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Why am I so nervous around my boyfriend?

178 Answers
Last Updated: 05/03/2020 at 10:04pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda Munroe, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), I have worked with individuals of all ages. My work with clients is supportive, interactive and nonjudgmental.

Top Rated Answers
MeghanSmiley
October 26th, 2016 7:10am
Well, there can be many reasons! A big reason is that, as humans, we all want to be socially accepted, especially by someone that we're close to. A lot of people struggle to let their guard down because they don't want their significant other seeing who they really are - perhaps they fear that their SO won't like what they see and will end the relationship. Nervousness around loved ones could also stem from anxiety involving standards of perfection or never hurting someone else's feelings. It's hard to accept that we may hurt the people that we love. However, this doesn't mean that we don't love freely - instead, we should love freely and, when we hurt someone, apologize and be there fore them. Emotional pain is unavoidable in life. Accepting this makes letting your guard down a lot easier.
TheIrrationalBuddhist20
October 28th, 2016 2:28am
It could be a sense of newness from the relationship, being focused on his impression of you, a number of things. But it's important to ask questions! Ask him if things are okay in the relationship. Communication is what makes things last.
Aramina
November 4th, 2016 3:59am
It is possible that you feel nervous around him because he's important to you and when people are important to us we want to make the best impression. That is a lot of pressure to put on ourselves and can potentially make us really nervous.
monbebeve
November 12th, 2016 3:09pm
It may be the type of nervous that is good; the butterflies you might get because you love him so much. But if it's a bad type of nervous it may be because he is acting in a way that puts you under stress or scares you. If your boyfriend is doing that to you, please consider your safety and contact someone who knows about things like this.
Anonymous
January 12th, 2017 10:25pm
I am nervous around my boyfriend and we've been together for over four months. Sometimes we worry not because anything is bad, but sometimes we still wan to impress them like it's the first date or first time meeting them. Overtime you won't be so nervous around them because you two will be fully comfortable with each other, but don't worry too much on the whole thing.
Anonymous
February 24th, 2017 5:16pm
It's normal to be nervous around people you like! You want things to go well so it can be scary, especially at the beginning, to relax and just be yourself around your significant other.
bouncyBraid80
March 28th, 2018 7:04am
That's a great question to ask yourself. Are you communicating your feelings to him? Check in with each other and let him know how you are feeling.
Anonymous
April 5th, 2018 9:06pm
You are the expert on you, but a lot of people feel as if they have to impress their lovers. Remember that you are your own person, good luck with your journey.
Anonymous
April 7th, 2018 3:31pm
Maybe you're not sure what is ok to do or say, and what isn't. In my experience, the nerves also come from having social anxiety, or even a fear of somehow embarrassing yourself. Take a deep breath.
delightfulBreeze55
April 10th, 2018 5:06am
Maybe you are not comfortable around him yet. Sit down and write a list of the reasons why you think you are.
Anonymous
April 13th, 2018 12:28am
Need a bit more info here. Is it a new relationship? That can be intimidating, but gets easier with time. Is he doing something that makes you uncomfortable? That is a red flag, you need to be open and talk.
Anonymous
April 21st, 2018 9:38pm
Maybe it's a good nervous or that your no used to the relationship yet but if you've been in the relationship a while it may be something he does or you may feel pressure about something in your relationship which you shouldnt.
Anonymous
April 25th, 2018 4:46pm
Seeing a biggest part of your life is choosing your life partner because a parent carry u a maximum of 25 years later Ur life partner is the one who carry u in arms till the death so try to be so free with him if u couldn't tell him try to interact..
foxesandfeathers
May 24th, 2018 9:03pm
There may be multiple reasons for feeling nervous around a partner 1. If he is a relatively new boyfriend you might just need to get to know each other better. Take the time to learn more about him, and tell him more about yourself and you should begin to feel a lot more comfortable around him. 2. He may make you feel inadequate. If your boyfriend makes you feel as though you should be nervous, by making you feel that you should compete for his attention or that you are not worthy in any way, you should not take this lightly. Ultimately, try to assess what the nervousness you feel around him is associated with, in order to determine whether the cause is healthy or not.
AverageJoe1989
June 21st, 2018 1:51am
Is it a new relationship? if so that would be normal. If not, ask yourself what is making you nervous specifically. Also, communicate with your boyfriend. Communication is key to a successful healthy relationship.
JustAShortGirl
June 23rd, 2018 3:28pm
Im also nervous and looking for answers. Its not that i dont like him, its just we've never been alone for a long time and i don't want it to get awkward.
QuestionAnswerer
June 30th, 2018 9:32pm
Your reason might not be the same as mine, but what I find is that I’m super nervous around my boyfriend because I don’t want to embarass myself or do anything that would make him judge me or think less of me. Sometimes it gets so bad that I dont even talk to him at all! This can create fights and arguments and maybe even breakups. So my advice to myself and others is suck it up, tough love. Hes you’re boyfriend he loves you. He won’t judge you. The reason you get nervous is because you just like him SO much!! But you have to talk to him and get over being nervous.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2018 11:13pm
Has your boyfriend ever done anything that could trigger you to feel nervous around him, such as shouting at you or physical abuse?
Anonymous
July 3rd, 2018 3:17am
Can you tell me more about what makes you feel nervous around your boyfriend? Are you saying that you feel fearful, or more like you feel self-conscious?
Theserenityofwords
July 12th, 2018 3:25pm
There are many reasons for feeling nervous, evaluating both yours and his personality’s is a great way to understand why you feel these nerves, possibly due to you feeling anxious, worried or new to a certain situation or him acting odd, awkward or scary
Anonymous
July 19th, 2018 9:34pm
You could feel like you are in an unsafe situation, or that you have to do certain things for him that you feel you are not completing.
UncerTom12
July 23rd, 2018 6:20pm
Perhaps you are worried about being the best version of yourself so he continues to like you. But if you are in a relationship with him he likes you for you. Try to be yourself around him more and more, and the nerves will disappear.
Anonymous
July 25th, 2018 1:26pm
Maybe it's a new relationship~ The beginning is always awkward but you're learn to get used to and even appreciate it!
RumpleSteeleSkin
July 25th, 2018 10:35pm
Maybe cause you really like him and don't want to mess up or do something silly. Maybe you can talk to him on this and share how you are feeling about this. That way you have his support and both of you can work on this together. :)
Anonymous
July 26th, 2018 5:55pm
Maybe if you’ve just established your relationship you’re scared of saying something wrong or scaring him off in some way, or if you’ve been in the relationship for a while you might think he’s getting bored of you or he’ll break up with you and you’re nervous due to one of those feelings
Anonymous
July 26th, 2018 9:48pm
You must like them a lot! You're scared of doing something wrong or embarrassing yourself in front of them :P
TheCup5893
August 8th, 2018 9:27am
There are various reasons for people to feel anxious around their partners. It could be trauma in romantic relations from the past. It could be that the partner can be high-strung/unappreciative/condescending. Or it can just be the newness of a relationship and there's a lot of getting used to. Relationships are hard, and communication is the key. :)
Anonymous
November 8th, 2018 5:40am
I can't give you an answer because I don't know either of you or your relationship, but here are a few questions you can ask yourself.. 1. how long have you been together? 2. have you always felt this way around your boyfriend? 3. (if not to 2) is there something that changed about your relationship when you started feeling nervous... a large commitment, meeting family, relationship steps, tough conversation? 4. Have you talked to him about your feelings and been vulnerable with him before? Many times we become anxious if we haven't had to address difficult things with partners before, or if a new situation arises/happens. Maybe some of these questions will help you notice changes in your relationship. Sometimes all it takes is being vulnerable and talking to your partner, so if you are able to mention your feelings to him it might be a good step. It's hard to be vulnerable, or let someone know you're nervous, but it usually pays off. Best of luck. Cheers.
DelicateStone
December 22nd, 2018 6:13pm
Actually can relate on personal level to this. There can be many reasons to justify your nervousness. If it is a recent relationships you may be too much worried to make everything right and please the best you can and that may get you nervous to be around your boyfriend because your strive for perfection may create permanent tension on you every time you are with him. This could also be justified if you're a overall nervous person, or if you are very shy and never know what you want to talk about, even with your own boyfriend.. from personal experience, I can tell that this usually goes away after a bit of time and you get more comfortable with the other person, it just takes more time for people that are more introvert... Everyone has different times to feel comfortable, even if we are talking about partners, so, as long as it isn't causing you too much trouble or overthinking, I would say it can be quite normal on the beginning of some relationships. But if there are stuff that bother you, or even if you think too much about this, try to talk with him, be open with the way you feel, and maybe you both can fix that better.
ellielei
February 6th, 2019 7:37pm
It's the pressure of wanting his approval! You might feel like you need to maintain his liking you, and that makes you nervous because it's scary valuing someone's approval! However well you get on and however comfortable you are, it might be that you feel like you need him to like you and think you're funny, or smart or whatever it is. Obviously he does like you thought, so there's really no need to worry at all. Think about the you that you are with your closest friend, which is usually the most relaxed you that doesn't feel the need to try as hard, so just try and be this you with your boyfriend.