The Facebook "Seen" message gives me a lot of anxiety! When I see that the person has "seen" the message, but does not reply, I start thinking about all the possible reasons why they would 'ignore' me... Does anyone else feel this? If so, how do you cope?
320 Answers
Last Updated: 08/05/2022 at 6:46am
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Lisa Groesz, PhD
Psychologist
With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
April 26th, 2018 2:48pm
I tend to try to reframe my perspective when I get anxious about someone possibly ignoring me. Perhaps they opened the message by accident and didn't actually read it? Perhaps they meant to reply but got distracted? I think about how when I don't reply to people, it isn't usually because I am ignoring them.
Yes I feel like this sometimes. I just put myself in their shoes as to why they may not respond right away. It may be that they are busy, driving, working, accidentally seen the message, etc and can't respond right away. If they don't respond at all, I just tell myself that they simply forgot and thats okay. I have done that to others unintentionally!
What I would do in this situation, any next time you find yourself into anxiety because of someone not responding, sit with your anxiety and write down every thought and feeling about it. This will help you to understand what is really causing you to feel like u can track down the real core and then deal with that afterwards. Allow it few times so you can get as many indicators as possible ;)
Anonymous
May 19th, 2018 9:14pm
You're yourself. If they leave you with a seen, go about your day and let that seen be there. It's you who matters above all.
Anonymous
May 25th, 2018 3:56am
A lot of times you just have to understand people have lives and many times a busy scheduled day. For example while I’m on break (15) I may read messages (plural) and may have time to reply to one or two. Frankly, I wouldn’t read to much into why or why not a someone did not response but just seen my message. Unless your speaking specifically of a significant other. Then I kinda understand from that stance. Though, if it bother you that much make a video call or leave another message asking why no reply? Many times people are demanding and not considerate of their FB friends lives. Ever considered this person may also going through a lot?
I did this today. I was in a negative mind frame anyway and this just fuelled the fire. Normally it can help if you get a pad. List down all your negative thoughts about it then for each negative ask and what could be a neutral or positive explanation for the non answer. It my case the one who didn't answer was out of the house and out of data!!
Anonymous
June 13th, 2018 12:06am
Knowing that someone has seen a message and has not replied feels like I'm being rejected at times. I remind myself that even if they've seen it, they may not want to reply or they may be too busy at that time to reply. At times when I experience that anxiety, I find a way to distract myself by doing activities that will make it hard for me to think about it. After some time passes, I may reach out to that person again.
Anonymous
June 13th, 2018 10:41pm
I definitely experience this too.. What I try to do in those situations is think about all the times I didn't immediately respond to someone despite reading the message and all the different reasons why I didn't. It usually helps me to think about this, because I realise that I do it a lot too and it's usually just because I'm busy with something else or have to think about an answer, so that's most likely what's happening the other way around with them now.
I used to feel like that until I was on the recipient side and could not respond right away due to being busy at work or other things going on and I understood that there could be many reasons why that person hasn't responded so thinking that helped me relax more.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2018 8:41am
I feel the same sometimes, especially if the person is very close to you. I guess, That’s normal to feel that way. Everyone should feel the same way. But if you take it personally that will tear you apart.
The suitable option to cope with something like that is put yourself in their shoes. Probably they are busy. And you did your part, it’s their choice to reply or not. So be happy about your self because you spoke to them first, perhaps they might feel guilty for not replying you back. So enjoy your self, turn your attention to something important which will make you happy about, talk to another person, and watch some funny clips or movies. It’s not the end of the world, there are many fish in the sea.
Anonymous
June 21st, 2018 10:13am
Perhaps it was an accident, or they are not sure how to reply. If you’ve sent a message that seems hard to reply to, they may want to come back to it later!
Anonymous
June 27th, 2018 11:31pm
I feel like this too, but sometimes people genuinely just forget to respond. I do that too and sometimes people may just ignore you because they're busy or they don't know what to say. It's usually them and not you, so don't overthink it.
Anonymous
June 28th, 2018 10:07am
i usually dont care about it if someone replies me or not unless its very important conversation .
Anonymous
July 8th, 2018 2:40am
This is a very normal feeling to have, and you are not alone! I used to struggle with this myself. Personally, I find that it helps if I just remember a time when I couldn't answer a message right away, and it makes me realize that there are a million reasons why I could be left on "read", most of which include no malicious intent.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 12:14am
this is a general worry. Think the may thing to ask yourself is this really help for me to be thinking why isn't this person answering. Especially of it negative like oh there ignoring me. This isn't true a lot time people see these and forget to reply or are busy and can't type straight back try not read to much into it
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 7:57am
Yeah, i find it very frustrating. I can't understand why people don't respond! I just put my phone down and avoid looking at it!
Try doing something else so that you end up being the one to see lots of messages you couldnt reply look on the brighter side always
Anonymous
July 19th, 2018 1:32pm
I get that all the time so I actually just stopped using messenger. Dont use something that you aren't ready to face yet. You may need some time to cope with your anxiety first
I think everyone hates being left on 'seen'! It sounds like it bothers you particularly though! I can relate to that. I have started to notice how on guard I am around people and how I can see neutral things as negative. For me, what seems to be working is to deliberately notice and enjoy any positive things about myself and how people react to me, and and also to challenge the assumptions I make about what people are thinking. Another thing that might be helpful is to move on to something else when you have been left on read, so it doesn't just keep going around and around in our heads.
Hope this is of some help! :)
Anonymous
July 22nd, 2018 9:44am
Yes, we all feel thhis! Well, I simply try to ignore it if possible. However if a close person does this, I send another message -Hey, did i say anything wrong? This automatically makes them understand that seenzoning actually affects the other person!
Yeah I feel this but you know I divert my mind I don't think negatively I just think In positive way may be he or she is busy may be he or she have some important work to do or may be he need some time so I should give him or her some time that's all I do
Anonymous
July 22nd, 2018 8:52pm
this is a common thought! you have to deal with it by trying not to look at your phone so often to see if they’ve read it as this can make you more anxious. they may have seen it but they could be busy - maybe at work or someone has just rung them.
I think there's too much pressure because of the read receipts in messaging apps. But the thing is even if they are "active now" or they've "seen" your message doesn't mean they really ARE available for that conversation at that very moment. Sometimes people are just busy or preoccupied with other things to reply, or maybe they're taking their time to think of what to say before getting back to you. Personally, I just send them a message and let it be, as long as it's not urgent. I just send a message and do something else instead. I don't always reply to my messages instantaneously, so I give the same courtesy to others.
Anonymous
July 28th, 2018 3:53pm
I understand that worry, but I would tell you (in that moment of panic) to think of all the times you may of accidentally opened a message without realising it. Or maybe opened it and gotten distracted, but answered later. That's the same for most people! If it's an urgent message, that went unanswered, don't feel scared to send another to prompt them. I know it's easy to think of the worst scenario (like being ignored) but remember, that's the anxiety talking, it's most likely distraction, the person being busy, or forgetfulness! I hope this helps :)
I feel this way all the time, its a result of to high of expectation. You start to set a step for yourself that's to high, and you start thinking the other person expects a lot out of you. Something my counselor and I do is try to come up with silly, positive resons why they might be busy. Like maybe they are dancing alone in their underpants, or getting distracted by thinking of something random like how goldfish only have an attention span of one second! Then we laugh and find something to occupy us (something not related to the phone like cleaning, singing, coloring etc.) Until they respond.
I dleted my Facebook account a long time ago. When I still used it, I myself ignored messages sometimes. I was at work, in a meeting, in the restroom, talking to someone about an urgent matter, etc. Sometimes I read it and assume it doesn't require a response. You could try saying things like, " so what do you think, what would you do, I would really appreciate your opinion, talking to you would really be great" express the need to be acknowledged.
Anonymous
August 1st, 2018 5:17am
I try and remember that there are a lot of reason why someone may leave you on read, and almost all reasons are not negative. As someone who is easily forgetful, i tend to leave people on seen more than i should. I read it, go to do something else quick then get distracted. A lot of the times, people get distracted, but still really want to talk to you!
We have to remember that social media is a way to communicate but not everyone is going to react or reply to any messages. This does not necessarily mean they are ignoring you they maybe busy or don't have anything to add to your post.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2018 2:57pm
I'm gonna try to think back to myself about the times I did all that, and it was usually not because of some personal matters, instead I just forgot, or weren't able to do that at the moment.
Try telling yourself that they are taking a dump - for a long, long time.
Also - do try and get off Facebook, it has been statistically proven to make people happier and a lot less angry.
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