For me anxiety led to depression, and they're feeding on each other. I get anxious over the most irrational things, thing unworthy of anxiety. I think this thought, and my rational brain tells me it's nothing to be anxious about. I try to figure out why I feel like I'm suffocating, and why I have this heavy weight on my heart, for something that is unworthy. Then I cant make sense of it, I get frustrated with myself, because I cant figure out why I feel this way. I then just leave the feeling to dwell inside me, and I continue to feel suffocated, and as if my heart is carrying a 100 kilogram weight around. Eventually, my mind goes blank, I simply stop thinking. I realise I'm not thinking then I try to figure things out from the beginning, and the circle begins again.
I then usually decide to talk to my love, and since my anxiety affect my thoughts about my relationship with him, I start to get anxious about whether I'm driving him away with my irrational fears. Then I decide I'm not going to talk to him about it, because I don't want to hurt him. The thing is, he is the only one I have left to talk to, I have nobody else. I have no energy socializing. I start to get depressed and wonder: "What is wrong with me?."
I am 16, I am exhausted, I can't talk to people because I'm exhausted. I think one thought, and my mind spirals. I don't know how to help myself, thus I become depressed. I want to have energy and enjoy my youth, instead I sit in physics and repeat to myself: "Breathe, breathe, it will be okay, just breathe."
If it wasn't for my love who sat through all of this with my, I would've lost myself completely.