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Why can't I get over her or him?

111 Answers
Last Updated: 11/26/2019 at 8:52am
Why can't I get over her or him?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Kimberly Claudat, PhD


I'm a cognitive-behavioral therapist, here to support you in learning skills to cope with depression, anxiety, and painful emotions through a collaborative approach.

Top Rated Answers
July 31st, 2016 2:45pm
Relationships can be such a big part of our lives. When they end, it feels like our world is ending. It can become so difficult to cope with, but it's important to remember that this pain does not last forever.
August 3rd, 2016 2:29am
I cant get over her because of how god damn gourgeous she is, and how much she loves me for me. she is perfect.
August 3rd, 2016 7:42am
Maybe you have some things which you wanted to tell him/her but never did, maybe you have some regrets like "Maybe if i told him/her about this then it would've been different" or "maybe if i did that then i would've been able to move on". Maybe you guys parted ways without communicating correctly. Maybe you think that you can never find someone like your ex. Maybe you sold yourself out. Can be many different things. Sit with yourself and think about why did you parted ways in the first place, then try focusing on the reason and then just try accepting the truth. Don't worry my friend, happens to the best of us. You'll find someone else who'll treat you just better. Stay strong!
August 3rd, 2016 8:59am
Because sometimes you put your happiness in their hands, and when their gone so does your happiness.
August 5th, 2016 6:28pm
You don't need to. Just roll with it. IT will wear off eventually. Its as natural as aging, getting hungry or falling asleep. Being in that pit is hard for most of us. We need to get some time off the dating game and concentrate on our well being to love ourselves again. Afterwards, its our call if we want a new relationship or not.
August 6th, 2016 10:12am
Most of the time people cant get over because hey know that they still love them at the end of the day. I know it is crazy to say but most of the time people are scared to say what they really mean
August 12th, 2016 2:17am
Because the heart hurts, you've gotten attached. You will get over them but it takes time. It helps to find someone else.
August 13th, 2016 9:51am
You loved them a lot. It takes time to get over these things. They do happen, but it takes time to move on.
August 14th, 2016 11:10pm
Situations which present themselves to you on a regular basis my remind you of them. Additionally if they're plastered over your social media sites then you're going to be drawn back in, hoping something may happen. It all depends on your situation but space and time is the best method i've found.
August 18th, 2016 4:47pm
You're just hung up on them. It happens to a lot of people but eventually, you will get over them after some time. Don't stress it, you'll be okay :) x
August 19th, 2016 4:39pm
It's because you are stuck with her/him in your head. If you change your thoughts, you can start with aiming on other things. Also what helps is too hang out with friends.
September 20th, 2016 4:15pm
Relationships are tough and the heart loves to love who it wants, even if your mind knows it's best to be apart.
December 6th, 2016 4:17pm
I can't get over him because I invested all my emotional energy into my relationship with him and left none for myself. Now I must begin rebuilding my emotional energy and invest it into myself. By putting my energy into positive things like college and family I will get through this and move on.
March 6th, 2017 5:44pm
Some people gravitate towards what's familiar to them. Over time we build up memories with a significant other, so when things get bad that's all we'll remember. Fantasizing about what use to happen. Our emotion and need to be cared for clouds our judgement towards people who don't care for us at all.
April 18th, 2017 11:50pm
In my experience, it is extremely difficult to get over someone who has become such a huge part of your life and routine. In some ways it feels like you are starting a whole new path which can be both scary and exciting.
July 3rd, 2017 11:13am
In my experience with break ups I have found that I can't get over someone because I feel like I used to rely on that person and that they were my greatest support system. What really helped me was realizing that I can be my own support system and that I will make it through and get stronger through everything. I hope I have helped you in your time of need.
May 21st, 2018 11:04am
Because we accept the love we think we deserve. You can surely be with someone who is just like them or even better than them. But your brain is trying to trick you into thinking that "they were the one."
June 19th, 2018 8:13pm
Often when you are trying to get over someone, only the good things come to mind. You remember all of the good times you had together, all the nice things the other person said to you. It is important to remember the things you didn't like, or reasons why it didn't work out. It's a hard thing to do, but harder on yourself when you only spend time missing all of the great things about the relationship.
July 10th, 2018 3:24pm
Often it feels like you are caught in a squirrel cage going round and round. It's helpful sometimes to just step back and notice, "I'm stuck in that old squirrel cage again, dammit!"
April 2nd, 2019 4:59pm
Getting over someone you cared about is difficult and takes time. The change can take you through all sorts of feelings, and memories, throwing the best of people off course. You might not even be able to see how your life can be without them. But you were you before them, and you will be you after them. It's hard to remember in the moments when you're really low, finding someone to talk to can really help. Take small steps, do something for yourself and begin to remember the value of you. You can be a little kinder to yourself.
November 26th, 2019 8:52am
It shows that your feeling is true and heartfelt. Getting over someone who was the significant part of our life is painstakingly hard but it’s possible. However, it takes time and the phase differs depending on the person and situation. It is like pulling a nail from the wall. It might no longer be there but the residue/evidence is there. The most important thing is to tell yourself that you matter. Having support from a person or people that you trust can help you to ease the process. Getting over someone does not meaning hating that person. You just need to prioritize your well being more than harboring past hopes on your ex. Hang in there.