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The Facebook "Seen" message gives me a lot of anxiety! When I see that the person has "seen" the message, but does not reply, I start thinking about all the possible reasons why they would 'ignore' me... Does anyone else feel this? If so, how do you cope?

319 Answers
Last Updated: 09/19/2021 at 5:53am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Lisa Groesz, PhD


With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
March 28th, 2018 2:48am
I also feel anxiety over this. To cope I just try not to use that platform as much and talk in person or some other way that gives me less stress. If thats not an option try to remember that they probably aren't ignoring you, they're just busy.
April 11th, 2018 1:55am
The "seen" is there just to stress us all the time. We shouldnt get stressed if we see it, maybe the other person is a little bit busy and can actually answer you
April 19th, 2018 5:56pm
many people feel this way. it is completely understandable and you are not alone in feeling the way that you do. i usually tell myself the person's phone was open to the message while having been left on the table for the duration of time it took to complete a simple task; if the app is open it often doesnt make a noise. They will reply when they see it with their own eyes.
May 26th, 2018 2:32am
Yes, I have felt this, and it's difficult. I was able to start coping better with it once I realized that I too, do the same thing, and the people on the other side have either just forgotten to reply or are too busy at the moment. You cannot let how fast someone replies define you.
June 22nd, 2018 1:01pm
I know that this can be a difficult thing, but I know that some people really focus on what they can control. and not worry too much about what they can't . You control the message you send out, what you cannot do is control what the person does who reads that message. So why worry? Is it annoying when its been seen and you get no reply, definitely, is it worth worrying about, no.
June 29th, 2018 7:00am
i know that feeling. you're not alone, and it's completely natural for you to feel this way. but the trick is to not let people influence your mood, you know? when i get worked up about similar things, i ask myself : is this situation something that's in my control? no. there could be many reasons for someone not replying immediately. none of which are in our hands. so just sit back, and let it be, give yourself more importance than a "seen" message . you've got this :)
September 12th, 2019 3:50pm
Ohh, I was the same way! I would think I was bothering them, or maybe they don’t really enjoy my friendship as much as I thought... but realisitically, I don’t always respond to every message I read either. So, I coped through this by holding onto logic. They could’ve been driving and made sure it wasn’t an emergency, or the notification popped up and they clicked over without meaning to while they were busy doing something else. I mean, there are soo many logical reasons why someone would read it and not respond right away, or they could forget to at all. When I read a message and don’t respond, it’s usually because I opened it and forgot about it because it lost the “unread” notification label. Also, they could not be in the mood to talk to others.. maybe they have been having a rough day. Always keep an openmind ♡ because we can assume the worst of a situation, but then we also have to equally believe in the opposite, since we don’t actually know.
May 13th, 2020 9:42pm
sometimes i do feel so.. but i do try to think logically.. they must be busy or just the door bill rang or even someone called or it's internet problem. i do think like they won't avoid me. it's just my mind trying to convience me with that and this is not true!! it's just my anxiety. and actually it'a true. if you weit and just give them their time they will replay again after some time telling you the reason that kept them for a while. so it's just voices in your head lying to actually. so don't let this anxiety eat you!
September 17th, 2020 7:07am
Yes, it is a common feeling my friend. Maybe you feel so because you've attached your self worth to whether that person "replies or not ". Their ignorance, is making you doubt yourself " Oh, I wrote something bad" or "How could this person ignore someone like me!? And that self doubt is leading to overthinking and anxiety. You are worth way beyond a simple reply. We need to consciously choose who deserves our presence in their lives. There could be many reasons like the person needs more time to think and reply and not necessarily intended to ignore you. However, you have to be conscious about the things to which you attach your self worth. It should not be a person or a mere text reply. "Self worth" should always remain attached to "self" and not other people or things. I hope this helps you think better:)
August 27th, 2021 8:36pm
This is definitely a situation that is dependent on who you would choose to speak to! Everyone has different reactions to believing they may not receive a response, especially if that person is a close friend, family member, or partner! Myself, I have felt this anxiety. It felt as though someone I truly cared about was choosing to ignore me. Understandably, you'd feel negatively towards this situation! However, I find now that it can be just as easy as is with presuming to choose to think with a little extra logic. Are they a busy person? Do they work? Maybe they're enjoying something, and just didn't notice my message! They aren't necessarily avoiding me, even if my head tells me so!
August 28th, 2021 6:39pm
Hello! Well, I can very much relate to that feeling of anxiety. I experience a similar feeling when I see someone I really want to talk to has seen my message and hasn't responded. It makes me doubt if they care about me etc. I can understand how you struggle with it. ): To cope with it I - • Take a step back. • Take deep breathes. • Tell myself they might have had something come up when they messaged me and they want to reply to me just as much as I want to read their message. • If I have an anxious thought, identify the evidence for it and against it. •Rehydrate and get preoccupied by something else.
July 8th, 2015 10:42am
I feel the same way sometimes. It's okay to feel anxious and worry about what the other person might think or feel that he chooses not to answer. But then again it may be possible that this person really doesn't want to hurt your feelings. When worry starts to invade your mind, try to pause all your thinking and just see this from a different, more passive perspective. Push away each negative reason you find with a logical reason. If you still find yourself worrying, just remember to ask this person next time you see them why weren't they answering. Take into account their reasons but do express your needs as well.
October 27th, 2015 12:04pm
I always feel like this, the trick is to just try to conquer this feeling, i still get it all the time but you just learn that you aren't annoying anyone or anything like that, you have to kill these thoughts and sometimes thinking of fun times with that person help me because those memories are mainly me being happy so find some memories that make you smile and just try as hard as you can to get rid of these thoughts
December 29th, 2015 12:28pm
Oh, I feel you! I usually tell myself they're probably busy and forgot to reply, not because they hate me, maybe because they're just doing something (reading, drawing, singing)...
July 26th, 2016 6:31am this is a great guide that helps you identify the faulty thoughts and replace them.. The anxiety can be curbed if we know the right steps to take in the direction!
November 21st, 2016 3:53am
Yes! Absolutely; I get you I promise, and I hate that feature so so much. Personally, I avoid looking at that button altogether, and try to stop overthinking by doing something I like. Perhaps you could distract yourself by doing that too -- doing a hobby is definitely something to pass your time well! Other than that, I once read somewhere that a person averages about 5000 thoughts a day, and most of them focus on themselves. Maybe they just forgot to reply to you, or something? Making excuses for them, though not ideal, is always an option to make yourself feel better.
November 23rd, 2016 1:25am
I can relate to this as well. A practice that has helped me is to remind myself that everyone sets their own boundaries in relationships, and if I want a well thought-out and insightful response, I must accept the time it might take another to provide that.
November 24th, 2016 9:27am
I feel this way a lot, especially when texting close friends or family members. The way that I usually try to cope is by reminding myself how much the person I'm talking to cares about me, and how they've proved it previously verbally and also through their actions.
December 9th, 2016 10:38am
I am sure a lot of people feel that way. Some people go on facebook just to connect with others while others go on for business purposes, playing the games they have available, browsing other links, groups, etc so they are distracted. Sometimes, I get so busy on the web, I forget that I even had a chat going until long after if it isn't something that needs attention right away.
December 9th, 2016 2:54pm
It can be a very difficult feeling when people see but do not respond to your message. I like to keep in mind that something may have came up and they had to go andthey just simply forgot, another thing could be they just didn't know what to say, I try to put myself in their situation to think about what the circumstance could be
December 24th, 2016 4:12am
I absolutely feel this, all of the time! Me and another friend actually joke about it because we experience the same thing. A lot of the time there are very good reasons for them not being able to respond, but if you're genuinely concerned, especially if it's with a friend or loved one, let them know! Communication is key in a healthy relationship.
February 10th, 2017 5:05pm
Well remember that it is "seen" the moment a message is opened. It dose not necessarily mean that it was read. I understand that it can look like you are being ignored, but give it time, If they don't respond, in a few days, send another message.
February 15th, 2017 10:36am
Yes I feel like this sometimes, sometimes you have got to think to yourself 'maybe they are busy' 'maybe something has come up' think positive as much as you can in situations like this
February 16th, 2017 2:48pm
Yeah actually, it does for me too! Mostly I go and watch my favorite tv shows or text my older sister about Jared Padelecki. I just cope using distraction, I suppose.
March 17th, 2017 1:09am
I feel this all the time! I cope by just thinking they must be busy, or something came up. If you feel like there is something wrong just ask them, how are they and they will tell you. My partner does this a lot, but she's usually busy when she doesn't answer. She connects to her university friends through facebook and they help each other over there group chat, and mines will pop up and because it has she started typing and had to move back to the original chat she was on. This happens to a lot of people.
March 31st, 2017 8:52pm
I used to worry about this all the time! But then I realized that humans are often multitasking to extreme degrees, and often read a message with the intention of replying, but instead get distracted by one of the many things they're doing or thinking about.
April 14th, 2017 2:10pm
It's typical to feel this way, but sometimes we need to understand that people may be busy. If they don't want to talk to us, we will notice it even though they answer to our messages or not.
April 30th, 2017 1:30pm
I've felt like this, from everyone to a boyfriend, family member or a soon to be friend! The seen button is a big thing in my anxiety because I feel ignored and not important enough to message back. I guess the only way is to be upfront about it, but sometimes you get made out to be a bit needy and crazy. But I feel like a lot of people have this anxiety over social media messaging!
May 12th, 2017 12:44pm
Yes that's actually common. It is usually helpful if you try to distract yourself with someone else. That way, you won't be constantly thinking about it. Also, keep in mind that people might not be able to answer at that time and maybe they want to answer when they'll have more time to talk to you. I know people who do that and actually get stressed more about the answer they want to give so they take their time to write the best answer possible. Just remember that there's not only the negative possible reasons for someone not replying.
May 25th, 2017 4:10pm
I used to feel like this, yes. I used to feel like maybe the person is ignoring me and doesn't care about me and almost every possible negative thought used to go through my mind. But then I stopped and thought about it. I realised that it is okay if the person chooses not to reply to my texts. I tried to change my negative thoughts into positive thoughts...maybe, the person was busy, maybe it is not about ignoring me in particular, the person wasn't feeling like talking in general (sometimes we do feel like not talking at all) etc. I also thought that it is completely up to the other person whether they would reply to my text or not. It's their choice. I have no hand in it. Hence, it would be foolish on my part to worry about it and miss out on the other lovely things that I could be doing in that time. Worrying means we are hurting ourselves. We are holding on and not letting go -- which causes us unnecessary stress. I realised that we shouldn't be causing ourselves distress about something that's not even in our hands! It allowed me to let go and focus more on the present and I've been doing well ever since. :)