesz, PhD

Psychologist

With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
September 12th, 2019 3:50pm
Ohh, I was the same way! I would think I was bothering them, or maybe they don’t really enjoy my friendship as much as I thought... but realisitically, I don’t always respond to every message I read either. So, I coped through this by holding onto logic. They could’ve been driving and made sure it wasn’t an emergency, or the notification popped up and they clicked over without meaning to while they were busy doing something else. I mean, there are soo many logical reasons why someone would read it and not respond right away, or they could forget to at all. When I read a message and don’t respond, it’s usually because I opened it and forgot about it because it lost the “unread” notification label. Also, they could not be in the mood to talk to others.. maybe they have been having a rough day. Always keep an openmind ♡ because we can assume the worst of a situation, but then we also have to equally believe in the opposite, since we don’t actually know.
Peacefulmind22
January 5th, 2020 8:32am
Yeah! We all feel ignore in that situation.Ignore feel like we are not special to that person. But take it in positive way. Might be she/he busy in work or might be she/he is not in condition to reply you. Wait for him/her reply. Feel something like anxiety its troubling situation. Make your self busy in other activity to avoid this ignoring situation and be positive with that person. It helps you a lot. Show empathy to that person. You are also sometime not in condition to reply immediately think about it. Control your thinking. Bring it from negative to positive pathway.
cristiana33
July 8th, 2015 10:42am
I feel the same way sometimes. It's okay to feel anxious and worry about what the other person might think or feel that he chooses not to answer. But then again it may be possible that this person really doesn't want to hurt your feelings. When worry starts to invade your mind, try to pause all your thinking and just see this from a different, more passive perspective. Push away each negative reason you find with a logical reason. If you still find yourself worrying, just remember to ask this person next time you see them why weren't they answering. Take into account their reasons but do express your needs as well.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2015 12:04pm
I always feel like this, the trick is to just try to conquer this feeling, i still get it all the time but you just learn that you aren't annoying anyone or anything like that, you have to kill these thoughts and sometimes thinking of fun times with that person help me because those memories are mainly me being happy so find some memories that make you smile and just try as hard as you can to get rid of these thoughts
friendlyUnicorn16
December 29th, 2015 12:28pm
Oh, I feel you! I usually tell myself they're probably busy and forgot to reply, not because they hate me, maybe because they're just doing something (reading, drawing, singing)...
Anonymous
July 26th, 2016 6:31am
https://www.7cups.com/anxiety-help/lesson3.html this is a great guide that helps you identify the faulty thoughts and replace them.. The anxiety can be curbed if we know the right steps to take in the direction!
Anonymous
October 26th, 2016 5:53pm
Yes, this is a very common thing now. The best way to deal with it is not to jump to conclusions. Just because the message is 'seen' it doesn't mean they have read it all; they might be distracted and busy and don't have time to reply straight away.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2016 3:53am
Yes! Absolutely; I get you I promise, and I hate that feature so so much. Personally, I avoid looking at that button altogether, and try to stop overthinking by doing something I like. Perhaps you could distract yourself by doing that too -- doing a hobby is definitely something to pass your time well! Other than that, I once read somewhere that a person averages about 5000 thoughts a day, and most of them focus on themselves. Maybe they just forgot to reply to you, or something? Making excuses for them, though not ideal, is always an option to make yourself feel better.
Safew3rd
November 23rd, 2016 1:25am
I can relate to this as well. A practice that has helped me is to remind myself that everyone sets their own boundaries in relationships, and if I want a well thought-out and insightful response, I must accept the time it might take another to provide that.
YourStoryIsntOver
November 24th, 2016 9:27am
I feel this way a lot, especially when texting close friends or family members. The way that I usually try to cope is by reminding myself how much the person I'm talking to cares about me, and how they've proved it previously verbally and also through their actions.
strawberryPudding82
December 9th, 2016 10:38am
I am sure a lot of people feel that way. Some people go on facebook just to connect with others while others go on for business purposes, playing the games they have available, browsing other links, groups, etc so they are distracted. Sometimes, I get so busy on the web, I forget that I even had a chat going until long after if it isn't something that needs attention right away.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2016 2:54pm
It can be a very difficult feeling when people see but do not respond to your message. I like to keep in mind that something may have came up and they had to go andthey just simply forgot, another thing could be they just didn't know what to say, I try to put myself in their situation to think about what the circumstance could be
Kristy21
December 24th, 2016 4:12am
I absolutely feel this, all of the time! Me and another friend actually joke about it because we experience the same thing. A lot of the time there are very good reasons for them not being able to respond, but if you're genuinely concerned, especially if it's with a friend or loved one, let them know! Communication is key in a healthy relationship.
happy22icecream
February 10th, 2017 5:05pm
Well remember that it is "seen" the moment a message is opened. It dose not necessarily mean that it was read. I understand that it can look like you are being ignored, but give it time, If they don't respond, in a few days, send another message.
Anonymous
February 15th, 2017 10:36am
Yes I feel like this sometimes, sometimes you have got to think to yourself 'maybe they are busy' 'maybe something has come up' think positive as much as you can in situations like this
calmZebra60
February 16th, 2017 2:48pm
Yeah actually, it does for me too! Mostly I go and watch my favorite tv shows or text my older sister about Jared Padelecki. I just cope using distraction, I suppose.
StarName28
March 17th, 2017 1:09am
I feel this all the time! I cope by just thinking they must be busy, or something came up. If you feel like there is something wrong just ask them, how are they and they will tell you. My partner does this a lot, but she's usually busy when she doesn't answer. She connects to her university friends through facebook and they help each other over there group chat, and mines will pop up and because it has she started typing and had to move back to the original chat she was on. This happens to a lot of people.
TranquilityQueen
March 31st, 2017 8:52pm
I used to worry about this all the time! But then I realized that humans are often multitasking to extreme degrees, and often read a message with the intention of replying, but instead get distracted by one of the many things they're doing or thinking about.
fleur
April 14th, 2017 2:10pm
It's typical to feel this way, but sometimes we need to understand that people may be busy. If they don't want to talk to us, we will notice it even though they answer to our messages or not.
Anonymous
April 30th, 2017 1:30pm
I've felt like this, from everyone to a boyfriend, family member or a soon to be friend! The seen button is a big thing in my anxiety because I feel ignored and not important enough to message back. I guess the only way is to be upfront about it, but sometimes you get made out to be a bit needy and crazy. But I feel like a lot of people have this anxiety over social media messaging!
itsvicky
May 12th, 2017 12:44pm
Yes that's actually common. It is usually helpful if you try to distract yourself with someone else. That way, you won't be constantly thinking about it. Also, keep in mind that people might not be able to answer at that time and maybe they want to answer when they'll have more time to talk to you. I know people who do that and actually get stressed more about the answer they want to give so they take their time to write the best answer possible. Just remember that there's not only the negative possible reasons for someone not replying.
damselinthisdress
May 25th, 2017 4:10pm
I used to feel like this, yes. I used to feel like maybe the person is ignoring me and doesn't care about me and almost every possible negative thought used to go through my mind. But then I stopped and thought about it. I realised that it is okay if the person chooses not to reply to my texts. I tried to change my negative thoughts into positive thoughts...maybe, the person was busy, maybe it is not about ignoring me in particular, the person wasn't feeling like talking in general (sometimes we do feel like not talking at all) etc. I also thought that it is completely up to the other person whether they would reply to my text or not. It's their choice. I have no hand in it. Hence, it would be foolish on my part to worry about it and miss out on the other lovely things that I could be doing in that time. Worrying means we are hurting ourselves. We are holding on and not letting go -- which causes us unnecessary stress. I realised that we shouldn't be causing ourselves distress about something that's not even in our hands! It allowed me to let go and focus more on the present and I've been doing well ever since. :)
Anonymous
June 2nd, 2017 9:11am
I think a lot of people relate to this. It used to be that way for me, but I've grown used to it and don't mind it unless I wanted an immediate response. How I deal with it though is that... I try to think of what could be happening right now in their life. Like... My friend has a suicidal sister and lives with their grandma. Anything could happen with them. So I usually take in consideration what things they could be dealing with at that moment. Sometimes it's not something serious though. I also think about the time, if it's late, they could be sleeping. If it's not late though.. Depending on the person, they're probably with family or playing games. Or got distracted. I usually think about these things and then will go and do my own thing. Something to get my mind away from, "Oh God, they aren't responding. They saw it. And won't reply. I didn't say something correctly." Like... Step away from that and relax. They'll reply eventually.
MissLuthien
July 15th, 2017 9:22pm
Sometimes people open things without really reading them, it doesn't mean they are ignoring you, but I have definitely felt the same! I cope by trying not to look at delivery reports, and knowing that my friends live busy lives too.
Anonymous
August 9th, 2017 2:24pm
actually it's not critical issue, because maybe this person is working now or study and maybe have something important and will come back also we all make seen sometimes and don't reply
neverendingMusic14
August 10th, 2017 3:56am
I feel this all the time, especially when people have the read receipts on iMessage that tell you once someone has seen your message. I just cope by reminding myself that I didn't say anything wrong and whoever I was talking to has their own reasons for not responding at the moment. It could just mean that they're busy, it doesn't mean that they're trying to ignore you!
Anonymous
August 11th, 2017 5:18am
I feel like this quite often. The thing is they probably are doing something or they don't have time to reply. When this happens I usually text someone else or play on my phone.
Vronica23
August 25th, 2017 6:19pm
I can relate to this feeling, and I think it's something a lot of people experience with many types of social media. I think it's important to remember that a majority of the time, it's not that people are ignoring you, but perhaps they accidentally opened the message when they did not have the time to reply, Or that they are waiting to reply when they can give you their undivided attention. Some people aren't very good at replying to messages, but they don't do it to ignore you, it might just slip their mind. There's a million reason why someone might not reply right away, and a majority of them aren't necessarily because they don't want to talk to you. Keep that in mind next time you feel that anxiety coming up. One thing that helps me, is turning off notifications for periods of times. You'll be less inclined to check when your phone isn't going off. If it's something important, consider making a phone call instead of sending a message. Separating yourself from social media has been proven to help anxious feelings, you don't have to give it up forever, but just give your self a break every once in a while.
BLY4
September 1st, 2017 6:26pm
I have felt this many times! Especially when considering a new dating relationship, or someone you have some form of romantic feelings for, but I have learned to always remind myself that I am only in control of what actions I make or what things I say.
soothingStrawberry61
October 19th, 2017 2:00pm
its important to first know why people go to Facebook. lots of time they are just trying to distract themselves from something else. Often times they may read something and not know how to respond or not have the time to give an appropriate response. Breathe! Know that you are enough on your own without any validation from any social media site.