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Why am I so nervous around my girlfriend?

203 Answers
Last Updated: 06/05/2022 at 10:59pm
Why am I so nervous around my girlfriend?
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Jennifer Patterson, LMFT

Art Therapist

Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
FrostWire
January 3rd, 2020 8:30pm
Hi; thanks for speaking out, I'm Frost-Wire and welcome to Seven Cups. First; i want to start by asking: How long has the thought been lingering within you? If it's been present since you both have started dating, an you have not shared this thought; what's the best answer to the three more heart felt questions? "Is this love?, Does or will my inner axiety or nervousness be seen?, what can I do to confront my inner dwelling problem?". I understand that relashionships can be time consuming and with them comes alot of needed support. If you have anymore questions feel free to ask either me or the team for help; thanks for being part of the movement, and we hope you do well.
Anonymous
December 13th, 2020 3:04pm
There's no way to know for sure in such a general way, but it's good to think about it. There's lots of kinds of nervousness. Is it a good kind of nervousness, because you're excited to be around her — like butterflies in your stomach? If that's the case, it can be worth it to tell her that you like her a lot and it makes you nervous. Is it a bad kind of nervousness? Do you fear she might treat you poorly, and if so, has it happened before? If it hasn't and you are treated well by her, it could be an anxious fear, which is not fun but also not the end of the world. You can try and make yourself less nervous by remembering good moments with her and how she hasn't ever treated you poorly. If she has treated you poorly and it makes you nervous that she might again, that's not a very healthy relationship, and you might want to reconsider it. It's never worth it to be with someone who treats you badly.
SingingPsychStudent
May 11th, 2022 3:22am
We would not really know the answer to that, but we can help you see where it might be coming from based on personal experience. So, when first dating my partner, I had some anxiety based around perfectionism. Even though, when we first got together, we made sure to be very honest about our mental health and goals for the future. Still i was nervous because I internalized the constant need to be perfect per other life experiences. One good example is my family. Even though my immediate family knew who I was as a person, their expectations still seemed to be based on what they wanted from me and part of that was their view of perfection. As ive gone on, gotten older and grown through the relationship, i was able to better recognize when this happens (i.e. allow myself to feel my feelings but observe what my body does during this time [flashbacks and feelings i had during that time/interaction]). It helped guide me why i was feeling this way and i talked to my significant other about it as well.
Anonymous
May 7th, 2022 8:45am
You two have not both shown your vulnerable, embarrassing sides to each other. When two people are in a relationship, they generally let each other know about everything. That’s the great thing about being in a relationship! Two people can entrust each other with their most private thoughts and emotions without any judgment onto the other. You feel anxious likely because you and her have not done this yet. And if you both have done this, it’s likely there is still something you are hiding from her, or she is hiding from you. It might take time to do that. Also, you both may have not expressed your equal love for each other.
Anonymous
April 7th, 2022 6:37am
Being nervous around your girlfriend is natural. It’s all about love. That’s what you’re experiencing when you’re around your girlfriend. Love. Relationships are so delicate and important. You want to do everything right by her. This is normal when you’re in love. The more dates you go on. The more you’ll start getting more comfortable around your girlfriend. Look at how often, you’re going on dates. The more you go out with her, the less nervous you’ll be. It’s easy to say relax. However, enjoy every moment of experiencing love. You’re in love with her. That’s why you’re feeling nervous!
Train1
March 30th, 2022 6:42am
There is no easy answer to this. It will vary from person to person. If you are in a new relationship and you really have strong feelings for this girl, you may worry that you may say or do something that she doesn't approve of. You could also of had some kind of a setback in your relationship and you are getting back together and for the same reason are anxious that you don't trigger the same thoughts that led to the setback in the first place. You need to find some way to break the ice. Do something that you both enjoy and that takes the pressure out of the situation. Go and see a movie or visit the local park. Go somewhere where you don't have to just make small talk, but you can chat about what is happening around you.
Janelistens
March 17th, 2022 6:10am
You may be nervous around your girlfriend because of fear of being judged. However, to be judged, you have to actually do something first. It is okay to feel uncomfortable around your girlfriend, but it is very important to make sure that you step out of your comfort zone. In order for the two of you to accept each other and defeat any nerves, you have to really see each other fully. Getting to the truth of who each other is takes time and a lot of uncomfortable situations. So don't be afraid to open up, because it will only build up the relationship
Anonymous
January 7th, 2022 7:23am
Being nervous around your s/o is completely okay and valid. There are many reasons one would be nervous around their significant other, it could be that you have something to tell them, it could be that you feel uncomfortable around them, it could be that you feel they're cheating on you, maybe you are new to this so you feel a little anxious, you don't know what to do, what to say. Take your time to figure out what it is you feel, think about your emotions, draw them, write them down, whatever suits you. After you figured out what makes you feel this way, be sure to let your significant other know, because communication is key in all relationships. Goodluck with your relationship
naturalhelper6843
January 6th, 2022 1:17pm
A possible reason for being nervous around your girlfriend is perhaps you are not being 100% your true self. When in relationships, sometimes people tend to put their best version of themselves forward. They can try to make it seem as if they do not have flaws. This can make you nervous because it is like you are hiding a part of yourself and you are afraid what their reaction will be when they discover it. Try to be your true self- flaws and all. Remember they are a flawed human too. We all are. So it doesn't matter how much you think you are nervous just remember that she is nervous too.
RainbowUnicorn1266
December 19th, 2021 5:47pm
How long have you been together? There can be many contributing factors to why you would be feeling a lack of self esteem, confidence in this relationship. Maybe people from your past have ruined your trust and therefore you struggle to trust others, whether they love you and can be truthful. It is common to feel the need to impress your other half, but it is okay to open up and express yourself to them to understand what might have caused this. Most likely they will understand and listen to you. You don't know these answers until you ask and work on from there.
floweryfairy222
December 9th, 2021 6:25pm
It may be beacause you think of her highly and you don't want to disappoint her in any way. In this case, I suggest you let things loose and let her love you just the way you are, since I am sure that she chose you for all the good reasons. Constantly stressing about her presence, about being good enough is unhealthy for the realtionship, but also for you. This nervousness can as well come from the fact that you are infatuated with her and may have those so called butterflies in your stomach, in which case I really think you should be enjoying this feeling for as much as it lasts.
ourjourney21
November 28th, 2021 6:33am
It is common to be nervous around the people we care about because we don't want to do something stupid to hurt them, and we don't want them to see how imperfect we can be. It's the vulnerability of loving and the fear of not being loved back equally. Nervousness can also be due to insecurities and not being able to portray them. Showing your vulnerabilities and being able to see that your partner can reciprocate and be equally expressive can stem down some of your nervousness. I think it also depends on if you're trying to hide something from your partner and are scared that it would come out. Honesty and authenticity is the key to starting a relationship. I wish you all the luck and hope you find what you're looking for.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2021 10:29am
When you’re dating someone new, it’s normal to feel nervous before seeing them. And when you really like them, nervous excitement is to be expected. It's normal to get nervous at first when ever you are with them or when you talk to them. But the more you spend time with them the less nervous you should be when you meet or talk to them. It could also be that you are nervous about pushing her away, those moments of insecurity can make you question your relationship and how your girl friend feels about you. You feel like your imperfections will scare your partner away.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2021 5:51pm
There are many reasons a person might feel nervous around their partner. Perhaps the relationship is fairly new, and you're not sure how they'll react to you or how they feel about certain things. Maybe you are new to relationships or new to this kind of relationship, and feel less than fully prepared for the adventures this relationship may bring. Or, maybe there is a bit of social anxiety at play that is intensified in this relationship because of the intimacy or the one-on-one nature of the interactions. To find out more about what makes you feel this way, you might want to consider keeping a journal, or doing some quiet reflection on what the root of that feelings is.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2021 7:31pm
If it's a new relationship, that's a good sign! You like her and you don't want to mess up the relationship. Her opinion matters to you and you want her to keep liking you, That's healthy, normal and sweet! It's a different story if you'e been in a relationship for a long time and left the honeymoon phase. Do either of you have anything to hide/any insecurities? Do you dread seeing her? If yes, that's something you need to talk about, and maybe reconsider keeping the relationship going. Essentially, you're the one in the relationship, you know the story. Figure out why you're nervous, then try to solve it!
Anonymous
May 21st, 2021 8:36pm
Sometimes it can feel like we need to take on a role around significant others. For me, it can be stressful to be around my boyfriend when I feel that I'm expected to act a certain way. Of course, I'm not familiar with your personal situation but anxiety surrounding being with loved ones is exhausting. It can also feel like you might "do something wrong" and become unworthy of their love. I have certainly felt that way before. But it's important to know that those feelings are usually not indicative of reality. It might be helpful to also discuss feeling nervous with your girlfriend and see her perspective. Hope that was helpful!
Anonymous
May 12th, 2021 6:15pm
Being nervous around your girlfriend could mean different things: 1. You could be feeling stronger emotions about her than before and worrying if she's not feeling the same way. 2. You could be thinking that your girlfriend doesn't love you the same. 3. You could be drifting apart from her and not realizing it. 4. You could be feeling guilty for something. That is normal. You are just embarrassed, many people feel that way. Once you get more comfortable dating her, and more comfortable with other people knowing you're dating her, you will feel much better.
insightfulSalamander4097
May 1st, 2021 6:49am
i am a girl so i would switch it to a "boyfriend" for starters. i think what would be the thing that makes me nervous is the fact that i do actually like them very much to the point that their appearance makes me nervous, i believe that if i had a crush on a boy long enough, my body would release adrenaline and Epinephrine as a message for me to say i am now liking this guy, and i truly do not want to screw everything up so i better have my survival instances with me in case something bad happen i would take care of it, it is kinda funny, isnt? lets say that the guy i am with, we are now in a very long and serious relationship, them i think the only way i would be nervous around him is if i want to say something, or if theres something that have changed, or even, if i liked them more to the point i had all the feeling from when i had a crush on them, i realized how valuable he is to me, and how wonderful he is to me that i am in a point when i liked them more and more! or maybe because i now they are about to do something or say something that would change our relationship, to a better situation, at this point i would become nervous, or if i want to do something, it depends, but overall, i would be really nervous if it is going to a better, or if i do something, i would be angry sometimes, sad, happy, comfortable, very comfortable and pleased, but also, nervous
amiablePeace77
April 14th, 2021 10:38pm
If it is a newer relationship it is quite normal to feel nervous. You might want her to feel proud of you being her boyfriend and act the best way possible and avoid any mistakes. For now you might just want to see her your best sides. When a relationship grows and people feel more comfortable and safe in it, most people will show all their sides without masking anything, talk about things, which is healthy. Some people, though, might stay nervous because of low self-esteem. They might feel not being good enough which can be a result of unresolved issues in childhood.
intelligentLove4294
April 3rd, 2021 2:34pm
It is normal to feel nervouse when with your girlfriend as you feel pressure to make sure she is happy and you do not want to make yourself look silly. But remember she is with you for a reason and she likes you for you. Chances are you are worrying about things you don't need to worry about. You may also be nervous because you like her and this feeling is abnormal to you. Just remember she likes you for you and you have no reason to be nervous. If you feel like it you should tell her you feel nervous. Theres a high possibility shes nervous too.
Anonymous
February 28th, 2021 3:22pm
We are all human and I think we simply want to look as best as we can in the eyes of other people, especially those that we care about. You probably care about your girlfriend a lot and you would like her to see your best qualities. Maybe you are afraid, that she will somehowe be disappointed with who you are or see you as somebody else than she has fallen in love with? How do you think: is she also stressed when she meets you? Is that stress paralysing or more motivational? Maybe it helps you realize that you care about her a lot?
Anonymous
February 18th, 2021 3:41am
Maybe because you really really like her and are scared to mess things up. Loving someone can be really scary, but also very exhilarating and fulfilling and amazing! Or maybe, if its your first relationship or if you've just started dating, then you might be nervous just because of how novel it is. It's not necessarily a bad thing to be nervous. I would recommend talking to your girlfriend about it and letting her know how you're feeling. If she's a good one, she'll be understanding about it and it will help you calm your nerves. Or it might be nice to talk through your feelings with another friend or family member to help understand why you are feeling the way you do.
Anonymous
January 31st, 2021 7:23pm
Nobody knows you better than you. Self-reflection may help you understand why you are feeling nervous around your girlfriend. Think about this: is the relationship new? Have you made any changes in commitment (meeting her family, spending more time together, moving in together, etc)? It is important to remember how critical direct communication is in relationships and so if you feel comfortable enough, it may be helpful to have a conversation with her about how you are feeling. Perhaps you are feeling the way you are due to something unrelated to your relationship with her. Personal reflection and communication are essential to healthy relationships.
Friendis
January 31st, 2021 1:46pm
You two have not both shown your vulnerable, embarrassing sides to each other. When two people are in a relationship, they generally let each other know about everything. That’s the great thing about being in a relationship! Two people can entrust each other with their most private thoughts and emotions without any judgment onto the other. You feel anxious likely because you and her have not done this yet. And if you both have done this, it’s likely there is still something you are hiding from her, or she is hiding from you. Also, you both may have not expressed your equal love for each other. 2. You two are just not compatible.
Anonymous
January 29th, 2021 6:59am
Could it be from past experiences? Maybe even a first time experience? Are you afraid you'll do the wrong thing? There could be something you're nervous about that you haven't thought about in depth that much, and in the end it could even end up being something simple. I don't think you want to just go up to your girlfriend and say "I'm nervous around you". I think it's something you need to think about on your own, ask yourself questions. It could be many things, you know your relationship experience(s) better than anyone. Just know at the end of the day that you should feel comfortable around your significant other, and that obstacles are always going to be a part of a relationship.
Anonymous
May 13th, 2020 9:37am
I was extremely nervous when I started dating my boyfriend. I did not know what to do, if he would think I was weird or start to not like me anymore. I started to realize that I was getting anxious around him. I was worried that I wasn’t good enough for him or that I would embarrass myself in front of him. I decided to talk to him about it. I broke down and told him all my fears and the reason why I get so awkward with him. He lovingly reassured me that the scenarios in my head were all fake and that he truly cared about me. I felt so relieved telling him how I felt. After that conversation I wasn’t as nervous around him anymore.
Anonymous
April 30th, 2020 3:47am
Maybe because you are insecure about hurting her through your behaviour or actions. The point is that some time we love someone so much that we can not stand watching them hurt. And we dont want to be the reason for doing that. So we over think about each of our action and words and how they might affect them. Maybe you are afraid that you might lose her doing so. Maybe because you are trying too hard to impress her with things that you feel are not good in you or the things that you feel she likes.
DylanletterR
May 11th, 2020 5:33pm
There are many reasons to be nervous around a significant other. I am not exactly in your position or you but what I do know is that it could be because you don't want to embarrass yourself or upset her. I can relate to being anxious or nervous around my girlfriend because I am sometimes just really worried that I am not showing enough affection, caring and being kind enough. I would take a good look at your situation and try and find the root of the problem, and then go from there. I hope that this helps you out!
BiMonk
April 29th, 2020 7:05am
This has happened to me once before. Without knowing your situation at all, I have two possibilities for you: You two have not both shown your vulnerable, embarrassing sides to each other. When two people are in a relationship, they generally let each other know about everything. That’s the great thing about being in a relationship! Two people can entrust each other with their most private thoughts and emotions without any judgment onto the other. You feel anxious likely because you and her have not done this yet. And if you both have done this, it’s likely there is still something you are hiding from her, or she is hiding from you. Also, you both may have not expressed your equal love for each other. 2. You two are just not compatible. I had a girlfriend once where we both “bared our souls” to each other. We both expressed our deepest vulnerabilities. But still I felt kinda anxious around her. I still didn’t feel 100% myself. And I chalk it up to the fact that we just aren’t super compatible. We didn’t mesh perfectly. It didn’t really have to do with specific interests, but more a general chemistry with each other. I think we enjoyed the idea of liking each other—but in reality we just didn’t really care for each other as much as we thought we did. I would talk to her about it. Tell her that for some reason you just still feel nervous around her and that you’d like to try figuring out why. Good luck
healingBlossom935
May 21st, 2020 4:23am
You probably like her a lot and always want to be your best self with her. This is good. But try not to put too much pressure on yourself. She's probably just as nervous as you are. So make sure that the both of you are communicating effectively and truly getting to know each other very well. Both your likes and dislikes, your values, how to approach certain situations. I think that once you are able to get past the basic stages, you won't be too nervous her anyone (and she won't be too). Take it easy. Discover your love. :D