Why can't I get over her or him?

110 Answers
Last Updated: 04/02/2019 at 4:59pm
Why can't I get over her or him?
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United States
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Kimberly Claudat, PhD

Psychologist

I'm a cognitive-behavioral therapist, here to support you in learning skills to cope with depression, anxiety, and painful emotions through a collaborative approach.

Top Rated Answers
AnimalOfFood
May 21st, 2016 7:29pm
It's possibly because the relationship built such a large emotion, you'll get over them, eventually.
Anonymous
May 21st, 2016 11:19pm
It will take time, sometimes a lots, lots of time. Be patient. I know it's hard if not impossible to think you would ever get over, but it will get easier by time. If possible, try to distract yourself as much as possible - hang out with your friends, read/paint/write/draw something, try to remember something that makes you feel better and do that. With distraction and time you will get through it.
Anonymous
May 22nd, 2016 10:17am
If we've been with someone for so long and invested so much into them it can be tricky to let go as we are worried what we will look like with out them, it's only natural
helpfulRiver61
May 25th, 2016 5:04am
Do something purposefully to get your mind off whoever it is that you can't stop thinking about, like play a game, read a book, listen to music.
Anonymous
May 29th, 2016 2:33am
You convince yourself that no other man on the planet has the same qualities as him and thus, you have two choices: get him back or settle for someone who will never measure up. I hope you can recognize the absurdity in this! Will you meet someone else exactly like him? No, because no two people are exactly alike and even still, you and he broke up proving someone exactly like him is not exactly what you need. You won’t find someone with his exact qualities….you will find someone even better and more compatible with you.
EuphoricFuture
June 1st, 2016 5:09am
You still hold the affections towards them because you shared many memories with them for a long period of time. The memories are part of you.
Anonymous
June 1st, 2016 10:36pm
You can't get over him or her because you have yet to accept what happened. Once you do you will be free.
GreatMoss
June 3rd, 2016 3:30pm
You've not successfully accepted the separation and refocused elsewhere. Emotions of him/her have not been completely assuaged for a true progression.
Anonymous
June 10th, 2016 12:30am
The friendships and relationships we cultivate over time are precious to us. Understandably, when we lose a connection that we feel is important, grief is a common experience.
mentalhealthactivist19
June 11th, 2016 4:58pm
Grief is a normal emotion to feel. And I personally believe that we never truly do forget about someone who was such a significant person in our life. Over time, it just gets easier to deal with. However, we all get to that stage at different paces.
Anonymous
June 11th, 2016 5:06pm
You probably can't get over the individual because you've either becoming too dependent in the individual or you have hope they will change. It is not guaranteed the person will change and you should be dependent on yourself.
JulieCareFree19
June 11th, 2016 9:35pm
I know it's hard. But for your own good, you have to. You deserve better. And you probably heard it a million times, but what if you lose the love of your life for just being stubborn about a person who doesn't deserve you?
Anonymous
June 12th, 2016 10:00pm
Because you love him/her. Make a list of everything good him/ her has done for you. And a list of the bad things he/her has done.
Anonymous
June 23rd, 2016 3:08am
Often it is because you feel as though you are not valuable as your own person and need that person to validate yourself. It can be really hard to see that you are a valuable person on your own.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2016 9:40am
You probably feel like you really need them. This is normal. Humans after a while begin to depend on something that's been there for a while. You're basically addicted to him or her. You can get over him or her. It will just take time.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2016 7:18pm
Because you loved him/her and you got attached to him/her.Also he/she was part of your daily routine and it's hard to forget about him/her.
soulsings
June 26th, 2016 3:36am
The reason it is so difficult to let go of that special person is that we have drawn a picture of ourselves that was not complete without them. When they leave us, the picture of ourselves seems incomplete. So we need to redefine who we are in terms of what is in our life now and what we aspire to bring into our lives.
PurpleGoddess
June 30th, 2016 5:18pm
Well, it will not happen overnight especially if you really loved him but then again it really just depends on the person. If they treated you very well it will take a few days but if they treated you bad not at all they lost.
Flawlessinsanity21
June 30th, 2016 6:10pm
Because you shared time with them. You shared space, thoughts, likes and dislikes, air, love, words, happiness, etc. You did things together, Probably a lot of things. You may have even connected. And once all of that ceases when you least expect it... it hurts. Because now you are left with these words, thoughts, experiences, memories, etc. of a person who supposedly no longer loves you or likes you a lot. You are absolutely alone in an unexpected time frame and so your most recent memories, which are with him/her, are what is going to be on your mind. And that connection you thought was there, lingers. And loneliness takes over and you feel lost... they were the last person that cared and the last person you loved... and all of a sudden that's all gone. They will linger for a while. A good while, but with time it will fade away because you will have new thoughts and new memories and new experiences that can replace him/her
piag860517
July 1st, 2016 9:34pm
Some people mark us...forever, for good or for bad...respect the decision of the person that leave you, respect yourself, is going to hurt, somedays you are not going to be able to get up bed but guess what??? times healls everthing...If you really love that person, send her love in your head in your thoughts, but leave that person alone...just go out with friends, just get up your bed, cry, feel the pain..everyday is going to be less belive me.
NTaraSunrise19
July 6th, 2016 4:17pm
It is possible that you are holding on to an ex partner because of shared memories together, and thinking about that person may trigger thinking about good times.
ladycat946
July 8th, 2016 1:12pm
When you have been in a relationship that was meaningful to you, it's normal to be hurt when it's over. Only time will heal unfortunately, but it's a good thing you take the time to mourn.
EveEveland
July 10th, 2016 2:47pm
It can be difficult to get over someone you're attached to, I suggest cutting contact with them, at least for the time being, so you can learn how to breathe without them by your side. Dr. Seuss always says "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
patientbuddah
July 13th, 2016 7:51pm
If you can’t get over someone, it’s because you are not accepting the pain that they are gone. Not accepting this painful event will lead to suffering and an inability to move on.
Naturallyhappy00
July 15th, 2016 2:48am
It's hard to get over someone that you really really like or even love and it just shows that you really cared for that person so it's going to be a little harder for you to get over that person
Askath
July 15th, 2016 10:18am
You may have something you still want to say to him/her (reffering to her from here :) ) or there may be something you haven´t been able to accept (like the fact that it is over/you can´t get her). The best thing is to say everything there is left to say and then try to distract yourself with hobbys and friends. Also maybe try meditating if that fits you. That can also help you with getting all the thoughts about her out of your head :)
Anonymous
July 17th, 2016 11:32pm
Moving on takes time. You have to concentrate on present and not think about the past. You need to accept the reality that he no longer loves you.
Brittneym101
July 24th, 2016 10:19pm
This is a question that only you yourself have the answer to. We all have different situations and our feelings and emotions are not the same. For example you may not be able to get over them because you love and miss them. Someone else may not be able to get over their former partner because they are afraid to be alone. We all have different reasons for not being able to get over someone.
uniqueMango45
July 27th, 2016 1:09am
In my personal experience, distance is the best method. Take your time to be away from them, and free yourself to start new, good habits.
mintybunny
July 28th, 2016 10:01am
Totally different for everyone. For me, I realized I couldn't get over someone because I didn't respect myself. Once I realized I could be independent, it was easier to move on.