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Why am I afraid of talking to people while at the same time I wish to talk to someone?

20 Answers
Last Updated: 10/29/2019 at 12:36am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda Munroe, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), I have worked with individuals of all ages. My work with clients is supportive, interactive and nonjudgmental.

Top Rated Answers
Anne1992
June 4th, 2015 8:04am
I think this problem is a lot more normal than you may realise. You want to reach out to people, you want to form a connection, which is completely natural. But maybe you are being held back because you are worried about being judged, or you don't know what to say or...well, for any reason really. This is okay. Soo many people worry about exactly the same things when talking to people. You may find that, without realising, people you talk to are worrying about exactly the same things you are, and feel just as afraid, they just might not show it. You are not alone. People are not as judgemental, and not as scary as you may think. And if they are, it's a reflection of them, not you!
MirauzeAkilah
April 17th, 2015 5:11pm
You are most likely afraid to get anyone involved, afraid to let anyone in. You will have to work on this, so you can one day get help
EmmaSupportiveListener
March 2nd, 2015 12:38am
Part of you might be wanting to connect with another person. We all have social needs. The other part of you might be anxious of being judged by others.
silverCandy73
September 14th, 2015 2:02pm
Maybe you are afraid of appearing boring, or too talkative, before starting a whole convo with someone ask a few questions, just to understand if the other one wants to talk with you for a while. Try to understand sincerely if you're disturbing him/her.
Michal94
January 26th, 2018 10:46pm
Hi, I'm not an expert but I need to say that No one knows the answer except you, even if you don't realise. No one here can possibly tell you why you're afraid of something. A general, short answer would be that you may be socially anxious or shy which in turn is likely to be caused by your past experiences and your interpretation of those experiences. You may find out yourself by asking what you just asked and simply keep asking yourself why to the answers you come up with. This is actually well known "technique" that you may hear about online and in books. (Spirituality, psychology, personal development) But sometimes, you don't need to know exactly why you're afraid. You just need to start doing what you're afraid of, find solutions that will work for you, if you want to overclme your fears. I understand how you may feel because I'm struggling with the same fear and even thinking about taking action can be distressing but there is a cool quote: "the cave you fear the most, holds the treasure you seek." Maybe sometimes reaching out for help can make things easier. Best of luck :)
Anonymous
March 19th, 2015 10:23pm
This is natural. It's hard to talk about stuff with people that you're close to, especially. It's hard for people to discuss things that are going on in their lives that may be difficult to talk about, or that may make friends look at them in a different way. If you'd still like to talk to someone but have trouble doing it with your friends, we have many listeners with their ears on.
Anonymous
April 11th, 2015 2:32am
You may be afraid to talk to people for many reasons. You could be nervous of what they will say or that you will say something wrong. Don't be afraid. You have to talk to get to know others and you could even make some new friends!
Anonymous
October 3rd, 2016 10:10pm
I have felt this way many times and have come to the conclusion that I see someone who I think seems interesting and want to start a conversation. Then I start to think about why would such a person even want to talk to me and what if I annoy them by daring to speak to them. It's all anxiety and I've often learned that the person I'm so afraid to talk to also has the same anxiety themselves and are usually glad I decided to speak to them. Some of my best friendships have started with going outside my comfort zone and starting a conversation.
SarahG
March 25th, 2015 3:39am
Craving intimacy in any form is very normal - but approaching others to have a conversation, or physical contact, or whatever type of intimacy you desire can be difficult and scary for some. It's normal to be worried about things like rejection, losing people if you let them close to you, or saying the wrong thing. Acknowledging these thoughts and feelings can help you overcome and change them.
Anonymous
December 28th, 2015 12:55pm
If you talked to them your confidence will increase. You are just afraid of messing up but you won't as long as you try to talk to people, and your confidence will increase especially if you are a shy person
HelenTheWiseOne
September 29th, 2015 7:28pm
I think this is completely natural as we all want human interaction even if it scares us. We all wish to talk to somebody and crave acceptance but are scared they will judge us.
shiningDay13
March 20th, 2015 10:32pm
Sounds like you have social anxiety. It's ok to be scared and wary of strangers, but that tends to get in the way of making new friends. Start off small by smiling at someone as you walk by them on the street. When you feel a little more confident, you can start saying hi to people, and slowly work your way up to engaging in small talk ("how's your day going?" or "can you believe this weather we're having?") with cashiers at stores as you pay for stuff.
beccabear
June 4th, 2015 3:01am
It's natural to crave connection with others. We are needy creatures from day 1, and that isn't a bad thing. A support system doesn't take just one shape. Remember that talking to people can take many forms and achieve the result you need. Whether it be a stranger at checkout, or online, or an old friend, talking is the first step to healing in many, many ways. It's okay to be afraid, and it's okay to need. But it's also okay to talk, anyway.
incrediblePink95
July 7th, 2015 4:51am
As human beings we crave human contact and at the same time freedom or time to ourselves. This is normal and a lot of people feel this way. I feel like this also. Sometimes I want to go out and socialize, but then something in my brain tells me no. That is your anxiety pulling you back and giving you doubt. Its hard to get out there and introduce yourself. So take it in small steps. Engage in small conversation or compliment a stranger. Even ordering your own meal or asking an employee for help are big steps. This will help you get out and explore getting to know people.
Anonymous
October 4th, 2016 7:07am
You could be afriad of rejection or you could be self conscious. The reasons vary, but don't be afraid.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2017 4:15pm
Its hard to open up to someone ehen it comes down to it, but when you're not talking to someone, all you want to do is talk to someone.
lifegivesulemons
February 5th, 2019 1:12am
I get that SO MUCH. I understand how you feel, you want to interact but you're scared and nervous. Don't worry, people aren't that scary! They don't bite (I hope). I used to be very shy into meeting people because I believed that they wouldn't like me back for who I am, or that I wouldn't be accepted with them. I understand now that if that's the case, the people you're meeting are rude. What I did to overcome this, was sometimes struck up a conversation with myself in the mirror. Imagine how it would go, like how the person in the mirror is some random person and you start talking to them. Say hi, and sometimes what comes easy is to find something in common or to compliment someone(make sure you actually mean it!!) to strike up a conversation. If you need further help, try just talking to people not your age! What I mean is like go to the shopping market and when the cashier is scanning the items for you, strike up a conversation! It will leave both you happy and them happy as well.
Yourgentelmirror
October 29th, 2019 12:36am
I think people are afraid to talk to people because either they think they don't have the right skills to talk and be social or they're afraid to be rejected, they have a thaught that they're not enough for other people, that they will never fit in. I guess the best thing to do is overcome that fear and try to talk with people. I guess they should start conversations with simple phrases and try to be nice, funny and comprehensive these quallity's will always get you new people, and the most important thing is that you got to adapt.
sweetPeace17
June 11th, 2018 9:37pm
This could be related to social anxiety. You fear social situations even though you really want to socialise.
SummerBreeze00
October 9th, 2018 12:30pm
For most people, there are many reasons that stemmed from the fear of rejection, ridicule or misunderstanding. Eventually we will realize there are others who face similar anxieties. Hence, take your time but move forth to progress in overcoming your challenges. You can do this with motivation and support from others. Hang in there. Fear is inevitable but with time, talking to someone you trust can eliminate the discomfort, anxiety and worries. What’s important is to reach out to those you trust in a safe environment. Hopefully, you will be gradually muster enough courage to confide and be better.