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The Facebook "Seen" message gives me a lot of anxiety! When I see that the person has "seen" the message, but does not reply, I start thinking about all the possible reasons why they would 'ignore' me... Does anyone else feel this? If so, how do you cope?

259 Answers
Last Updated: 07/29/2020 at 11:37am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lisa Groesz, PhD


With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
June 16th, 2018 10:43am
I used to feel like that until I was on the recipient side and could not respond right away due to being busy at work or other things going on and I understood that there could be many reasons why that person hasn't responded so thinking that helped me relax more.
June 17th, 2018 8:41am
I feel the same sometimes, especially if the person is very close to you. I guess, That’s normal to feel that way. Everyone should feel the same way. But if you take it personally that will tear you apart. The suitable option to cope with something like that is put yourself in their shoes. Probably they are busy. And you did your part, it’s their choice to reply or not. So be happy about your self because you spoke to them first, perhaps they might feel guilty for not replying you back. So enjoy your self, turn your attention to something important which will make you happy about, talk to another person, and watch some funny clips or movies. It’s not the end of the world, there are many fish in the sea.
June 21st, 2018 10:13am
Perhaps it was an accident, or they are not sure how to reply. If you’ve sent a message that seems hard to reply to, they may want to come back to it later!
June 22nd, 2018 1:01pm
I know that this can be a difficult thing, but I know that some people really focus on what they can control. and not worry too much about what they can't . You control the message you send out, what you cannot do is control what the person does who reads that message. So why worry? Is it annoying when its been seen and you get no reply, definitely, is it worth worrying about, no.
June 27th, 2018 11:31pm
I feel like this too, but sometimes people genuinely just forget to respond. I do that too and sometimes people may just ignore you because they're busy or they don't know what to say. It's usually them and not you, so don't overthink it.
June 28th, 2018 10:07am
i usually dont care about it if someone replies me or not unless its very important conversation .
June 29th, 2018 7:00am
i know that feeling. you're not alone, and it's completely natural for you to feel this way. but the trick is to not let people influence your mood, you know? when i get worked up about similar things, i ask myself : is this situation something that's in my control? no. there could be many reasons for someone not replying immediately. none of which are in our hands. so just sit back, and let it be, give yourself more importance than a "seen" message . you've got this :)
July 8th, 2018 2:40am
This is a very normal feeling to have, and you are not alone! I used to struggle with this myself. Personally, I find that it helps if I just remember a time when I couldn't answer a message right away, and it makes me realize that there are a million reasons why I could be left on "read", most of which include no malicious intent.
July 18th, 2018 12:14am
this is a general worry. Think the may thing to ask yourself is this really help for me to be thinking why isn't this person answering. Especially of it negative like oh there ignoring me. This isn't true a lot time people see these and forget to reply or are busy and can't type straight back try not read to much into it
July 18th, 2018 7:57am
Yeah, i find it very frustrating. I can't understand why people don't respond! I just put my phone down and avoid looking at it!
July 19th, 2018 3:05am
Try doing something else so that you end up being the one to see lots of messages you couldnt reply look on the brighter side always
July 19th, 2018 1:32pm
I get that all the time so I actually just stopped using messenger. Dont use something that you aren't ready to face yet. You may need some time to cope with your anxiety first
July 20th, 2018 3:18pm
I think everyone hates being left on 'seen'! It sounds like it bothers you particularly though! I can relate to that. I have started to notice how on guard I am around people and how I can see neutral things as negative. For me, what seems to be working is to deliberately notice and enjoy any positive things about myself and how people react to me, and and also to challenge the assumptions I make about what people are thinking. Another thing that might be helpful is to move on to something else when you have been left on read, so it doesn't just keep going around and around in our heads. Hope this is of some help! :)
July 22nd, 2018 9:44am
Yes, we all feel thhis! Well, I simply try to ignore it if possible. However if a close person does this, I send another message -Hey, did i say anything wrong? This automatically makes them understand that seenzoning actually affects the other person!
July 22nd, 2018 12:19pm
Yeah I feel this but you know I divert my mind I don't think negatively I just think In positive way may be he or she is busy may be he or she have some important work to do or may be he need some time so I should give him or her some time that's all I do
July 22nd, 2018 8:52pm
this is a common thought! you have to deal with it by trying not to look at your phone so often to see if they’ve read it as this can make you more anxious. they may have seen it but they could be busy - maybe at work or someone has just rung them.
July 23rd, 2018 7:45pm
I think there's too much pressure because of the read receipts in messaging apps. But the thing is even if they are "active now" or they've "seen" your message doesn't mean they really ARE available for that conversation at that very moment. Sometimes people are just busy or preoccupied with other things to reply, or maybe they're taking their time to think of what to say before getting back to you. Personally, I just send them a message and let it be, as long as it's not urgent. I just send a message and do something else instead. I don't always reply to my messages instantaneously, so I give the same courtesy to others.
July 28th, 2018 3:53pm
I understand that worry, but I would tell you (in that moment of panic) to think of all the times you may of accidentally opened a message without realising it. Or maybe opened it and gotten distracted, but answered later. That's the same for most people! If it's an urgent message, that went unanswered, don't feel scared to send another to prompt them. I know it's easy to think of the worst scenario (like being ignored) but remember, that's the anxiety talking, it's most likely distraction, the person being busy, or forgetfulness! I hope this helps :)
July 29th, 2018 4:47am
I feel this way all the time, its a result of to high of expectation. You start to set a step for yourself that's to high, and you start thinking the other person expects a lot out of you. Something my counselor and I do is try to come up with silly, positive resons why they might be busy. Like maybe they are dancing alone in their underpants, or getting distracted by thinking of something random like how goldfish only have an attention span of one second! Then we laugh and find something to occupy us (something not related to the phone like cleaning, singing, coloring etc.) Until they respond.
July 29th, 2018 9:33am
I dleted my Facebook account a long time ago. When I still used it, I myself ignored messages sometimes. I was at work, in a meeting, in the restroom, talking to someone about an urgent matter, etc. Sometimes I read it and assume it doesn't require a response. You could try saying things like, " so what do you think, what would you do, I would really appreciate your opinion, talking to you would really be great" express the need to be acknowledged.
August 1st, 2018 5:17am
I try and remember that there are a lot of reason why someone may leave you on read, and almost all reasons are not negative. As someone who is easily forgetful, i tend to leave people on seen more than i should. I read it, go to do something else quick then get distracted. A lot of the times, people get distracted, but still really want to talk to you!
August 2nd, 2018 10:29am
We have to remember that social media is a way to communicate but not everyone is going to react or reply to any messages. This does not necessarily mean they are ignoring you they maybe busy or don't have anything to add to your post.
August 12th, 2018 2:57pm
I'm gonna try to think back to myself about the times I did all that, and it was usually not because of some personal matters, instead I just forgot, or weren't able to do that at the moment.
August 12th, 2018 3:33pm
Try telling yourself that they are taking a dump - for a long, long time. Also - do try and get off Facebook, it has been statistically proven to make people happier and a lot less angry.
August 17th, 2018 3:02pm
A lot of people do feel this way. It can often cause a feeling of rejection, when the message is seen and not replied to. One of the best ways to cope, it to try not to overthink it too much. There could be so many different possibilities as to why the person has only seen your message and not replied to it yet. They could be busy and not have time to reply or could be having a rough day and might not feel like talking right now. There are so many different reasons why someone hasn't replied to your message and it might make you feel a little bit hurt, but one of the best ways to cope with this is to try and distract yourself if it really bothers you that much. Don't make yourself so readily available that you're sitting and waiting anxiously for a reply. Do some housework, play with a pet (if you have one), watch t.v for a while, colour in, do some homework. Try and find something to distract yourself for awhile so that you're not overthinking and stressing out about it. They will reply when they're ready, stressing out about it won't make them reply any faster.
August 24th, 2018 3:25pm
Often there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this such as the person may be busy at that matter of time. They perhaps intent to respond to your message whenever they get a chance however often we are so busy that we forget. Lifestyles nowadays are crammed and we as humans are trying to fit more and more into our already busy days. Speak with the person and explain how this is making you feel. Perhaps innocently the person in question is not deliberately trying to make you feel like way, they could be unaware of how their actions are making you feel.
September 8th, 2018 10:53am
People are busy even when they are online. Who doesn't like checking social media when they've got some work to do. -Ask them again or let them reply when they have time. It's just the fear of being ignored. When there is a certain amount of uncertainty, our mind just makes up the worst case scenario which is not true most of the times. -If someone doesn't text you back immediately, they're probably thinking of what to reply or they've got some work to do and they decided to reply back later. -I sometimes open the message box and I don't read the message because I will have other work to do. It's just the urge to check my phone but soon I realise that I should be studying or working. -If the message is important, just call them
September 8th, 2018 8:17pm
Facebook often times shows a "seen" even if the person hasn't been online in days. It's a very common glitch. Many people feel this way and it gives them extreme anxiety. Its normal to feel like someones ignoring you, but most of the time they are not. If you're worried that they are, either ask them about it or try to do something else to occupy your mind while you wait. Watch videos, draw something, listen to music, clean. Just keep your mind away from it until the message you back. If they don't you can message them again or try and forget about it as a whole.
September 20th, 2018 1:15am
I am not feeling this anymore. Previously, I would be upset if I don’t receive the feedback for a message. Later I began to understand that some times they are busy, and other times they might not want to reply. There is simply not necessary for me to wait for their message. I would say doing something else to distract yourself if a good strategy if you feel anxiety about something, sometimes your thought changes with you mood. When you are in good mood, you start to think positively. When I was feeling anxious, I also seek internet to check whether I can find any solution there.
October 6th, 2018 9:33pm
Do you have any idea how many times I have opened the message but mentally replied? Yes, I am one of those shameful people. Has anyone not even realised that they opened the message? Yes, me also. There are so many reasons behind this and it gobbles us up with anxiety wondering what we have done wrong - why aren't they replying to me? Well, you know what, there are millions of possibilities that they aren't as horrifying as you think. They could have simply fallen asleep, caught up on something to make them busy and forgotten to come back to the conversation, they could be going through something, they could be socially-anxious and do not know how to talk to people. There are so many possibilities and it is important to not let the fear of the unknown get to us :)