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The Facebook "Seen" message gives me a lot of anxiety! When I see that the person has "seen" the message, but does not reply, I start thinking about all the possible reasons why they would 'ignore' me... Does anyone else feel this? If so, how do you cope?

320 Answers
Last Updated: 08/05/2022 at 6:46am
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Lisa Groesz, PhD

Psychologist

With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
chrisbear2000
April 4th, 2020 11:16pm
I've had this happen to me all the time and it does make me very nervous, especially if i don't know the person very well but I like the person. I always remember that I have done the same thing, where I would see someone's message and not respond and it's nothing personal, sometimes they may be busy, tired and forgetful. If there was a personal problem, I would expect the person to come out and tell me, not get nervous. It also never hurts to ask the person if you thing something may be wrong in the friendship or relationship.
Anonymous
January 1st, 2020 2:48am
It is understandable that you or anyone might have such a reaction, but when you apply some reason, it re-frames the situation. For instance, there are several circumstances whereby you (one) might see the message but not be able to reply in that moment (carrying something that has their hands full, sitting with a group of people, or on a deadline. Because we aren't right with them when we send the message, we cannot actually see what they're doing, so it is better not to make assumptions. Then, if they never respond, again apply logic. They may have forgotten or become caught up in other tasks. Never assume it is personal.
00Nyx00
August 9th, 2019 11:15pm
I am dealing wirhth the same thing on another social media platforms. I feel irrelevant like people don't respect me. But then I think; sometimes I am online there because it is some emergency thing and mistakenly I 'see' other messages too but cannot answer. Or just when I am about to answer, someone calls me or mom takes my phone :p . So again, mistakenly I 'see' the messages. I don't want to make nervous anyone, including me so I hide all the "seen" stuff. But if I realise that they are doing this on purpose, then I honestly ask them.
Anonymous
August 16th, 2019 5:52pm
oh yes, i know exactly how you feel and I fall into that same trap all the time! When that happens, I take some deep breaths and remind myself of times where I have done the same thing. Generally I see it but I have to put my phone down to address something in my real life, or have to take care of something. Anxiety means well, but in it's effort to protect you. It can go overboard. Remind it that there are so many reasons that the person has seen your message without replying, and that it's not the end of the world. You will be okay, I promise.
nikanni
August 8th, 2019 10:50am
I had the same problem with WhatsApp some years ago. I don't know about Facebook but maybe you can turn this notification off. If this is not the case or does not help, what I did was the following: I thought about myself and the reasons I might have to not reply right away. All the reasons I could think of were stuff like: I have to eat something, I am taking a break from social media, I have to study, I am taking a bath, or: I want to take time to reply because this person is important to me and at the moment, I do not have enough time. Doing this helped me realise over time, that there really is no reason to worry and with some self-confidence: even if the person wanted to ignore me or had a problem with me, as long as they were not open with me about it or addressed it, it was their problem and their responsibility. I did nothing wrong. When I did, they need to tell me so I can then reflect on myself. But I realised that it was not healthy to reflect on potential mistakes I possibly have made, without really knowing anything for certain. So, this is just my experience, but I really hope that sharing it can help you in some way. Wish you all the best!
meteoritee
August 8th, 2019 3:15am
I feel like this all the time! Sometimes it can make me really anxious, especially if it's an important message or a question that I was already anxious to ask about in the first place. When this happens, the first thing I try to be is realistic. Chances are, they saw the message and got distracted by something else and forgot to respond. I honestly can't name the amount of times I've done that to someone else! If they don't respond in a while, I'll send them a reminder text, something like "Hey, just following up on the message I sent earlier" and then whatever it was. It's really important to not let your mind take your theories and jump with them. As soon as you start overthinking, the situation gets a whole lot more stressful.
Anonymous
September 14th, 2019 10:00am
I absolutely understand where you are coming from! The circle of friends that I have is small and close to my heart, so this is almost definitely something that freaks me out. I do not want to have the things that I hold dear drift away, as I feel that sudden a change would leave me alone without mechanism to cope or head space to find a resolution I can feel at ease with! As for an answer, mine is short and simple enough for at least myself, in theory. I cannot understand what other people are doing at all times, let alone most of the time, so why feed the nagging creature that thrives on assumptions being the worst! I do not like to think spite bubbles to the surface without reason enough for a person to muster up the energy to say, ignore a message for the sake of guiding that soul on an ego trip. Perhaps as an example, that person is a friend who is caught up in family issues that only happen to make life complex, or they themselves are at a point of emotional instability that could really benefit from the empathy and understanding of the world at large, even if only starting with a handful of well intended friends.
Anonymous
August 3rd, 2019 2:41am
This is actually a very common thing, feeling anxious when people see but don't reply to your messages. Some apps allow you to turn off the "seen" messages, or you can ask the other person to so that you don't have to deal with it. If not, it sometimes helps me to think of the innocuous reasons why I personally don't always respond to messages- I'm busy at the moment, got distracted and forgot, I don't know where to take the conversation, or I plan on returning to the conversation later. These reasons apply to other people as often as they do to you, and it's very rare that it's actually because they don't like you
comfortableRose
September 24th, 2019 6:29pm
It depends on when you send the message and whom. Because if it is during workday, it is normal that people dont immediately reply. But if it is after work, you dont know if they are free or if they are doing something. There are a lot of reasons why people dont reply, even i sometimes dont write back on the same day because i am so tired and need a rest and it has nothing to do with the person who wrote to me. If you have doubts and cannot stand this, the best way to get a confirmation is by asking. You can find a way without being too pushy, to ask the person if they are ignoring you. But be honest and prepared for a real feedback.
katherine081902
July 28th, 2019 6:53am
I feel this a lot! My best friend leaves me on "seen" a lot and it makes me anxious and lowers my self confidence. It depends on what you've sent and who you have sent it to. I have had to learn that, if I send a funny meme to my best friend he might not respond because he doesn't see a reason to. If you have asked a question then that implies a needed response, it is possible that the person saw your message and simply forgot to respond when they had time later, I know I've done that. A "reponse-worthy message" is different to every individual. I respond when someone sends me something to acknowledge to them that I received it but someone else might think that a meme is worthy of starting a conversation. Don't think too much of it, if those people really didn't care about you or want to talk to you then they would go out of their way to make sure they didn't have to. It is a hard thing to grasp but social media and messages don't give you any worth, what matters is your relationship with them. :)
serenitynyx22
June 23rd, 2019 6:19am
You are not alone when it comes to that situation. There are different ways to cope with it but it also depends on how you yourself cope with it. Example, my friend and I were talking and all of a sudden she left me on seen. Now, I know that there are many reasons why she could have left me on seen, she may be busy and forgot to tell me or she may have lost signal. Both which can be very possible. Try asking the person the next time around if he or she leaves you on seen. Ask them open end questions that would get you answers. If they still leave you on seen, even after the questions, there is a possibility they may not be interested. But that is not your fault. Now for the coping, first of all, remember its not your fault. Second, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Third, do something else that you enjoy and take the thought out of your mind. Do this each time, and see the difference. I hope this helps.
InsightfulHumanoid
October 27th, 2019 10:06pm
I used to go through this myself, and-the consequence was anxiety, frustration and paranoia. A lot of frustration happened to those that I questioned were ignoring me. The best thing I've learnt is to message them only when I need to, so in my regard it would be a day or two before I hope to meet with them. Or I only ask them questions, and not go into any unnecessary small talk. That way they know I require an answer, and if there is a time limit, I can ask them again after a certain amount of time has passed. Otherwise, just keep yourself occupied. Ask "do I really need to send this? Could I just ask them when I see them?"
Anonymous
June 20th, 2019 5:14pm
Yes it happens..when somebody has seen message but doesn't reply we are ought to get anxious...but we can cope with it by ruling out the possible facts...like he must be really busy ..or like he will respond when he gets time..he must not be in a situation to respond or he is not responding because of some possible reason...this will help to calm ourselves..this is the best way I dealt with it..and make up your mind that if he doesn't respond it's ok I will not unnecessarily get tensed or nervous. And not replying to messages don't mean always that they are ignoring you that is the point you need to understand..hope it helps
TheHelpfulPillow
October 27th, 2019 11:10pm
I understand the feeling all too well. It's never pleasant. I meet up with a friend that I often see once a week. I try to message them a day before I hope to meet up with her, and I make it clear that it's a question I'm asking that requires an answer. Or you can ask yourself if the message you want to send is really worth sending. Is there a better time to send it etc Once I've sent the message, I often go off of Facebook and keep myself occupied. People are busy. If I receive a message, I often tell myself I'll reply later, then forget. There's no harm in sending a follow up message - nothing nasty accusing them of ignoring you - after a good period of time has gone by, so you don't look needy.
MayaMetanoia
June 12th, 2019 3:59am
That's a very common feeling actually, the social media has made us less patient when it comes to human interactions and when we have to wait a little more, we start to imagine the worst case scenarios for ourselves. It's important to know that not everything is about us, even if it's happening to us, for example, that person who's not answering asap might have something more important and urgent to do at the moment, or he simply doesn't know how to reply that yet, or he's not feeling well and prefers to be alone with his own thoughts for a while. Others are not focused on us, as much as we think and that's okay, but it's not our fault whatsoever.
PrettyPapillon4354
November 7th, 2019 8:10pm
I have the same problem, but honestly it depends on WHO i am texting. If i'm texting someone older than me who is a mom/works, i assure myself that it's ok, that i know they're busy and they WILL reply when they have time. And my friends go to college and i don't and sometimes it takes days for them to reply. Which you can imagine my anxiety. Especially when i ask one of them if they wanna hang out and they don't reply i get so anxious i end up deleting the message all together. But i know that they have school and all the homework they have to deal with and they may not be coping well with it so i know they're not ignoring me because i KNOW my friends love me very much so if they HAD the time they'd definetely reply to me. So i'd say you have to asssure yourself the facts, think about they're life and what they could be doing, and they will reply when they have the time. I used to suffer greatly from thia but by reassuring myself i've learnt to cope. Hope i helped❤❤
blissart
November 22nd, 2019 5:45am
i understand it sometimes feels confusing what to make out of it. Many thoughts creep into mind like Is the person ignoring me? is the message seen by someone else? i hope he is not in some problem?. And actually all these an be a possibility. for me, i trey to see the importance or urgency of the reply. Sometimes if my message is just to convey some information, its ok if the person had read it didnt reply. If its some important reply i expect, i wait for some before messaging again or if urgent, calling up the person. At my end, i feel the anxiety that goes in senders mind in such situation and i make it a point to acknowledge the message even if y simple smiley or ok or thanks or will message later.
Anonymous
December 13th, 2019 12:21pm
It happens to lot of us, including me. This happens when we want the other person to reply as soon as possible. There could be many reasons why this happens. Ill try to put in few general reasons that could happen, but no one is alike and situations differ. But what we need to realize is that : 1. The other person might have see it but had some other work and will eventually get back to us 2. The person is ignoring us and we cant do much about it 3. Dont think to much about it 4. Imagine ourselves in their shoes, we do the same 1, 2 to others so.
Anonymous
December 29th, 2019 5:49pm
It is normal to feel a bit anxious when the person has only seen the message and not read it, especially if it someone important to you. When it happens, you should remember that maybe something happened to that person (someone called him etc...) so he can't reply right away. Sometimes it happens that someone simply forgot to reply: give him some time then write again. Also, maybe he doesn't know how to continue the conversation so he doesn't write anything. If it happens to me, I usually wait some time, then if I don't get the message, I try to write to that person again. If he doesn't answer also the second time, I stop writing to him and I try to ask him why he does that.
Anonymous
February 15th, 2020 7:56pm
Hi, that little “seen” thing is quite a pest. If I find that I am focussing on it and thinking about why they’re not replying then I remind myself that phones all work differently and they may have cancelled a notification or swiped the message away from a watch or something. I could be entirely wrong and it doesn’t work this way but it means that I’m not worried about being ‘ignored’ just that they’re busy and may have not even read the message. I know that it gets to a lot of people. It’s also worth remembering that instant messaging only works instantly if both people are glued to their phones 24/7; a lot of time this isn’t the case and even if they have read your message they have other things going on. Additionally sometimes the person doesn’t have a response, if it’s a specific person then one of the things we have done is to change (or use) the like button as sort of an acknowledgement of a message but “I don’t really have anything to say to this but I’m not ignoring you”. I don’t know if any if this will help but just some ways I try and avoid this, it’s not entirely fool proof though.
JustLikeYou10
April 1st, 2020 11:24am
It also gives me some anxiety, because, at least in some discussions that are more personal or deep. I tend to get anxious because I think that the message I have written is wrong, or it upsets the other person. But the actual real reason for a seen might just be the fact that the person can't respond right away for that message, or he/she doesn't want to continue talking, at that moment. The way i cope with this is that i write to them something else that is different from the last message, or if the person is a close friend, i just write something like "why are you leaving me on seen" but in a fun way!
Anonymous
March 29th, 2020 11:02am
Facebook "seen" message causes anxiety or not, it depends on who you are talking with. It that person is close to you and does not reply after seeing the message than one may feel anxiety. If I feel ignored then the way I cope with it is; 1. to wait for the other person to reply (if it's not habitual than that person surely replies back) 2. send the message like "text me back when you have time" or "get back on me later" etc 3. think positive (again if it's not habitual of that person then there will be a genuine reason for that) in my case sometimes when they text me later they also gave me the reason with that like "I was on job and couldn't reply", "my mom was talking to me at that time" or "my little sister open the text box of you and I came to know later on" etc
Rosina24
March 27th, 2020 2:14am
This is very normal and social media puts so much pressure on society and people. Most the time people are not ignoring you, they are simply busy and will reply later. The best thing to do is try and switch off. Send the message and put your phone away for a while. You can't control the situation or control when someone will reply. They will reply if they want to and you have to try and not make it personal about you. Know yourself and be strong in yourself to know a messgae can't make you happy. I even have notifications turned off so I don't see when someone replies as it helps to control the urge to keep checking. Find a method that works best for you.
Anonymous
March 26th, 2020 3:52am
This concern is very common, and most of people get nervous in these moments. There are a lot of reasons behind that, but trying not to overthink and accepting the idea we all different from, and every person has their own way to talk, and this way might not impress everyone. If we are talking about the first message in the chat that's something completely different, you have to think about this person setuation, they might not be free to answer you message, and if it seems they ignore you on purpose just quit messaging them, don't feel ashamed about it.
Anonymous
March 7th, 2020 10:04pm
I do feel like this sometimes. I practise recognising when I feel like this, and tell myself that most of the time this isn't personal. People are busy, people are anxious when replying, people get distracted. I forget to press the send button all the time. It's not about me, and if it is, there is nothing I can do. I have sent a message, it is their imperative to respond or not to respond. (easier said than done, but i think practise and being strict on yourself to not allow yourself to day dream about possible reasons for not responding helps). For people I am very close to, I don't have a trouble double texting them, or communicating how I feel about being left on seen - perhaps if they are busy they may react and then come back to it.
Anonymous
March 4th, 2020 7:15pm
I think that social media, in general, can cause some anxiety for a lot of people. I am guilty of having anxiety and negative ("what if...") thoughts when I notice that someone has seen my message, but not responded. (I have also been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder.) A way to cope with this is to challenge your thinking. You're already thinking up possible reasons why someone hasn't responded, so think of some reasons that aren't negative. Maybe they opened the message, but didn't actually read it yet? Maybe they read it, but didn't have time to respond? Maybe they got distracted and forgot to send a response? Maybe they are thinking about what they are going to say? Maybe they are having some anxiety about sending a response? (I am guilty of this due to social anxiety.) Another way to cope would be to get off of social media for a while.
BrightUnicorn14
February 28th, 2020 5:52am
This is totally a normal feeling and a common thing to experience. I think technology can make it really hard these days and it can produce a lot of anxiety. For me, I also think about all the different reasons the person is not responding, and it is hard for me to not take it personally. However, I try to remind myself that everyone is going through different things, and maybe someone is going through something themselves that is keeping them from responding. Also, we are all human! Sometimes people see messages but are busy and genuinely forget to respond! I know this is not easy, but by you being aware and trying to better understand yourself and the process, you are ahead of the game!
Jenn20
February 16th, 2020 5:11am
It looks to me that you are overthinking small things like this. Don't worry, I can relate too. Well you just have to ask yourself, "Why wouldn't I reply to a message and just leave it on seen?" Maybe your reason is simillar to theirs. It could also be that they don't know what to reply with or they feel that they shouldn't reply at all. For example You: I just bought some new shoes Your friend: Ooh nice! You: Thanks dude Your friend: * seen * As you can see in this example, your last message is thank you. Your friend probably feels like they don't need to reply, so they leave it on seen. There is nothing wrong with that thou
Anonymous
January 10th, 2020 12:28pm
Try to relax. Some people, like me mentally think they have replied to the message but they don't always hit send. If something you have spoke about was a bit too deep then it may be a trigger for them and they have to think about their own safety and mentality first. It does make you feel a bit worthless being ignored but if they can't give you the time of day then why should you bother with them anymore? Learn to value yourself and speak with people who enjoy your company! I hope that this has helped in some way!
Ownshersmile
January 10th, 2020 7:46pm
I understand, what you must be feeling, at the moment of feeling this anxiety you should ask yourself what about this situation makes me feel this way.? and do they have a reason to ignore me? I am sure you will get an answer that will help you label the specific reason for the anxiety, because this is your emotion and has nothing to do with the other person. At the end you could do a relaxation exercise and affirm to yourself that not everything is in your control and all you can do is be the best version of yourself and keep trying to better this version.